Do looks matter?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I think looks matter to them but secure attachment remains supreme.

I think their ideal is something like this. An secure attachment they don't think is the best looking with a good heart and cheat on him with guys better looking. Or have a good looking guy attachement and a few friend zoned guys as back ups.

this is it, in a nutshell. in fact i read on one BPD board someone describing their r/s cycles like this. they will get with guys of lower value than them because they are easy to control. they can cheat on these guys with flings and the guys will probably stay around even if they are caught. and when the pwBPD has had enough they can go full NC pretty easily or get them back easily.  alternatively they may meet guys of similar or higher value than them and with these guys it feels exhilarating to a degree, but because these guys aren't as easy to control it triggers their fear of abandonment even more, so they usually keep a few lower value exes/orbiters to fall back on. in either case it's a lose-lose for a partner with good intentions.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

[goldylamont]

I think looks matter to them but secure attachment remains supreme.

I think their ideal is something like this. An secure attachment they don't think is the best looking with a good heart and cheat on him with guys better looking. Or have a good looking guy attachement and a few friend zoned guys as back ups.

this is it, in a nutshell. in fact i read on one BPD board someone describing their r/s cycles like this. they will get with guys of lower value than them because they are easy to control. they can cheat on these guys with flings and the guys will probably stay around even if they are caught. and when the pwBPD has had enough they can go full NC pretty easily or get them back easily.  alternatively they may meet guys of similar or higher value than them and with these guys it feels exhilarating to a degree, but because these guys aren't as easy to control it triggers their fear of abandonment even more, so they usually keep a few lower value exes/orbiters to fall back on. in either case it's a lose-lose for a partner with good intentions.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

[Deeno02]

I'm a month out. She has not nor have I made any contact. I'm thankful for that. I don't think mine ever will, but you kind of walk around with that feeling of impending doom all the time that she will. She's still in honeymoon phase with the new guy so who knows.

[myself]

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about.

she would attack things that meant the most to me.

often attacking my trust and honesty

The reasons my ex gives for being gone are based on things she basically just made up. She wants to punish the people who really abused her, but took it out on me. When I'd say of course I didn't do the things you've said I've done, she'd say of course you'd say that, being guilty. "Guilty of what?" "Of being better with me than most have ever been." I was just being myself with her. She didn't even always get the best of me because she resisted it so much. Was gone so much. It's about being gone to them, more than being here. That's what we get left with, to make sense of. That's where they are.

[Waifed]

I think looks matter to them but secure attachment remains supreme.

I think their ideal is something like this. An secure attachment they don't think is the best looking with a good heart and cheat on him with guys better looking. Or have a good looking guy attachement and a few friend zoned guys as back ups.

this is it, in a nutshell. in fact i read on one BPD board someone describing their r/s cycles like this. they will get with guys of lower value than them because they are easy to control. they can cheat on these guys with flings and the guys will probably stay around even if they are caught. and when the pwBPD has had enough they can go full NC pretty easily or get them back easily.  alternatively they may meet guys of similar or higher value than them and with these guys it feels exhilarating to a degree, but because these guys aren't as easy to control it triggers their fear of abandonment even more, so they usually keep a few lower value exes/orbiters to fall back on. in either case it's a lose-lose for a partner with good intentions.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

Interesting.  This pretty much summed up my relationship.  I was older, her boss, financially much better off than anyone she has dated, more attractive than anyone else she had dated, and she looked up to me.  I was a huge step up for her and she was triggered by this almost from Day One.  I didn't understand it at the time, but I think it was too much for her to handle.  She tried to attack my age until I began to agree with her that it was a factor.  She immediately shifted away from that and went after my character, something that I take pride in.  She chiseled away at that until she had me hooked.  She also wore me down about my appearance ("you used to be handsome too me" and financially ("your money means nothing to me".  The things we put up with while in the FOG.

[cleverusername]

This question is one I've always wondered about my pwBPD ex. She told me that I was the only person she ever dated that she was truly physically attracted to. She said that attraction for her had always been less about looks and more about emotional connection, or something to that extent.

