Is it possible that I have PTSD from this relationship?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was only with her about a year and a half, but damn, she sure left her mark.

I remember one day our friend was over and she and my wife were watching tv so I decided to go to the other side of my condo and shred some papers. I have a big paper shredder and let things pile up and just do them all at once. So I was over there, shredding away... .my wife was not in my line of sight from where I was... .suddenly I noticed it got really quiet over there, so I stopped shredding.

Turns out she was cowering under a blanket, "triggered", and said it was from the noise of the shredder. She was really mad at me and threw a big fit and I had to get her a xanax. I felt really really bad and like it was my fault. I felt stupid that I should have somehow known that it would bother her.

Fast forward to last night when I decided to do some shredding (I live alone now). I had almost finished, when I remembered that incident, and suddenly felt like I was having my own trigger! I got really upset, started shaking, breathing faster, and crying... .I had to text a friend to help calm me down, then I worked on my crochet project to try and distract.

What the? I felt awful! Could this possibly be PTSD?

[SpringInMyStep]

I was only with her about a year and a half, but damn, she sure left her mark.

I remember one day our friend was over and she and my wife were watching tv so I decided to go to the other side of my condo and shred some papers. I have a big paper shredder and let things pile up and just do them all at once. So I was over there, shredding away... .my wife was not in my line of sight from where I was... .suddenly I noticed it got really quiet over there, so I stopped shredding.

Turns out she was cowering under a blanket, "triggered", and said it was from the noise of the shredder. She was really mad at me and threw a big fit and I had to get her a xanax. I felt really really bad and like it was my fault. I felt stupid that I should have somehow known that it would bother her.

Fast forward to last night when I decided to do some shredding (I live alone now). I had almost finished, when I remembered that incident, and suddenly felt like I was having my own trigger! I got really upset, started shaking, breathing faster, and crying... .I had to text a friend to help calm me down, then I worked on my crochet project to try and distract.

What the? I felt awful! Could this possibly be PTSD?

[DangIthurts]

Probably man, they leave their mark, I'm successful and have tons of potential (not to toot my own horn), and have been beat to hell by someone who is petite and far less of a capable human being.

I think time heals, I was having legit panic attacks and I'd never had that feeling where your heart is coming-out of your chest, not even on 600mg of caffeine when lifting weights, like I did with her. But its slowly gotten better the longer I'm detached

My advice get out and live life, I think those scars will always be there and I'm barely starting to heal but I can see that being around people who aren't like this and doing productive things will ease it and I think it'll go away.

I mean I've dated beautiful successful women been with multiple girls, and never had one beat the living S* out of me the way this one did.

[Inside]

Hi Strawberries, just happened upon your post ... .not ‘following you or anything’  

I suspect PTSD is an aftermath of having been on the receiving end of BPD…  I’ve still lingering thoughts of pain with regard to the crazy crap my xBPgf put me through ... .or I allowed myself to be put through.  Thinking back, it was intense, with so much happening in such a short time.  Always on my toes    ... .that’s gotta leave a mark.

Also, whenever we’d break up I’d have a week or two of bliss - no more ‘walking on eggshells’  Pure relief!  So yes, that level of stress and trauma definitely leaves us shaken.

Nearly a year out now, and with some serious perspective, I know I’m healing … if only acknowledging the outrageous trip I was on - like a drug … with flashbacks... .

[enlighten me]

As an ex soldier who has also worked in iraq and afghan. Who has been shot at, mortared and rocketed more times than I even care to think about I would like to say that my uBPDexgf left me with PTSD. I never in my career came anywhere close but living on constant edge with her left me in a state. I still get the occassional trigger when I do things that she would have jumped down my throat for. It does get better but it takes time.

[Recooperating]

Hell yes! I was a basket case! The constant walking on eggshells, the constant rages out of nowhere, watching my words, the accusations, left me a mess.

I had to change my ringtones on my Phone. I would go through the roof whenever I heard the whatsapp tone.

I got a burn out form 2 years of constant stress. I had panic attacks, heart racing, headaches, shivers, all the works... .

Slowly getting better now. I've had some ___ thrown at me in my life, but this rs nearly killed me.

