I have to see ex... ugh

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

House has STILL not sold.

Putting on a new roof, so ex has to sign the check from the ins co.

This will be the first time I have 'seen' him since... .mid August.

I am sick to my stomach, had nightmares all night last night and the night before.

I am hoping he will just show up, sign it, and leave, not saying a word.

(( He "thinks" that he's getting my goat by using the 'silent treatment'... .because when we were together I would beg him to talk to me, and he maintained control over me by being silent. NOW I WANT him to be silent, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him))

I wish I had someone to give me a big reassuring hug after this... .

[going places]

House has STILL not sold.

Putting on a new roof, so ex has to sign the check from the ins co.

This will be the first time I have 'seen' him since... .mid August.

I am sick to my stomach, had nightmares all night last night and the night before.

I am hoping he will just show up, sign it, and leave, not saying a word.

(( He "thinks" that he's getting my goat by using the 'silent treatment'... .because when we were together I would beg him to talk to me, and he maintained control over me by being silent. NOW I WANT him to be silent, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him))

I wish I had someone to give me a big reassuring hug after this... .

[NorthLight]

Good luck, we are all here for you 

Isn't it good, that he doesn't have the power over you, that ST used to cause you pain? Him not talking to you was he's way of punishment, while now, you have bad emotions because you need to hear from him? Think of how much you have improved you want him out of your life, and thats possible in the future - while a lot of us others hasn't come that far yet, and still want them in our lives (but they don't let us)

[going places]

It has taking me 3 years but:

I am past the "what's wrong with me".  NOTHING is wrong w me. It was him.

I am past the "my life is ruined". No, it's just taking a different direction. Read and react.

I am past the "I can't do this". I am at the point "I have no choice, and I WILL do this".

Not seeing him, not texting him or calling him (blocked him) and the only form of comm. is via email... .has helped me move forward LIGHT YEARS. Before, he will still living here; and abusing daily.

Now with him gone, and with VERY LIMITED contact... .the nightmares are few and far between, insomnia is 'better'. Panic attacks are few and far between. Self-confidence is on the rise. GOOD DAYS FAR out number the bad days.

Today, will 'test' me to see if everything I have said is "true" or if I am 'pretending'... .