I've seen pictures of two of her exes, and one wasn't very attractive (but apparently his family was wealthy), but the guy she dated before me was a good looking guy. Probably out of her league in the looks department to be honest, and I may have been as well by just a little bit. Now that I think about it she mentioned that the guy she dated before me was basically a saint (had to be to stay with her for 1.5 years!). She told me he never did anything wrong growing up and that when she asked his mother what kind of trouble he used to get into as a kid she told her "... .well, he lied once." And to be honest I'm pretty similar in that regard. Just a nice guy who was getting into my first relationship, and I think this fact also made her feel that she could mold me into the perfect guy for her. Now that I think about it, she actually mentioned something along those lines... .

But like many have said in this thread, I think it's more about how deep she feels she can get her hooks in and have control over the relationship. Whenever I tried to set boundaries she'd freak out, and I think that was one of the main reasons she pulled away in the end. She needed someone who would just do whatever she wanted, be with her for basically every moment of her life when she wasn't working, etc.

I think she's just looking for a sucker who will give in to her every want/need, and that is probably going to be a guy who isn't very attractive/confident who thinks he's playing out of his league with her. My replacement seems to be exactly that, but he has a job that requires him to be overseas for 3 month chunks, twice per year, so we all know how that's going to play out.

[Lion Fire]

In the case of my ex dBPDgf, looks definitely counted. She would go on and drool like a teenage girl about sexy and handsome celebrities in particular. Male or female.

In terms of her ex's, I know the guy she was with before me and he is a cool looking guy with a bit of style. Nice bloke actually. I never saw any pics of her previous ex's though... .and I know she had many before me . The guy she was lining up while we were together was 15 years older than her (mid 50's), average looking I guess, is a martial arts instructor and was going through a divorce at the time. Cannon fodder really. Poor guy is probably run ragged by now on two fronts.

She would also go on about how "beautiful" I was to the point of exaggeration which made me doubt her words. The fact that I am fairly attractive, fit and look after myself intimidated her. If a woman, or even a gay guy even dared to look at me she would flip about me sending off "sexual energy". I could swear that she was trying to make me obese by overfeeding me. She would stand over me and make sure I finished monster portions of food  She said I was too thin and this made her look fat (yes, serious history of eating disorders as well)

She was big into sex to the point of being a predator and has a history of sex addiction for which she attended 12 step recovery meetings for years.

She was definitely into looks.

However, I do believe that looks came second to needs and if she had to drop a notch or two by her standards for her endless and insane needs to be met she certainly would.

[Deeno02]

Come to think of it, I didnt bring much to the table as a BF. She is pretty and athletic at 46, me Im 50 and after 26 years in the military, pretty beat up and Tattoo's. I think what I did bring was being a nice, caring guy, probably to a fault. I think I got played big time as we got together when she was separated and I had already been divorced 2 years. Wow. What an ass I feel like.

[bungenstein]

I think looks matter to them but secure attachment remains supreme.

I think their ideal is something like this. An secure attachment they don't think is the best looking with a good heart and cheat on him with guys better looking. Or have a good looking guy attachement and a few friend zoned guys as back ups.

this is it, in a nutshell. in fact i read on one BPD board someone describing their r/s cycles like this. they will get with guys of lower value than them because they are easy to control. they can cheat on these guys with flings and the guys will probably stay around even if they are caught. and when the pwBPD has had enough they can go full NC pretty easily or get them back easily.  alternatively they may meet guys of similar or higher value than them and with these guys it feels exhilarating to a degree, but because these guys aren't as easy to control it triggers their fear of abandonment even more, so they usually keep a few lower value exes/orbiters to fall back on. in either case it's a lose-lose for a partner with good intentions.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

i think my ex had a hard time finding things to devalue me about. i can't remember much at all that she complained about me regarding looks/money/status/etc. but just as another person stated she would attack things that meant the most to me. often attacking my trust and honesty by claiming i was cheating, or lying when i never was. or going so far as saying i was a narcissist, abusive and using her when the opposite was true. some of these things i think she really felt in the moment. other times i think she knew it was BS but just wanted to hurt my feelings.

