Gone Girl

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Basically the point is, go and see it now, it is really beneficial, I've tried to keep this spoiler free but to be on the safe side, but if you have not seen the film and if you want to watch it completely fresh I advise you don't read any further... .



WOW! This film really validated my experience with my ex, it really shone a light on everything that I went through and gave me real clarity on her destructive, manipulative and abusive behaviours, it made me feel amazing! Anything I was slightly hazy on, any doubts in my mind about who she was, were very much shot down by this film. There were so many instances that I went through, so many similarities in personality, behaviours, ways of speaking, body language, everything. Its weird because David Fincher is my favourite director and he made this film right when I needed it, what an amazing coincidence, I love that man! It really gave me a complete overview and certainty on exactly who my ex is and what she was doing to me, what a very serious and dangerous situation I had got myself into and what a life saving thing it was that I got away from her.

[bungenstein]

Basically the point is, go and see it now, it is really beneficial, I've tried to keep this spoiler free but to be on the safe side, but if you have not seen the film and if you want to watch it completely fresh I advise you don't read any further... .



WOW! This film really validated my experience with my ex, it really shone a light on everything that I went through and gave me real clarity on her destructive, manipulative and abusive behaviours, it made me feel amazing! Anything I was slightly hazy on, any doubts in my mind about who she was, were very much shot down by this film. There were so many instances that I went through, so many similarities in personality, behaviours, ways of speaking, body language, everything. Its weird because David Fincher is my favourite director and he made this film right when I needed it, what an amazing coincidence, I love that man! It really gave me a complete overview and certainty on exactly who my ex is and what she was doing to me, what a very serious and dangerous situation I had got myself into and what a life saving thing it was that I got away from her.

[Turkish]

Spoilers herein!

I'm a few dozen pages away from finishing the book. I even thought about being a little late to work to do it, but will tonight. I can see where it possibly might be going in that some people commented that they didn't like the ending.

I also felt a bit weird when the descriptive behaviors of what was basically mirroring were described, of becoming the person you think your SO would want, and suppressing the real person underneath to form the attachment.

Where the difference between a pwBPD and the character in the story is that with pwBPD, it's largely an unconscious coping mechanism. The character did it in a very cold, calculating, and sociopathic way.

Even before things started to get revealed, I picked up on the unhealthy FOO dynamics of both the husband and the wife, and how they could be attracted to each other because of that. Very good book. I'll be seeing the movie probably next week.

[bungenstein]

Where the difference between a pwBPD and the character in the story is that with pwBPD, it's largely an unconscious coping mechanism. The character did it in a very cold, calculating, and sociopathic way.

Unconscious or not, they exhibit the same behaviour, use people like objects, and destroy them just like a sociopath.

[RedDove]

Yup, I saw the movie Gone Girl this past weekend and Wow! The mirroring always confused me here when judt reading about it. But actually seeing it in the film I finally had an "Aha!" Moment!

I saw it with my sister. Afterwards we had dinner and I said, that's close to what my life was like with my ex BPDbf. She's a nurse and thought she understood borderline disorder. But, she didn't. All of us nons here know, you can't really understand until your in the unfortunate position of veing inside the BPD black hole. My sister was like, I'm so sorry RedDove, I knew you were in an emotionally abusive relationship, but had no idea it was that bad and destructive!

I definitely recommend seeing the movie!

[Lost23]

I've read the book and I want to see the movie. I assume it will be good because Fincher but I read that Gillian Flynn changed the ending of the movie to surprise readers. Don't know how I feel about that until I see it.

But yeah when I read it I was definitely thinking "this could be me... ." Granted, Nick wasn't a great person either but still, a bit over the top reaction, especially when you read Amy's side from the start.

Funny thing is I bought that book for my xBPDw, knowing nothing other than it was supposed to be good. She loved it and pushed me to read it. Recently in a conversation with her, out of nowhere, she mentioned the book during a moment of 'clarity' and said it made her sad when she read it because she wondered if that's how she made me feel or what she put me through.

