Mother and Sister have boundary problems with me/Help

[Depression = 72% of members]

   I really didnt think it would turn out way.  I really didnt think it would get this bad.

                  I have recently moved into my Aunts house because she has had several strokes so shes staying with my mom and sister at there place next door. This is a long story,  but I recently moved here from out of state to help take care of the animals on my Aunts farm and to help my mother and sister with this situation

with my Aunt.

                  I am so confused with these two ladies I just dont know what to do. Something seems to happen every day where either Im treated with no respect or pushed and put down.

                                            I told my mother the day before that I had called Direct TV and that they were coming today to get my tv going and that this was going to be on my account. I told her I wanted it on my account because if I up graded I wouldnt have to pay the service fee.  The service would have been from 100 to 200 dollars if I connected to their system, plus my sister kept trying to hook up my tv with one of their old boxes and it wouldnt work,  then she calls them , they send another up graded box and it doesnt work with my tv.  I tell her I wanted the tv next to my computer anyways, but she says it wont reach it HAS! to be over here. It was squished over by the end of my bed at this really wierd angle that just didnt work at all. 

                                       I told her, look!  I have this long cord made especially to connect the tv where ever you want it.   No reply... .   it was a mess and nothing was getting done so later I called Direct myself and made sure my mother knew about it so I wouldnt get any flack from either of them,  yes its that bad with these two.   So controling... .  This house Im in belongs to me too but they act like its all theirs and they dont even live here. They dumped 3 dogs living in the kitchen and didnt tell me about it until I got here. 14 cats i this other room, the place stinks!  ok,  anyways,

                                                               The guy from Direct tv gets here and we spend an hour or so sorting through this situation, where the box is, he gets under the house etc.  etc.  and he is making head way and we are almost there when my mother drives up here.   

                                                                  The guy is on the phone going through this important code procedure and my mother bursts into the room and interupts him on the phone and totally butts in until he losses track of what hes doing.  Then she opens the door where the dogs are until they start barking really loud! we couldnt hear ours selves talk! I waved to her to shut the door, she starts talking really loud while this guy is still on the phone,  so I wave her to be quiet once again.  I close my bedroom door and few seconds later she comes in again and starts acting like shes taking over!   There was a confusion with my account number and she kept trying to give him hers , when this was not what we were doing.  Its to be on MY account so save money.   She doesnt listen to me.  So finally had to just say it.  You dont listen to me.  Didnt phase her.     So finally I had no choice but to ask her to leave.  It was awful,

                         She gets all mad and storms off and goes home.   Mean while me and Direct guy are working it out. The company messed up.   5 minutes later, my sister calls and starts yelling at me: Mom said you were putting this on OUR! account! and continues to Bich me out! I told her I wasnt going to allow her to talk to me that way and hung up.                What is wrong with these people? 

                                                                               They have no boundaries or respect for me. I am so tired of being underminded I could just scream.

[goingtostopthis]

   I really didnt think it would turn out way.  I really didnt think it would get this bad.

                  I have recently moved into my Aunts house because she has had several strokes so shes staying with my mom and sister at there place next door. This is a long story,  but I recently moved here from out of state to help take care of the animals on my Aunts farm and to help my mother and sister with this situation

with my Aunt.

                  I am so confused with these two ladies I just dont know what to do. Something seems to happen every day where either Im treated with no respect or pushed and put down.

                                            I told my mother the day before that I had called Direct TV and that they were coming today to get my tv going and that this was going to be on my account. I told her I wanted it on my account because if I up graded I wouldnt have to pay the service fee.  The service would have been from 100 to 200 dollars if I connected to their system, plus my sister kept trying to hook up my tv with one of their old boxes and it wouldnt work,  then she calls them , they send another up graded box and it doesnt work with my tv.  I tell her I wanted the tv next to my computer anyways, but she says it wont reach it HAS! to be over here. It was squished over by the end of my bed at this really wierd angle that just didnt work at all. 

                                       I told her, look!  I have this long cord made especially to connect the tv where ever you want it.   No reply... .   it was a mess and nothing was getting done so later I called Direct myself and made sure my mother knew about it so I wouldnt get any flack from either of them,  yes its that bad with these two.   So controling... .  This house Im in belongs to me too but they act like its all theirs and they dont even live here. They dumped 3 dogs living in the kitchen and didnt tell me about it until I got here. 14 cats i this other room, the place stinks!  ok,  anyways,

                                                               The guy from Direct tv gets here and we spend an hour or so sorting through this situation, where the box is, he gets under the house etc.  etc.  and he is making head way and we are almost there when my mother drives up here.   

