ENTJ
Listen BlimBlam I've been through what you are going through right now during a break up when I was 18. It was hard. I read Jung, cosmology, archeology, history, religion etc etc I was caught up in it all. The tragedy of love tarnished, the whys and why nots the ifs and buts. Again i was lucky this girl was bad to the core and she showed herself up fast and my friends and family helped me get away, it had only lasted a month but we shared our child abuse memories and went from there. She lied to my best friend on a nite out to turn him against me and I caught them kissing later on that night leading to a fight which she watched with glee. She tried to recycle or whatever but I escaped. I had lots of good relationshhips, a mostly good marriage up till mad ex BPD. I went through much worse this time.
I'm just saying your here on the leaving board but your only here because she left you. You say you in recent posts you've lost your humanity, that you'd also go back under conditions. Is that detaching? I've used this board and my own experiences to get this much detachment. I've not really posted because if I read what my posts would have been three or four months ago it prob would not help me. I've long since deleted everything, pictures Phøne numbers burned cards love letters clothiers wallets belts deleted texts so I can feel good. Honestly I am happy without the b___.
You guys on here are so caring but please take your own advice and care for yourself. These people make you feel uneasy and fearful for a reason. Like a rattlesnake.
I feel you.
This last relationship has been the most impactfull experience of my life besides being born.
I have already detached from her. Her ghost still haunts me. Although it's not really her ghost it is my own relation to my anima image that i associate with her. That I projected into her. I am figuring out why. To understand my self.
It is not even her I miss it is the relationship to my own unconcious self that was brought out in the relationship.
The conditions I would take her back in are a reflection of my own conditions I must come to terms with to reclaim my self.
From all of this I had a pretty huge revelation of insight of an underlying story that is present as pretty much the basis of religion. After the insight I went and looked and saw it there repeating over and over. I don't even need to look to those things seeking answers but more to relate an unsaid knowing to others and to assuage my own occasional doubts.
The same elements present in these epic tails and whatnot were present in their actual real time form in the relationship. The same archetypes I felt them as i connect to them an understand them I can understand why and who I am.
We don't need to understand this to move forward with our lives.
It just depends on ones goals and what it is they seek. How they understand and perceive reality.
As an infp I naturally seek to understand the underlying nature of reality from within the context of the unconcious mind within. A world of symbols and archetypes. I don't need to read any Jung to do this I merely reference him for the sake of others. Jung kept hidden how he made his discoveries his entire life because it was through gnosis. He knew it would be perceived as crazy and not accepted. Gnosis is the self knowledge of the self within. On this board we see over and over the words "within" over and over. Finding the true self within, validation from within. References to a gnostic concept.
These insights came to me by just feeling the pain in my chest and gut. No thinking involved. Just boom ipiphany a flood of symbols and a knowing.
Infps we see things others don't it comes with a price.
We occur in 1-5% of the population which is about the same percentage as the psychopath.
We have a gift that is discouraged by those around us, often minimized or trivialized.
I have a Friend an intp with a genius level iq. He told me he went through all I'm going through looked up all that stuff too. But he didn't make the connections I did so he doesn't see.
Anyone who knows what it is I have gone through will know exactly what I'm taking about. There is no need to read about the concepts second Hand or be explained. You just see it. I can just literally go back into these stories and see something I know trying to be revealed through metaphor and allegory in a way that is genius.
What I am doing is working on breaking it down so I can reveal it to others. I make references to these stories because the knowledge was geniusly portrayed in them.
The gift I am talking about is written about in allegory in tolkiens story the smith of Wooten major. Here's a Wikipedia link to a summery of the story.
www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smith_of_Wootton_MajorIt does the infp harm to have our gift trivialized and their is a specific reason why we are over represented on this board.