[SpringInMyStep]

Hell yes! I was a basket case! The constant walking on eggshells, the constant rages out of nowhere, watching my words, the accusations, left me a mess.

I had to change my ringtones on my Phone. I would go through the roof whenever I heard the whatsapp tone.

I got a burn out form 2 years of constant stress. I had panic attacks, heart racing, headaches, shivers, all the works... .

Slowly getting better now. I've had some ___ thrown at me in my life, but this rs nearly killed me.

Wow, 2 years! Mine was almost that long but the damage seems like it's from a much longer relationship. Yes, the sounds! I had to alter my entire life... .volume of the tv, sleeping with the bedroom windows closed in the hot summer because of outside noises, not being able to vacuum when she was around, my dog barking... .so many things.

I'm working on some health issues right now so hopefully will at least feel better from those things soon. But the mental stuff is harder. I do have a T and she's great.

[Hope0807]

Love this.  Something about the delivery and honestly…love it.  Thanks!

Probably man, they leave their mark, I'm successful and have tons of potential (not to toot my own horn), and have been beat to hell by someone who is petite and far less of a capable human being.

I think time heals, I was having legit panic attacks and I'd never had that feeling where your heart is coming-out of your chest, not even on 600mg of caffeine when lifting weights, like I did with her. But its slowly gotten better the longer I'm detached

My advice get out and live life, I think those scars will always be there and I'm barely starting to heal but I can see that being around people who aren't like this and doing productive things will ease it and I think it'll go away.

I mean I've dated beautiful successful women been with multiple girls, and never had one beat the living S* out of me the way this one did.

[DangIthurts]

Love this.  Something about the delivery and honestly…love it.  Thanks!

Probably man, they leave their mark, I'm successful and have tons of potential (not to toot my own horn), and have been beat to hell by someone who is petite and far less of a capable human being.

I think time heals, I was having legit panic attacks and I'd never had that feeling where your heart is coming-out of your chest, not even on 600mg of caffeine when lifting weights, like I did with her. But its slowly gotten better the longer I'm detached

My advice get out and live life, I think those scars will always be there and I'm barely starting to heal but I can see that being around people who aren't like this and doing productive things will ease it and I think it'll go away.

I mean I've dated beautiful successful women been with multiple girls, and never had one beat the living S* out of me the way this one did.

The saddest part is, all that I know, all that I've read about this not changing, maybe my own ego, or issues, if she texted me right this second saying sorry let me come see you. I would ... And I've been talking to a few very nice girls. I'm honest with them though that this is going on and I'm dealing with a TON but that if she came calling I'd probably listen and I'm looking to take any new relationship VERY SLOW...

Its insane how twisted I've gotten my own head over this, I'm running 5-10 miles a day lifting weights at an insane pace, got tendentious so taking a week off , and eating healthier than ever... .It's just baffling to me that even knowing what I'd know my heads still saying if she hits the right buttons you'll go back.

I think the one great thing vs. girls that actually have tried to string me along, is that BPDex is incapable of not showing anger or dissatisfaction to such an extent that she's not capable of stringing someone along with flirting, or kindness enough to really keep me engaged, if I got a flood of nice and effort. I'd go back. Which is why I'm hoping when she told me she's done and she's been gone roughly 3 weeks with one chat, she's gone because right now, she's just gotta say the right stuff and be around in person n I'd go right back down that awful rabbit hole.


My best advice to anyone reading this... .If they're gone DO NOT open communication with them, I'm at least capable of that much self control and respecting her wishes. You will work it all out at some point, and just like she came into your life unexpected someone else much better will (Unless you have bad luck) let them stay gone if they are. Not only is it enabling the behavior that caused them to leave, its feeding that ego, and power that we all have seen turned against us.

