Back to the lovebombing stage

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Argh looks like I'm back in "idealisation, painted white, love bombing stage". He said tonight he's been missing me so much lately and he's having "feelings" again but he wants to talk more about it when we have now arranged to meet up on Thursday. He said he's heads messed up because he misses me. I want to see what he's got to say though i know it will be a bunch of crap.

It was like talking to the man i fell in love with when we first met tonight, it was liberating but I KNOW what he's game is now. He's a bit bored of his supply so he wants a bit of me, he even said i should get contraception sorted out "because you just never know do you" :S That screams to me he's asked me to come round to his Thursday not to talk about stuff, to talk about "us" as he put it. Hell no, BPD cant consist there feelings, he wants some five minute pleasure and then hell disgard me again and say "I'm sorry i thought i did have feelings for you obviously i don't sorry to mess your head about" and then leave me to wallow again while he carries on with the same game. I will meet with him Thursday but I'm treading lightly if he tries anything, i know i shouldn't, I'm enabling myself doing this but hey.

Gawd it was such a weird convo with him, deep stuff, we've never spoken like that before, he seemed so interested in me. The first thing he said to me was "how did the concert go tonight" as he knows i went to one. We met up last week unexspectantly he was on my bus, we were going to the same place for an appointment and that must of triggered it. Ive triggered his abandonment fear? As we went nc for 3 weeks until we met unexspectantly.

[Climbmountains91]

Argh looks like I'm back in "idealisation, painted white, love bombing stage". He said tonight he's been missing me so much lately and he's having "feelings" again but he wants to talk more about it when we have now arranged to meet up on Thursday. He said he's heads messed up because he misses me. I want to see what he's got to say though i know it will be a bunch of crap.

It was like talking to the man i fell in love with when we first met tonight, it was liberating but I KNOW what he's game is now. He's a bit bored of his supply so he wants a bit of me, he even said i should get contraception sorted out "because you just never know do you" :S That screams to me he's asked me to come round to his Thursday not to talk about stuff, to talk about "us" as he put it. Hell no, BPD cant consist there feelings, he wants some five minute pleasure and then hell disgard me again and say "I'm sorry i thought i did have feelings for you obviously i don't sorry to mess your head about" and then leave me to wallow again while he carries on with the same game. I will meet with him Thursday but I'm treading lightly if he tries anything, i know i shouldn't, I'm enabling myself doing this but hey.

Gawd it was such a weird convo with him, deep stuff, we've never spoken like that before, he seemed so interested in me. The first thing he said to me was "how did the concert go tonight" as he knows i went to one. We met up last week unexspectantly he was on my bus, we were going to the same place for an appointment and that must of triggered it. Ive triggered his abandonment fear? As we went nc for 3 weeks until we met unexspectantly.

[Climbmountains91]

So nervous about tomorrow.

Hes putting on this sweet, childish voice he uses with his family and people he has to be nice to when he talks to me at the moment, this is a very recent thing, started Monday, laughs at everything i say, could be in for another recycle. But will reinforce boundaries and not jump straight into bed with him.

Its just the suspense he's left me in for three days now. He wants to talk about us, the future and "other sh**". Romantic eh. Said nothing will be negative.

Ugh he's got me on a high as well. Why do they do this to us! Why do we do it to ourselves.

Sigh.

[UnknownBPD]

Hi sweetheart,

I am not an expert and am struggling with someone with BPD, or at least I believe has BPD.

If I were you I would run. Run. Run.

I am on the flip side.  Married for 20+ years. Maybe should have seen warning signs early on but really didn't manifest itself until well into marriage and kids. Now I feel trapped with nowhere to go and no way to take care of my kids.

I love my family but the past ten years has been a complete roller coaster and I have been made to feel like total scum and then flipped to the most wonderful person.  I am neither but more in between, and then more good than bad.

I can't believe this is what love is truly like. Why would you treat someone you love like this?  You wouldn't.

I would go and never look back.

Whatever you decide, take good care of yourself and be careful. I wish you the very best of luck.

[Climbmountains91]

Hi sweetheart,

I am not an expert and am struggling with someone with BPD, or at least I believe has BPD.

If I were you I would run. Run. Run.

I am on the flip side.  Married for 20+ years. Maybe should have seen warning signs early on but really didn't manifest itself until well into marriage and kids. Now I feel trapped with nowhere to go and no way to take care of my kids.

I love my family but the past ten years has been a complete roller coaster and I have been made to feel like total scum and then flipped to the most wonderful person.  I am neither but more in between, and then more good than bad.

I can't believe this is what love is truly like. Why would you treat someone you love like this?  You wouldn't.

I would go and never look back.

