How would you guys perceive this from an exes perspective?

[jammo1989]

 I noticed that one of my exes mates posted a comment on FB saying, Exes are exes for a reason remember that, and my ex liked it, then 3 days later her friend that got dumped and went on to talk about how much of a dick her ex was posted a status saying, It would have been a year and a half today... .im glad that s hit is over over :D and my ex also liked the comment.  Maybe im wrong in thinking this, but if my ex is going to like these things, im obviously still very much in the back of her mind.  Furthermore, her mate would NOT have posted that status if she wasnt hurt by the whole situation, so my question to you is:

When someone likes statuses like these relating to exes, how would you perceive it? because I know for a fact I would only post  statuses like that if i still cared and was hurt deep down, I would very much appreciate you opinion on this, and if you think im completely wrong please say, thank you!

[enlighten me]

If they like something then they either like it or want to be seen as liking it. It doesn't really mean anything. My exgf has liked some of my things. Now was she doing it because she liked it, was she wanting me to know she still thinks of me in a positive way or was she doing it to show everyone how grown up she was and had no bad feelings towards me. Only she can answer that but as far as Im concerned who cares.

We have to be careful as to how much we read into things. A few months ago I would analyse every little thing but now its much simpler to try to work out the bigger picture than get caught in the weeds.

[Recooperating]

Hi Jammo,

I can understand your confusion and your desire to figure it out and make sense of it all.

I was like that too. Every time I checked his FB and the 100+ post a day he posted I would go insane! "What does that mean?" "Is that directed at me?" My heart would race and my anxiety levels would go up.

Now for me, NC also means, no social media contact. I deactivated my FB page and made a new one with a fake name. Invited my close friends to this page and blocked him. I cant see anything on his page. It gives me peace.

Trying to make sense of the BPD mind is like trying to shuf a tennis ball up your nostrill... .Impossible! One day Im painted black, 2 min later Im painted white. I couldnt figure out they way his mind worked in the rs, let alone out of the relationship. It used to bother me tremendously when he spoke bad of me, it felt so unfair! I felt the need to defend myself everytime. Now I dont give a ___ anymore. If he thinks Im the worlds biggest b*tch... .Thats his problem. His opinion doesnt define me. If people believe him... .Ok! My friends and family know who I am, that all that matters to me.

Im not going to feed my anxiety anymore with stuff I cant control. I am a decent person, i keep dirty laundry privat. I dont go posting anything on FB about it... .Im not in 6th grade anymore. He want to tell the world Im a b*tch and Im an ex for a reason... .Go ahead. It makes him look bad in the end, not me!

My advice, block her on FB. Spare yourself the agony of trying to figure out a disordered mind.

[Mutt]

It would have been a year and a half today... .im glad that s hit is over over :D and my ex also liked the comment.

It's triangulation. Your ex and her friend.

There are two sides to every story. Both are emotionally immature. Water seeks it's own level.

[jammo1989]

Thank you for your responses and advice guys, she blocked me on all forms of communication apart from Gmail, a bit ironic really! I know i shouldnt go looking its so pointless, but just like everyone here, i was pulled back in 2 days before she got into a new relationship, so as you can tell im still very much messed up.  I know its BPD, i know why she did it, but shes liked them 2 posts even though shes been with this new guy for 1 and a half months, so as you can tell im thinking to myself a normal person whos happy and in different towards me would like those comments, As a normal person I would never post something on FB that didnt bother me.  For example if i posted a status saying im so happy right now its over :D, personally I would do it knowing that deep down im bothered by the situation, im sorry to ramble, but it just seems to me like she still holds that resentment, which is good because im still in the back of her mind.  If i had a new gf, i sure as hell wouldnt be liking statuses like that that were referring to an ex, because if my new gf saw she would be a bit like what the heck?

[Mutt]

It could be posting an unhappiness or a distortion or both.

[jammo1989]

It could be posting an unhappiness or a distortion or both.

Could you try and explain further please a distortion? thank so much by the way!

[Mutt]

It could be posting an unhappiness or a distortion or both.

Could you try and explain further please a distortion? thank so much by the way!

Sure. From my experience with a person with borderline traits. Her behaviors are enabled by her close friends. I won't say that they are all emotionally immature, I think that some are naive and believe my exes distortions. My ex blames others and is waifish meaning that she wants people to rescue.

So, we have one side of the story? A complaint about an ex on social media. Two of your exes friends?

Water seeks it's own level. If persons challenged my exes behaviors. They are cast out or split black. She surrounds herself with people that look the other way or don't know better.