Interesting.  This pretty much summed up my relationship.  I was older, her boss, financially much better off than anyone she has dated, more attractive than anyone else she had dated, and she looked up to me.  I was a huge step up for her and she was triggered by this almost from Day One.  I didn't understand it at the time, but I think it was too much for her to handle.  She tried to attack my age until I began to agree with her that it was a factor.  She immediately shifted away from that and went after my character, something that I take pride in.  She chiseled away at that until she had me hooked.  She also wore me down about my appearance ("you used to be handsome too me" and financially ("your money means nothing to me".  The things we put up with while in the FOG.

Same here as you both.

The devaluing took place in not what I looked like, or what I had achieved, but that I didn't do enough for her or make her feel wanted enough.

[goldylamont]

at least they're equal opportunity employers! 

[hurting300]

They are just like anyone else when it comes to being attracted or not. Stop thinking your ugly.

[Infern0]

My devaluation was triggered by me "proving I couldn't be there for her" because I got frustrated that she flaked at the last minute 50% of the time and NEVER apologized.

So basically it's a case of unless you let her do whatever she wants,  your out.

Bilbo baggins my replacement is hard in devaluation at the moment but I don't think he'll ever stand up for himself,  he's a complete doormat

[goldylamont]

My devaluation was triggered by me "proving I couldn't be there for her" because I got frustrated that she flaked at the last minute 50% of the time and NEVER apologized.

So basically it's a case of unless you let her do whatever she wants,  your out.

Bilbo baggins my replacement is hard in devaluation at the moment but I don't think he'll ever stand up for himself,  he's a complete doormat

i think a lot of this can be somewhat predetermined by them. our partners probably started devaluing us a long time before then use passive aggressiveness until we call them out--then they have an excuse to say that our complaining (not their behavior) is the problem.

Infern0 did b baggins start in with your ex while you guys were still together? i just sense a lot of anger towards him. i was fortunate in that i never had anger towards the replacement as i *think* they met (shortly) after breaking up. but i do think i would care less about him if he went in knowing that she was cheating, so i don't judge those in this situation. still, it kind of concerns me that you seem to have a lower opinion of him even than your ex, who is using him at the moment. whenever i had negative feelings towards the replacement i always remembered i'd have to view my ex even lower as she was the one pulling the strings in this situation... .but then again i couldn't accuse him of cheating per se (just easily manipulated). this would have been more difficult for me to deal with.

[Infern0]

I do have a low opinion of my replacement and have done since before I actually met my waif.

He's a scumbag,  degenerate type. But also a coward.  I've never liked the guy.

Granted he's being taken for a ride but I still find it hard to have anger towards my ex. I am still confused about everything to be honest,  I haven't finished processing.

Regardless.  Bilbo Baggins is just that kind of guy who represents everything i hate,  drug abuser,  criminal,  poser,  coward.  He's just the kind of guy I've had many a run in with

I don't "think" she cheated on me with him,  I'll never know for sure but he was certainly happy waiting in the wings and when we had a falling out this guy who had been posing as her "friend " just filled her head with rubbish about me.

We were happy together and a real "friend" ) would not have sabotage someone's relationship just to get what he wants.

Add in that we were at least attempting to work through her issues and I was doing my best to be good to her but keep her on the straight and narrow.  Basically being a mentor as well as boyfriend and helping her to not be impulsive and basically be a moral compass.

Baggins has no morality,  she's back on the drink and acting out again. It's just a shame. She actually became a good person for a while with me,  made progress with healthy living and improving her bullimia which is now back in full swing

.  Like I say he was a sleeper agent,  lying in wait.  I have no respect for someone like that

[goldylamont]

ah, i see. b biggins broke the bro code:

www.thebrocode.co.uk/thecode.cgi

ya, he deserves whatever's coming his way.

