facebook behavior

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So my ex has a new guy. I believe she's been seeing him for a few months but has only just added him on facebook. She is still down as single and this got me thinking that she did the same with me. Had the excuse that she didnt want to cause drama with her ex.

I know I should avoid fb but I find her behaviour fascinating. She has avoided it for a while but now she's posting all the time again. What I find funny is how attention seeking it is. She posted an outright lie about something trivial which got her plenty of comments.

Does this behaviour point towards the honeymoon period coming to an end? Is this something others have seen before?

The reason I ask is im avoiding one exs recycle probes and dont want to deal with the possibility of another.

[enlighten me]

So my ex has a new guy. I believe she's been seeing him for a few months but has only just added him on facebook. She is still down as single and this got me thinking that she did the same with me. Had the excuse that she didnt want to cause drama with her ex.

I know I should avoid fb but I find her behaviour fascinating. She has avoided it for a while but now she's posting all the time again. What I find funny is how attention seeking it is. She posted an outright lie about something trivial which got her plenty of comments.

Does this behaviour point towards the honeymoon period coming to an end? Is this something others have seen before?

The reason I ask is im avoiding one exs recycle probes and dont want to deal with the possibility of another.

[Blimblam]

It's hard to say.  You could always block her.

Haunting ur fb isn't doing you any favors.  Besides if you had two exs wanting you back and you get to be the one to kindly reject them isn't that like the ultimate closure?

[enlighten me]

Unfortunately fb is the only way she will comunicate when im away. Plus I use it more for interest into her condition rather than fawning over her.

you would think being able to eeject them would give a form of closure but with all the unanswered questions I will never have the closure we all truely desire.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

My exGF was on Facebook 24/7 - or the net for that matter.

Every time the text message beeped, she'd read, then reply. In bed, on a date, etc.

After a night out, we were supposed to head off to bed together, she said for me to get myself all comfy 0 she'd be up in a few minutes.  Nearly two hours later, after watching a movie alone, waiting, I went downstairs to find her sitting on the couch, dazed, and peeing into her phone, looking at Facebook.

She once had us as in a relationship early on, but removed it as quickly as she announced it.  By keeping herself single, she keeps the guys circling around her, waiting & hoping for the chance to hook up. She attributed that reason to "scorned ex BFs who keep stalking me"  Right.

It's all about attention and validation, from as many men as possible.  Quality means nothing - quantity is everything with her. If quality and true feelings meant anything at all, she'd have stayed with me.

[Earthbayne]

So glad I NEVER added her on Facebook and never gave into that demand. I didn't need that in my life.

But like others, mine was CONSTANTLY on Facebook. She had to look at other's lives. We had talks about it.

At the time I never understood what was so interesting on Facebook or Instagram that she had to keep looking back at it.

I did save her the trouble of ever having pictures of us on Facebook or relationship statuses. So in any "new" guys eyes, she's always been single.

[workinprogress]

My exGF was on Facebook 24/7 - or the net for that matter.

Every time the text message beeped, she'd read, then reply. In bed, on a date, etc.

After a night out, we were supposed to head off to bed together, she said for me to get myself all comfy 0 she'd be up in a few minutes.  Nearly two hours later, after watching a movie alone, waiting, I went downstairs to find her sitting on the couch, dazed, and peeing into her phone, looking at Facebook.

She once had us as in a relationship early on, but removed it as quickly as she announced it.  By keeping herself single, she keeps the guys circling around her, waiting & hoping for the chance to hook up. She attributed that reason to "scorned ex BFs who keep stalking me"  Right.

It's all about attention and validation, from as many men as possible.  Quality means nothing - quantity is everything with her. If quality and true feelings meant anything at all, she'd have stayed with me.

I've been reading some stuff from the "Manosphere" over the last couple of years.  I'm just researching many things to see how I allowed myself to become so exploited by other people, specifically women.

