Was your exBPD a trouble maker outside of your relationship?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My exBPDgf and I used to work together ( thank god she quit because seeing her triggered so many bad emotions) and when I think back to all the confrontations she had over the year and a half I've know her it can't be just a coincidence. She always said it wasn't her fault and she didn't do anything to provoke them but that just can't be. A few people actually quit because of her! She loved to gossip and say things behind people back... .even the people she liked! What are your guys expirences?

[BlackandBlue]

My exBPDgf and I used to work together ( thank god she quit because seeing her triggered so many bad emotions) and when I think back to all the confrontations she had over the year and a half I've know her it can't be just a coincidence. She always said it wasn't her fault and she didn't do anything to provoke them but that just can't be. A few people actually quit because of her! She loved to gossip and say things behind people back... .even the people she liked! What are your guys expirences?

[Algae]

My exBPDgf and I used to work together ( thank god she quit because seeing her triggered so many bad emotions) and when I think back to all the confrontations she had over the year and a half I've know her it can't be just a coincidence. She always said it wasn't her fault and she didn't do anything to provoke them but that just can't be. A few people actually quit because of her! She loved to gossip and say things behind people back... .even the people she liked! What are your guys expirences?

(We're college kids so don't be alarmed if the following things sound immature)

No.  Mine was practically a shut in loser with no friends or people to hang out with.  Awkward, and didn't know how to act or dress around people.  Didn't do anything all day except play games all day or draw.  But one thing she'd never do is go ANYWHERE or talk to people.

She seemed very unintelligent to me and innocent as she always asked me what THIS or THAT was or meant... simple things anyone should know.

But yeah she was kind of a loser, and still is.  But when she gets in her BPD fits... she acts as if shes better than anyone.

[hope2727]

Mine is reasonably well respected in his field but seems to think everyone hero worships him. He has a pack of less than savoury friends who are what I would consider losers (bad debts, fired from jobs, never repay borrowed money). He likes to act like a psychologist and counsel people and some of his followers eat it up. Others who are healthier and more successful seem to drift away from him.

He has a gaggle of girl followers who orbit him. He liked to flirt with them and rub my nose in it. At first I liked that he had women friends because (being a tom boy as a child) I have men friends. Was I ever in for a double standard there.

So I guess some people love him, and think he is amazing and how lucky I was to be with him (something he liked to tell me regularly) and some people disliked him. Friends of mine have gone with him in the breakup. Others have told me he creeped them out. Several have told me they thought he was much older than he actually is. He is 43 they thought 55. So who knows. I guess its the chameleon effect at play.

[Infern0]

Yes,  she used to always have falling out with people.  Didn't seem able to stay on the good side of people,  but it was always a case of telling me "I hate xxxxxxx he treats me so bad at work,  he's so mean to me I want to quit" and this would go on for weeks with me calming her down and then one day "xxxxxxx is actually pretty cool,  he really cares about me and I really enjoy working with him"

And I'm like... .what

Another favourite line I got was " I NEVER talk about people behind their backs,  I just never would do that I don't understand how people can do that"

Sigh. ... .she ALWAYS talked about people behind their backs.  It was like her favorite thing to do,  b___.

She's low functioning though,  I am sometimes amazed that she holds a job down but then again her boss is NPD and they have like a cold war where both of them have done so much ___ that they could just destroy each other.  So it's a case of he "keeps her sweet" while plotting how to get rid of her and she just does whatever she wants pretty much.

WEIRD

[BlackandBlue]

My exBPDgf is actually high functioning and quite intelligent. She's able to walk around wearing a mask not showing any signs of any mental illness. She did however like drama and such and was often connected to it at work. Even outside of work there always seemed to be a problem with one of her friends or someone she went to school with. I was just curious if this was something borderline so we're know for. I wonder how long it will be before her new supply of friends and my replacement get sick of her games?

[pieceofme]

i wouldn't say a trouble maker, but he definitely thrived on drama (although he would deny this). a few weeks into our relationship, after i had been repeatedly cyber-bullied by his ex-gf, as well as harassed by his mother, i told him i was having serious doubts about the relationship because he had too much baggage and i couldn't take the daily drama.

with his coworkers, i know he likes to instigate conversations where he can lecture them on all the ways they're stupid or unknowing about a particular subject. he thinks he knows everything there is to know about anything. he's calls his female coworkers "stupid" and "fat" and "fatty" - he admitted this to me. i was horrified.

[maternal]

He never had any close friends while we were together, and the one semi-close friend of his that I met is now more my friend than his.  I don't think his friend realizes just how bad my ex is because they were never especially close.  Everyone is kept at some distance.

Though, he did pit his ex-girlfriend and I against each other.  It was awesome! 

He was (is?) certainly a troublemaker in the sense that he stole things all the time.  Stole from work, stole from restaurants, stole at any opportunity to do so.

[Wastedyears25]

My uBPDh has had problems getting along with my family, co-workers, friends (the few he has) and has had altercations with total strangers in public, he could rage at anyone at anytime. Cashiers, waiters, people sitting next to us at the movie. Anyone is fair game if he feels "wronged." I didn't want to go anywhere with him in the last few years we were together for fear of his behavior. He would not only talk about his friends behind their backs he would trash their wives and girlfriends.

