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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Saw my ex for the first time in 3 weeks  (Read 585 times)
Bak86
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« on: October 13, 2014, 09:44:12 AM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Tiepje3
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: divorcing
Posts: 127



« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2014, 10:20:13 AM »

My guess is you're doing better! Keep up the good work. My sympathy goes out to the cat  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want.
Bak86
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« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2014, 11:02:07 AM »

My guess is you're doing better! Keep up the good work. My sympathy goes out to the cat  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Yeah i am doing much better Smiling (click to insert in post) Everybody at work today looked at her like she was nuts. They know she can't take care of herself and now she bought a cat to take care of? Haha bloody hell.
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Algae
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« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2014, 11:28:03 AM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'm guessing Ex's with BPD don't feel anything by seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks as well?  :)id she not freak out from seeing you?  Or get jealous, sad, or think of all the things you've done for her in the past?

I guess my question is...   We go through the motions when we see our ex for the first time in a month or two... but do they?
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Deeno02
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« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2014, 11:31:40 AM »

As someone explained to me, they feel it but they are so very able to compartmentalize it (tuck it away) that they really dont feel much at all.
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Algae
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« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2014, 11:40:40 AM »

As someone explained to me, they feel it but they are so very able to compartmentalize it (tuck it away) that they really dont feel much at all.

Do they only get it from literally seeing us in person though?  Or do they get it all the time, even from things they own of ours (presents, necklaces), and just tuck that away too though?
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Bak86
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Posts: 351



« Reply #6 on: October 13, 2014, 11:43:15 AM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'm guessing Ex's with BPD don't feel anything by seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks as well?  :)id she not freak out from seeing you?  Or get jealous, sad, or think of all the things you've done for her in the past?

I guess my question is...  We go through the motions when we see our ex for the first time in a month or two... but do they?

She hasn't said a word to me all day long, so i guess she is affected as well. And she mentioned stuff to coworkers that only i knew about her, so she probably tried to get a reaction out of me. I simply didn't respond. And my ex is one of the best actors i've ever met. She knows to hide her feelings behind her walls/mask very well. Wouldn't surprise me if she breaks down in tears at home when nobody is looking.
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Algae
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Posts: 208


« Reply #7 on: October 13, 2014, 06:13:34 PM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'm guessing Ex's with BPD don't feel anything by seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks as well?  :)id she not freak out from seeing you?  Or get jealous, sad, or think of all the things you've done for her in the past?

I guess my question is...  We go through the motions when we see our ex for the first time in a month or two... but do they?

She hasn't said a word to me all day long, so i guess she is affected as well. And she mentioned stuff to coworkers that only i knew about her, so she probably tried to get a reaction out of me. I simply didn't respond. And my ex is one of the best actors i've ever met. She knows to hide her feelings behind her walls/mask very well. Wouldn't surprise me if she breaks down in tears at home when nobody is looking.



I guess she normally still talks to you then, even after the breakup?  But since you got back she hasnt?
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Deeno02
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Posts: 1526



« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2014, 06:30:42 PM »

Algae, starts immediately.  Thats how they can move on so fast. Sucks, but nothing seems to matter at all to them. She gave back all the borrowed stuff (pots, pans etc, house key) but kept the gifts. I dont think she will even associate it with me anymore. I threw all her s**t out. 
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FoolishMan
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Posts: 124


« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2014, 06:55:37 PM »

As someone explained to me, they feel it but they are so very able to compartmentalize it (tuck it away) that they really dont feel much at all.

Do they only get it from literally seeing us in person though?  Or do they get it all the time, even from things they own of ours (presents, necklaces), and just tuck that away too though?

My ex said that she looks at my gifts "as the only good thing she got out of the R/S". Of course I had been perfect and "enchanted her life" a few days before this Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Bak86
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 351



« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2014, 12:25:42 AM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'm guessing Ex's with BPD don't feel anything by seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks as well?  :)id she not freak out from seeing you?  Or get jealous, sad, or think of all the things you've done for her in the past?

I guess my question is...  We go through the motions when we see our ex for the first time in a month or two... but do they?

She hasn't said a word to me all day long, so i guess she is affected as well. And she mentioned stuff to coworkers that only i knew about her, so she probably tried to get a reaction out of me. I simply didn't respond. And my ex is one of the best actors i've ever met. She knows to hide her feelings behind her walls/mask very well. Wouldn't surprise me if she breaks down in tears at home when nobody is looking.



I guess she normally still talks to you then, even after the breakup?  But since you got back she hasnt?

She was even flirting with me after the breakup. When i tried to reconcile (didnt know about BPD back then) she just wanted to be friends. I told her to ___ off. She doesnt initiate any talk now. Still tries to get my attention though.
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Blimblam
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2892



WWW
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2014, 12:36:48 AM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'm guessing Ex's with BPD don't feel anything by seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks as well?  :)id she not freak out from seeing you?  Or get jealous, sad, or think of all the things you've done for her in the past?

I guess my question is...  We go through the motions when we see our ex for the first time in a month or two... but do they?

She hasn't said a word to me all day long, so i guess she is affected as well. And she mentioned stuff to coworkers that only i knew about her, so she probably tried to get a reaction out of me. I simply didn't respond. And my ex is one of the best actors i've ever met. She knows to hide her feelings behind her walls/mask very well. Wouldn't surprise me if she breaks down in tears at home when nobody is looking.



I guess she normally still talks to you then, even after the breakup?  But since you got back she hasnt?

She was even flirting with me after the breakup. When i tried to reconcile (didnt know about BPD back then) she just wanted to be friends. I told her to ___ off. She doesnt initiate any talk now. Still tries to get my attention though.

And this is what it comes down to in the end they want attention. They will even hurt us to get it because they know if they hurt us they will stay in our mind. 
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Bak86
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 351



« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2014, 03:27:51 AM »

She returned from holiday and had to work today(we work together). I didn't get triggered! She didn't do anything to me. I'm so glad about this. She was even bragging about a blind date in front of coworkers, while i was sitting right next to her. So sad pwBPD try to get a reaction out of you. Didn't do anything to me luckily!

Oh and she also mentioned she bought a cat, yet when we were together she told me she disliked cats. Impulse buy?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So it will get better in time!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I'm guessing Ex's with BPD don't feel anything by seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks as well?  :)id she not freak out from seeing you?  Or get jealous, sad, or think of all the things you've done for her in the past?

I guess my question is...  We go through the motions when we see our ex for the first time in a month or two... but do they?

She hasn't said a word to me all day long, so i guess she is affected as well. And she mentioned stuff to coworkers that only i knew about her, so she probably tried to get a reaction out of me. I simply didn't respond. And my ex is one of the best actors i've ever met. She knows to hide her feelings behind her walls/mask very well. Wouldn't surprise me if she breaks down in tears at home when nobody is looking.



I guess she normally still talks to you then, even after the breakup?  But since you got back she hasnt?

She was even flirting with me after the breakup. When i tried to reconcile (didnt know about BPD back then) she just wanted to be friends. I told her to ___ off. She doesnt initiate any talk now. Still tries to get my attention though.

And this is what it comes down to in the end they want attention. They will even hurt us to get it because they know if they hurt us they will stay in our mind. 

Yeah shes always looking for attention. Not just with me. She always complains about health issues and makes bold black and white statements.
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