                                                                  The guy is on the phone going through this important code procedure and my mother bursts into the room and interupts him on the phone and totally butts in until he losses track of what hes doing.  Then she opens the door where the dogs are until they start barking really loud! we couldnt hear ours selves talk! I waved to her to shut the door, she starts talking really loud while this guy is still on the phone,  so I wave her to be quiet once again.  I close my bedroom door and few seconds later she comes in again and starts acting like shes taking over!   There was a confusion with my account number and she kept trying to give him hers , when this was not what we were doing.  Its to be on MY account so save money.   She doesnt listen to me.  So finally had to just say it.  You dont listen to me.  Didnt phase her.     So finally I had no choice but to ask her to leave.  It was awful,

                         She gets all mad and storms off and goes home.   Mean while me and Direct guy are working it out. The company messed up.   5 minutes later, my sister calls and starts yelling at me: Mom said you were putting this on OUR! account! and continues to Bich me out! I told her I wasnt going to allow her to talk to me that way and hung up.                What is wrong with these people? 

                                                                               They have no boundaries or respect for me. I am so tired of being underminded I could just scream.

[goingtostopthis]

There is something wrong with my sister and it's scaring me and I dont have anybody to talk to.

                                                                      She just confronted me again.  This time she tells me that Im wrong that now they will be doubley charged for direct tv.  She's convinced. I was with the direct guy for 3 hours and he reassured me 3 times that this has nothing to do with their account.  Its in my name.  She comes over to feed the dogs, something I could easily do and then sits on the couch and wont leave.  She doesnt live here!  Its like its her way claiming that this is her place when its not. It belongs to all of us. Can some body please help me out with this ,its really freaking me out.   

[Harri]

Hi GTST, that does sound like a very frustrating and difficult situation you are dealing with.  It seems even more difficult when it is our own families causing the drama and stress.  Setting your own boundaries and enforcing them can be done, but it is going to take time and practice.  Are you responsible for caring for the dogs and cats or is that their responsibility?

The good news is that you did very well today.  Very well.  You asked your mother to leave.  You made it clear their input was not welcome.  You told your sister she was not allowed to rage at you and hung up the phone.  Plus, you got your TV hooked up!  I highlighted those parts so you can see that you can manage with these two frustrating people.  So while I know it is upsetting and frustrating, the fact is, you did exactly what you were supposed to do---> stand up for yourself.  

What kind of help are you looking for?  To get them to stop barging in?  Yelling at you?  

I just read your second post.  She will find out she is wrong soon enough when the bill comes.  Also, is there any way to keep your doors locked so she can't walk in?

[goingtostopthis]

              Oh Harri,    Thank you so much for answering. 


                                      OK,  its good to know Im doing the right thing.  It's really hard.  Ive been a little bit in shock  over this last thing with my sister.  I dont mean to say this just to have something in my defense,  but defense or not,  I think there's something wrong with her. She told me that I havent done anything to help around there. Which is absurd, but she rolled with it anyways.  I called my father because I had alarms going off in my head. She just goes off crazy and it scared me. I couldnt help it. 

                                       It's interesting because they wont allow me to do much here.  yet,  Im saying yet because I was thinking, well maybe its because they have been so used to doing these chores that its hard to all of a sudden let go of them.  This entails feeding 3 dogs in the kitchen and about 14 cats that live in this little room, with a cat door and in this garage with the door open 24/7 with the light on.

                                        My Aunt was a little crazy. These cats are left over from her.  My sister refuses to try to find homes for any of them. They on top of this have 6 obnoxious dogs in their house. This could be a movie.

   I have taken over the feeding of 3 older horses who were adopted by my Aunt plus the care of my two horses who need to be brought in every day, stalls cleaned, etc.  then my cats, they are good and easy. 

                       There would be no problem for me feeding the dogs and cats for them at all.  They wont let me.  My sister gets here in the morning, feeds,  and then comes back AGAIN! around 12 just to sit with these dogs watching Dog tv.  Yes, there is such a thing,  may I die now. Then she comes back at 4 to feed again.        It isnt necassary.  Since when have I been un trustworthy or incapable of responsibilty? I was a teacher for 14 years. My last day was Sept 10th.  I guess I lost my touch in two weeks.

