help

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was trying to stay away from here. Too much BPD stuff, I thought it was slowing my healing. I made it one day. Today, I checked his facebook and I know, I KNOW we aren't supposed to do that. He and I aren't friends and both of us have our stuff set to private so it's not like much can be seen. But I checked it and he had changed his profile pictures. One was of moving trucks (he's been living with his parents since I threw him out) and the other was of his dog and his ex wife's dog in his parents garage. I had a gut feeling he would get back with her. But she's a horrible person, horrible, I think she's NPD and I just can't deal with that. I would have been so much better if he had just gone on to new supply, at least then he would have some happy in his life, at least for a little bit, but HER. Anybody but her. She hates him, he hates her. I can't do this, this is TOO much. How in the hell is anybody supposed to be able to do this? I have to see these people. Our kids go to the same school. How am I supposed to do this?

[crookedeuphoria]

I was trying to stay away from here. Too much BPD stuff, I thought it was slowing my healing. I made it one day. Today, I checked his facebook and I know, I KNOW we aren't supposed to do that. He and I aren't friends and both of us have our stuff set to private so it's not like much can be seen. But I checked it and he had changed his profile pictures. One was of moving trucks (he's been living with his parents since I threw him out) and the other was of his dog and his ex wife's dog in his parents garage. I had a gut feeling he would get back with her. But she's a horrible person, horrible, I think she's NPD and I just can't deal with that. I would have been so much better if he had just gone on to new supply, at least then he would have some happy in his life, at least for a little bit, but HER. Anybody but her. She hates him, he hates her. I can't do this, this is TOO much. How in the hell is anybody supposed to be able to do this? I have to see these people. Our kids go to the same school. How am I supposed to do this?

[Hopeless777]

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I'm just out of a 28 year marriage to a pwBPD. 4.5 months separated now and every day hurts. The pain becomes overwhelming when we contact, which sometimes we must do. Sounds like you think about him a lot. She inhabits my brain too. I've always suggested getting totally off social media... .just too painful. Although I really understand the compulsion to look. But it only brings more pain. I have no brilliant words of wisdom as we each must walk this path ultimately alone for now. I too tried to stay away from these boards thinking I was becoming obsessed, but they do help a lot if you're careful about which posts you read. There's a lot of support here, including from me. Peace to you.

[Mutt]

Hi crookedeuphoria,

I'm sorry to hear he got back with his ex. That's terrible news. I can understand the anxiety and stress associated with school and an exe's partner that we don't approve of. My replacement goes to the school and I didn't want to run into him.

You have 2 D9's? He has a S9? Same classrooms? You fear running into him and her at school and the awkwardness of it all?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I am not sure it is a fact that he has gone back to his wife.  Has he confirmed this?  I  have to say that even if he has - for you this is irrelevant.  It is your life now.  Please live it and concentrate on yourself.  I kept thinking of my ex and her new supply having the good life while I was stuck at home with a broken heart.  And she kept me quite informed about the holiday together etc.  Now it is NC and about living my life.  It is still hard but things are looking much better.  I have even started dating again.  My stress levels are reduced.  I am even looking younger and more relaxed.  No Contact really is the path to freedom.