What type of ending did you have?

[Confused?]

I am just wondering about the different type of ending after being replaced.

I was replaced. But my exBPD actually admits what she did was wrong. She tells me how sorry she is and how she can't believe she did it to me.

Just wondering how many of you had similar experiences. I've read a lot about BPD not owning up to what they did. Still blaming the non for the break up. What was your end like?

[maric]

Mine was awful. We were supposed to travel together. I left 5 days earlier, to spend some time with my family. Last day before she had left for the trip, replaced me. Came to meet me and said it was over. Lost my vacation. And oh, it was between Christmas and New Years.

One of the worst episodes of my life.

[Spartacus]

Hi Confused?

Not sure if I can say this has ended yet as my uBPDw continues to send me messages and needs dialogue. I have been NC for 4 months now although she broke that a couple of times by forcing a meeting and breaking my clear boundary setting. The end or rather start of the NC followed increasing cycles of dysregulation every couple of days and only a few weeks after our wedding. It reached a point where I could see her gaslighting, mood swings and blame but was too conditioned to accepting it and trying to fix it. Her gaslighting went too far on one occasion and the FOG started to clear. I requested time and space apart. She couldn't give me that and  then raged. I left as she wanted to be alone. Then she comes looking for me and when she couldn't find me calls the police and reports me as a missing person. Then blames me for the fall out (I had turned my phone off). I stuck with her for the next couple of weeks and it got weirder with accusations of me having affairs and wanting a divorce. Then she was going through my laptop, phone and bags whilst she thought I was asleep. I caught her going through my bag but she pretended to faint and be feeling really sick. Then refused to go to hospital or see a doctor. She manipulated me into getting naked with her then having sex and then accused me of treating her like an object. Then she goes very cold and struts off to work on her laptop in a nearby café. I meet her for lunch where I am introduced to the waiter and that just felt really odd. Can't put my finger on it but I think he might have been my replacement. Something was going on with the looks they gave each other and the elaborate introduction of me as her husband loudly twice and the waiter's confused look. After that I sat in the park in glorious sunshine thinking I did not have to accept this. I packed up and left that evening. She did not come back in time so I tried phoning her. She rarely answered my calls. I left a message and contacted her father to let him know that I could no longer look after her and I was taking some time apart. She responds by telling everyone I am having a breakdown. And now she is bringing up all sorts of private negative things about me and my family that I told her over the course of 3 years claiming it's all me and a past wound that has been triggered. No acceptance by her of her behavior, moods, threats towards me whilst claiming to be very self aware of her past and her triggers.

Glad I'm out. My family and friends have been very supportive. My world is a much calmer place now although I am still working through the guilt and what I contributed to this unhealthy relationship.

[willtimeheal]

Mine stopped talking to me and spending time with me.  Made every excuse not to see me. When I finally asked if we were ever going to spend time together she looked surprised that I would ask such a thing. I already knew she was cheating on me. When I called her on it she slammed me and told me everything was my fault and I didn't do enough and I didn't buy her a house and move in fast enough. Lovely! 

[RedDove]

My ex BPDbf always has a boatload of family drama. His sister, whom I never met during our 4 year encounter was supposedly in an abusive relationship and into drugs. He became distant for a few months (not unusual) claiming he was trying to help his sister get out of her situation.

Then all of the sudden he wanted to spend time with me. He began texting me every morning like he did in the beginning (idealization). We had two in depth conversations about our r/s and his lack of commitment. He told me I was the love of his life and things would be better. we made plans for summer vacations, etc.

He invited me to attend a Talent Show at the school he teaches at. He then cancelled the day of, claiming there were no tickets available. We made plans to go bowling w my friends the next weekend. He cancelled again. We made plans to go see a band the next weekend, he cancelled yet again.

Naturally, I grew suspicious after being blown off 3 weekends in a row! To make a long story short, I unraveled his lies and discovered he was cheating in me with the OW. His first date with her was the evening after one of our in depth discussions.

When I confronted him he dissociated, projected, gaslighted... .claimed "we" never had an understanding/commitment. That we had broken up 2 years prior after a fight and rage he had. He went on to project, blame me, brought up perceived slights from long ago from my past, etc. It was a crazy discussion, I got angry, it takes a "lot" to get me angry. I raised my voice and yelled at him, told him you don't betray the loyalty and trust of the people you love, you protect them from hurt and pain, not cause it. He closed his eyes and crocodile tears appeared. He then said he was an alcoholic (already well aware!), addicted to,pain killers, not stable and borderline. I went NC and began learning about BPD and how it affected/destroyed  our r/s.