[pieceofme]

Though, he did pit his ex-girlfriend and I against each other.  It was awesome! 

my ex did, too. his ex-gf did some pretty vile and cruel things to me and his excuse was always, "she doesn't like you." i never met the girl once in my life! the worst part is he knew of her behavior and did nothing to stop it 

[fred6]

Yes,  she used to always have falling out with people.  Didn't seem able to stay on the good side of people,  but it was always a case of telling me "I hate xxxxxxx he treats me so bad at work,  he's so mean to me I want to quit" and this would go on for weeks with me calming her down and then one day "xxxxxxx is actually pretty cool,  he really cares about me and I really enjoy working with him"

And I'm like... .what

Another favourite line I got was " I NEVER talk about people behind their backs,  I just never would do that I don't understand how people can do that"

Sigh. ... .she ALWAYS talked about people behind their backs.  It was like her favorite thing to do,  b___.

She's low functioning though,  I am sometimes amazed that she holds a job down but then again her boss is NPD and they have like a cold war where both of them have done so much  that they could just destroy each other.  So it's a case of he "keeps her sweet" while plotting how to get rid of her and she just does whatever she wants pretty much.

WEIRD

Yeah, mine does the same thing. She brags about "being all up in everyone's business" and "all about me some drama". She talks $hit about so many people behind their backs and then smiles in their face when she sees them. Then she posts on facebook that, "I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake". She's the most fake person that I've ever met. 

She is kind of high functioning so most people don't see what's wrong with her. That's why she'll never get the help that she so desperately needs.

[Spartacus]

My uBPDw was always in confrontation at work for the whole time I knew her (3yrs). For the past two years she has been taking her boss to tribunal for bullying, rejected then appealed then rejected, yet she always thought she would win, he would be sacked and she would either get a promotion or a big pay out. From what I understood of the situation she had been promised a promotion which didn't come through. She told me that she had had similar experiences at 3 previous employers and left because of it. I tried to support her through it, ignored the now obvious red flags and she regularly used the stress her job situation as an excuse for her raging behavior which would be followed by "can't you see I'm having a crap time and just park your needs for now and give me the care I need".

Her parents were regularly split black or white, usually alternating and if they were both black at the same time it would take little from me to become the target and them reverting back to angels.

I remember her saying how I should not make polite conversation with them when she was in a mood with them as to do so would be to sow a complete lack of care for her wellbeing (this is how she spoke all the time).

Her friends were all troubled in some way with alcohol, drugs, depression or weight issues and she would need to regularly meet them one to one to discuss their problems then pass on what was obviously privileged information straight on to me whilst complaining that they used her to dump their stuff on and never gave her time to listen to her problems. So they would be temporarily painted black too. Then she would go all zen and meditate.

[Penumbra66]

Just a few instances off the top of my head:

• busted for shoplifting as a teen



• physical fights in grade school/junior high



• threw plate at former boyfriend, requiring ER visit for stiches



• truant/high school drop out (but headed to grad school next year)



• heavy drug/alcohol use from age 16



• passenger in very serious hit-and-run with pedestrian after altercation in parking lot



• emailed colledge classmates offering to pay for answer to take-home midterm



• unsatisfactory grade on college internship after showing up for work late or not bothering to show up at all



• showed up to internship on drugs, vomiting and passing out in her office



• abuse of prescription anxiety drugs after manipulating her psychiatrist

The last four examles happened after she began to use drugs with my replacement.

Interestingly, she only had two friends that she was in semi regulat contact with. Both were men, and she had dated one of them. She had a falling out with her single female friend, but never explaned why.

[gtjosefs]

She was both high functioning and low functioning.  Depended on who it was.  At work, she happens to be the best in the nation some months (out of about 2,000 of her peers).  It's incredible that she does so well.  But, it because she has big tits, blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a bangin' ass.  All the guys in the area go to her because she flirts with them.

When it comes to family... .after 3 years I can't figure this one out.  She rarely speaks to her Dad (I met him twice... .once after the birth of our child), never speaks to her mother, and sporadically speaks to her sister (once a month or so).  She visits her grandparents about once a month and it appears that she has a decent relationship with them.  However, she put them through hell as a child. 

She has zero friends.  Zero.  When I met her it appeared that she had a bunch of friends.  But, they were all real dirtbags (no jobs, no prospects, criminal convictions for things like fraud, etc.).  Eventually, they dropped off the radar.  The point is, she didn't have any decent friends.

She has what appears to be decent relationships with her 2 exhs.  Which I find fascinating since she is so evil to me. 

She has a terrible relationship with 1 of her 2 teenage daughters and a decent one with the other.  She has another child who, at 6 y.o., is already having behavioral problems due to her inability to show love and compassion. 

Then there is me... .we had an incredibly toxic relationship that was just too painful for me to think about.

[Ihope2]

Yes, his whole sad childhood and dysfunctional FOO lead him in this direction.

He had this sense of entitlement that others always owed him.  And when they did not play along, or could not keep up with his demands, he would have a big fall out with them.

From what I understand, he was a juvenile delinquent, and he joined a gang and commited crime and became addicted to heroin for a number of years.

I think the inescapable regret he lives with, is that he told me he was responsible for the deaths of three people.  He told me about two of those instances, but not  the third one.  The first instance, was at reform school  for boys. He was 13yrs of age, and he would join some of the other boys in taunting a very shy and awkward fellow schoolboy. One day, after my exBPDh taunted this boy too much, the boy ran out of the school grounds onto a busy road, and was fatally hit by a truck.

The second instance involved the beating up of a man who was physically beating up on a girl.  The man did not survive the beating.

So yes, trouble was his first name and trouble and drama was all he seemed to know... .

[neverloveagain]

Yea she back stabbed everyone around her. All nice to them in person. I heard about all her co workers being b___es and stupid and the man upstairs from her department was scary and evil, didnt stop her sleeping with them all at a party sigh.