Hadlee,
It sounds like you've handled it pretty well. As I said, it's a very difficult situation and not one that most people have any experience with.
I understand what you mean about not wanting to say anything. I tried explaining to her a few times how her behaviour towards me screamed "crush". But eventually I realised that I was saying one thing and she was hearing something completely different. It was very frustrating.
I have felt that her seeing me in the flesh now is a trigger for her. She is fine with messages, I guess that feels safe for her.
It was exactly the same with us for about a year. For a long time she would look right through me when she saw me. Later, when we couldn't avoid interacting, she would look everywhere but at me. Things have improved a lot and we recently had a "normal" conversation. It was good, but I now permanently have my guard up. I just never know when she will dysregulate, so I keep our interactions brief and cheerful.
But as my T once said, "you are hurting, but she is hurting much worse."
I try to remind myself of this too. For a long time I was angry and I believed she was a cruel woman. Now I believe she is like a wounded animal that bites the person who tries to help it. She can't control her emotions. It's a horrible illness for all concerned.
All the best.
