exBPD gf claims she has never been happier ... really?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Since catching my exBPD gf lying and cheating and exposing her for who she really is, I have heard that she is telling people that she has never been happier and that my obsession with her will never end because I am a psycho. Despite the fact that I have remained NC for more than 7 weeks refusing to respond or react to any of her provocations.

She's claims to never have been happier then now that she is with her new victim ... .yes, the same victim that she was cheating on with me for several months prior to the end of our relationship

Everyone, this is the most likely the same mind of the mentally ill person you fell in love with. Forget trying to rescue them as they only seek to be enabled.

Embrace NC and never look back on your way to a happier life for yourself ... .Free from all the lies, manipulative games and heartache. This prize will never be worth the price you will pay.

[uncrx]

Since catching my exBPD gf lying and cheating and exposing her for who she really is, I have heard that she is telling people that she has never been happier and that my obsession with her will never end because I am a psycho. Despite the fact that I have remained NC for more than 7 weeks refusing to respond or react to any of her provocations.

She's claims to never have been happier then now that she is with her new victim ... .yes, the same victim that she was cheating on with me for several months prior to the end of our relationship

Everyone, this is the most likely the same mind of the mentally ill person you fell in love with. Forget trying to rescue them as they only seek to be enabled.

Embrace NC and never look back on your way to a happier life for yourself ... .Free from all the lies, manipulative games and heartache. This prize will never be worth the price you will pay.

[Mr Hollande]

Smoke and mirrors chief. No more, no less. They play that game very well but you know it for what it is. Smoke and mirrors trying to conceal the ever expanding cracks of a very broken human being.

[fromheeltoheal]

Remember borderlines lack object constancy, meaning out of sight out of mind, or more accurately her memory of you will change in her head however they need to, to make her feel better; we all do that to some extent, but it's extreme for a BPD sufferer.  Point is she could have been just as happy or happier with you, during the idealization stage, but that memory no longer lives in her head, and she needs to make you a scumbag, as a depository for all the feelings about you, herself and the relationship that she can't deal with any other way.

But that's her.  Is there a way to start shifting your focus from her to you?

[Bak86]

They don't know what happiness is... .

My ex said she was much calmer and happier when she broke up with me. I see her pretty much every day, since we work together. And oh yeah she's really happy! NOT  She looks like a train wreck. She already used to be skinny(she actually gain weight during our r/s, which she was proud of), she lost a lot of weight now. Also looks really pale, looks like she hasn't showered in weeks etc. Complete mess. Yeah, they're not happy... .

[Algae]

Idk man.  Mines saying the same thing.  Dumped me for the 7th time without warning... hooked up with someone else she just met less than a week later.

She hasn't told me if she's happy, because I'm N/C since she randomly blocked me.  But all she's doing is smiling and posting pictures of her and the replacement with huge smiles and actually being outside doing stuff... which is unlike her. 

So bizarre.

[Blimblam]

She may be in te idealization phase so she may be temporarily happy. Probably not though when no one is looking they are not happy they become consumed by anxiety. Think back durring idealization phase her happiness was that you cared.  It was your happiness it wasn't even hers. It is intense and shallow and just behind it is a world of pain.

[uncrx]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

[Blimblam]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

[Algae]

She may be in te idealization phase so she may be temporarily happy. Probably not though when no one is looking they are not happy they become consumed by anxiety. Think back durring idealization phase her happiness was that you cared.  It was your happiness it wasn't even hers. It is intense and shallow and just behind it is a world of pain.

But she can easily replace that with knowing that someone NEW cares, yes?

[Bak86]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I got a "sort of" apology as well. She told me she knows how it feels to be dumped... .

[Blimblam]

She may be in te idealization phase so she may be temporarily happy. Probably not though when no one is looking they are not happy they become consumed by anxiety. Think back durring idealization phase her happiness was that you cared.  It was your happiness it wasn't even hers. It is intense and shallow and just behind it is a world of pain.

But she can easily replace that with knowing that someone NEW cares, yes?

That has been my experience. After I broke up I saw my ex around her new male friends and she was pulling the same crap she did with me. Making each one of the think they are special or that I'm a fool and I don't see the crap she's pulling.

All to hurt me and make me think the other dude is special.

The reality I saw was these are just a learned set of behavioral traits she uses to hook guys. She was Actually trying to groom me for a recycle durring this time. I was like f this she wants to have a harem of dudes to complain about me too so we can all compete for her affections or she can turn to everytime I don't do what she wants. She just fed off the attention and delighted in my suffering.  It was sick and sadistic.  When I saw it all clearly I thought this is enough for me.

Little did I know how much it would hurt after that.

Sure we are special to them because they live through us and we become part of their identity. But we are as replaceable as a new host is available.

[Blimblam]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I got a "sort of" apology as well. She told me she knows how it feels to be dumped... .

Did she take responsibility for her actions and own up to them? I'm guessing no.