[Pingo]

I am dealing with many things that trigger me.  I have always had anxiety problems but never to the extent I have had since being in this r/s and since the BU.  I also had to change my ring tone on my phone, I blocked him with an app.  I can't watch certain TV shows or movies without getting completely agitated.  If I encounter any road rage I have a panic attack, to the point where I have changed my route home after encountering someone raging at me on the road for driving too slow (10km over the speed limit!).  If anything catches me by surprise the adrenaline surge floods me and it takes me an hour to calm down, including loud noises.  I am hypervigilant, always trying to be ready for the next thing.  I even see imaginary stuff out of the corner of my eye sometimes and makes me wonder if I'm hallucinating!  My spider phobia has gotten much worse this year which has to be tied in to feeling completely out of control).  Wow, typing this makes me feel a little crazy!  I am super sensitive to any kind of rejection or criticism and I completely over react.  I've been quite the introvert lately and it's all to avoid any triggers.  (And yes I am getting counselling thank God)

[antonio1213]

I am naturally a paranoid person, well I get more paranoid than I should, I guess I am a sensitive person. When I was with my Bpd I literally had more paranoia and anxiety than I have ever had in my life. Especially toward the end of the relationship. She ___ed me up mentally.

Even now more than a month after b/u and NC I still can't do things that I use to do before. My anxiety level is through the roof but getting a lot better now that she is gone.

[vortex of confusion]

I grew up in a very dysfunctional household. This past week, I was reminded just how volatile it was because my parents and my brother are on the outs. It is that time of year again.  That isn't the point. The point is that I don't recall having the level of anxiety and panic that I have now. In all of the years of dysfunction, I don't think I was ever this big of a basket case. Yeah, my family could be douche bags but the outbursts and stuff were not an everyday occurrence. Given the crazy that I grew up with, I am wondering how in the world my husband could reduce me to being such an anxious panicky person. I have always been a little sensitive to criticism but now it feels absolutely earth crushing and makes me panic.

My husband has this thing about the radio in the car. If it is left up too loud and he turns the car on, he freaks out. The girls and I did it as a joke one time and you would have thought that we tried to kill him. I learned to make sure that the radio is turned down and OFF before I shut the car off. It is funny because there are times when I go to work that I will turn the radio up full blast and then shut the car off so that when I start the car I will get blasted with the radio. I know that seems so silly of me. There are a lot of little things that he has to have just so or he gets weird. It is so difficult to describe and is so subtle that it is very easy for me to think that I am imagining things.

[ATLandon]

As an ex soldier who has also worked in iraq and afghan. Who has been shot at, mortared and rocketed more times than I even care to think about I would like to say that my uBPDexgf left me with PTSD. I never in my career came anywhere close but living on constant edge with her left me in a state. I still get the occassional trigger when I do things that she would have jumped down my throat for. It does get better but it takes time.

I go to 12 step meetings with a guy I'm growing close to in our program who is Army. He just came home from Afghanistan a few years ago and now is in the process of leaving a relationship with a high conflict woman (I suspect she has a PD) and he said he'd rather be shipped back to the Middle East than deal with her. That one really caught me off guard!

[Pingo]

There are a lot of little things that he has to have just so or he gets weird. It is so difficult to describe and is so subtle that it is very easy for me to think that I am imagining things.

Ooh I know that oh so well Vortex, it is what makes you wonder if you are the one going mad!  When I now tell my friends about some of those little things and how he'd lose his mind or give me ST over, they just shake their head, they cannot believe it!

[Mr. Solo]

Yes. I was diagnosed with PTSD about six months ago based on what I went through with my dBPDw from 2010 until the time I was diagnosed.

My wife began BPDing on a major scale in June of 2010 and by the time December of 2012 rolled around, I was hearing voices and talking to myself. I was hyper vigilant because she had been hitting me for a while. If I was near her, and she moved quickly, I jumped. I lost my ability to make decisions. I know that sounds strange but I did. If I went to the grocery store, I was so afraid to disappoint my wife (or anyone for that matter) I would be a nervous wreck trying to decide what to get. It was like that with everything though. My hands shook really bad. My short term memory became clouded. I had anxiety attacks. A few times, I thought I had a stroke. I don't know what it was but I would just black out for a few hours. In June of 2010, I weighed 200 pounds at 5-9. The first year or so after that I got down to 150. Then I got up to 250. Then I got back down to 145. I had nightmares. Once I woke up in our laundry room naked.

