9 months and i still can not believe that she is gone

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

i have been here for long. i have been off this forum for 2 or 3 months. rebuilding my new life step by step after i have recognized my issues. i am doing ok. i am aware of these moments, hours or even days where she comes on my mind and i feel the blues. i still cant believe that she is gone. i still cant believe that she is BPD. i am still waiting for her to come back as the person as i have identified with during the idealization of our interaction. i am praying every day to God to either give her back to me (the person i thought she is) or to make me meet someone good enough as her. maybe i will feel what i felt with her during the idealization. maybe i would never feel that high again until i die. dont get me wrong, i am not trying to get a shortcut or a quick fix inorder not to deal with my issues. i am dealing with them. but during my quarter life crisis (diagnosed) i need to feel loved. i need someone to go home to, hug me in bed, tell me its all going to be ok and let me sleep in her arms. other aspects in my life are not going well too. but i am standing up and i will continue to stand up and not kneel until the last breath. its just sometimes we need the companionship to make us feel that we can keep going. thanks for letting me to vent.

[antjs]

i have been here for long. i have been off this forum for 2 or 3 months. rebuilding my new life step by step after i have recognized my issues. i am doing ok. i am aware of these moments, hours or even days where she comes on my mind and i feel the blues. i still cant believe that she is gone. i still cant believe that she is BPD. i am still waiting for her to come back as the person as i have identified with during the idealization of our interaction. i am praying every day to God to either give her back to me (the person i thought she is) or to make me meet someone good enough as her. maybe i will feel what i felt with her during the idealization. maybe i would never feel that high again until i die. dont get me wrong, i am not trying to get a shortcut or a quick fix inorder not to deal with my issues. i am dealing with them. but during my quarter life crisis (diagnosed) i need to feel loved. i need someone to go home to, hug me in bed, tell me its all going to be ok and let me sleep in her arms. other aspects in my life are not going well too. but i am standing up and i will continue to stand up and not kneel until the last breath. its just sometimes we need the companionship to make us feel that we can keep going. thanks for letting me to vent.

[antonio1213]

This is Codependent talk. I won't hate because I am codependent too. I miss my gf dearly and I can't believe she is gone either, it hurts really badly and I am working through it. My life isn't like my brothers life how he met his soulmate in high school and they have been together ever since and have the best relationship I have EVER seen. He did all this on his first try.  My first real longterm relationship was with a BPD girl who had severe symptoms. I fell deeply in love with her but in the end she ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and walked away and hasn't turned back. Every day is a challenge. Every person on this planet wants someone to hold them, to tell them everything is going to be ok, and love them.

Here is some perspective: There is still slavery in the world. Child slavery. Some children are bought for 230 euros, brought to factories or plantations and work for no money at all. Some young women (age 13-16) are forced to marry men in their 30s or 40s in some cultures around the world. The fact that you are able to access this internet right now shows just how fortunate you are because some people in the world have never even seen a calculator. my point, life isn't fair. And their are people with FAR greater problems than wanting someone to tell them everything is going to be okay, and needing companionship in their life. If this is your worst problem in life, you are doing better than 50% of the other people on this rock.

It is going to suck for awhile but do stuff you love and work on projects. That is what is getting me through the day. And I am happier without her. And I hate to break it too you but the girl you idealized isn't there, she never was. I know its a hard pill to swallow, I am currently trying to cope with that. But don't get bogged down with this girl, there are so many other ones out there. If you just went one town over you would run into probably 10 other girls who are just as compatible as your ex and not have the craziness attached to it. Go out and explore the world! there is so much out there she is such a small part of it. It would be a shame for her to take up any more of your time or energy as she already has.

Oh and by the way I am in the same position as you. Everything I told you I am struggling with and have to repeat to myself every single day just to get by. Goodluck

[Waifed]

AJ

Sorry to hear you are still struggling after 9 months. These relationships are difficult to get over. I am almost 14 months NC. I still get triggered at tmes and will begin ruminating about my past relationship. My P asked me if thoughts of my ex triggering me could it be that you associate sad situations with your ex so when sad situations occur I tend to think of her. Could this be partly what you are experiencing?

[antjs]

AJ

Sorry to hear you are still struggling after 9 months. These relationships are difficult to get over. I am almost 14 months NC. I still get triggered at tmes and will begin ruminating about my past relationship. My P asked me if thoughts of my ex triggering me could it be that you associate sad situations with your ex so when sad situations occur I tend to think of her. Could this be partly what you are experiencing?

Yes it is

[trappedinlove]

AJ, I miss my uBPDxso a lot still a year and a half post b/u and maintaining very low contact.

I learned to accept the loss. Believe she is gone for whatever reasons that are not in my control and I stopped hoping and waiting for rekindling, not even friendship.

I still feel a painful void without her in my life but I am very happy otherwise and in a new healthy r/s. We can live with the loss and recover from it despite the long time it takes for it to decay and heal completely.

[antjs]

My relationship with her lasted only 6 weeks

[Blimblam]

Aj

The way a pwBPD attaches can fill a void in us.  When they fill that void and we feel whole and complete it creates a sort of screen which the light within can project our "identity" onto.  Think of that screen as what we commonly refer to as a boundary. When we no longer have the ex to fill that void we become acutely aware of that void within us. The sort of darkness that the light within cannot project onto. So the ex is gone and we sort of seek other things to fill that void, hobbies, roles we take on, ideas of how we would like to see ourself.  Then when something triggers our awareness of this aspect of ourself still cast in darkness, this part of the void, we become aware of the object that once made this part feel the love and compassion of the light within, which was our ex.  So we think about our ex but really it is about this aspect of our unconcious part of ourself we are becoming aware of.  

Hope that makes sense.

"Your not your car. Your not your job. You're not how much money you make." -Tyler durden

Blimblam

[neverloveagain]

I relate big time im 7 months out and maintained nc of a ten relashionship with BPDexgf there has not been one day one hour that has gone by with out thinking of her it sucks because of the damage she has done. I dont feel any different than when we broke up. Time heals they say im not so sure. I feel a big nothing inside and nothing pleases me anymore. Not a dam thing.

[antjs]

I relate big time im 7 months out and maintained nc of a ten relashionship with BPDexgf there has not been one day one hour that has gone by with out thinking of her it sucks because of the damage she has done. I dont feel any different than when we broke up. Time heals they say im not so sure. I feel a big nothing inside and nothing pleases me anymore. Not a dam thing.

this !

[ajr5679]

same here.

[neverloveagain]

I read a lot of good stories on here and find some good answers, but i havent budged a bit since my split i know she was bad news for me but i stayed and tried. I have forgiven her nature i knoe she does not choose to be the way she is, i forgave me for enabling her too much. But i hear the pain its real its mine but i dont feel different i still love her and i will never forget. I feel like i wont trust anyone again.