Triangulation can happen when we're not present. Do we know what the ex was like? We're getting one side of the story. He's in a persecutor role. She's a victim by complaining that he's sort of bad? Then you have a rescuer your ex liking the post. A Karpmann triangle

Do you know the back story on these exe's? I found that my ex used social media for people to feel sympathy (waifish) and her altruism. At times she would use it in smear campaigns and try to distort that she's doing things for a greater need or cause. My ex is narcissistic, in that context it's distortion.

[jammo1989]

It could be posting an unhappiness or a distortion or both.

Could you try and explain further please a distortion? thank so much by the way!

Sure. From my experience with a person with borderline traits. Her behaviors are enabled by her close friends. I won't say that they are all emotionally immature, I think that some are naive and believe my exes distortions. My ex blames others and is waifish meaning that she wants people to rescue.

So, we have one side of the story? A complaint about an ex on social media. Two of your exes friends?

Water seeks it's own level. If persons challenged my exes behaviors. They are cast out or split black. She surrounds herself with people that look the other way or don't know better.

Triangulation can happen when we're not present. Do we know what the ex was like? We're getting one side of the story. He's in a persecutor role. She's a victim by complaining that he's sort of bad? Then you have a rescuer your ex liking the post. A Karpmann triangle

Do you know the back story on these exe's?

I have no idea about her mates exes, I know he dumped her, she wanted to be friends and he blocked her, so her mate was making out he was such a dick head saying what i stated before about it would have been 1 and a half years today, obviously making out she was relieved about it when clearly she was that annoyed by it she had to act all fake and portray it on FB.

May I bring up a really interesting point please?  my ex is 24 and has 2 children, well, our relationship and her BPD started when her 2 best mates were pregnant, and she begged me to have a baby with her, she was like jammo1989 please im so broody, I cant stop thinking about having a baby with you, then said i want your baby no body elses yours, she begged and pleaded and i said not right now, because i had only just come out of uni and shes a stay at home mum on benefits.  She then called me up one day (Shes on the coil btw) and said i think im pregnant and if i am im keeping it, its my body you dont have a say on the matter.  I went mad, and replied saying i dont want a ___ing baby with you (because she threatened me and its not a great environment for a child) she then burst out crying, push/ pull behaviour then consisted for a month, she said she had to have an abortion, then guilt tripped me, saying you killed our baby, you didnt want it, going crazy over text.  I later found out from a mutual friend there was no pregnancy or abortion.

I have come to the conclusion she was testing me, because she thought i was going to leave so she said she was pregnant to get a reaction, and when it back fired she needed a reason (the abortion) to hide her guilt.  My point here being did she want a baby because her 2 best mates were having one or?  

[Blimblam]

It could be posting an unhappiness or a distortion or both.

Could you try and explain further please a distortion? thank so much by the way!

Sure. From my experience with a person with borderline traits. Her behaviors are enabled by her close friends. I won't say that they are all emotionally immature, I think that some are naive and believe my exes distortions. My ex blames others and is waifish meaning that she wants people to rescue.

So, we have one side of the story? A complaint about an ex on social media. Two of your exes friends?

Water seeks it's own level. If persons challenged my exes behaviors. They are cast out or split black. She surrounds herself with people that look the other way or don't know better.

Triangulation can happen when we're not present. Do we know what the ex was like? We're getting one side of the story. He's in a persecutor role. She's a victim by complaining that he's sort of bad? Then you have a rescuer your ex liking the post. A Karpmann triangle

Do you know the back story on these exe's? I found that my ex used social media for people to feel sympathy (waifish) and her altruism. At times she would use it in smear campaigns and try to distort that she's doing things for a greater need or cause. My ex is narcissistic, in that context it's distortion.

Thanks for this mutt.

This makes so much sense

[NorthLight]

Hey mate.

the baby stuff:

Remember how BPD wants control, and that they can often contact their Non-ex just to get them hooked, them run away again, so they always have options ready, they always have a protector to wait for them. If she has a baby with you, she knows you will always be in her life. You will never truly be free! You would have shared a baby for the rest of your life, no matter how much you wanted nothing to do with her because she ruins your life.

I have been lurking around on the forum for 2,5 months now. I see it all the times in peoples stories, how the BPD from day 1 claim to be soul mates, they want to move in, they want to get married as fast as possible, they want to have a baby as fast as possible. They dive and go all in. Its pretty normal, my ex wanted a baby too after a year in the rs, and told me several times that if she got pregnant she would keep it because "we are going to be together for the rest of our lives, so why wait" (even tho we were 21 and i was afraid as hell to have sex with her in those periods haha).

[NorthLight]

The ex liking stuff on FB:

Has anything of this made any sense to you, i mean her, her actions, her personality disorder?