I guess what Im feeling is that they want me to feel incompetent.  I dont know. It may have nothing to do with that.     

                   Is it attention she is afraid these dogs arent getting? Got me?  They have more attention now then they have ever had. Im in there all the time. Buddy is learning to lay down. (  : These dogs have problems. Theyve been taught to bark and harass you until you pet them. The room is half empty, it echoes. Can you imagine how loud this is?   I let these dogs out in a fensed area. I told my mother ,they should be out at least 2 to 3 hours a  day. She looked at me like I was condemning them to  a concentration camp. I let them out and make them stay out when theyre not here.

So to answer your question.   They wont let go to me the feeding of these animals yet, which is strange because before I got here,  all I ever heard from them on the phone was how hard things are for them and my sister all ways lamenting about having to come up here to feed the cats,  and dogs. Ooohhh this is soo hard. I just cant do this any more.  etc. etc. 

                                                                   YES!  There is a lock on my door.  Thank you lord and on the bathroom too.    My sister is going to California tomorrow to see my dad for a break.  I will get the routine down for feeding everyone tomorrow. My mother has no choice but to show me,since she takes my Aunt to a senior center 3 times a week so she will be up here in the morning.  It really isnt that tough but I guess to them its a special CIA operation.      I have to laugh!

                                                          All I can say is that the last confrontation with my sister was so weird.  After I told her for the 3rd time ,  yes,  direct tv is on my account.  She looked at me and said,  "So I suppose youre not going to help mom now!"  Im thinking,  where the hell did that come from?  Why would she thing that? Then I got insulted and all of a sudden something hit me and told me to stop!  just stop!  She's going after my reaction.  I told her that was a stupid thing to say right in her eyes and told her to go find some one else to get reactions from and to leave me alone.       

                  Then I called my father and he was really good to me because I needed someone to talk to.  I stayed level headed and discussed these problems here with him. He helped me to stay positive and to be patient which was really helpful.    Thanks  for listening...    I feel alot better just getting this off my chect.   


                                                                   

[Lise]

Wow ... .just wow. 

I'm amazed at how you manage to keep responding in an adult style to your mom and your sister; it must require extreme levels of self control. Also you seem to be eager to be fair, not labeling them, trying to see the situation from their point of view.

You really should be proud of yourself - considering the role models you've had, it's nothing short of amazing how you can keep on being gentle, respectful and helpful.

Every moment that you manage to act in accordance with the way you want to be - not the person, they're trying to make you be, should be considered a great victory.

Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions, it seems to me, you are doing all that you can. So I can only offer sympathy and admiration.

[goingtostopthis]

Wow ... .just wow.  

I'm amazed at how you manage to keep responding in an adult style to your mom and your sister; it must require extreme levels of self control. Also you seem to be eager to be fair, not labeling them, trying to see the situation from their point of view.

You really should be proud of yourself - considering the role models you've had, it's nothing short of amazing how you can keep on being gentle, respectful and helpful.

Every moment that you manage to act in accordance with the way you want to be - not the person, they're trying to make you be, should be considered a great victory.

Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions, it seems to me, you are doing all that you can. So I can only offer sympathy and admiration.

Thank you Lise,  

       That is so very, very, very  kind of you .  

                              I  "have" been making some mistakes and Im starting to realize the sooner I accept that my mother is the way she is and copes with things differently the better off I'll be and the smoother things will go for me. I tried to sit down and talk with her this morning about how abusive my sister's rant was towards me and how I felt that my sister needs help.  She has been seeing a therapist from time to time but I doubt very seriously she has recently. I told her straight out that she was scaring me and saying irrational things that didnt make any sense.

When she was yelling at me she kept insisting that she had to pay double now for the Direct tv and that she had intentionally had the wires cut along side the house just so this wouldnt happen.  How did she expect to hook up the box for this before in my room if she knew the wires had been cut,  and cut for what reason? was there a ghost living in this room before me who wanted tv? I had all ready discovered this before with the Direct guy and we were both baffled.  It didnt matter that I told her I was talking directly to the installer's manager, twice,  to make double sure this was on my account and not effecting theirs.   She wouldnt listen and boy, talk about mean. I dont have any regrets calling my father about this at all.  