(although i know he was in no way your 'bro', i just thought it was funny   )

the hardest thing for me to come to terms with with my ex was her selection in men. she just kept devaluing herself over and over. never at any time did i know her did i think she would keep company like she did after we broke up. the first guy was horrid, but it was such a shock and i tried to look past this as simply her 'rebound' which are always mistakes any way. after that she dated someone who actually sounded really cool (and according to her roomate, mysteriously looked like me in many ways?). i think her next real r/s the guy was an ok guy, i never met him just descriptions from friends he seemed like an ok guy, but still easily manipulated. but later on i just kept hearing stories (which i didn't want to hear) about her antics with guys and it just destroyed any semblance of the respect i had for her. she was choosing some really sorry men to be with, over and over and then had terrible breakups with all of them. i don't even want to say what a friend (and both of her exes) called her after a year or so. it was so embarrassing for me that i ever took her seriously. she just. she just doesn't value herself or her sexuality and that's just really embarrassing to me.

Infern0 i think something to take into consideration, as you are reuniting with your ex, is that all of this is on her. she chooses to be with scum. she wants it and likes it, regardless of her disordered reasons. it makes me uncomfortable saying it as somehow i still feel like my ex's actions somehow reflect on me (or my judgement), even though i know in reality it doesn't. it's taken me a while to align her disgusting behavior with who she actually simply is. having to let go of who she was temporarily with me. after i saw the totality of who she was i had to combine all of her behaviors and unfortunately it's just gross. just gross. before i knew as much i still wanted to work things out but now i don't even want people to know i was even connected to her

[Infern0]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid. 

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha. 

[Blimblam]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

[FoolishMan]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

[Blimblam]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

[freedom33]

Mine told me as a compliment that she wanted to grab every man's balls before she met me. That was really reassuring. 

[freedom33]

at least they're equal opportunity employers! 

Hahaha nice one!

[Deeno02]

Mines dating a balding skeletor looking guy. Old college buddy of hers. He's not even cool bald like Bruce Willis. More like Captain Stuebing bald from Love Boat... .I can take a little satifaction in that... .I guess

[camuse]

I saw a pic of my replacement and he looked very good looking and muscular, but it was a good picture - I happened to see a video of him on someone else's FB the other day and he is actually not good looking at all, and sounds like a simpleton.

[FoolishMan]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

[AG]

My devaluation was triggered by me "proving I couldn't be there for her" because I got frustrated that she flaked at the last minute 50% of the time and NEVER apologized.

So basically it's a case of unless you let her do whatever she wants,  your out.

Bilbo baggins my replacement is hard in devaluation at the moment but I don't think he'll ever stand up for himself,  he's a complete doormat

Even if he doesnt stand up for himself hes still going to get discarded or treated poorly. I think mine lasted for longer lengths becuz I kept putting my foot down over and over again. I think it keeps them chasing when u do that but it also keeps them ramming a battering ram up against ur boundaries and continuously trying to find ways to crack u. This was my experience it took two years of battering ram up against the door and then one suicide attempt towards the end on her behalf to completely crack me down to the core. Normal people dont sit there thinking of different methods to crack u open. Ive never experienced something like this and never had to keep laying my foot down so damn much almost like as if I was raising an adult child.

[Blimblam]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

I think you fail to see the allegory and metaphor in those stories.

If you go back and take a look at fairytales they tend to be warnings about dangers personality disorders and the fairy tale ending tends to be barely escaping with your life.

[AG]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

I think you fail to see the allegory and metaphor in those stories.

If you go back and take a look at fairytales they tend to be warnings about dangers personality disorders and the fairy tale ending tends to be barely escaping with your life.

I think those stories are pretty much like Samson and delilah. They show a man being all powerful and being taken down by betrayal of a woman who hasnt won battles on the battlefield but were cunning in the art of deciept. They show no matter how strong a man is a woman with ill intentions can bed him aka a universal weakness of lots of men if not all and then slay him without the use of a sword. Its not just borderlines that betray also not just women either aka Judas. These stories basically state be careful who you let close to you. Muscular,Highly Intelligent, Strong fighter, or whatever attribute you can think of  if you let someone in close they can backstab you.

[Blimblam]

Very good point Ag.

[FoolishMan]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

I think you fail to see the allegory and metaphor in those stories.

If you go back and take a look at fairytales they tend to be warnings about dangers personality disorders and the fairy tale ending tends to be barely escaping with your life.

I don't and they are not about PDs. It's truth and lies, love and hate, good and evil. You are trying to romanticise your situation and identify with archetypes. I don't know how this helps you detach blimblam but that's what you need to do my man.