Whatever you decide, take good care of yourself and be careful. I wish you the very best of luck.

That sucks   Im sorry to hear about your situation. You should take it upon your own advise, pick up the strength and courage to get out. Like months/years down the line you could really meet someone you connect with and gets your heart and treats you like a princess. Also kids pick up on this and could say mummy you should of left this man. You know this yourself anyway you don't need anyone telling you anyway. Easy said than done i know to well.

I should take my own advise

Do you think this is his attempt at a recycle?

[anxiety5]

Argh looks like I'm back in "idealisation, painted white, love bombing stage". He said tonight he's been missing me so much lately and he's having "feelings" again but he wants to talk more about it when we have now arranged to meet up on Thursday. He said he's heads messed up because he misses me. I want to see what he's got to say though i know it will be a bunch of crap.

It was like talking to the man i fell in love with when we first met tonight, it was liberating but I KNOW what he's game is now. He's a bit bored of his supply so he wants a bit of me, he even said i should get contraception sorted out "because you just never know do you" :S That screams to me he's asked me to come round to his Thursday not to talk about stuff, to talk about "us" as he put it. Hell no, BPD cant consist there feelings, he wants some five minute pleasure and then hell disgard me again and say "I'm sorry i thought i did have feelings for you obviously i don't sorry to mess your head about" and then leave me to wallow again while he carries on with the same game. I will meet with him Thursday but I'm treading lightly if he tries anything, i know i shouldn't, I'm enabling myself doing this but hey.

Gawd it was such a weird convo with him, deep stuff, we've never spoken like that before, he seemed so interested in me. The first thing he said to me was "how did the concert go tonight" as he knows i went to one. We met up last week unexspectantly he was on my bus, we were going to the same place for an appointment and that must of triggered it. Ive triggered his abandonment fear? As we went nc for 3 weeks until we met unexspectantly.

This breaks my heart. It makes me so sad because I know how wonderful you feel. God I miss that. When I look at her now, and wonder why I can tell her I miss or love her and she doesn't respond, it hurts. A lot. When I realize the more I lost myself in this chase, the more  of her I lost, it hurts. I would give the world for her eyes to gaze at me one last time. To feel the love that used to be there and for her to grab my hand and simply say she loves me. I need to accept the fact that's not true. And even worse, that I'll never convince her it wasn't my fault. This breaks my heart because I know you are going to go back. I can tell in your tone of your words. Although I pray that I'm wrong. I thought the same. I can control it. The first moment she does x or y, I'm gone. It never works that way. You are in the midsts of a game that you can not win. They are the predator, you are the child. No matter how many times the scenarios are played, they always outwit you, out charm you and overpower you. I wish the best for you. I know what it's like to feel how you feel. I just wish I hadn't got so wrapped up in someone who has managed to make me feel so worthless. And I'd warn anyone I can, to please not do the same. I never thought it would happen. Yet here Iam.

[Panda39]

Climbmountains,

This might feel good in the short run but I think you will emotionally pay for seeing him in the long run.  You see him for what he is, why go down that path?

There is a saying that you receive the kind of relationship/love you think you deserve.  Do you think you deserve to be used and tossed aside?  Love yourself enough to pass on this visit today, go do something else that you've always wanted to do just for you. 

[guy4caligirl]

So nervous about tomorrow.

Hes putting on this sweet, childish voice he uses with his family and people he has to be nice to when he talks to me at the moment, this is a very recent thing, started Monday, laughs at everything i say, could be in for another recycle. But will reinforce boundaries and not jump straight into bed with him.

Its just the suspense he's left me in for three days now. He wants to talk about us, the future and "other sh**". Romantic eh. Said nothing will be negative.

Ugh he's got me on a high as well. Why do they do this to us! Why do we do it to ourselves.

I know the feeling , what is it they possess to have us wanting just to disrupt everything we had worked on not to contact and we go for it  ,they know they can do that whenever they want to.

I understand the that butterfly feeling you have .

MY BPD gf is doing the same to me after 3 months of separation , she emailed me this morning and wanting to give me some savvy ideas about my business cause she cares about our friendship now , I read it differently , she wants to come back , here life isn't going the way she has expected it she Can't hold a job she hasn't work for the last three months .

I am on hold waiting just like you are for her to change her lovely voice and talk to me with the same way your bf did and guess what I will stoked !

[Climbmountains91]

Today was weird, it felt even better than it did than at the very start of the relationship. I've never seen him smile and laugh so much, especially in my company, it was like a completely different man, the man i met, aswell, he never once went on his phone, which he normally does when hes bored and did all the time before. I'm speechless. He actually spoke to me like an adult, he actually took me to a pub and sat me down and talked.