I think you get the point.

[Deeno02]

As an ex soldier who has also worked in iraq and afghan. Who has been shot at, mortared and rocketed more times than I even care to think about I would like to say that my uBPDexgf left me with PTSD. I never in my career came anywhere close but living on constant edge with her left me in a state. I still get the occassional trigger when I do things that she would have jumped down my throat for. It does get better but it takes time.

Im with you man. I was bad enough with combat tours. This lady made me feel like warmed over dog ___. Same signs and symptoms. I told her when we got together I had PTSD already. I was in for the full count with her. Totally in. Then the damage began, eventually leading to me being split and finally being dumped. Im filled with guilt, shame, withdrawn, anxious, hypervigilant as Im afraid to go out because I dont want to run into them, flashbacks (ruminations) and depressed. All from 16 months together. I spent 26 years in the military with 7 combat tours and to be honest, I would rather go back to the 'stan or Iraq then be with her. At least I knew who the enemy was there.

[DangIthurts]

As an ex soldier who has also worked in iraq and afghan. Who has been shot at, mortared and rocketed more times than I even care to think about I would like to say that my uBPDexgf left me with PTSD. I never in my career came anywhere close but living on constant edge with her left me in a state. I still get the occassional trigger when I do things that she would have jumped down my throat for. It does get better but it takes time.

Im with you man. I was bad enough with combat tours. This lady made me feel like warmed over dog ___. Same signs and symptoms. I told her when we got together I had PTSD already. I was in for the full count with her. Totally in. Then the damage began, eventually leading to me being split and finally being dumped. Im filled with guilt, shame, withdrawn, anxious, hypervigilant as Im afraid to go out because I dont want to run into them, flashbacks (ruminations) and depressed. All from 16 months together. I spent 26 years in the military with 7 combat tours and to be honest, I would rather go back to the 'stan or Iraq then be with her. At least I knew who the enemy was there.

I think you'll be good man, I made it through a death in front of me, worse break ups that ended in cheating where love was real and not like this. I think its new for us and it sucks cause you look at how awesome you are and how much YOU cared and your like What the heck is wrong with me. But just like (I'm making this analogy as a civilian) you can't control who gets hit on the battlefield you can't control what or how she processes it.

I'm clearly f*ed up by all this and exercise is the only saving grace for me and xbox and HBOGO , but keep being productive get yourself out there. Hell make some dating profiles and talk to girls that find you awesome... .I know its to early and its too early for me, but seeing "this girl liked your picture" this girl sent you a message even if it isn't someone you'd ever date. It feels good.

[SpringInMyStep]

As an ex soldier who has also worked in iraq and afghan. Who has been shot at, mortared and rocketed more times than I even care to think about I would like to say that my uBPDexgf left me with PTSD. I never in my career came anywhere close but living on constant edge with her left me in a state. I still get the occassional trigger when I do things that she would have jumped down my throat for. It does get better but it takes time.

I swear I wrote a response to you earlier but I guess it didn't post. Wow, reading the rest of the replies on this thread, I sense a common theme. I honestly didn't realize how much damage she did and that things could keep popping up as time goes by. I thought I was done being mad at her but apparently not.

[Inside]

It’s apparently not only emotional abuse - it emotional torture

I appreciate the military perspective, says a lot... . Seems we can be taught to tolerate battle, and can expect some eventual support and understanding.  But ‘survivors’ of a BPD r/s appear to go unnoticed and unsupported ... .except for around here, few can understand or relate.

... .after reading about the various irritations others have experienced it’s reminded me of how sensitive and instantly irritated - to the point of intolerant - I’ve become over my xBP’s ‘political views.’  We’d met amid a group of friends that share most political views, but it’s actually shocked me as to how disgusted and turned off I’ve become to some of the views my xBPDgf had supported…  I’m so traumatized from my time with her that apparently anything associated with her disgusts me; like food, movies & TV, fashion, places, music … and a whole lotta political stuff

[Pingo]

Hearing from you guys that have been in the military about your PTSD experience with the pwBPD is shocking but very validating.  I remember telling our MC about feeling like I may have some sort of PTSD and felt such embarrassment for it, like who was I to suggest such a thing, I hadn't seen combat or experienced any big trauma!  She totally dismissed what I was saying and I got no validation.  It wasn't until after we split and I started reading about BPD and PTSD that I found out it is possible!  I get so frustrated with it, I just want to feel normal again but knowing that I'm not alone helps in giving myself some compassion about it.

