What do you consider neglect?

[anxiety5]

You may have experienced the rage, cheating, etc. But I'm interested in identifying subtle forms of neglect that seemingly occur over time to a greater extent from the moment the honeymoon phase ends. I'm trying to see things I may have missed, understand what her ex meant by saying something she said she never understood "He thinks I neglected him" I think this could help identify early warning signs, and help members to identify them as well before they are in too deep.

-Apart for Christmas and she stopped texting at 3pm and never called me.

-Only time I ever expressed that I needed her was after a death, and she coldly shot me down.

-Increasingly would ignore nice messages I sent to her but would respond to the ones where I asked mundane questions like ":)id you eat anything yet?"

-Splitting hair criticisms, very picky complaints about stupid things moments after saying how nice her ex was.

-Having a family member in town and letting me know ahead of time but never showing interest in even suggesting she wanted me to meet them or say anything like "I'd like you to meet them but how about next time because of___"

[Blimblam]

I found the subtle abuse to be the most hurtful because when they rage they usually spill their guys but the subtle abuse is a form of gaslighting that drives you insane.

My ex a waif would reject me or anything I was doing express disapproval at critical moments. Imagine someone shouting before you threw a dart but more subtle and in a thousand different ways. Then when confronted being gas lit in a way you believed it was your fault.

[thisyoungdad]

Interesting question. I am again looking back on my relationship with my ex wife and this is one thing I have been thinking about, how she neglected me and one thing that comes to mind is that over the course of our relationship the neglect eventually went both ways. Whether it started that way or not I don't know but in the end it was my response to her neglect of me.

* She was not interested in getting to know anyone important to me

* She didn't have patience or interest in hearing about my day

* Would ignore text messages/emails during the day... .sometimes never responding same with phone calls (We were married and have a young daughter)

* If I told her something was important to me to do/go to etc, or there was something emotionally I needed that was important she would ignore it or not take me seriously except when it was convenient to her

* Wasn't critical of me, but also was never validating or uplifting to me. So for instance when I was in school and really struggling through a heavy load of coursework and being a stay at home dad she wasn't encouraging to me or supportive of how difficult things were.

* Not appreciative of what I did do around the house (like fixing things etc) when it was originally the house she bought with her ex

There were a lot of very subtle forms of neglect that I can't really think of 2 years later without getting out an old journal and I don't want to do that. But I do know at the end I felt very, VERY neglected emotionally. Like my emotional needs didn't matter, or were less important than hers.

One thing that stands out big is that early on if we had a disagreement or I was upset about something I always felt I had to concede or validate her feelings to calm her down and I would never get mine validated or even heard. There was not enough space for that.