My acceptance - I've seen the light

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've been on here for a while, but lately have been doing a lot more reading than posting.  Our friend 2010's posts have been beyond insightful. 

Something that I've known intellectually for a long time but have not been able to process emotionally has finally "clicked":

She has a personality disorder, and I cannot fix her.

Plain and simple.  I could (and likely will) continue to post, but all the stories on here are so alike.  That is a good thing.  It is a reminder to all of us that we are not here suffering alone and that the irrational behaviors caused by this disorder are pretty consistent. 

She is emotionally arrested and unstable.  I have my own issues that attracted me to such a person.  I can only work on myself; I cannot change her, nor do I want her in my life.

I have accepted these facts and am moving on with my life.  Do I still feel the pain of the loss? Yes. Am I ready to meet other women? No. But I want to work in myself - in therapy, in my career, in the gym & healthy eating - so I can create a life worth living.  The highs of being with her were a wonderful fantasy.  But they were just that - a fantasy - and when she tore me down the lows were so terrifying I don't think I can go through another relationship like that again.  So I am taking care of myself to better my future and I am happier for it.   

[StayOrLeave15]

I've been on here for a while, but lately have been doing a lot more reading than posting.  Our friend 2010's posts have been beyond insightful. 

Something that I've known intellectually for a long time but have not been able to process emotionally has finally "clicked":

She has a personality disorder, and I cannot fix her.

Plain and simple.  I could (and likely will) continue to post, but all the stories on here are so alike.  That is a good thing.  It is a reminder to all of us that we are not here suffering alone and that the irrational behaviors caused by this disorder are pretty consistent. 

She is emotionally arrested and unstable.  I have my own issues that attracted me to such a person.  I can only work on myself; I cannot change her, nor do I want her in my life.

I have accepted these facts and am moving on with my life.  Do I still feel the pain of the loss? Yes. Am I ready to meet other women? No. But I want to work in myself - in therapy, in my career, in the gym & healthy eating - so I can create a life worth living.  The highs of being with her were a wonderful fantasy.  But they were just that - a fantasy - and when she tore me down the lows were so terrifying I don't think I can go through another relationship like that again.  So I am taking care of myself to better my future and I am happier for it.   

[CareTaker]

Very true.

I see the light as well, and realize the danger I was in. Emotionally and physically. I realize this woman has the ability to completely destroy me. Like some unlucky ones on this site. I am just ever thankful that I walked out.

Do I miss her? Yes. Every day. I just cannot puzzle out why my mind thinks like this. Am I still looking for a clue just to confirm that she is not sick in her mind? After everything she did to me.?

It really is confusing some times, and although I am healing, I still have bad days.

[Mutt]

Hi Caretaker. StayOrKeave15 makes a good point. The  comes on at a certain point. I struggled with this for months personally and it finally clicked in. The person that I loved is mentally ill. I didn't want to believe it to be true and I was in denial. It's clear as day when I interact with her now. 2010's posts helped me as well and other sources.

[CareTaker]

The person that I loved is mentally ill. I didn't want to believe it to be true and I was in denial

   

No truer words ever spoken. It is hard to face the facts, and realize that no matter what it takes, you have no option but to let go.

Knowing she picked up her next victim within 2 weeks of me walking, just is proof that her lift does not go all the way to the top.

[StayOrLeave15]

The person that I loved is mentally ill. I didn't want to believe it to be true and I was in denial.

I have to re-quote Mutt here.  That is the truth and there is no way around it. 

We may try to fix, rationalize, change, etc. whatever we think we can do for our partners because we feel that we love them.  But at some point, the only way to move on is acceptance.

On one hand it feels like a deep loss, but on the other, there was really nothing ever there.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

The person that I loved is mentally ill. I didn't want to believe it to be true and I was in denial.

I have to re-quote Mutt here.  That is the truth and there is no way around it. 

We may try to fix, rationalize, change, etc. whatever we think we can do for our partners because we feel that we love them.  But at some point, the only way to move on is acceptance.

On one hand it feels like a deep loss, but on the other, there was really nothing ever there.

true dat on the deep loss part. Was smoke and mirrors.  i dont think

clusterbs PDscan truly love. i think they are incapable and trapped in a private prison we will never come to fathom.

thats why its soo hard for us to process it! bc it is unfathomable... and our brains want to make sense outof it! Well there is no making senseof it especially themore empathetic we are.

[myself]

Finding that the light also shines on us is one of the key moments.

Showing where we were, where we are, and where we could be.

It's up to us to keep the light on, appreciate and grow from it.

[StayOrLeave15]

thats why its soo hard for us to process it! bc it is unfathomable... and our brains want to make sense outof it! Well there is no making senseof it especially themore empathetic we are.

The emotional side of things is so difficult.  It defies all logic because they tough a deep part inside of us.  But when you finally "meet the wizard" everything comes together.  I'm not sure what the turning point was for me, and I know there could still be difficult days ahead in the future, but something definitely "clicked" for me.

She just doesn't have that aura about her anymore.  And she's not in my life.