But my point is, I sat down with my mother and tried to explain why I wanted her to leave and that  I was sorry about it  

and proceded to try to tell her what was going on and why giving them their account was not the thing to do. She didnt want to get it and so what she does when Im telling her something really important for me to express,  is she will devert her attention away from me and do something like pick up one of the dogs and put him in her lap and start baby talking him right in the middle of my conversation.     This is one of her not coping with reality skills as far as Im concerned, becuase she did it again when I was telling her how awful my sister was to me. She will say things like oh no,  you must have mis understood her, she didnt say that<telling me what my reality is and then picking up the dog again and baby talking it like Im no longer standing there with my mouth open and moving with sound coming out. Hello? This is my mother,  I love her dearly and we "do" get along very nicely in general. Its just this side of her that will never change.    

 I was trying to understand why my sister as she was yelling at me said she cut the wires sometime before just so this wouldnt happen> supposively knowing she did this, yet spending an hour in my room 2 days before not understanding why their box wasnt working?   Chemtrails? serious memory loss?  Got me?   Santa Clause?      

                                                                          Im going to waist my time trying to figure this out, because this is one of many instances of craziness that goes on with them.

Lise,  that was very kind of you for saying what you did. It has been discussed before in the past between my father and my brother that we have all suspected something being wrong with my sister and my mother enables her and it goes back and forth between them. This was about two years ago. We were at our wits end trying to figure out what to do to help her.  Now, its all swept under the rug as if these conversations never happened.

My Aunt was a minister for a church and she got my sister involved in this fanatical way of thinking and my sister went through this period of helplessness where it didnt matter what you said to her to help, nothing would ever work, she was full of excuses and almost enjoyed her misery, very much like a person with BPD.  She may very well have this with it showing up now more then ever because of the stress of my Aunts illness and all the problems my Aunt created that she left behind herself for my sister and mom to pick up.

                                It was like my sister had been in an acult, martyering herself to this church and to my Aunt who has been crazy!  seriously, She mixed up her personal opinions with the word of God and really hurt and humiliated people during her church services. My sister became a minister too.  She not.  Im sorry.  If she knew the first thing about it she would never be the way she is.  She's lost and I think she's a little sick.   My mother told me 5 months ago she needed me here to help her. That I'd be good for her with my sense of humor and just the way I am.  She didnt tell me the whole truth and she knows it and would of course deniegh this and stand up for her over me because she cant deal with it.   Im suppose to read the special code in between the lines that no one speaks of.

                     I never imagined she would be this bad!  neurotic, manipulative, bullying, controlling ,with holding, lying ,shaming, guilt invoking, under minding, pushy, and shes the grand victim of it all.   no body else.

 ya, that just about covers it.             I know Im going over board with my writing.  Im ok now.  I sister is on vacation in Calif. for a week with my dad. So I have time to collect myself and find a therapist for me to see because its obvious I need help with this.    Thanks again for your kind words.  

                               

[CrystalP]

I'm hoping you will find comfort in the fact that I share the same relatives.   Easy things become so hard as they butt in.    Just want you to know others understand what you are experiencing.   I've found this website very helpful. Glad you found it.  Hang in there. 

[goingtostopthis]

I'm hoping you will find comfort in the fact that I share the same relatives.   Easy things become so hard as they butt in.    Just want you to know others understand what you are experiencing.   I've found this website very helpful. Glad you found it.  Hang in there. 

Thank You!   

                      Im lucky I was helped to find this section on this forum.   I think I would have lost my mind if I didnt have a place to write about this.

                    My sister has gone on her vacation and I got the chance to learn how they want all the animals fed here. Like I say this isnt that tough but boy!  they make it a ritual I am incapable of doing somehow. The horses have been left to me with no interference, thank God for that.

                    Im trying to help my mother.  This morning I made sure I got up early to make sure I beat her to the chase in feeding. I was suppose to feed everybody this morning. OK,  I was doing it, I was just on my way to the cats and she drives up the lane and by the time I got there she was all ready doing it!    It triggered me and I had a little fit.

