It takes so much energy to stay NC

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I had to go to court yesterday for a hearing about temporary orders that will be valid during the 'real' divorce. It took so much energy out of me. We've been LC for two months now (only divorce things). I hid behind my attorney, did not look him in the eye once, did not talk to him (wasn't required to either). But boy, does that take a lot of energy out of me.

My high-functioning uBPD/NPDstbxh did not acknowledge my presence either. We've been married for four years during a six year r/s. It was extremely good (like paradise) for the past two years, after the second recycle, until he dysregulated in January, met someone else in April, cheated (emotionally) on me, left in July and has not given any information about his whereabouts since then.

I had to fight the urge to run into his arms. Instead I kept thinking about all the bad stuff that happened in the past seven months. I did not engage with him, because I knew I just want him back. I mean: I want the person back that I fell in love with.

It took everything out of me to not smile at him and hug him. All for my own sake, my own survival, my own 'moving on'.

It is hard! It is like seeing the ghost of someone who's 'dead' to you. It's like looking at a photo album, two-dimensional. It is having to pretend nothing happened in the past six years, erasing those years. (I'm not ready yet to consider the good times we had as treasured memories.)

I'm so tired!

[Tiepje3]

I had to go to court yesterday for a hearing about temporary orders that will be valid during the 'real' divorce. It took so much energy out of me. We've been LC for two months now (only divorce things). I hid behind my attorney, did not look him in the eye once, did not talk to him (wasn't required to either). But boy, does that take a lot of energy out of me.

My high-functioning uBPD/NPDstbxh did not acknowledge my presence either. We've been married for four years during a six year r/s. It was extremely good (like paradise) for the past two years, after the second recycle, until he dysregulated in January, met someone else in April, cheated (emotionally) on me, left in July and has not given any information about his whereabouts since then.

I had to fight the urge to run into his arms. Instead I kept thinking about all the bad stuff that happened in the past seven months. I did not engage with him, because I knew I just want him back. I mean: I want the person back that I fell in love with.

It took everything out of me to not smile at him and hug him. All for my own sake, my own survival, my own 'moving on'.

It is hard! It is like seeing the ghost of someone who's 'dead' to you. It's like looking at a photo album, two-dimensional. It is having to pretend nothing happened in the past six years, erasing those years. (I'm not ready yet to consider the good times we had as treasured memories.)

I'm so tired!

[Turkish]

Tiepje3,

This is the painful part, they split us black, but we remember the wonderful person we loved still, despite the pain they caused us. Maybe it's our own form of "non" splitting, and it's hard to reconcile with pwBPD, who are themselves an internally split identity.

How much longer will the legal stuff go on?

T

[Tiepje3]

Tiepje3,

This is the painful part, they split us black, but we remember the wonderful person we loved still, despite the pain they caused us. Maybe it's our own form of "non" splitting, and it's hard to reconcile with pwBPD, who are themselves an internally split identity.

How much longer will the legal stuff go on?

T

Hi Turkish, it could go on for another year. First verdict on temporary stuff 20 Oct. and then file for divorce, but that's all paperwork. Could take months back and forth. I'm the 'enemy' now so he's using every trick to undermine me. That's the other hard part. That someone is that spiteful. Something I never expected from this man, who could be so giving and kind and sweet. Although I read about NPD's 'compulsory need of giving' to make themselves look good. Don't trust anything anymore.