[Blimblam]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

I think you fail to see the allegory and metaphor in those stories.

If you go back and take a look at fairytales they tend to be warnings about dangers personality disorders and the fairy tale ending tends to be barely escaping with your life.

I don't and they are not about PDs. It's truth and lies, love and hate, good and evil. You are trying to romanticise your situation and identify with archetypes. I don't know how this helps you detach blimblam but that's what you need to do my man.

I feel your support. Thank you. I think you may be projecting though on what I need to do based on how your mind processes things.

Have you taken the Myers Briggs?

I am an infp type.  This is how my minds makes sense of things through archetypes. It gives me insight into these stories because these stories were written by infps.

The person who made the Myers Briggs was an infp.

Being an infp is not practical but it allows me insight into things it hurts though.

[AG]

Yeah I do certainly agree with you.

It's frustrating because borderlines do still have personality of their own,  it's why they split into the archetypes,  waif,  queen,  witch etc.

My ex is a waif,  but I have seen glimpses of her. The real her is a frightened kid.  

This whole thing isn't over for me yet.  It just isn't.  It's not played out to its end. And I really wish it had.

I don't know what I'm going to do,  more pain coming my way haha.  

The kid is trapped in hell though. Heck in Norse myth the name for that part of them is actually named hel and where the word hell comes from.

But wait it goes back further to Hellen of Troy.  Another damsels in distress story.  Remember the offer of peace in that story?  The Trojan horse.  What do you think that's about?  

Homer got his mind toyed with by a borderline  and made those epic poems as warnings. The siren, the witch, the queen even the subtypes come from his stories.

The Iliad is about a borderline relationship and the oddysey is about recovering from a relationship with a borderline.

They are the muse.  

The is an Irish fable about an artist that meets his muse then eventually she destroys him and I think he kills himself.

Oh god, you guys are never going to get over these crazy girls with romantic thinking like that! Helen of Troy? Really Blimblam? You are so masochistic just now. I actually worry a little about you man, please stop trying to make huge excuses for her terrible behaviour.

Lol I'm not. Remember what happened to Troy in that story? It was destroyed.  Then in the follow up the oddysey he wonders around lost for years almost being destroyed by 1 borderline after another.  Even the Achilles heel is found and the almost invincible man is destroyed. 

In his story exist all the borderline subtypes. Helen the damsel in distress which is the waif. Later the queen exacting her vengeance. In the oddysey their is the witch, the sirens.  Medusa is the hermit.  All the subtypes exist in homers epics for a reason.



Look back into the stories themselves and see for yourself. It's all their.

Come on BlimBlim listen to yourself. It's not a fairy tale. It's a disaster of a relationship. Borderline/NPD/HPD it all adds up to a nitemare life for anyone romantically involved. Us, the 'replacement' whomever.

It's really simple. We met someone damaged. We tried OUR best to fix/rescue/love them and eventually we either wore out and left or were discarded or both. Looking for allegories in epic tales is pointless. She's not Helen, you are not Homer or Achilles.

I think you fail to see the allegory and metaphor in those stories.

If you go back and take a look at fairytales they tend to be warnings about dangers personality disorders and the fairy tale ending tends to be barely escaping with your life.

I don't and they are not about PDs. It's truth and lies, love and hate, good and evil. You are trying to romanticise your situation and identify with archetypes. I don't know how this helps you detach blimblam but that's what you need to do my man.

I feel your support. Thank you. I think you may be projecting though on what I need to do based on how your mind processes things.

Have you taken the Myers Briggs?

I am an infp type.  This is how my minds makes sense of things through archetypes. It gives me insight into these stories because these stories were written by infps.

The person who made the Myers Briggs was an infp.

Being an infp is not practical but it allows me insight into things it hurts though.

Blim I'm an enfp I wonder what the difference is between the two. Off topic but you got me curious. Bro relate to it however you have to as long as you get to the finish line doesnt matter how the hell you get there. Hes right about detaching though we need this garbage out of our minds as quick as possible so I see his point but if you see comparing troy or whatever helps you relate to it better and detach then it's whatever. I'm gonna look up infp right now let me see the difference Im curious now.