He said he's been thinking of doing weed to rid his alcohol problem

[Climbmountains91]

Today was the most weirdest day EVER! Went to an appointment, we had an appointment at the same place, he got on the same bus as me, he isn't stalking me, visa versa, i know this for a fact because his not interested what so ever. Anxiety kicked in like a bugger, he didn't see me until off bus, got off bus and when we got to the place we talked briefly and then i stupidly said do you wanna get lunch after and he said ok and then we did and he said "he's been missing me and our daughter of course" since n/c and i know this is a load of crap because there's no feeling in what he says and he always says this, its old, actions speak louder than words, I didn't respond to this. I've been missing him soo much, i feel so weak, i surprisingly felt good after meet up, he always puts a smile on my face 

He said he's been thinking of doing weed to rid his alcohol problem as its "better for him" (though i know he's done it recently anyway so told by his friend and i was a witness of there conversation on the phone. (Read past thread to read on his friend involvement). Our daughter is under social services at the moment, i don't want to go to into it but shes under child in need at the moment and though i know he wont smoke it around her or anything, what do i do with this info? I'd rather he do alcohol than drugs, he only drinks alcohol at night never in day time. My views on drugs are ... .lets not go there, I'd rather he drink than that. He's growing tobacco leaves in his flat at the moment, what next!  Should I tell Social Worker?

I'm so sick of all this crap, I never I'd end up at twenty three years of age on a BPD board talking about my exBPDbf being a ... .This is not how it was ment to turn out. Its like a horror movie with a freaky twist.

[Blimblam]

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

A relationship with a cluster b disordered person can be devestating. Most movies that protray a rs with a cluster b end with the so dying or barely escaping with their life or being driven insane.

They open up that part in your mind where all the shame has been hidden all these Years and dump a bunch of their own in while they are at it.

You've got you and your pain now. It is what it is. You are young and the more of this you work through now the better the rest of your life will be.

Struggle. Surrender. Accept. Repeat.

[Blimblam]

How are you feeling?

[Climbmountains91]

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

A relationship with a cluster b disordered person can be devestating. Most movies that protray a rs with a cluster b end with the so dying or barely escaping with their life or being driven insane.

They open up that part in your mind where all the shame has been hidden all these Years and dump a bunch of their own in while they are at it.

You've got you and your pain now. It is what it is. You are young and the more of this you

work through now the better the rest of your life will be.

Struggle. Surrender. Accept. Repeat.

That reminds me of Gone Girl which I went to see the other day, I thought wow some references in this look familiar.

At the moment I feel so frustrated I have no control over his actions, his behaviour, just him and I wish someone would ! But I need to accept it's his responsibility to behave like an idiot not mine, I shouldn't carry that burden. I just feel so sorry for our daughter, all I wanted for her was a dad like mine who is amazing but she got a monster. It's just so sad. I know his better than this his become since meeting these new supply of friends. Just taking it day by day but if I find out he starts on that crap even if he hasn't done it the day he sees our daughter I will tell him sort yourself out and you can be in your daughters life. I've never ever stopped him, he just never makes effort anyway. I know some people might view weed better than alcohol :/ I just need to protect my daughter. His just creating a new problem for himself weed to replace his drink problem, come on then he asked my thoughts on it... .We'll!

Sorry went on a rant there. Ha!

[Blimblam]

Why do you feel sorry?

In all honesty weed is a much better drug to self medicate with than alcohol. It still is not addressing the core issue though.

[Climbmountains91]

Why do you feel sorry?

Feel sorry for. My daughter or?

[Blimblam]

Sorry for "ranting"

[Climbmountains91]

Sorry for "ranting"

I don't know, I don't wanna sound like I'm moaning about nothing which to my exBPDbf that's what it always was, nothing was ever a problem, could never have a proper conversation.

[Blimblam]

Sorry for "ranting"

I don't know, I don't wanna sound like I'm moaning about nothing which to my exBPDbf that's what it always was, nothing was ever a problem, could never have a proper conversation.

Does what you are "moaning" about feel important to you?

[Climbmountains91]

Sorry for "ranting"

I don't know, I don't wanna sound like I'm moaning about nothing which to my exBPDbf that's what it always was, nothing was ever a problem, could never have a proper conversation.

Does what you are "moaning" about feel important to you?

Yes it does because its an actual feeling and problem but he's just made me doubt if it actually is and im just being a "woman" or whatever !

[Blimblam]

Sorry for "ranting"

I don't know, I don't wanna sound like I'm moaning about nothing which to my exBPDbf that's what it always was, nothing was ever a problem, could never have a proper conversation.

Does what you are "moaning" about feel important to you?

Yes it does because its an actual feeling and problem but he's just made me doubt if it actually is and im just being a "woman" or whatever !

Yes your feelings are important! I'm proud of you. Getting in touch with your feelings is of the utmost importance. Although the story we attach to the emotions is often a surface layer to what it is you are actually feeling. 

These emotions exist within you and this is where the must be Delt with. If your ex has BPD he can't handle these emotions which will only frustrate you further.

You validated yourself!

How did it feel to validate yourself?