[Hope0807]

Hi Pingo,

How long were you in and how long have you been out of the r/s?  I've had totally different things/triggers happen but along the same lines of what you're explaining as far as hyper vigilant and adrenaline surges.  Normally, I'm calm and have never experienced anxiety in my life until this fallout and then breakup.  Please drive down that street someday soon.  Although my ex was never ever violent with me until once in the last year we were together, his behavior became so incredibly unpredictable and utterly CREEPY that I carried a knife in my pocket just to bring my garbage bag to the parking lot dumpster or walk my dog around the neighborhood.  I'm still fairly vigilant, but I'm no longer in a panic about carrying a knife.  We must face our fears to move forward and heal.  I'm not sure who said it, but it rang true for me…"Go through it, not around it."

You are on my mind and in my thoughts tonight.  I'm going to force myself to get to the gym this week.  The unstructured time and lack of a physically tired mind and body is sending me into a deep depression.

I am dealing with many things that trigger me.  I have always had anxiety problems but never to the extent I have had since being in this r/s and since the BU.  I also had to change my ring tone on my phone, I blocked him with an app.  I can't watch certain TV shows or movies without getting completely agitated.  If I encounter any road rage I have a panic attack, to the point where I have changed my route home after encountering someone raging at me on the road for driving too slow (10km over the speed limit!).  If anything catches me by surprise the adrenaline surge floods me and it takes me an hour to calm down, including loud noises.  I am hypervigilant, always trying to be ready for the next thing.  I even see imaginary stuff out of the corner of my eye sometimes and makes me wonder if I'm hallucinating!  My spider phobia has gotten much worse this year which has to be tied in to feeling completely out of control).  Wow, typing this makes me feel a little crazy!  I am super sensitive to any kind of rejection or criticism and I completely over react.  I've been quite the introvert lately and it's all to avoid any triggers.  (And yes I am getting counselling thank God)

[Hope0807]

Agreed, agreed, agreed!  I wish this forum had a "like" button 

It’s apparently not only emotional abuse - it emotional torture

I appreciate the military perspective, says a lot... . Seems we can be taught to tolerate battle, and can expect some eventual support and understanding.  But ‘survivors’ of a BPD r/s appear to go unnoticed and unsupported ... .except for around here, few can understand or relate.

... .after reading about the various irritations others have experienced it’s reminded me of how sensitive and instantly irritated - to the point of intolerant - I’ve become over my xBP’s ‘political views.’  We’d met amid a group of friends that share most political views, but it’s actually shocked me as to how disgusted and turned off I’ve become to some of the views my xBPDgf had supported…  I’m so traumatized from my time with her that apparently anything associated with her disgusts me; like food, movies & TV, fashion, places, music … and a whole lotta political stuff

[SpringInMyStep]

It’s apparently not only emotional abuse - it emotional torture

... .after reading about the various irritations others have experienced it’s reminded me of how sensitive and instantly irritated - to the point of intolerant - I’ve become over my xBP’s ‘political views.’  We’d met amid a group of friends that share most political views, but it’s actually shocked me as to how disgusted and turned off I’ve become to some of the views my xBPDgf had supported…  I’m so traumatized from my time with her that apparently anything associated with her disgusts me; like food, movies & TV, fashion, places, music … and a whole lotta political stuff

Wow I feel the same way! She had such strong opinions about everything - politics, the world, the environment, feminism, movies, tv, books, music, just everything - she thought she was right and everyone else was wrong. Now I find myself really getting back to what I like and not what she likes and even if on a rare occasion they overlap, I am so repulsed by anything she was into. She controlled everything so it's such a relief to be doing just what I want.