Yes some of it, after reading enough, it makes sense in the way that its nuts. So stop analyzing what she is doing on FB its not healthy my friend. And it makes no sense anyway, so healthy or not, you will never understand anything else than the conclusion: she's nuts.

I was also on FB, not even stalking, watching pics of myself, and there she had made a comment back in the days we were together, and thats how i saw her profile pic with her and her Hodor-bf (ugly as hell). It just makes pain, it will never make a good feeling to see her, hodor, her comments, her likes or anything. Thats why I BLOCKED HER. If does likes / comments doesn't make a good feeling for you, then get rid of them, by blocking her! Maybe you will get pain inside your body one day to see that she has blocked you, why wait? Why not block her first, and u won't get that pain?

[jammo1989]

Hey mate.

the baby stuff:

Remember how BPD wants control, and that they can often contact their Non-ex just to get them hooked, them run away again, so they always have options ready, they always have a protector to wait for them. If she has a baby with you, she knows you will always be in her life. You will never truly be free! You would have shared a baby for the rest of your life, no matter how much you wanted nothing to do with her because she ruins your life.

I have been lurking around on the forum for 2,5 months now. I see it all the times in peoples stories, how the BPD from day 1 claim to be soul mates, they want to move in, they want to get married as fast as possible, they want to have a baby as fast as possible. They dive and go all in. Its pretty normal, my ex wanted a baby too after a year in the rs, and told me several times that if she got pregnant she would keep it because "we are going to be together for the rest of our lives, so why wait" (even tho we were 21 and i was afraid as hell to have sex with her in those periods haha).

Ha ha, same here mate, i always used to pull out, and she always used to get so annoyed with me, asking me why are you doing this? i never had a straight up answer, well in my head i did (entrapment maybe) Yeah, they never think logically, she wouldn't let me move into her tiny 3 bedroom council house, and even said well you can see the baby every weekend its not going to be a problem, I laughed and was like you have already, no job, and i just finished uni, wheres the logic here? she then said i dont want your money James, I want your time, id live in a 1 bedroom flat if i had to, we can struggle together, if we have each other it doesnt matter how small the house is.  At this point i was thinking is she a retard? well now I know why, unbelievable!     

[jammo1989]

The ex liking stuff on FB:

Has anything of this made any sense to you, i mean her, her actions, her personality disorder?

Yes some of it, after reading enough, it makes sense in the way that its nuts. So stop analyzing what she is doing on FB its not healthy my friend. And it makes no sense anyway, so healthy or not, you will never understand anything else than the conclusion: she's nuts.

I was also on FB, not even stalking, watching pics of myself, and there she had made a comment back in the days we were together, and thats how i saw her profile pic with her and her Hodor-bf (ugly as hell). It just makes pain, it will never make a good feeling to see her, hodor, her comments, her likes or anything. Thats why I BLOCKED HER. If does likes / comments doesn't make a good feeling for you, then get rid of them, by blocking her! Maybe you will get pain inside your body one day to see that she has blocked you, why wait? Why not block her first, and u won't get that pain?

She had already blocked me on FB bro, yeah i shouldn't go looking, and over analysing is such a waste of energy, im started to realise that.  She used to set her profile to private then open it a week later then put it to private again, also made sure this new guy hid everything on his FB, they have yet to post a picture together after 2 months, not being funny, but if i was in a relationship and happy id have a picture of me and my gf as my profile picture and id show it to the world, none of this secretive business. She hasnt even told me she has this new guy she even hides her relationship status.  Yet again if i was in a relationship Id want everyone to know that she was my gf.   

[NorthLight]

She had already blocked me on FB bro, yeah i shouldn't go looking, and over analysing is such a waste of energy, im started to realise that.  She used to set her profile to private then open it a week later then put it to private again, also made sure this new guy hid everything on his FB, they have yet to post a picture together after 2 months, not being funny, but if i was in a relationship and happy id have a picture of me and my gf as my profile picture and id show it to the world, none of this secretive business. She hasnt even told me she has this new guy she even hides her relationship status.  Yet again if i was in a relationship Id want everyone to know that she was my gf.   

Again thats analyzing tho. My ex went right into new rs, and posted pic of them before she had the stuff out of my house - Does that means they are in a happy rs?

Pic or no pic, they went from dumping what they thought, felt and said was their soulmate, to go into a new RS the next day - Its CRAZY CRAZY, and NO they are not happy, not yours that hides the rs, and not mine that shows the rs!

[Blimblam]

Jamo everyone

It was nothing personal.

It feels personal because we get a taste of their inner pain from having it projected INTO us. Then they split them selves from the negative aspects of their own self. They do not recognize that it is them. So they gas light us because they are lying to themselves.

They are self harming through us.