                     I started rattleing on  about John Bradshaw and crazy making. The cats got it.     I have GOT to shut my mouth. It feeds into this weirdness of theirs.  I said,  I thought I was feeding everyone this morning. How am I help you when youre still doing this?  She just got back from taking my Aunt to this Day Center. Youd think shed want to take it easy and go home and have a cup of coffee.  Then later if she wants to come up here,fine... .or give me a call to check in,

                           It triggered me because it feels like her refusal to give theses chores over to me  is under minding to me,  like some how Im incapable or in competent.  More amunition for my sister to say,  see youre not helping her! It's crazy.    Then I thought,  maybe she just wants to spend time with me and Im over reacting.  But then I thought, why cant she let me do these jobs and come up later to see me over coffee.  No,   This is a wierd neurotic, control based territorial thing  going on here where I feel Im being set up some how.  It doesnt matter how well I do, if not making things better for them,  they will all ways find something to nit pick at that Im not doing right.

I forgot to pull the blinds down for the dogs so they can sleep better.  While they have been the ones wanting to leave all the lights on in the kitchen and living room with the Dog tv channel going loud every night.  Ive been the one turning alll the lights out except one and turning down the tv,   yet she tells me about them sleeping better when I  was the one who origonally addressed  this issue with her.       

                                              Its control bull ___.   

                           

[goingtostopthis]

        Please allow me to wake up a little bit  here.   This is my announcement.   



                                     I   AM    A   THREAT    TO   THEM.   

                                                 >  and so,    I am being belittled.   

                                                     

[Harri]

I agree.  Some aspect of you feels threatening to them in some way whether it is your ability to be independent or because they sense you can see their dysfunction, whatever it is, they feel threatened.

So, remember that.  It is not *you* it is them seeing their own self lacking in some way that causes them to treat you the way they do.  It won't make the pain and frustration go away, but perhaps it will lessen in intensity.

If they are truly setting up a no win situation, the only thing left to do is to not play.  Just do and say what feels right to you.  If you feel like saying 'stop feeding that cats because that is my duty to take care of' then say it... .or you can use the time to sit and have a cup of coffee and relax and leave your mother to it.  It sounds like your sister will not be happy no matter what you do, so act to please yourself.  You know the both of them and can probably predict what they will say or do, and there is not much you can do to stop it.  It also sounds like you have been handling this very well especially because this is all so new in terms of dealing with the two of them like this.  So keep up the good work and vent and post as needed.  In the mean time, you might get some benefit by learning some of the tools used to help communicate and reduce your own stress and frustration levels.

Take good care!   

[goingtostopthis]

Thanks Harri,


       Its incredible but yes, I can predict what they are going to do.  My mother finally got it today. I think.  She said what time would you like me to come over.  I said why dont you come over around 11:00 and we can have a cup of coffee together on the porch. This way Ill all ready have the animals fed but she wont be here to interfer directly and if there are any problems or no problems, she can reassure herself about it then.

                        My mom is ok and nice to be around 80 % of the time , it's just that she has been influence by my sister.      She isnt mean and she doesnt bully like her, she just plays dump and plays the under minding game on me and then acts innocent about it.  Shes in her upper 70's I think.  Shes getting older and that's the main reason why Im here.

                  I remember when I made the move here. My sister flew into Tulsa with her friend to help me finish packing and help with the movers and my cats and horses.  We drove cross country with 6 cats. One with me in my truck pulling my horse trailor full of stuff and the other 5 in cages in a rented van from the air port.  It has never been a case with me not being grateful for this help. I could have never done this alone.  It took me all Summer to pack with boxes being stacked up in the garage until you could hardly walk in there.  I had done all the planning with Mayflower, the Horse shipping people, the cages for the cats,  timed it all out over a 3 day period. Got all my untilies cancelled, key to the realitor,  a lot of details that had to be taken care of.  It was exhausting.

                       It started as soon as she got there. She gets on the phone to my mother when I wasnt around and started biching to her about how I wasnt ready and the place was a mess with stuff every where.  It was such a lie. She didnt bother to look in the garage to see how much work I did, and when she did she said nothing.

                       It then got worse,  we had plenty of time but she started getting all neurotic and started emotionally pushing me around and pushing me and pushing me,  she wouldnt let me sit down and rest with out some comment to make me feel like ___. I had to rest! Finally I had to explain to them that I have bad ankles that I had to have xrayed because Id been walking on cement for 14 years as a teacher and before that I was hot walker at this race track where I walked hot horses from 5 in the morning until 1:00 in the afternoon for months! A  real killer job that did permanent damage to my ankles.  I was pushed to have to explain all this.   Then her friend who I ended up not liking at all, butts in and starts going on about HER ankles and some foot surgery she went through,  to make her situation far worse then mine to show that she was still able to keep packing boxes and continue working.   oh !  so what was she implying that I was acting like a baby! and my pain was pretty petty.    I only wanted to sit down for 5 minutes!

