Lonely is a Feeling Not a Fact-Any recommendations for me?

[Hope0807]

I know that loneliness is a feeling, not a fact, but I'm clawing my way through this and hate to feel so desperate to connect.

I worked to build his identify for him for years.  No idea he was actually lacking one!  Literally, I created a business and profession for him that he walks around parading in.  The business was my passion and now he gets to move forward with the fraud of it all.   As I force myself to heal and pay more attention to building my own identity and self worth, I am crippled with a lack of support.  I do not have children.  Friends and family are busy with their little ones and their world, so are coworkers.  I find it suffocating to be alone and I often am.  I'm going to try meetup groups.  Any other suggestions?

[fromheeltoheal]

You're right, loneliness is a feeling, alone is a fact, and there is a difference.  Although there are upsides to both: the good news about loneliness is you're feeling it because you care about people,that's a good thing, although I read your intro and that's someone who can't care back.  And the upsides of alone are that you can be alone without being lonely, and it's a great opportunity to connect with yourself, something that has been missing if we've between caretaking, yes? 

[Hope0807]

Yes, totally.  I'm working it…sucks like hell.  Clawing my way back.  TY!

You're right, loneliness is a feeling, alone is a fact, and there is a difference.  Although there are upsides to both: the good news about loneliness is you're feeling it because you care about people,that's a good thing, although I read your intro and that's someone who can't care back.  And the upsides of alone are that you can be alone without being lonely, and it's a great opportunity to connect with yourself, something that has been missing if we've between caretaking, yes? 

[going places]

I know that loneliness is a feeling, not a fact, but I'm clawing my way through this and hate to feel so desperate to connect.

I worked to build his identify for him for years.  No idea he was actually lacking one!  Literally, I created a business and profession for him that he walks around parading in.  The business was my passion and now he gets to move forward with the fraud of it all.   As I force myself to heal and pay more attention to building my own identity and self worth, I am crippled with a lack of support.  I do not have children.  Friends and family are busy with their little ones and their world, so are coworkers.  I find it suffocating to be alone and I often am.  I'm going to try meetup groups.  Any other suggestions?

Volunteer

Volunteer in a field that matches your passions (like if your passion is food-find a place that deals with food to volunteer)

STOP focusing on him, what you lost, how he's a fraud, bla bla bla

START focusing on you.

YOUR dreams, YOUR passions, YOUR goals, etc.

Spend time at the library researching, writing stuff down, planning etc.

Change your thought patterns.

NO MORE thinking about HIM... .only you.

[Blimblam]

My view is to embrace the loneliness untill it is felt as contememt. Distractions are useful crutches but they will never Adress the underlying void that is te root of the feeling of loneliness. By all means use crutches you have been badly injured but remember that is what they are crutches. When you don't have distractions you still have yourself and the pain that must be felt and processed to find comfort in that void.

[Ihope2]

I think it will serve you well to find a balance between tolerating the loneliness and as Blimblam  points out, exploring it and what it represents to you; and then also connecting with others so as not to sink into too much isolation.  The trick is not to seek out just any people for the sake of not being alone.  You will want upbeat, positive, safe and empowering people to help energise you and encourage you.  As a way to break out of my isolation and loneliness and have a challenge to break out of my shyness and self-imposed isolation, I have joined my local Toastmasters and they are proving to be a fun bunch of individuals and we've had some good laughs so far at the meetings I've attended.

Good luck.

[Hope0807]

Thank you all.  I'm an avid volunteer and am currently re-engaging in that area.  I'm a pretty good self-starter in that sense and do know all the right things to do to pull myself out of this.  There's no lack of trying here.  Although loneliness is a "feeling" I must endure through as I heal, alone is a fact…and that fact is mine.  Everyone around me has either children or family members that provide distractions, support, or both.  I have neither family nor children.  At the risk of sounding like I'm wallowing in a pity party - here and my T's office are the only places I allow myself to fully admit how much being in this place of alone and lonely sucks.

[foggydew]

Hope, I understand very well what you are saying, being in a similar situation. The 'lonely' feeling does go away most of the time, and I can actively enjoy being alone, but then there are those days where it comes back in full force, and not being part of a family you can relax back into is really difficult. I keep trying to concentrate on the idea that occasional feelings of loneliness are the price I have to pay for being independent and free the rest of the time.

[Hope0807]

I like that, and agree.  Thank you!

Hope, I understand very well what you are saying, being in a similar situation. The 'lonely' feeling does go away most of the time, and I can actively enjoy being alone, but then there are those days where it comes back in full force, and not being part of a family you can relax back into is really difficult. I keep trying to concentrate on the idea that occasional feelings of loneliness are the price I have to pay for being independent and free the rest of the time.

[Shankz]

loneliness is what i believe the deadliest disease, at least for me. but once i'm lonely, i just shut my eyes and try to remember the last thing made me smile.