Four months later, he contacted me on a dating site, email, and then was text bombing me. One text said "My fault"=meaning his fault. Another was "I have deep regrets". A bunch of "I miss you" and "I love you's." No "I'm sorry", and no taking responsibility for the hurt and pain he caused me. It finally stopped a week ago after a final text "Love... .from afar is better then none.". He's desperate for an attachment and attention. The OW must be in the devalue stage. I'm hoping it was an extinction burst and he got the message that I'm done with him.

[Deeno02]

I am just wondering about the different type of ending after being replaced.

I was replaced. But my exBPD actually admits what she did was wrong. She tells me how sorry she is and how she can't believe she did it to me.

Just wondering how many of you had similar experiences. I've read a lot about BPD not owning up to what they did. Still blaming the non for the break up. What was your end like?

Long story over 16 months of constant devaluation and chaos of her life and 5 kids, horrible push/pull and finally her last treat me special or lose me made me go NC for about a week while i put thought into rather i wanted to continue. When i contacted her, i had already been replaced and i got dumped. It ended when i tried one last time to win her back. I went to her gym at HS where she was coaching, walked in their with flowers, professed my love and met with her saying this was inappropriate,  should have dumped you in May, you never bought me anything(?) you didnt take me on vacation(we rescheduled it), you blamed your sex problems on me(?) And when i begged her to join me in counseling, she said save it for your next girlfriend or your wife, Molly(my daughter). I just walked away.

[Caredverymuch]

I am just wondering about the different type of ending after being replaced.

I was replaced. But my exBPD actually admits what she did was wrong. She tells me how sorry she is and how she can't believe she did it to me.

Just wondering how many of you had similar experiences. I've read a lot about BPD not owning up to what they did. Still blaming the non for the break up. What was your end like?

Horrifically painful and difficult. 

He walked out and never looked back seemingly overnight after a year plus r/s and the closest most beautiful month together. Treated like an absolute stranger thereafter. Complete SL. Replaced seemingly immediately.  A projection filled distortion campaign in which he appeared like a gentle kind man who was taken advance of by a horrible woman leaving me with the lose of a great deal of support at a time I was completely heaped in heartache and devastation.  With the exception of typical battings that continue to this day, zero contact or accountability.  As if our friendship, relationship, or me ever existed.

The worst experience of my life and incredibly traumatic. I could have never predicted one iota of this experience from this man.

[caughtnreleased]

He started to fade (I had requested "space" which he took as a breakup), was less and less responsive, and then when I finally called him up he told me he'd started seeing someone, but promised he'd be in touch.  He got in touch when he finished off with the replacement, one year later.  The fade during that time was really hard for me.  When I saw him on the street 6 months later, he actually ran away from me.  When we recycled he told me he'd been hurt by my breaking up with him, and how I told him I didn't want to see him anymore (I never said that, he actually tried to put those words in my mouth and I neither confirmed or denied them because at the time I didn't know what I wanted) and that I should have been more patient.  I told him that I'd never gone away, and my actions (staying in touch with him) reflected my intentions with him, ie I still wanted to see him.  I think he accepted it.  But I understood that being with the replacement and the fading away from me, were partially vindictiveness on his part towards me.  For what? because I asked him for space after he came to me saying he was cutting himself.  The ending of the recycle was actually much better because we actually had a fight as a result of his starting to bring his ex back into the fold.  I think what's so hard generally is for someone to leave you while you are walking on eggshells.  I feel better about the second go-around because I let him have it, and it felt good. I also don't think a different outcome would have been possible at that time (ie our making a long lasting relationship out of it)... .so if you know they're going to leave, or it's going to fall apart, might as well be yourself. That's what I did the second time around.

[Popcorn71]

It was very sudden and out of the blue.

We had been having problems (mostly manufactured by him).  I thought we were on the way to sorting everything out and I was feeling positive about our marriage working out.

However, unknown to me, he had the replacement lined up and ready to go!

Totally unexpectedly, I got a text from him ending our marriage, after him going off to work quite normally that morning.

I have hardly seen him or spoken to him since.

[freedom33]

I broke up after spending a weekend at her parents' house in the country, with her. Her parents were away. For the entire weekend she was miss provocation, neediness and chaos - after being patient at the very end I 'exploded', told her to never contact me ever again and left. As she didn't respect my wish for NC, I eventually blocked her from all social media and my phone.  It drove her mad. Not going to go through details but the things that she did when I blocked her, removed completely from my mind even the very last doubts I had about the seriousness of her mental condition. I am so glad it's over. 3 months since and I feel so good it is unbelievable. I can't actually believe it has only been 3 months! Those dark times feel so long and far away.

[Infern0]

Yeah I'll let you know when it's really "ended" as she's super persistant with me.

