7 weeks and I am still a mess.

[Startattoo2]

Hi all

Finding some great info on here.

When I was single, I dreamed if a wonderful girlfriend.

In my ex who I'm sure had BPD, I found her, funny, charming , attractive, I'm quite shy and she was quite forward, brought me out of my shell in regards intamacy. Took me to pubs and helped me with my social anxiety issues.

I loved her so much, the places we went and the things we did.

She had her issues, so was not perfect.

It's been 7 weeks, I figured she dumped me after I started to stand up for myself, basically I told her that she was funny about my reaction to her drinking so much, and I basically said- you told me you drink, that's that. And I accept you with drink our leave. So I'm accepting you with drink.

She did look surprised.

Since then, I've had a few accusational texts etc.

I know I've elements of codependance in me, and I'm still a mess, I fill my time and keep myself busy, but I feel like I've lost the only person who ever understood me, the person who gave me a social life, the person who was kind to me.

I looked over all the issues as I thought it was love, and girls like that don't go out with people like me, I was on top of the world.

I still think about her each hour of each day, I don't want too. I miss her so much. I know she will have somebody else. I think she dumped me on the advise of a friend as she know how it was headed, she's seen the pattern before in her life.

How do i move on? I have issues with hanging on to stuff, and this is like the biggest disaster of my life.

Thanks folks, you are the best support for us all on here.

[irishmarmot]

Glad to see you are posting here.  Welcome.  You are among friends here that share a common bond.  The one gift that my expwBPD gave to me was showing me the FOO issues in my life.  I have been in therapy for almost a year now and it is helping me immensely.   I was in a lot of pain at 7 weeks NC but i can assure that you will be feeling better as you start to detach.  Posting on this site and reading about BPD also helped me detach.  Your ex has a serious mental illness so it is not your fault .  As time goes by you will begin to understand.  Remember that the way you feel right now is normal.  The rumination will go away with time and you will be able to move on with your life.  Take care.

[Aussie0zborn]

... .I feel like I've lost the only person who ever understood me, the person who gave me a social life, the person who was kind to me.

It's your job to understand yourself, give yourself a social life and be kind to yourself. Once you have done all that yourself, a nice new girl will appear one day soon.

You need to read the forum and the resources here so that you can understand BPD and how there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome.

After eight weeks it will be easier. After nine weeks it gets easier still. Just remember that pwBPD don't necessarily love you, they love what you do for them. In the end, they will hate you for it so it's better that you got out now. Be kind to yourself and stay out. The pain subsides day by day. You will get there in the end.

[Fluff]

Hi Startattoo! Your story reminds me of my story. I hadn't had a girlfriend for a loong time and then she appeared. I know how happy you must have been and how sad and confused you must be now.

It's been 22 weeks for me now and I'm still a mess! Haha, but its so much better than before! It gets better.

This Saturday I had a date! And soon you will too. And when you do, you will know how much you learned from you relationship. You're on your path to find your real relationship Startattoo. Believe that.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

What exactly does FOO stand for?

[Deeno02]

What exactly does FOO stand for?

Family of orgin