My story 2 months later

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

2 months ago I had a happy family with a beautiful fiance, beautiful 16 month old daughter and a home full of love. As all couples we would have our occasional disagreement but we were really getting to the point where we could discuss and resolve disputes without anger and fighting. My only real reservations about the relationship were her not wanting to wake up in the AM to help with the baby, her being oblivious to my not getting enough sleep and every once in a while there would be delusional stories with accusation about me cheating that in most cases I proved her wrong and we were able to circumvent a major blow up. Example: DVD's were missing and she assumed I was having sex with a random person who I had sex with and she stole them, once hearing this accusation I called my roommate and he confirmed her took them because they were his, argument averted and I gave her a big hug because this was truly a moment she had to realize there's a problem and we could both learn from it. Another Example: I came home from work kissed her, kissed the baby and started cooking before I even had a chance to take my uniform off from work, its was movie night with the neighbors and we promised to cook burgers and fries, while I remained in the kitchen the whole time she insisted I took her cigarettes and gave them to the neighbor and my fiance's BFF who didn't even smoke, she started to cry and said everyone was against her and it wasn't fair, I took a break from cooking went out to see the neighbors and noticed her missing pack of cigarettes sitting on the table, her friend and the neighbor explained I never went outside and no one was plotting to steal your cigarettes, she gave a 1/2 ass apology and acted like noting happened. A few weeks later we got in a minor disagreement about me liking a girls picture on FB, I didn't even realize it did and it very well could have been my partner because at work her was using my phone, I apologized said it wouldn't ever happen again offered to delete my FB and we both agreed she would stay at her moms the night with the baby to clam down. The following day she returned while I was at work and became angry, screaming and calling me names because her salad was missing from the refrigerator, automatically she assumed a girl was here who ate the salad, I pleaded with her that's not me it's not who I am I love my family and wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize it. That fight blew over and things returned to normal. She was happy, i was happy and the baby was happy, with the holidays approaching her passing her GED test and me getting a new job everything seemed to be going great. The night before our split she looked me dead in the eyes said she would love me forever and has never been more happy in her life, I was so touched by this I almost cried. I even joked and said would you still love me if i was in a wheelchair, she said yes I'd wipe your butt, I said would you still love me if my penis fell off she said yes I'd buy a dildo. The following day I kissed her and the baby before I went to work (5am) with a smile on my face happy to be alive and loving my family. Around 1pm I received a  text that would change my life. It simply said: Really teen porn? I responded with what are you talking about? She said it's typical you'll deny it when it's right here I can see it in your history! I once again responded with I'm not sure what your talking about but I'm busy at work and I'll call you later, her response was I wont be here I'm taking the baby and going to my mothers. When things settled down at work I gave her a call and she was still enraged, I explained the day prior while we had another couple over for dinner I looked up the celebrity nudes that were leaked and a bunch of porn popped up and I immediately closed the windows. She began calling me a pervert, a liar and any other hurtful name she could. I wasn't in the mood or had the patience to deal with this and decided to just go to bed and give it all some thought. The following day i picked up the baby because she had work and we barley spoke, once he shift was done she asked for a ride and I agreed, it was a little late (12am) but I packed up the baby, explained we can't fight and shouldn't even talk if she's still mad and jumped in the back seat with the baby and let her drive. A few blocks from our house she asked if we were going to our house or her moms, I said it's totally up to you i know your upset so it's your call, she responded with if you weren't a pervert looking at teen porn we'd be going home. Something in me snapped, I reached forward at the stop light removed the keys from the car and insisted this isn't going to happen in front of our daughter, she's sleeping and you are showing her and me no respect. You can either take the truck and we will walk or your walking. I took the keys and the baby and gave her that ultimatum. She decided she would walk I returned to the truck with the baby and went home expecting she would be right behind me since our house was only a block away, she wasn't and she walked about a 1/2 mile to her mothers. The following day she was totally no contact, she added a coworker ( a bag boy from a local grocery store with no car who lives with his mother) on FB and started chatting it up with him, they made plans talked and I guess hung out a few times. One night while she was drunk after I confronted her about the new guy she changed her relationship status on FB to with him, blocked me and deleted all the pictures of us and our family on FB. I lost it and contacted him on FB as well as his mother who happens to be a nurse I know from a local hospital and pleaded with them both that what was going on is ridiculous, this guy has never had such a beautiful girl interested in him and never had a relationship and didn't care to hear what I had to say didn't respond but let my ex know I contacted him which make her more angry that only a week after our breakup I wasn't over it yet and told me to move on she's with someone new. Over