[Pingo]

Hi Pingo,

How long were you in and how long have you been out of the r/s?  I've had totally different things/triggers happen but along the same lines of what you're explaining as far as hyper vigilant and adrenaline surges.  Normally, I'm calm and have never experienced anxiety in my life until this fallout and then breakup.  Please drive down that street someday soon.  Although my ex was never ever violent with me until once in the last year we were together, his behavior became so incredibly unpredictable and utterly CREEPY that I carried a knife in my pocket just to bring my garbage bag to the parking lot dumpster or walk my dog around the neighborhood.  I'm still fairly vigilant, but I'm no longer in a panic about carrying a knife.  We must face our fears to move forward and heal.  I'm not sure who said it, but it rang true for me…"Go through it, not around it."

You are on my mind and in my thoughts tonight.  I'm going to force myself to get to the gym this week.  The unstructured time and lack of a physically tired mind and body is sending me into a deep depression.

Hi Hope, I am so sorry that you felt that afraid of your ex, afraid to leave your house without a knife!  It's a terrible thing!  I was paranoid that he was going to do something to me after we split.  I was paranoid he was watching me or doing surveillance by bugging my house.  I still have those thoughts although I don't ruminate about it anymore.  I worry about ever dating again.  I fear that he might do something to the guy.  So keeps me from dating although that's fine right now, don't want to.  These worries are fading.  He would say lots of stuff during our r/s to keep me on my toes, told me he knows how to pick locks, making comments like if he caught me cheating the guy would get the 'lead' treatment'.  He'd say stuff so 'matter of factly' or in a joking manner I never knew what to believe.  Lately I have stopped worrying so much about these things.  Figured he hasn't contacted me in mths so he's moving on.  Then I got a text Friday morning!  I have an app that blocked it and sent back a 'non delivered' message but I can still see it.  "he still loves me".  Great.   So I guess I was wrong because I have posted a couple of times that I doubt I'd ever hear from him again.  I was in the r/s for 4 yrs, out now for 5 mths. 

I think some of my hyper vigilance has come from him wearing off on me.  He was super paranoid and hyper vigilant.  He loved guns, it was his passion. He wished he had been a soldier, he wanted to be a 'warrior'.  He was really into conspiracies and would spend hours every day reading books about survivalism and prepping, Armageddon, 'the end of the world as we know it'.  He was really interested in Krav Maga. He loved knowing how he could kill someone if need be, all in the name of 'protecting his family'.   He always wanted to get me into this stuff but I really avoided it.  I was focused on self-sustainability but not because the world was going to end, just to live simply and back to nature sort of stuff.  I sure don't miss this stuff!  It was soo negative!

Going to the gym has got to help, I am not a gym goer but I did get out and did an hour hike today with my pup.  Good for the soul AND the body and mind!

[enlighten me]

Hearing from you guys that have been in the military about your PTSD experience with the pwBPD is shocking but very validating.  I remember telling our MC about feeling like I may have some sort of PTSD and felt such embarrassment for it, like who was I to suggest such a thing, I hadn't seen combat or experienced any big trauma!  She totally dismissed what I was saying and I got no validation.  It wasn't until after we split and I started reading about BPD and PTSD that I found out it is possible!  I get so frustrated with it, I just want to feel normal again but knowing that I'm not alone helps in giving myself some compassion about it.

PTSD is a very personal dissorder. Not in the way that we should keep it secret or be ashamed of it but in the way that we do the damage to ourselves. In iraq and afghanistan I didnt take things personally. Yes they were trying to kill me but it wasnt personal. With my uBPDexgf I took it personally. I dwelled on it. I blamed myself. I allowed myself to do the damage.

I am pretty much through it now but still have triggers. I avoid places and music that remind me of her. A big trigger for me is the tv show mellisa and joey as mellisa looks and acts like my ex. I dont think I will ever fully recover as the mind has a way of holding onto danger warnings.

[Tibbles]

My initial response to the question - can you get PTSD from the experience was "God Yes!" I'm a year and a half out and the panic attacks have gone now, the anxiety is still there when I think about difficult conversations we have to have over selling the house etc but I am healing and getting stronger and able to manage myself through the anxiety better. Still a long way to go but getting there.