[uncrx]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

Got the letter of apology asking for my forgiveness the same day she was caught then after not getting a responses/reaction she began her triangulation tactics in an attempt to get me to re-engage.

[Blimblam]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

Got the letter of apology asking for my forgiveness the same day she was caught then after not getting a responses/reaction she began her triangulation tactics in an attempt to get me to re-engage.

Ah so the appolgy was about you giving not her making ammends

[uncrx]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

Got the letter of apology asking for my forgiveness the same day she was caught then after not getting a responses/reaction she began her triangulation tactics in an attempt to get me to re-engage.

Ah so the appolgy was about you giving not her making ammends

Of course ... .usual for a borderline since they never take responsibility for their actions. It was almost like she was saying ... ."I said I was sorry so let's just forgive and forget and get back to playing my games and controlling you."

When I didn't respond she began the more tortuous tactic of triangulation. Others have noticed the signs of frustration in their interaction with her because it's not producing the desired and usual response/reaction.

[FoolishMan]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I've had several. Along with promises of therapy and anything that I want her to do. Blim and apology is as meaningless as the r/s itself. She profusely apologised but went back to lying and manipulating less than a week later. Nothing they do or say means anything past the moment it happens in.

[Blimblam]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I've had several. Along with promises of therapy and anything that I want her to do. Blim and apology is as meaningless as the r/s itself. She profusely apologised but went back to lying and manipulating less than a week later. Nothing they do or say means anything past the moment it happens in.

Yup. It's all about she felt in the moment. With no recognition of her own projection.

[Deeno02]

Sure. She probably is. Until the new person screws up something and he starts down the black path. Thats how it works... .

[Bak86]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I got a "sort of" apology as well. She told me she knows how it feels to be dumped... .

Did she take responsibility for her actions and own up to them? I'm guessing no.

Nope not at all. She said, these things happens, deal with it.

[Blimblam]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I got a "sort of" apology as well. She told me she knows how it feels to be dumped... .

Did she take responsibility for her actions and own up to them? I'm guessing no.

Nope not at all. She said, these things happens, deal with it.

Well that was a cold hard truth. Detaching is how we deal with it.  You seem pretty lucid about it all which is a good sign. So how are you feeling these days?

[uncrx]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

Got the letter of apology asking for my forgiveness the same day she was caught then after not getting a responses/reaction she began her triangulation tactics in an attempt to get me to re-engage.

Ah so the appolgy was about you giving not her making ammends

Did anyone else's borderline resort to other manipulative tactics trying to get you get you to break NC and re-engage when they received no response or reaction to their apology?

[FoolishMan]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

Got the letter of apology asking for my forgiveness the same day she was caught then after not getting a responses/reaction she began her triangulation tactics in an attempt to get me to re-engage.

Ah so the appolgy was about you giving not her making ammends

Did anyone else's borderline resort to other manipulative tactics trying to get you get you to break NC and re-engage when they received no response or reaction to their apology?

Yes. I did and still am. I passed her on the road 45 mins ago. I've got three missed calls from withheld number. She could tell me she won the lottery, had a brain transplant and that I'm the coolest most handsome man on the planet and I still wouldn't entertain her. Once a liar always a liar.

[Bak86]

I just read a post explaining "extinction burst" and think this is the behavior I am now encountering. Her irrational, impulsive behaviors that followed me ending the relationship are attempts to provoke a response or reaction from me, positive or negative to get me to re-engage in the relationship.

A normal person that had found true happiness would not apologize for what they had done then make sure I found out she was with someone new and couldn't be happier.

You got an appology?

I got a "sort of" apology as well. She told me she knows how it feels to be dumped... .

Did she take responsibility for her actions and own up to them? I'm guessing no.

Nope not at all. She said, these things happens, deal with it.

Well that was a cold hard truth. Detaching is how we deal with it.  You seem pretty lucid about it all which is a good sign. So how are you feeling these days?

I'm feeling good. I don't feel sad anymore. I only feel some anger towards her sometimes, but mostly indifference. It sometimes even pleases me to see her doing worse than me.(maybe a bit sadistic). The breakup actually led to quite some good things in my life. I'm busy setting up a company alongside my regular job, i'm WAY more confident now which results in a lot of female attention. So yeah can't complain. Ofcourse some days i still think about the good times we had and get angry why she behaved the way she did, but then i remember i tried to have a normal relationship with an abnormal person. It doesn't work.

[Zpinal]

She may be in te idealization phase so she may be temporarily happy. Probably not though when no one is looking they are not happy they become consumed by anxiety. Think back durring idealization phase her happiness was that you cared.  It was your happiness it wasn't even hers. It is intense and shallow and just behind it is a world of pain.

But she can easily replace that with knowing that someone NEW cares, yes?

Yes, that's why we call it new supply. The supplies always meet the same faith, once depleted, they get discarded like a dirty rag.