the next few weeks I was spending lots of time at her house and she insisted her new relationship wasn't that serious and even if it wasn't for him we wouldn't and couldn't be together. I was content just being friendly helping her clean her room, helped her mom plunge a sink, took her grocery shopping and even came to her rescue a few times when she's needed rides to work or the night her and the new guy broke up. She texted me one morning and said she had a Dr/ appointment and asked if i could take the baby for a while, I said yes and I'd even give her a ride if she needed, she became irate and said NO I'll just take the baby with me, I was in a happy mood so I didn't let it get to me, I drove by her house on the way to work later and gave her a call asking if I could see the baby she said okay and I stopped by knocked at the door was invited in by her uncle who was bouncing my daughter on his knee, I gave the baby a hug and was heading out the door when she came storming down saying I cant be stopping by unannounced, and barging in like this. I was like wow I called and knocked what are you talking about, she said your only doing this because my boyfriend is here? I left upset and crying, I thought wow, a day ago it wasn't that serious now he's sleeping over with my daughter here? From that point on I realized any contact with me was her using me wanting rides, cigarettes, McDonald's or whatever she needed but it was never about me or the baby, I decided to go no contact focus on my daughter and get my life together. A few days later she called crying saying she needed a ride, it sounded serious so I packed up the baby and picked her up at his house. The whole way I couldn't imagine what could have happened this guy is a total douche who watched wrestling and tons of porn but he is a nice guy, what could he even ever do to upset her? She got in the car looking a mess saying she had the worst night ever, admitted she keeps making the same mistakes over and over and asked me if I was going to say I told you so... .I explained no it's not my place to say anything right now, I gave her a hug, held her hand and took her to work. A mutual friend told me the guy was on FB saying how much he loves her and hes sorry and want the opportunity to fix things, once again i cant imagine he did anything wrong but the following day I sent her a text to see how she was doing and she was in the best mood ever. Saying yesterday we stupid I'm over it, I don't need a man I'm only worried about my daughter. I was like wow that's the girl I once knew! I had the baby and still had her stuff in the car and was going to drop her off later in the evening and offered to give her a ride to work and she agreed, on the way she was cold and distant but I made her laugh a few times and she warmed up saying i cant believe your new car is a stick , I bet you did that so I cant ever drive it. I said no I'll teach you someday. (I didn't' mention I blew up the motor of my truck because I was so upset the new guy was sleeping in her bed and playing with my daughter when I stopped by) Thinking things were good I was kinda happy and inspired we can actually be friends again and communicate for the sake of our daughter. The next day I messaged her a few times talking about how happy we were and showed her pictures and tried to explain all couples fight and we really should try and work on it again. She became hurtful called me names said she was back with the new guy and we were never ever getting back together. I backed off regrouped, cleaned my house top to bottom and decided i needed to get a job and supporting my daughter is my only concern not her mood swings and actions. (I didn't mention I lost my job due to lateness and not showing up because she was at her new guys house on several occasions I tried to drop the baby off) I woke up determined applied for a few jobs and immediately got a call back and an interview! The interview went perfectly I was to start on Friday and would have the Friday , Saturday Sunday shift from 7am to 7pm! This created a baby concern because I have our daughter Thurs, Fri, Sat Sun so I called my ex and explained, she screamed insisted I did this on purpose it's her birthday week and I'm just trying to ruin it for her. and once again called me names. I'm so use to this that I just blew it off and stopped responding to her. later in the evening (while her new guy was at work) (last night) she was texting me saying sorry I over reacted I'm over you and our fighting i just want to be civil for the baby, I told her I agree and it will all workout, I tried once again to remind her of how happy we were and how much we accomplished but it only made her more upset. I've come to the conclusion that we will never be that happy family again and I'm only being used and treated badly so theres no hope in me trying to convince her of anything. She has history rewritten in her head only remembering my reactions to her temper (like me making her walk home) (locking her in the basement to clam down when she was screaming drunk at 2am while the baby was sleeping) without taking any responsibility for her own actions. It's sad my daughter has to live in the same home that my ex learned this behavior, it's even more sad despite our occasional arguments our family is broken but I can't let that stop me from being a good father. I can't be depressed, I can't lose focus and I can not allow someone with a disorder to negatively effect my life and my daughter life anymore. I have a new car, a new job, a beautiful home and a beautiful daughter. That's enough to make any man happy and I should appreciate all I have and not worry about all I lost because much of it was anger, abuse and rage. 2 months later I'm healing and it seems she's still suffering, I'm going to maintain no contact unless it's about our daughter and stay focused on bettering myself and learning more about BPD so I can better communicate and be civil with my ex for our daughters sake. Her Bday in in two days, I'm still debating on giving her something or not but honestly she really don't deserve anything.