He said he gets jealous when I'm around other guys and has always been scared of me getting into another relationship and he wouldn't want me to. He said he wants to hang out to see where this all goes because lately he's been missing me ALOT! Them feelings have rekindled. Its different this time because he's feelings have been consistent for the last month and before they wasn't. Before one day he'd miss me, next day he couldn't wait to see the back of me. push/pull. He says he still has a lot of feelings for me and like a flower he wants it to blossom. He says i'm beautiful as f***, i'm so pretty, we get on great and everything, we hang out have a laugh and everything, and its never really been me, he just sometimes feels scared and one minute he wants to be away from everyone then next minute he don't. He hopes hes feelings will stay like this. He said he'd love for things to work out but he doesn't want to hurt me. He always thinks about me, always cares. He's never looked at it in a way that he's done with me, its over, good, get rid of her. He thoughts since he's had these feelings come back and its been a while he'd thought he'd talk to me about it today about seeing how stuff goes. There's just times where he just wants to be on his own and he's scared to get close, he said maybe deep down this thing trying to protect him. He said he wants these feelings hes got back lately to be consistent so bad, he wants to miss me, he wants to love me, he wants to be that man that he should be. I told him all I've ever wanted to do was look after him etc... and he said "aww bless ya, the amount of times I've defiled you" (?). He said lately he's been realizing what he's missing. He said he' terrified of our daughter growing up like he grew up (without a father figure much) Though he's dad tells me otherwise but that's another story).

I'm so clouded by the negatives.  :'(

maybe i belong in the "staying boards"

[anxiety5]

Today was weird, it felt even better than it did than at the very start of the relationship. I've never seen him smile and laugh so much, especially in my company, it was like a completely different man, the man i met, aswell, he never once went on his phone, which he normally does when hes bored and did all the time before. I'm speechless. He actually spoke to me like an adult, he actually took me to a pub and sat me down and talked.

He said he gets jealous when I'm around other guys and has always been scared of me getting into another relationship and he wouldn't want me to. He said he wants to hang out to see where this all goes because lately he's been missing me ALOT! Them feelings have rekindled. Its different this time because he's feelings have been consistent for the last month and before they wasn't. Before one day he'd miss me, next day he couldn't wait to see the back of me. push/pull. He says he still has a lot of feelings for me and like a flower he wants it to blossom. He says i'm beautiful as f***, i'm so pretty, we get on great and everything, we hang out have a laugh and everything, and its never really been me, he just sometimes feels scared and one minute he wants to be away from everyone then next minute he don't. He hopes hes feelings will stay like this. He said he'd love for things to work out but he doesn't want to hurt me. He always thinks about me, always cares. He's never looked at it in a way that he's done with me, its over, good, get rid of her. He thoughts since he's had these feelings come back and its been a while he'd thought he'd talk to me about it today about seeing how stuff goes. There's just times where he just wants to be on his own and he's scared to get close, he said maybe deep down this thing trying to protect him. He said he wants these feelings hes got back lately to be consistent so bad, he wants to miss me, he wants to love me, he wants to be that man that he should be. I told him all I've ever wanted to do was look after him etc... and he said "aww bless ya, the amount of times I've defiled you" (?). He said lately he's been realizing what he's missing. He said he' terrified of our daughter growing up like he grew up (without a father figure much) Though he's dad tells me otherwise but that's another story).

I'm so clouded by the negatives.  :'(

maybe i belong in the "staying boards"

You aren't clouded by the negatives, you are in denial of the truth. If you thought this person was right for you, you wouldn't be on this forum asking for input. You are reluctant because deep down your instincts tell you he is going to hurt you. You are projecting on him your need for love and he is mirroring you. You are projecting on us you need for permission to be destroyed. We aren't granting you that and you are interpreting that as negative.

What's negative? A group of people out of the FOG? Who can see every aspect of his narcissism present in the games he's playing with your mind? His need to know he can have you is greater than is want to have you. You will continue being hesitant and he will continue the conquest. One day (very soon) when you are ready for a great time hanging out, moments after you tell yourself this is the best you've felt with him in a long time and you think you're ready to give it a shot, he is going to break your heart into pieces. The timing of it will seem cruel, but in fact it's calculated for the moment his intuition picks up the fact that he has you again, is the moment your worth to him diminishes completely. Rather than owning this, he will create or bait you into an argument so he can break you and walk away with no blame or guilt in his mind.

Nobody here is going to convince you otherwise. So after the above plays out, come back and verify if I'm right or not. We will still be here to try and help you get stronger so that you don't fall again.

By the way, I won't wish you the best of luck because that's enabling you permission to get hurt. You may find yourself in emotional hell, but I'm not going to draw you a map and wish you the best on your walk there.