                      This is how it went the whole trip.  When we finally got on the road I had plenty of time to voice to my beloved cat Joey sitting in a cage beside me just exactly how I was feeling about those two. My sister was leading the abuse, and her friend was supporting it.  Boy did I have  a rage fest in my truck and I loved it because they couldnt hear it. I was free to use every word in the book.     I was free to make up my own foreign language and I think I did.    I felt like George Carlin.        But if that wasnt bad enough. Her friend was all ways telling me what to do when we got to the hotels. "Oh put the cage down there"  and dont you think it would be better to :bla bla bla.  She wouldnt shut up and let me be with my cats and have them arranged the way I wanted.

                                  But the cherry on the top was their driving. I had to follow right behind them the whole way and they kept driving too fast and then it got dark and we had to go around some major city with heavy traffic and Semi trucks roaring by every 2 seconds.  They were going too fast and I had ask them to slow down because I have a horse trailor behind me, and ya the tires were checked but had been on it for 3 years and the trailer it self is old. I thought, Oh my god if I have a blow out on that thing Im going to die. I wont be able to control it at these speeds. Then in the crucial areas going around cities where there were splits in different directions,  they would speed way up and then another car would get in between us and I couldnt see where they were! and I lost my glasses on the floor and I cant drive and use my cell at the same time,  but by God I started learning.      We would stop at a rest stop.  Id ssay Hey,  do you think you could slow down alittle.  Them:  "Oh sure,  no problem"  :)o you think they did? I thought I was going to have a nervous break down.  Good old Joey my cat, what a trooper.  He was such a good boy.

              When we finally got here, my mom was waitng out side with some friends.  I got out of my truck hugged and then started crying and I couldnt stop.  I know she thought I was over joyed to finally be there and that's why I was crying.    This is our secret,    that's not why I was crying.   I felt like I had just escaped a plane crash. I was so tramatized.          

[goingtostopthis]

Well, true to form.  My mother agreed she come up at 11:00 for coffee,   nope she had to show up right when I finishing up with the chores and had to scamper around the house fixing the blinds and checking everything, didnt sit and have coffee with me to just talk, she had to hurry off.  Lost the whole point of what we had agreed upon.  and so it goes, kay sir ra sir ra.

[goingtostopthis]

                          Well,  my mother has finally begun to leave me alone a bit and to stop obsessively coming up here. I dont know why.  Before she all ways had to come up here and give the dogs a peanut butter snack.  Im sorry,  but I dont really like dogs.  I like them but I dont love them.  Something is wrong with the dogs here and it is so obnoxious!

                           They bark at you when you come into the room (LOUD) and bump in front of you and follow you all around the room and touch your butt as you try to walk away and wont stop unless you pet them.  Im so disgusted. They all ready have 6 dogs in the house all the time where they live. This makes 9.  Im so angry. They are not trained. They have baby fences everywhere.

I have to go through one just to get a drink of water here. It's like doggie black mail here. They say we will not shut up and will not stop harassing you until you pet us.  Isnt this an example of bad training and even neglect in a sense?   Letting the dogs rule the house, yes, this is what this is.  Its wrong. 

                    There is so much here that just doesnt make any sense.  Im talking about contradictions.  My sister went through this whole program learning how to handle two of their dogs.  Do I see any evidence of this when I go to their place.   Ive got to video tape this. , As soon as I come through their door I am bombarded with 6 barking dogs all racing towards me and jumping on me and wont stop! ( loud son of a biches they are.)  It literally hurts your ears.  My mother goes through the same stupid ritual every time which takes for ever,  putting them behind a baby fence, and then 2 minutes later, she lets them out again.  I kid you not.

