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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Ex BPDbf broke NC again via dating site  (Read 539 times)
RedDove
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 177


« on: October 06, 2014, 03:11:23 PM »

I ended the encounter and initiated NC with my ex BPDbf back June after finally unravelling all of his lies, deceit and cheating. After 4 years on the Rollercoaster ride through his Little Shop of Horrors, I was done with the push/pull, recycles, drama, deceit, cheating, and utter craziness!

I've spent the past few months working through the pain and on myself. Reading and Understanding BPD. I didn't know about his disorder until the final confrontation. I've been figuring out and working on my FOO issues that made me vulnerable to him.

I joined a dating site two weeks ago. A few days after creating my Dating Profile, my ex BPDbf sent me a message about how great my Profile was and absolutely gorgeous my pics were, how I'd get "scooped" up so fast!. I broke NC and threw the idealization back in his face with a response "Thanks. I do look gorgeous don't I! My inbox is full. Gotta go. Buh bye." I didn't receive a response. So, I thought that was the last of hearing from him. Not!

Today I logged onto the dating site and there was a another message from my ex BPDbf. The message read "Why haven't you been scooped up yet? Stop being so picky! Lol!". Unbelievable! Obviously he's still attempting to recycle me and pull me back in.

It's been 4 months since he started idealizing the OW he cheated on me with. Obviously she's being devalued, discarded and replaced"and" likely doesn't even know he has a hidden Profile on the dating site. Exact same game he used with me!

I know the best thing is to reinstate NC. However, I'm very tempted to respond by saying, "Well considering you're no longer a part of my life, not really sure why my dating life would be of concern to you." It's so frustrating to be the sane, mature, normal non sometimes! Grrr! 

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MrConfusedWithItAll
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 320


« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2014, 03:19:13 PM »

I would not respond - any response tells them they still have a hold on you.  People with BPD will actually insult people merely to get attention from them.  They are not very well at all.  They will reel you in, spit in your eye, and chuck you in the gutter.  They are heartless.  Sad - but true.
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Recooperating
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 362



« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2014, 03:30:52 PM »

Can you block him on this dating site? Thats what I would do! Any time, energy you put into a reply is wasted time, he's not worth even that split second of your time!

I am not (yet) on a dating site, but mine would send messages from the dating site to my email! I deleted them without reading. Problably some nonsense about how great he's doing and getting dates and moving on from me without a second of heartache... .Who knows... .

He send those mails 2 days after bu. Really? I contacted the dating site and they made sure I wouldnt receive any messages from this site.

As hard as it is, I would advice you to really not reply.

Negative attention is attention to!

Good luck 
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RedDove
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 177


« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2014, 05:48:43 PM »

Thanks for your input and replies. I should have mentioned before that I did block him on the site after the first message. He created a new user ID and set up a new profile, or perhaps has multiple profiles! I may just need to go off the site for awhile. Which really irritates me because two guys messaged me who seem to be decent. They are taking it slow with messaging back n forth. I don't want to give out my cell number this early in the process. I feel as if that was my ex BPDbf intent, to interfere with my dating process!

I also have the option to report him for inappropriate messages. However, there really isnt anything inappropriate (language, sexual content) other than I'm his ex and it's not appropriate to harass me on the site. If I report him, they'll deactivate his account. It's a free site. But, they offer a paid membership too. He's so desperate to find new supply, he actually paid. It also allows him to "stalk" and see when users are or have been online, and whether or not his sent messages have been read, or deleted.

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