[BrokenFamily]

2 months ago I had a happy family with a beautiful fiance, beautiful 16 month old daughter and a home full of love. As all couples we would have our occasional disagreement but we were really getting to the point where we could discuss and resolve disputes without anger and fighting. My only real reservations about the relationship were her not wanting to wake up in the AM to help with the baby, her being oblivious to my not getting enough sleep and every once in a while there would be delusional stories with accusation about me cheating that in most cases I proved her wrong and we were able to circumvent a major blow up. Example: DVD's were missing and she assumed I was having sex with a random person who I had sex with and she stole them, once hearing this accusation I called my roommate and he confirmed her took them because they were his, argument averted and I gave her a big hug because this was truly a moment she had to realize there's a problem and we could both learn from it. Another Example: I came home from work kissed her, kissed the baby and started cooking before I even had a chance to take my uniform off from work, its was movie night with the neighbors and we promised to cook burgers and fries, while I remained in the kitchen the whole time she insisted I took her cigarettes and gave them to the neighbor and my fiance's BFF who didn't even smoke, she started to cry and said everyone was against her and it wasn't fair, I took a break from cooking went out to see the neighbors and noticed her missing pack of cigarettes sitting on the table, her friend and the neighbor explained I never went outside and no one was plotting to steal your cigarettes, she gave a 1/2 ass apology and acted like noting happened. A few weeks later we got in a minor disagreement about me liking a girls picture on FB, I didn't even realize it did and it very well could have been my partner because at work her was using my phone, I apologized said it wouldn't ever happen again offered to delete my FB and we both agreed she would stay at her moms the night with the baby to clam down. The following day she returned while I was at work and became angry, screaming and calling me names because her salad was missing from the refrigerator, automatically she assumed a girl was here who ate the salad, I pleaded with her that's not me it's not who I am I love my family and wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize it. That fight blew over and things returned to normal. She was happy, i was happy and the baby was happy, with the holidays approaching her passing her GED test and me getting a new job everything seemed to be going great. The night before our split she looked me dead in the eyes said she would love me forever and has never been more happy in her life, I was so touched by this I almost cried. I even joked and said would you still love me if i was in a wheelchair, she said yes I'd wipe your butt, I said would you still love me if my penis fell off she said yes I'd buy a dildo. The following day I kissed her and the baby before I went to work (5am) with a smile on my face happy to be alive and loving my family. Around 1pm I received a  text that would change my life. It simply said: Really teen porn? I responded with what are you talking about? She said it's typical you'll deny it when it's right here I can see it in your history! I once again responded with I'm not sure what your talking about but I'm busy at work and I'll call you later, her response was I wont be here I'm taking the baby and going to my mothers. When things settled down at work I gave her a call and she was still enraged, I explained the day prior while we had another couple over for dinner I looked up the celebrity nudes that were leaked and a bunch of porn popped up and I immediately closed the windows. She began calling me a pervert, a liar and any other hurtful name she could. I wasn't in the mood or had the patience to deal with this and decided to just go to bed and give it all some thought. The following day i picked up the baby because she had work and we barley spoke, once he shift was done she asked for a ride and I agreed, it was a little late (12am) but I packed up the baby, explained we can't fight and shouldn't even talk if she's still mad and jumped in the back seat with the baby and let her drive. A few blocks from our house she asked if we were going to our house or her moms, I said it's totally up to you i know your upset so it's your call, she responded with if you weren't a pervert looking at teen porn we'd be going home. Something in me snapped, I reached forward at the stop light removed the keys from the car and insisted this isn't going to happen in front of our daughter, she's sleeping and you are showing her and me no respect. You can either take the truck and we will walk or your walking. I took the keys and the baby and gave her that ultimatum. She decided she would walk I returned to the truck with the baby and went home expecting she would be right behind me since our house was only a block away, she wasn't and she walked about a 1/2 mile to her mothers. The following day she was totally no contact, she added a coworker ( a bag boy from a local grocery store with no car who lives with his mother) on FB and started chatting it up with him, they made plans talked and I guess hung out a few times. One night while she was drunk after I confronted her about the new guy she changed her relationship status on FB to with him, blocked me and deleted all the pictures of us and our family on FB. I lost it and contacted him on FB as well as his mother who happens to be a nurse I know from a local hospital and pleaded with them both that what was going on is ridiculous, this guy has never had such a beautiful girl interested in him and never had a relationship and didn't care to hear what I had to say didn't respond but let my ex know I contacted him which make her more angry that only a week after our breakup I wasn't over it yet and told me to move on she's with someone new. Over the next few weeks I was spending