                      My mother is taking care of my Aunt over there too. She hates her!  She isnt abusing her. My mother is a nurse. At least I dont think she is.  I honestly dont really know for sure. The reports Ive been getting is that my Aunt is abusive and mean to them.  This may as well be true.  I didnt see it when I was there,  but I dont live there. She just hates the women and all ways rants about what she's doing next. Im sure ,its hard. My Aunt has demenia. Shes not all there anymore. We cant get her into a rest home yet so its been tough!      My mom is resentful because of this financial mess my Aunt has left behind her due to irresponsibilty ,even when she was healthy.  She kept 24 cats inside the house and wouldnt let them out!  So think of the smell of this place before my sister came in and painted everything! She did a lot of work,  but it still smells,  so Im wondering, did she really do all this painting and cleaning?

               Why do I ask?  Because Ive been looking around and only found one room recently painted. I checked the walls of the family room. There's no under coat... .  I dont get it? 

            Interesting thing. My mother was biching about her again while we were in the grain room in the barn.  She said: " I couldnt believe her!  She even let one of the horses come in here with her ,  and was so careless and stupid about it, saying oh they wont hurt me, That women was so stupid. She never believed anything we told her."

                           I stood there thinking to myself. ( ahhhhhhhh,  I dont believe anything you tell me either. )

This is why I think this episode in my life now could be a movie.   

+ I have my side of the house.  I will have a therapist to see soon.    I think the truth is they are as crazy as my Aunt was but dont see it.  Why? many reasons obviously, one in particular is that before I came 2 Christmas's ago, they themselves wouldnt let my aunts cats out. locked the cat door.  Quess who unlocked it and hid the door cover. My sister flipped... .! out! on me... .   Now the cats go in and out.  This is a bit extreem but this is how I feel.   www.youtu.be/jmpuAz59EbQ   

[Harri]

GoingTST, every time I read about the cats and dogs I push down an urge to ask you something, but tonight I am going to ask:  Have you thought about calling animal control and reporting this as a hoarding issue?  I do not know much about animals, especially not dogs, but it does not sound healthy for them to be cooped up in a room most of the day. (I remember earlier your mom said no to letting them out in a fenced area).  And the cats on top of that seem like an awful lot to have to deal with... .never mind the smell.  Sorry, I do not mean to offend, but well... .yeah.  If you do not want to report the situation, maybe some training is in order. 

I am glad your mother seems to be backing off a bit.  It could be she was just in the habit of taking care of everything and had a hard time stopping it.  When I think back on situations where I had a system down, no matter how taxing it was, it was hard to let go when help did arrive.  I am also hoping that your mom will help get your sister to stop interfering in your 'chores'.  I get how it can feel like they are saying you are not capable even though you obviously are very capable.  So frustrating!

The road trip to your new home sounds like it was hellish.  I would have had a hard time not telling them (especially the friend) to shut up. 

[goingtostopthis]

GoingTST, every time I read about the cats and dogs I push down an urge to ask you something, but tonight I am going to ask:  Have you thought about calling animal control and reporting this as a hoarding issue?  I do not know much about animals, especially not dogs, but it does not sound healthy for them to be cooped up in a room most of the day. (I remember earlier your mom said no to letting them out in a fenced area).  And the cats on top of that seem like an awful lot to have to deal with... .never mind the smell.  Sorry, I do not mean to offend, but well... .yeah.  If you do not want to report the situation, maybe some training is in order.  

I am glad your mother seems to be backing off a bit.  It could be she was just in the habit of taking care of everything and had a hard time stopping it.  When I think back on situations where I had a system down, no matter how taxing it was, it was hard to let go when help did arrive.  I am also hoping that your mom will help get your sister to stop interfering in your 'chores'.  I get how it can feel like they are saying you are not capable even though you obviously are very capable.  So frustrating!

The road trip to your new home sounds like it was hellish.  I would have had a hard time not telling them (especially the friend) to shut up.  

   Im not affended at all.  Im affended at my sister and my mother for not trying to find adopted homes for some of those cats.  Right now Im pretty furious at my mom for making me share half the house with these dogs, dogs theyve picked up off the road.   Today she looked a them and looked at me and said,  arent they soo cute.  I couldnt respond. I think this made her mad because she kind of stormed out and didnt say good bye.  I think its kind of selfish of her to not try to find homes for the three here, They need one on one attention with one owner who could really give them the time the need.