[Lost23]

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/03/amy-gone-girl-psychiatrist_n_5922842.html

Dr says it's more like antisocial personality disorder with BPD traits. I think the difference (SPOILERS) is that Amy's manipulation in her diary is very intentional, whereas with BPD I think it would be only subconsciously intentional. She would actually believe these victimizations of herself to be real, not just trying to be convincing of them. There would be holes in it, because it's less calculating since it's entirely fictional. I believe there is a difference between trying to convince yourself and trying to convince others and that it shows more with BPD. They get caught in lies so often because they are so erratic and unfounded and jumbled.

[fred6]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

[Turkish]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

To say so would majorly spoil the plot. Seemingly Narcissistic husband. Wife gone missing, possibly murdered. If you read the HuffPo article that Lost23 posted, it kind of outlines the link to BPD (and ASPD), but with some major spoilers.

[Lost23]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

Can't answer that without spoilers. I think the trailers intention is to either pull in readers or people who are aware that David Fincher just makes great movies typically. But it's about so much more than that. You can't be told more without it ruining the surprise twist(s) of the story, but when you read it or see it you will understand.

The premise of the book (spoiler-free, first chapter/back jacket territory) is that this guy Nick comes home on his anniversary to find his wife missing and signs of a struggle. The chapters alternate between his point of view (now) and his missing wife's diary entries leading up from when they met to now, showing two sides of one story and a sad dissolution of a marriage. It's done so amazingly well, and the second half of the book it becomes so much more. It's so hard to describe without giving it all away but I have yet to encounter anyone who's read it and wasn't blown away.

Take away the twists, the implications it has on people like us, all that, and even just the core of it, for a writer to do a story from two points of view and so convincingly, where each chapter has you switching sides and saying "this person is the victim and this one is to blame" and then shifting it again, chapter to chapter. It's just so well done. I can't praise it enough.

[Lost23]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

To say so would majorly spoil the plot. Seemingly Narcissistic husband. Wife gone missing, possibly murdered. If you read the HuffPo article that Lost23 posted, it kind of outlines the link to BPD (and ASPD), but with some major spoilers.

Yeah DO NOT read that article if you haven't read the book or seen the movie.

[fred6]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

To say so would majorly spoil the plot. Seemingly Narcissistic husband. Wife gone missing, possibly murdered. If you read the HuffPo article that Lost23 posted, it kind of outlines the link to BPD (and ASPD), but with some major spoilers.

Yeah DO NOT read that article if you haven't read the book or seen the movie.

Sh|t, I don't do books, now I gotta go see the movie. But I don't ever go out to eat or the movies alone. I don't know why, it just seems kind of weird to me. Kind of like, "that guy" that can't get a date or something. Well fcuk, now I'm "that guy"!

[Turkish]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

To say so would majorly spoil the plot. Seemingly Narcissistic husband. Wife gone missing, possibly murdered. If you read the HuffPo article that Lost23 posted, it kind of outlines the link to BPD (and ASPD), but with some major spoilers.

Yeah DO NOT read that article if you haven't read the book or seen the movie.

Sh|t, I don't do books, now I gotta go see the movie. But I don't ever go out to eat or the movies alone. I don't know why, it just seems kind of weird to me. Kind of like, "that guy" that can't get a date or something. Well fcuk, now I'm "that guy"!

fred6. I wasn't that guy for the past 6 years. Now I am again. I feel like that, too, as if others are watching me saying "why isn't that guy with anyone, even another guy?"

[Lost23]

Ok, just watched the trailer. I don't get it. It looks like some kind of who done it. What exactly it the link with BPD?

To say so would majorly spoil the plot. Seemingly Narcissistic husband. Wife gone missing, possibly murdered. If you read the HuffPo article that Lost23 posted, it kind of outlines the link to BPD (and ASPD), but with some major spoilers.