lots of time at her house and she insisted her new relationship wasn't that serious and even if it wasn't for him we wouldn't and couldn't be together. I was content just being friendly helping her clean her room, helped her mom plunge a sink, took her grocery shopping and even came to her rescue a few times when she's needed rides to work or the night her and the new guy broke up. She texted me one morning and said she had a Dr/ appointment and asked if i could take the baby for a while, I said yes and I'd even give her a ride if she needed, she became irate and said NO I'll just take the baby with me, I was in a happy mood so I didn't let it get to me, I drove by her house on the way to work later and gave her a call asking if I could see the baby she said okay and I stopped by knocked at the door was invited in by her uncle who was bouncing my daughter on his knee, I gave the baby a hug and was heading out the door when she came storming down saying I cant be stopping by unannounced, and barging in like this. I was like wow I called and knocked what are you talking about, she said your only doing this because my boyfriend is here? I left upset and crying, I thought wow, a day ago it wasn't that serious now he's sleeping over with my daughter here? From that point on I realized any contact with me was her using me wanting rides, cigarettes, McDonald's or whatever she needed but it was never about me or the baby, I decided to go no contact focus on my daughter and get my life together. A few days later she called crying saying she needed a ride, it sounded serious so I packed up the baby and picked her up at his house. The whole way I couldn't imagine what could have happened this guy is a total douche who watched wrestling and tons of porn but he is a nice guy, what could he even ever do to upset her? She got in the car looking a mess saying she had the worst night ever, admitted she keeps making the same mistakes over and over and asked me if I was going to say I told you so... .I explained no it's not my place to say anything right now, I gave her a hug, held her hand and took her to work. A mutual friend told me the guy was on FB saying how much he loves her and hes sorry and want the opportunity to fix things, once again i cant imagine he did anything wrong but the following day I sent her a text to see how she was doing and she was in the best mood ever. Saying yesterday we stupid I'm over it, I don't need a man I'm only worried about my daughter. I was like wow that's the girl I once knew! I had the baby and still had her stuff in the car and was going to drop her off later in the evening and offered to give her a ride to work and she agreed, on the way she was cold and distant but I made her laugh a few times and she warmed up saying i cant believe your new car is a stick , I bet you did that so I cant ever drive it. I said no I'll teach you someday. (I didn't' mention I blew up the motor of my truck because I was so upset the new guy was sleeping in her bed and playing with my daughter when I stopped by) Thinking things were good I was kinda happy and inspired we can actually be friends again and communicate for the sake of our daughter. The next day I messaged her a few times talking about how happy we were and showed her pictures and tried to explain all couples fight and we really should try and work on it again. She became hurtful called me names said she was back with the new guy and we were never ever getting back together. I backed off regrouped, cleaned my house top to bottom and decided i needed to get a job and supporting my daughter is my only concern not her mood swings and actions. (I didn't mention I lost my job due to lateness and not showing up because she was at her new guys house on several occasions I tried to drop the baby off) I woke up determined applied for a few jobs and immediately got a call back and an interview! The interview went perfectly I was to start on Friday and would have the Friday , Saturday Sunday shift from 7am to 7pm! This created a baby concern because I have our daughter Thurs, Fri, Sat Sun so I called my ex and explained, she screamed insisted I did this on purpose it's her birthday week and I'm just trying to ruin it for her. and once again called me names. I'm so use to this that I just blew it off and stopped responding to her. later in the evening (while her new guy was at work) (last night) she was texting me saying sorry I over reacted I'm over you and our fighting i just want to be civil for the baby, I told her I agree and it will all workout, I tried once again to remind her of how happy we were and how much we accomplished but it only made her more upset. I've come to the conclusion that we will never be that happy family again and I'm only being used and treated badly so theres no hope in me trying to convince her of anything. She has history rewritten in her head only remembering my reactions to her temper (like me making her walk home) (locking her in the basement to clam down when she was screaming drunk at 2am while the baby was sleeping) without taking any responsibility for her own actions. It's sad my daughter has to live in the same home that my ex learned this behavior, it's even more sad despite our occasional arguments our family is broken but I can't let that stop me from being a good father. I can't be depressed, I can't lose focus and I can not allow someone with a disorder to negatively effect my life and my daughter life anymore. I have a new car, a new job, a beautiful home and a beautiful daughter. That's enough to make any man happy and I should appreciate all I have and not worry about all I lost because much of it was anger, abuse and rage. 2 months later I'm healing and it seems she's still suffering, I'm going to maintain no contact unless it's about our daughter and stay focused on bettering myself and learning more about BPD so I can better communicate and be civil with my ex for our daughters sake. Her Bday in in two days, I'm still debating on giving her something or not but honestly she really don't deserve anything.