The "Manosphere" has a term for the facebook guys that line up for these women.  I think they call them "manginas,"  .

All of this is really starting to make sense to me.

There are men, who more than likely were raised by single mothers, who are desperately seeking approval and meaning from their lives from women.

The book "No More Mr. Nice Guy," really covers this.

I think I really allowed my family and my wife to emasculate me.  It's been a hell of a long journey to figure all of this out.

[Raybo48]

I agree with Blim on the fb issue, but that being said I will admit I've looked at my BPDxgf Facebook as well in the past and definitely noticed trends.   

I did find  that the more she posted the less she had supply in the form of a guy/rs.  She had to get supply from somewhere and fb was the easiest way to get plenty of attention from an endless supply of guy friends she has on there.  She's famous for making stuff up to get the attention she needs as well so it's a perfect stop gap until she finds a replacement.  Over time she became a selfie queen and about 95% of the stupid inspirational posts she'd put up always started with "I" or "me", which is consistent with the incredible self serving personality she has. 

As far as posting single on FB, she never once put 'in a relationship' while I was with her for three years and she never once has even mentioned another guy on there.  She keeps social media very separate so she can still get attention from her guy friends and they still think she's 100% single.  It's no mistake she does that because it's by design. 

[sirensong65]

From a females perspective then, I don't know what to make of my exPBD's behavior.  He can't wait to smear his latest crush all over his facebook page.  I was all over his page, pics of us, pics of my kids, our trips, etc.  Yet, I find out later he was chatting it up (most often sexting) with lots of women in FB and dating sites and carrying on numerous affairs behind my back from the very beginning all the way to the end.

Now he is dating the porn star.  I would think when he has such a conservative job with a fortune 500 company, he would want to keep her and his relationship with her on the down low. But OH NOO, they are posting together all over the internet, along with her announcing it EVERYWHERE that they are soulmates because they are both bi polar.  To me, this is both stupid and immature.  Why post all your business like that?

My burning thought is, he has cheated on every woman he has ever been with.  Will he cheat on her? Or is she wild and crazy enough that she will allow an open relationship so he can act on all his crazy I pulses without having to hide it anymore.

I find the whole union fascinating... .

[Raybo48]

From a females perspective then, I don't know what to make of my exPBD's behavior.  He can't wait to smear his latest crush all over his facebook page.  I was all over his page, pics of us, pics of my kids, our trips, etc.  Yet, I find out later he was chatting it up (most often sexting) with lots of women in FB and dating sites and carrying on numerous affairs behind my back from the very beginning all the way to the end.

Now he is dating the porn star.  I would think when he has such a conservative job with a fortune 500 company, he would want to keep her and his relationship with her on the down low. But OH NOO, they are posting together all over the internet, along with her announcing it EVERYWHERE that they are soulmates because they are both bi polar.  To me, this is both stupid and immature.  Why post all your business like that?

My burning thought is, he has cheated on every woman he has ever been with.  Will he cheat on her? Or is she wild and crazy enough that she will allow an open relationship so he can act on all his crazy I pulses without having to hide it anymore.

I find the whole union fascinating... .

Yea, that's pretty crazy.  He sounds like he doesn't mind plastering it everywhere so he can get max attention, which is more important that keeping up appearances at his job.  My ex was constantly PM'ing her guy friends on FB and I don't think she wanted to risk losing any attention if she announced she was with someone.  She's as bad or worse with emotional affairs so that's why I think she's more covert about it.  I even tried to explain to her one time about how damaging emotional affairs could be and I might as well have been speaking Latin.  She looked at me and acted like I was coming out of left field and it was perfectly fine to be carrying on with numerous men at the same time.  She had such an immature mind so I guess it shouldn't have surprised me. 

I'd be willing to bet your ex cheats on her too, they just can't help themselves and no matter who they think they found as 'soul mates' it never lasts because they are unable to sustain their emotions for very long.

