I messed up

[justmenmycoffee]

Soo... .I totally unloaded all that i wanted to say to my ex who disappeared to my replacement... .The bulimia and everything and told him good luck and get therapy... I know this was stupid but im so pissed that she is all happy in a new life with this little boy (she is 32 he is 22) and im broke to pieces. I mad at myself now cause that will only push them closer but he to know

[goldylamont]

I think the important thing to do here is to identify the things that trigger you to react in this way and try to work on them so that it doesn't happen again. You have to forgive yourself for this -- it's a normal way to feel after being betrayed. What helped me to contain myself was the knowledge that having a negative reaction was just what my ex wanted from me. I could see her smiling smugly and enjoying my pain, much of her actions have to do with punishing you (unjustly, yet somehow justified to her). Don't give her the satisfaction anymore, recognize the game for what it is.

Do you have any healthy outlets for your anger? A sport or physical activity? It's of utmost importance to find several outlets for your anger so you can honor it and let it flow without expressing it to her (playing her game). Take care, we can find a better way to deal with these thoughts I promise.

[clydegriffith]

   

   

Soo... .I totally unloaded all that i wanted to say to my ex who disappeared to my replacement... .The bulimia and everything and told him good luck and get therapy... I know this was stupid but im so pissed that she is all happy in a new life with this little boy (she is 32 he is 22) and im broke to pieces. I mad at myself now cause that will only push them closer but he to know

Don't worry about who she's with. If you think her and this new guy will live happily ever after you are mistaken. She is not happy in the same sense that normal people can be happy. She is just going through the cycle.

My BPDx's 4th replacement ( i was the 2nd) was much younger than her as well. She somehow manipulated this guy into proposing to her and allowing her to move into his place with a few kids. A couple of months after that the "engagement" is off and she is thrown out, probably for getting caught cheating. She gets pregnant and is living with someone new 3 months later.

[Inside]

We nons always say too much ... .but so what.  It’s simply further evidence that what we experience, our BP ex/mates can’t.  It hardly matters what they do with ‘our feelings’ as they can’t understand them anyway.  Perpetual children, their attention spans are short and their understanding of the world, let alone complex adult relationships, is very, very limited…

Use the information you conveyed to further your understanding of yourself.  Just think, regarding pwBPD, we will forever know them better than they can ever know us, or themselves.  And, it’s better to be clear and rid of them... . If they did not value or understand the depth of our love and what we offered them … they never will.  

Our reflection in a BPD mirror is distorted beyond recognition, and attempting to judge ourselves by that reflection is impossible.  Turn to those who know, trust, love and understand you … because our BP’s simply couldn’t.

[fred6]

I know this was stupid but im so pissed that she is all happy in a new life with this little boy (she is 32 he is 22)

I never went off on mine, but I so wanted to. I still kind of do but I know that there is no point and NC is the best way to handle it.

Not to hijack OP's thread. But is there a correlation in these age gaps? My ex is about to be 41 and I'm 42. New supply is 33. She always made it clear that she mostly dated younger guys. She said the guy before me was younger. Hell new supply could be the guy before me as and being recycled far as I know. I just wonder if the age gaps have anything to do with BPD? I mean we were close in age and lasted 3 years together. All of her prior relationships in the past 10 years only lasted 6 months or less. As she gets older, fatter, and more aged, I wonder how those younger guys are going to work out for her? Judging by her history, they haven't been going too well... .

[clydegriffith]

I know this was stupid but im so pissed that she is all happy in a new life with this little boy (she is 32 he is 22)

I never went off on mine, but I so wanted to. I still kind of do but I know that there is no point and NC is the best way to handle it.

Not to hijack OP's thread. But is there a correlation in these age gaps? My ex is about to be 41 and I'm 42. New supply is 33. She always made it clear that she mostly dated younger guys. She said the guy before me was younger. Hell new supply could be the guy before me as and being recycled far as I know. I just wonder if the age gaps have anything to do with BPD? I mean we were close in age and lasted 3 years together. All of her prior relationships in the past 10 years only lasted 6 months or less. As she gets older, fatter, and more aged, I wonder how those younger guys are going to work out for her? Judging by her history, they haven't been going too well... .

I dont believe they specifically seek out younger but it's just who they can lure in first. The BPDx is 26. First replacement was 21, and the next two where in their early 30s. They have no preference. It's just whoever is around that can be manipulated.