[bounty]

Wow, how they fool us.  Hang in there, I have been married to mine for 24 years and the last 10 years I have held tight and been very fake for my daughters sake.  Well my daughters are gone now and we sleep in different rooms and don't talk.  I just stopped being fake and listening to his rants and raging.  I am making my own life and working on getting a good job.  Time will tell. Once we are caught and fooled by BPDs I think we need to do all we can for our children. That is my take, I just made it through these last few years.  I'm hoping I did not hurt my daughters and I don't think they really knew how bad things were. 

[BrokenFamily]

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with this for so long. You make a good point how they fool us and even more disturbing is they fool themselves. History is rewritten in their minds to justify the abusive behavior. The abusive behavior anger and rage that I've experienced is pent up emotions from her past she's yet to deal with, I no loner (or try to no longer) take is personally. What confuses me the most it how a BPD can just move on to a new relationship so quickly. It's been two months, I've been on dates, talked to girls and I'm not even emotionally ready to hold another girls hand yet. While she's in love, it's almost laughable but not funny : )   

[clydegriffith]

Wow, the first few sentences you post here were right on line with what happened to me. I also had a young child with the BPDx, and i was the one that had to wake up in the middle of the night to change, and feed the baby, etc, after i had been working all day and she stood home. She didnt' do much cleaning up around the house either as the place was usually not very well kept.

Like you, i was contantly being accused of cheating. She would go through my phone all the time and have insane episodes over me commenting about a random woman's appearance to my friend via text message. It was nothing serious, just typical guy stuff like "oh there's some nice eye candy around there". Completely harmless. One night i had to work really late, and i didnt' get home until around 2am. Shortly after getting home, my boss texts me to thank me again for staying late. As soon as she heard the notification sound, well that was world war 3. A fight that went ontinto the morning and i had to call the police because she kept attacking me and was physically blocking me from leaving. Unfortunatley for me they arrested both of us because she lied about what happenned and cops said when they dont know who started it they just arrest both parties.

In retrospect, her obsession accusing me of cheating had something more to do with herself as she was the one that would cheat with anyone that looked her way.

[BrokenFamily]

How are things now with the baby? One day I'm totally content with being a good dad and use being civil for our daughter and my ex seems to have a way of pulling me back giving me hope then slamming the door on my expectations. It could be all in my head but she's saying we will never be together again but looking at me like there's hope and sometimes treating me really good. The thought of dealing with her for the rest of my daughter life is a nightmare but if she pops back into her old self and not always angry it wont be that bad. She isn't always having rage and impossible to deal with it's usually about once or two times a month and often (in the past) I was able to clam her down and make her happy again.

[guy4caligirl]

I read al of your story , it gave me a flash back of my five years in a complete kiosk , do I feel with you or what ?

May god bless you and bring in someone in your life that do appreciate you .As I found out I think everyone on here has a good heart that's why we end up on this site .

This story touch me I felt I was with you at the moments of anger and saw my ex doing the same things of  course different stuff no baby but same behavior exactly .

No wonder why can't we get over them that quick . I think we should find a source like cocoon the movie swim in some kind of holly water to come out and don't remember anything that happened fresh and content , am dreaming but it's ok to dream to find calm .

[BrokenFamily]

Thank you; it's a daily struggle dealing with thoughts of her and how much I miss her and my daughter but it gets better everyday. I keep trying to be happy and appreciate all I still do have and enjoy the peace in my life now. Part of me wishes I had BPD so I could easily forget the past and just hook up and fall in love with the next random person I meet.