[workinprogress]

From a females perspective then, I don't know what to make of my exPBD's behavior.  He can't wait to smear his latest crush all over his facebook page.  I was all over his page, pics of us, pics of my kids, our trips, etc.  Yet, I find out later he was chatting it up (most often sexting) with lots of women in FB and dating sites and carrying on numerous affairs behind my back from the very beginning all the way to the end.

Now he is dating the porn star.  I would think when he has such a conservative job with a fortune 500 company, he would want to keep her and his relationship with her on the down low. But OH NOO, they are posting together all over the internet, along with her announcing it EVERYWHERE that they are soulmates because they are both bi polar.  To me, this is both stupid and immature.  Why post all your business like that?

My burning thought is, he has cheated on every woman he has ever been with.  Will he cheat on her? Or is she wild and crazy enough that she will allow an open relationship so he can act on all his crazy I pulses without having to hide it anymore.

I find the whole union fascinating... .

I predict that he will cheat.  He is living a fantasy right now.  Fantasies don't last.  Her blemishes and warts will eventually appear, and he will devalue and discard her.

[Mutt]

From a females perspective then, I don't know what to make of my exPBD's behavior.  He can't wait to smear his latest crush all over his facebook page.  I was all over his page, pics of us, pics of my kids, our trips, etc.  Yet, I find out later he was chatting it up (most often sexting) with lots of women in FB and dating sites and carrying on numerous affairs behind my back from the very beginning all the way to the end.

Now he is dating the porn star.  I would think when he has such a conservative job with a fortune 500 company, he would want to keep her and his relationship with her on the down low. But OH NOO, they are posting together all over the internet, along with her announcing it EVERYWHERE that they are soulmates because they are both bi polar.  To me, this is both stupid and immature.  Why post all your business like that?

My burning thought is, he has cheated on every woman he has ever been with.  Will he cheat on her? Or is she wild and crazy enough that she will allow an open relationship so he can act on all his crazy I pulses without having to hide it anymore.

I find the whole union fascinating... .

I predict that he will cheat.  He is living a fantasy right now.  Fantasies don't last.  Her blemishes and warts will eventually appear, and he will devalue and discard her.

BlimBlam has a point.

It doesn't do the ex partner favors when you haunt their Facebook. It's speculation as to what the ex is up to and messages can be mixed. The belief system from a pwBPD is distorted.

I've been curious post-break up as well and peeked because I felt like my voice wasn't validated in the r/s and my voice was non-existant after the post break-up because ex was in a new committed relationship.

It's a guessing game as to how things will work out with the new partner. Things will unfold on their own merits. I think the best thing to do is to de-activate Facebook temporarily if we have the urge to peek and find it difficult or block our ex partners. It can add salt to the wounds and set us back and trigger feelings. The ruptured wounds from a break-up with an individual with a personality disorder is deep.

If your ex is with someone else, it's their business and their journey.

[Deeno02]

My exGF was on Facebook 24/7 - or the net for that matter.

Every time the text message beeped, she'd read, then reply. In bed, on a date, etc.

After a night out, we were supposed to head off to bed together, she said for me to get myself all comfy 0 she'd be up in a few minutes.  Nearly two hours later, after watching a movie alone, waiting, I went downstairs to find her sitting on the couch, dazed, and peeing into her phone, looking at Facebook.

She once had us as in a relationship early on, but removed it as quickly as she announced it.  By keeping herself single, she keeps the guys circling around her, waiting & hoping for the chance to hook up. She attributed that reason to "scorned ex BFs who keep stalking me"  Right.

It's all about attention and validation, from as many men as possible.  Quality means nothing - quantity is everything with her. If quality and true feelings meant anything at all, she'd have stayed with me.

Mine never changed r/s status either and I wasn't going to do it. No pictures of us. I think there may be like 3 or 4 in existence. Gone now for sure. Kept her self single... hmm, interesting thought.