                              I dont even have any cupboard space for my dishes. My sister took off all the cupboard doors above the sink and spend all this time arranging other dishes up there. I guess ones that belonged to my Aunt. She did it purely for looks.  Its charming,  granted,   but what about my things.   She said off the cuff once,  Oh we are going to put other cabinets  up on the other side later.  Why didnt they have any consideration for me and do this before I arrived? Why did they wait 2 days before I was ready to leave to tell me I would be sharing the tv room(which was space I planned on using) and the kitchen with these dogs?    

                To answer your question,  Im going to wait until they are too busy to notice to see if I can find homes for some of the cats.  They are really nice cats and Im sure each one of them would be so much happier to have one owner who really wants it.  They are all very affectionate.  A lonely older person would be perfect.  As for the dogs. I couldnt report them on hoarding. If they had 20 of them, ya I think I would.

                      Their problem is they keep on finding strays and a adopting them.  If they do this one more time the ___ is going to hit the fan .  Animals show up here,  so I suggested we become an Animal Rescue Sanctuary, officialize our self and get a tax excempt on our property taxes here.  Its uncertain if this can even be paid. My sister is waiting for a building to be sold that belonged to my aunt to pay this.  The 3 horses that are here were rescued, they would have been sent to a slaughter house. Im willing to look into this with the understanding that we can not take any more animals in at this time.  This hotel is booked full.  It seems to be the other hope we have to get out from these taxes that if not paid could eventually cause up to lose this place.  I didnt know about this either until I was all ready on the road driving here. My sister told me at this hotel while we were having a fight.

                                   It was almost as if she enjoyed telling me this because the whole year prior to my coming here my mother was promising me that if I wanted to I could turn this place into a Boarding Facility. This is all I thought about and what kept me going the whole year. My sister  started going on to me as to why I couldnt do this because the liability Insurance would be too high and treating me as if I had no clue about this. Like I was a child. Id been doing research on this all year and have been well aware that doing something like this isnt going to happen over night. Id get a job and fix the place up in steps and Id get the money to get the place started by saving and then deducting this cost from the boarding fees.              She just wanted to f-in crush my dreams and exsert to me how this place was soley under her control and nothing was going to change.   You all just wait and see. 

                                   +What really bugs me the most is the fact that she refers to the money she has as being her account. Its not her money.  Its my Aunts.  She spends most of her time taking care of my Aunts church for no pay. She hasnt had a real job in 10 years.  Ya, guess what shes living off of and using to take care of these animals. My Aunt bought her a brand new truck.  Well,  her money is running thin,  but it didnt when my sister sold a youth center that belonged to her.   100,000 thousand dollars!  My father warned me that it would go fast, and it did.   The barn has no lights , the sliding door which is big gets stuck,its hell to open, no water in there...   They didnt use any of this money for this.  It would not have cost that much considering what they started out with. It wasnt there priority I guess. What did they do with the rest of that money? They helped to pay for my move, and a special surgery operation for one of my horses which I will all ways be grateful for. It saved her life. But even with all this,  it doesnt seem to add up that they would all ready be out of all this money, but they are.

   Ive been working my ass off at a regular job making my own money . Im a teacher, for 15 years.  And my sister wont get a regular job,  shes living off my Aunt, I know she is  and this inferiates  me! because she has the gal to call it her money.  It's not.      

                  And to be stranger, I find out later... I find out a lot of stuff later with them. That they owed my father wife 24,000 dollars they barrowed from her for my aunt.   I brought this up with them again and the story changed, Oh no, we only barrowed 10,000 dollars from her. Im not crazy. I know what I heard the first time.  Mean while I messed up on a shark loan that got into my account earlier that year. Took all my money, I got a bounce ricochet going on until I had nothing.  They were illegal and scammed me with mis leading information.  Well, I caught hell over that because my dad had to bail me out. He made me feel so bad,like I was such a stupid loser.  For 1,000 Im sure came from his wifes account,  when all along she had tons of money, yet I was put on such a quilt trip and I really did feel bad and worked to pay him back as much as I could. I was so worried this money was really going to hurt him financially and he knew this.

 Why are families so messed up. Why is everybody lying?    Thanks,sorry, I had to rant this off my chest. I feel better now.

[goingtostopthis]

Here it is.   We all need to pull ourselves out of our pits and wake up to this. Yes,  Ive been victimized by the dis function of my mother and sister,  but I have a choice now and Im going to make it.   Im taking over, case closed.  (  :

www.youtu.be/5IFn1zm4fD8