General type of ending to the RS though,  devalued,  stopped seeing her or hearing from her very much because she was sick or tired, then replaced, blamed for the failure of the RS even though i did everything anyone could. but offered friends an maybe get together later.  I declined,  split black,  NC, split white and then recycled,  the saga continues.

[Emelie Emelie]

Basically the same scenario both times. The devaluing started to ramp up. (Although the second time it was over a period of a week). Anger spilled over into an incredibly abusive rage. I walked out/hung up and he was "never going to allow me to do that to him again". Therefore I broke up with him. It was only later, in both instances, that he admitted to wanting the break up. He just doesn't have the courage to do it in an honest and respectful way.

[Infared]

I am just wondering about the different type of ending after being replaced.

I was replaced. But my exBPD actually admits what she did was wrong. She tells me how sorry she is and how she can't believe she did it to me.

Just wondering how many of you had similar experiences. I've read a lot about BPD not owning up to what they did. Still blaming the non for the break up. What was your end like?

Mine hooked up with new supply and lied to EVERYONE.  Just ran off a week before Christmas  with a 3-alarm fire in her pants saying that there was no one else.  I was totally dumbfounded and confused and in a LOT of pain.

There was never any admission of any wrongdoing.  Just lies, put-downs and abuse once she was secure with her new supply... .

Then after her heat cooled down (6-months) I would get occasional drive-bys, note on car when my mother died etc... .really psycho weird stuff especially after the way I was painted black. None of it had any consistency, rhyme or reason. Anything good or bad was possible. Anything.

[hergestridge]

We had been together for 20 years. Things had taken a turn for the worse after our daughter (then four) was born and my wife was very unstable. I had suggested her getting her own apartment because it was not working out between my wife and our daughter. My wife had been put on lithium and antipsychotics but she was still drinking too much. She was not cooperating with her therapist.

I was being devalued most of the time for the last couple of years and I was beginning to resent her, but I was afraid to break up because I was afraid what was going to happen.

Early this summer she told me she didn't think it was working out and I agreed. She wanted 50% custody of our daughter, which I reluctantly agreed to (she seems to have been managing it with the aid of her parents + I had been working a very flexible scheme. No disasters so far.).

I have had a minimal contact policy which and I have enjoyed life A LOT after the breakup. My wife has not. Now it seems she wants me back.

[going places]

Text book

He tried to hang everything around my neck.

Still to this day, blames me and anyone else he can affix blame too... .

And he is the 'innocent victim'.

Poor thing. 

[Tater tot]

He freaked out that I was going to end up breaking up with him, didn't feel like he could give me the relationship I deserved. Went quiet for a week, unwilling to talk anything through, thought we needed to take a break and had a girlfriend within 24 hours. Wanted to be friends, then couldn't engage in any conversation. Now I'm split black- painted this nagging shrew I'm sure. As much as it sucked at the time, I'm happy that he was actually smarter than I was, in knowing that he wasn't good for me.

[lovethebeach]

He left and never looked back.

Words never met actions.

And it's all my fault... .of course.

[clydegriffith]

I was only with her for a couple of years and i looked pass her many transgressions in hopes that we could work things out and raise our child together but that was to no avail. It's almost as if she kept testing to see how much she could get away with since i had become pretty much her doormat. It took her sleeping around with a few of my friends and everyone knowing about it to finally end the nightmare.

[walksoftly]

Mine replaced me while I was with her... .for about a year.

She kicked me , punched me and shoved me against my car then smashed my windshield. I told her I was going to the police (she did this all with my daughter present) She begged me to hit her and when it was obvious this was not going to happen she hit herself in the forehead with her cell phone about fifteen times.

She tried for a restraining order in court and the judge denied it.

She moved in with my replacement immediately.

She kicked my 19 year old daughter out of the house after throwing a phone at her and accusing her of being a violent drug addict.

Shes still with my replacement today and has custody of my beautiful nine year old. My replacement is highly controlling and my daughter does not like him at all.

Theres much much more but these are the painful highlights

[Popcorn71]

He freaked out that I was going to end up breaking up with him, didn't feel like he could give me the relationship I deserved. Went quiet for a week, unwilling to talk anything through, thought we needed to take a break and had a girlfriend within 24 hours. Wanted to be friends, then couldn't engage in any conversation. Now I'm split black- painted this nagging shrew I'm sure. As much as it sucked at the time, I'm happy that he was actually smarter than I was, in knowing that he wasn't good for me.

I am starting to see things this way too.  It wasn't pleasant to be dumped so suddenly and out of the blue when I still loved him, but I can see now that eventually things would have gone very wrong anyway.  He probably saved me from a life of hell.