The thread on empathy got me thinking about another DSM-V criteria for personality disorders: identity. I think this might have been a critical stumbling block for some of us who aren't personality disordered, but who ended up intimately intwined with those who are.
Identity
0—Little or No Impairment
Has ongoing awareness of a unique self; maintains role-appropriate boundaries.
Has consistent and self- regulated positive self- esteem, with accurate self-appraisal.
Is capable of experiencing, tolerating, and regulating a full range of emotions.
1—Some Impairment
Has relatively intact sense of self, with some decrease in clarity of boundaries when strong emotions and mental distress are experienced.
Self-esteem diminished at times, with overly critical or somewhat distorted self- appraisal.
Strong emotions may be distressing, associated with a restriction in range of emotional experience.
2—Moderate Impairment
Depends excessively on others for identity definition, with compromised boundary delineation.
Has vulnerable self-esteem controlled by exaggerated concern about external evaluation, with a wish for approval. Has sense of incompleteness or inferiority, with compensatory inflated, or deflated, self-appraisal.
Emotional regulation depends on positive external appraisal. Threats to self- esteem may engender strong emotions such as rage or shame.
3—Severe Impairment
Has a weak sense of autonomy/agency; experience of a lack of identity, or emptiness. Boundary definition is poor or rigid: may be overidentification with others, overemphasis on independence from others, or vacillation between these.
Fragile self-esteem is easily influenced by events, and self-image lacks coherence. Self-appraisal is un-nuanced: self- loathing, self- aggrandizing, or an illogical, unrealistic combination.
Emotions may be rapidly shifting or a chronic, unwavering feeling of despair.
4—Extreme Impairment
Experience of a unique self and sense of agency/ autonomy are virtually absent, or are organized around perceived external persecution. Boundaries with others are confused or lacking.
Has weak or distorted self- image easily threatened by interactions with others; significant distortions and confusion around self- appraisal.
Emotions not congruent with context or internal experience. Hatred and aggression may be dominant affects, although they may be disavowed and attributed to others.
I know that when I first got involved with my uBPDh, I was about a 2. Working with him (I agreed to be his "assistant" shortly after we began dating) brought me down to a 3, as did living together... .I've been clawing my way back ever since. Still, there are some days I'm a 1 and some blissful moments I slip back up to 0, I think. "Full range of emotion" = allowing myself to be angry and sad, to cry! Why is that so hard?
I define myself as a mother now, though... .that's different from identifying myself with my child? This is definitely something I need to focus on, along with those darn boundaries!