Yeah DO NOT read that article if you haven't read the book or seen the movie.

Sh|t, I don't do books, now I gotta go see the movie. But I don't ever go out to eat or the movies alone. I don't know why, it just seems kind of weird to me. Kind of like, "that guy" that can't get a date or something. Well fcuk, now I'm "that guy"!

Don't be "that guy" man. Seriously, even if you don't read much or at all, I'm sure you'd enjoy the book. I read it in 3 days and that's because I was working or it would have been sooner.

[fred6]

fred6. I wasn't that guy for the past 6 years. Now I am again. I feel like that, too, as if others are watching me saying "why isn't that guy with anyone, even another guy?"

I guess that I'll take my daughter to see it so that I don't look like some kind of fruitcake. Is this movie appropriate/entertaining for a 16yo girl?

[camuse]

Just watched it, weirdly on a date

My date knows my ex was BPD but I dont bore her with the grim details. She joked at the end, was that what your life was like - but I was thinking, yes! In some ways it was!

Some lines in the film were word for word what I heard in real life. The mirroring, wow - and the orbiter, all very familiar. Good film.

[Turkish]

fred6. I wasn't that guy for the past 6 years. Now I am again. I feel like that, too, as if others are watching me saying "why isn't that guy with anyone, even another guy?"

I guess that I'll take my daughter to see it so that I don't look like some kind of fruitcake. Is this movie appropriate/entertaining for a 16yo girl?

Depends upon how mature she is. There is some violence, and the story is dark. I find the book a little disturbing, though not horribly so, mostly due to the psychological component.

[hard2bhopeful]

Oh my!  I read the book when it came out and just got back from the movie - I needed this refresher!  When I read the book I remember thinking - "wow - this sounds so much like my daughter" - it blew me away.  I have not seen or heard from my daughter for over three years and as the saying goes - absense makes the heart grow fonder - you start to forget the craziness and only remember the good things.  I think as loved ones, no matter how much we learn or read it is easy sometimes to still get very emotional about the loss and this is a real process for us to go through - to reclaim our lives.  Bottom line is - this is just what I needed to see today.  It is easy to forget how serious this illness can be.  Is everyone who suffers from this illness going to be this extreme? No - but the damage it can do to relationships and to our self esteem is truly life altering.  We need to be aware and sometimes self preservation is really key to what our focus needs to be.  If we don't take care of ourselves, this illness can destroy us. Thank you Gillian Flynn for a great book and a great movie - I left the theatre with an upset stomach and had broken out in a sweat several times - but you know what?  I really needed the reminder.  It does not mean I don't love my D - it just reminded me that right now, while she is not getting help or doing anything to help herself cope with her illness, I need to give her this distance.  I need to talke care of myself. 

hard2bhopeful

[bungenstein]

fred6. I wasn't that guy for the past 6 years. Now I am again. I feel like that, too, as if others are watching me saying "why isn't that guy with anyone, even another guy?"

I guess that I'll take my daughter to see it so that I don't look like some kind of fruitcake. Is this movie appropriate/entertaining for a 16yo girl?

There is some pretty strong sexual content and sexual descriptions that I definitely would not want to watch with my parents, and one scene of pretty strong violence.

[bungenstein]

But there is nothing wrong with going to the cinema on your own, who cares? Really, watching a film is a singular experience anyway, there is no shame going on your own, if people think that they are kinda pathetic.

This film HAS to be seen be everyone suffering on this board, I've watched it twice now, and I plan to watch it many times more, its made me feel so much better, its like closure!

[Turkish]

I just finished the book. Didn't like the ending. It's funny, because I like movies that have non "Hollywood" endings, like the directors cut of The Butterfly effect (the 3 minute alternative ending turned it into a great movie with real me ing, IMO), or Frank Darabont's ending to The Mist, which was far better than Stephen King's. Endings that have impact by injecting meaning, or by twisting the expected outcome.