I liked the comment PTSD is a personal thing - I think no two people are effected the same way by the walking on eggshell life, but it takes its toll on everyone and damages us all. We can recover - we'll be different from the experience but different can be good too. The thing is they will never be different and that is their burden to carry not ours.

[camuse]

Hey strawberries Always read your posts, feel like I know you personally 

Your ex sounds absolutely vile, I'm so pleased you are free now - but it's perfectly understandable you feel this way now.

Have you considered some therapy? It's a long tough road recovering from this kind of experience, and as others say, you have to do it alone - a T is very useful, even if it is just a couple of sessions.

Have you stopped stalking her dating profile now?

I'm a pretty relaxed guy, but my BPD ex left me physically twitching and shaking uncontrollably - don't underestimate the impact of these relationships. The scars are deep and long lasting.

Keep moving forward, I look forward to your eventual post that you are totally free from her, and you will get there It's guaranteed if you stay NC - and that means no stalking!

Be good to yourself, you've suffered enormously, PTSD seems very possible to me - but how to deal with that?

[SpringInMyStep]

Hey strawberries Always read your posts, feel like I know you personally 

Your ex sounds absolutely vile, I'm so pleased you are free now - but it's perfectly understandable you feel this way now.

Have you considered some therapy? It's a long tough road recovering from this kind of experience, and as others say, you have to do it alone - a T is very useful, even if it is just a couple of sessions.

Have you stopped stalking her dating profile now?

I'm a pretty relaxed guy, but my BPD ex left me physically twitching and shaking uncontrollably - don't underestimate the impact of these relationships. The scars are deep and long lasting.

Keep moving forward, I look forward to your eventual post that you are totally free from her, and you will get there It's guaranteed if you stay NC - and that means no stalking!

Be good to yourself, you've suffered enormously, PTSD seems very possible to me - but how to deal with that?

Hi camuse! Thanks for that... .I do have a great therapist and that's probably what helped me get out of this relationship.

So I'm hesitant to post a new topic on this, but she contacted me yesterday saying she had found me on a different site. I have no idea how, but she did. We ended up emailing back and forth and I said things... .I sort of unleashed. She's in deep denial. I asked her not to contact me anymore and she agreed, but we'll see. I think this incident will stop me from looking at her online profile because I really don't want to even see her face.

[Deeno02]

Hey strawberries Always read your posts, feel like I know you personally 

Your ex sounds absolutely vile, I'm so pleased you are free now - but it's perfectly understandable you feel this way now.

Have you considered some therapy? It's a long tough road recovering from this kind of experience, and as others say, you have to do it alone - a T is very useful, even if it is just a couple of sessions.

Have you stopped stalking her dating profile now?

I'm a pretty relaxed guy, but my BPD ex left me physically twitching and shaking uncontrollably - don't underestimate the impact of these relationships. The scars are deep and long lasting.

Keep moving forward, I look forward to your eventual post that you are totally free from her, and you will get there It's guaranteed if you stay NC - and that means no stalking!

Be good to yourself, you've suffered enormously, PTSD seems very possible to me - but how to deal with that?

Hi camuse! Thanks for that... .I do have a great therapist and that's probably what helped me get out of this relationship.

So I'm hesitant to post a new topic on this, but she contacted me yesterday saying she had found me on a different site. I have no idea how, but she did. We ended up emailing back and forth and I said things... .I sort of unleashed. She's in deep denial. I asked her not to contact me anymore and she agreed, but we'll see. I think this incident will stop me from looking at her online profile because I really don't want to even see her face.

you got to dump her from the social media, dating sites etc. Causes more harm than good.

[SpringInMyStep]

you got to dump her from the social media, dating sites etc. Causes more harm than good.

Yes I know. The funny thing is, I feel oddly better this morning after being able to say things to her that I'd been holding back. Seriously, the air smells better and I have a spring in my step. 

[Deeno02]

you got to dump her from the social media, dating sites etc. Causes more harm than good.

Yes I know. The funny thing is, I feel oddly better this morning after being able to say things to her that I'd been holding back. Seriously, the air smells better and I have a spring in my step. 

Good! Save that energy. She will try and get the last word... .