False self meets false self. Disturbing. Two people pretending to be who they aren't, or are they? Most of us here were unaware, even if we made similar choices. So were our pwBPD. But some of us do have some level of awareness. I knew mine was unhealthy from the start, yet I still chose to stay and have not one, but two kids.

My Ex admitted that she knew she was "sick" with some unnamed attachment disorder, yet still chose to portray publicly the image of the poor neglected waif who deserved real happiness. Additionally, her portrayal to her one close friend that I was like her father,.and she like her mother, when it was the opposite (I the one who wanted to co-dependently hold it together for the kids, and she the cheater and verbal and emotional abuser). She switched the gender roles, and her friend enabled, though she never accused me of abuse that I know of. She does have a conscience (thankfully), though part of it was to not slam me too much because she knows she needs me for the kids. She couldn't handle them full time by herself. Yes, she shared her conversation with her friend to me, I don't know why.

I see the husband's role in the dysfunction. He was a victim of her psychpathic tendencies for sure, but before that, he knew. He just didn't know how to get out. Or chose not to.

[bungenstein]

I just finished the book. Didn't like the ending.

I liked the ending, it was the worst possible outcome for him, the creepiest, and the most realistic given their personalities, which makes it even more disturbing.

[Lost23]

I just finished the book. Didn't like the ending.

I liked the ending, it was the worst possible outcome for him, the creepiest, and the most realistic given their personalities, which makes it even more disturbing.

Agree. It felt so empty and unresolved which made it all the more real and resonant with me I think.

[levelup]

At the end of the movie, I was starting to feel sorry for the girl and how she ended up that way, and what her parents did to her with that book series... .I wanted to reach out to her and show her that real love exists.

Then, I suddenly snapped out of it and realized the parallels to my marriage, and how I probably would have stuck around for the exact same reasons as in the movie. 

Seeing the sister's anguish over what she knew what her brother was resigning himself to made me realize how lucky I am to have gotten away without kids... .especially given the pressure I received to have unprotected sex.

Man, there's definitely an attraction problem on my end.

[confusedandscared]

I read the book and loved it but only after seeing the movie did I finally put all the dots together to see that this was my relationship with her. Maybe because I am in NC mode did I see things objectively, or I just didn't see it in the book but I walked out of the theater shell shocked that this, part of this movie was my life with her.

All the manipulations, lies, everything they they seemed to do to each other was me and her. She wanted me to be who she wanted me to be and would stop at nothing to get then, all the while I destroyed myself, pulled myself inside and out to be that person, all the while I realized that wasn't who I was and being me was never good enough. The version of me she had in her head, the perfect me was indeed me, she just chose to manipulate me into something I wasn't.

It was a hard movie to watch as it opened so many wounds that haven't healed.

[walksoftly]

TOTALLY!

I felt the same way- the way she reels you in, has her own agenda and then gets you in the end.

[Ihope2]

I saw this movie this past weekend, and it left me confused as to how crime is supposedly handled in the US!

I mean, it is clear that the wife is Sociopathic (although I did wonder about Dissociative Identity Disorder at times during the movie), and the husband seems to have strong Narcissistic Personality tendencies.  But what the heck was up with that ending?

So she "escapes" her maniacal "torturer" who has sexually violated and tortured her supposedly, by murdering him, and wandering around all covered in blood.  Then she gets taken to hospital where she is briefly checked out and questioned by the medical staff and cops.

Then she gets discharged right back into the care of her husband, without being kept in hospital for a time for observation, trauma counselling, etc?  And she doesn't even get to clean herself up and has to wash the blood off her body in the shower at home?

And what of the homicide she committed?  Suddenly the cops just didn't seem interested, because she was not a missing person anymore and the husband was not a murder suspect anymore?

Perhaps it was just a weakness in how the book was adapted to a screenplay?

[Lost23]

Yeah the ending was a little rushed in that respect, but I was okay with it. The movie itself was very faithful to the book, so I'd rather them sacrifice a little there then the overall buildup which I think was more important.