my sister and mother having BPD both

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello everyone,

i joined the forum to look for some support ,as i decided to cop with my old sister,i am 30 ,she is 34,and i am really suffering from her BPD and thinking to move to the moon?where she can't reach me?

I discovered only this year what is BPD meaning!i was choked for a week and cried for a month as the BPD symptoms and description was exactly our family life description,starting from my mother,and my childhood suffering from abandon and blame if i try to not be the golden child?

I was diagnosed with very low self esteem,and trying to get some therapy to over come this problem,but my sister is following me everywhere and crying and all my family turned against me,she wants to know why i don't want to talk to her anymore and why i don't want to tell her where i live(my new address 

actually i changed my job and try to go as far as i can from her place,i don't have any more patience to give or lessen to any word ,for my mother she have been always yelling at my face and hurting me and making me feel everything i am doing i not good enough (she is never happy,crying all the time drama),also my father suffered with her during 30 years of marriage and i think now my mother is starting to have Alzheimer symptoms!

i have a big anger in my heart for my mother,it is like i cant forgive her ,and i need to work on this

but mainly i opened this post to get some support and ideas to cop with my sister ,it is very difficult sometimes i feel like she will appear in the news crying  and saying : why you don't talk to me any more! i am terrified and scarred and cant just make her disappear,she is using every information/confession against me ,i want to live the rest of my life in peace and have friends and live without drama,i think it is a right but why i have to fight for it?

why BPD people are not declared dangerous to the society ?why no one can discover their sickness?i cry when i see a mother kissing her child,i never get any love or care from my mother,i learned how to be a women my self,it is still difficult there are a lot of things i cant do for my self as a women (e.g. loving my self!)

for my father i have no idea if he has a mental illness but he is a big blamer,and blame me for everything and he likes things to be perfect,like how cups organized in a special way!

any help is appreciated!

[ketty180]

Hello everyone,

i joined the forum to look for some support ,as i decided to cop with my old sister,i am 30 ,she is 34,and i am really suffering from her BPD and thinking to move to the moon?where she can't reach me?

I discovered only this year what is BPD meaning!i was choked for a week and cried for a month as the BPD symptoms and description was exactly our family life description,starting from my mother,and my childhood suffering from abandon and blame if i try to not be the golden child?

I was diagnosed with very low self esteem,and trying to get some therapy to over come this problem,but my sister is following me everywhere and crying and all my family turned against me,she wants to know why i don't want to talk to her anymore and why i don't want to tell her where i live(my new address 

actually i changed my job and try to go as far as i can from her place,i don't have any more patience to give or lessen to any word ,for my mother she have been always yelling at my face and hurting me and making me feel everything i am doing i not good enough (she is never happy,crying all the time drama),also my father suffered with her during 30 years of marriage and i think now my mother is starting to have Alzheimer symptoms!

i have a big anger in my heart for my mother,it is like i cant forgive her ,and i need to work on this

but mainly i opened this post to get some support and ideas to cop with my sister ,it is very difficult sometimes i feel like she will appear in the news crying  and saying : why you don't talk to me any more! i am terrified and scarred and cant just make her disappear,she is using every information/confession against me ,i want to live the rest of my life in peace and have friends and live without drama,i think it is a right but why i have to fight for it?

why BPD people are not declared dangerous to the society ?why no one can discover their sickness?i cry when i see a mother kissing her child,i never get any love or care from my mother,i learned how to be a women my self,it is still difficult there are a lot of things i cant do for my self as a women (e.g. loving my self!)

for my father i have no idea if he has a mental illness but he is a big blamer,and blame me for everything and he likes things to be perfect,like how cups organized in a special way!

any help is appreciated!

[ketty180]

still cant sleep,

actually what really made me feel bad,is my mother told me at the dinner table :shut up your mouth! and this word is really unacceptable as i gave my opinion about something i don't like ,for my mother i cant cop with her like i am doing with my sister,cause she started having Alzheimer and needs me,i think i will have difficult coming moments with her,sometimes i am happy because she is sick i feel like she deserve it,i feel like i hate her ,but if i go far away i miss her and start crying,once i decide to visit her and stay with her for a while,she hurt me too much,i feel like knifes in my heart can't bear it!

i am divorced i was married to NPD (narcissistic personality disorder),who made my life like a hell for 10 years and still create troubles for me,sometimes i really feel unlucky with this circle of persons (mother BPD,husband NPD,sister BPD),i suffer also from anxiety disorder  :'(

[funfunctional]

Hi Ketty,

Well it sounds like you realize that you needed to make a boundary with your sister.    Draw some lines and get out of the drama of her illness.   Keep in mind that she is doing things the same disfunctional way she always has so I am sure she is "baffled".     I think she needs to understand that you need your personal space and time alone.   

I am not sure what level of BPD your sister has as you mention "dangerous". ?

A lot hurt and pain you have from upbringing.  Lot of anger at your mother.   Family wasn't so nurturing for you and I am sure your sister didn't get too much loving either.    I don't know your sister and the extent of this but it is too bad you couldn't heal together but that is probably just a "dream" and I have applied such dreams to my own sistuation and failed".   

What has happened that you moved?   What prompted you wanting to go NC?

[ketty180]

Thankx funfunctional for the comment,

actually i am running from my sister and try to live and breath,i still feel she is everywhere and have a little fear when i go shopping or go out ,i really have no idea of my reaction if i see her in public,have to work on my self for this.

it is very difficult to make her understand that i need my personal space and time,cause my life got devastated by her,it is very difficult for me to talk about this,i feel like pain in my heart,she completely have no respect to my boundaries,can make me wake up anytime in the night to lessen to her "fears" and stories,all my accessories clothes any thing i own she can take and use without informing me,it is very hard ,it is like she things she ''own me '' and all my stuff.

simply if she know my home address,she come and completely move and live like she want with disturbing my life with her problems ,it is like living in the hell ,now i feel better because she doesn't know where i stay,but i am constantly scared and anxious,also she called every one and informed every one ,making emergency to know my place,called my ex,parents,job,2 friend,one colleague,one bank representative i gave her his number one day,the beauty center,everyone is calling me to say that my sister is looking for me and wants to see me!i become the demon and monster ,even her boyfriend is sending me sms full of blame !

i prefer to live this way,it will take time for her to forget,i can wait until the storm is gone,but will never come back to the previous endurance,i really suffered and my health is affected i have hypoglycemia with PCOS because of the stress she made me live .

i completely become like her slave,i wish i can write all the good things i have done to her or forget them,whatever will make me feel better.

i "dreamed'' she can heal,and discussed with her BPD disease and looked for treatment for her in the city,she completely flipped and accused me of craziness  and started calling everyone to say i become crazy,she is so manipulative and can make anyone believe her i really got scared to get kicked out of my job ,cause she called my boss and asked for appointment!his secretary informed me (thankx god he was on leave)

i have very low self esteem and a lot of issue with control and faulty communication,i think she is really dangerous and become genius if it is about destroying someones life .

for the NC actually what happened,it was her 34 years birthday and like every year it is the biggest day drama,i did all my best to make her happy for this special day ,but it become a black day for me,i wish i can talk about what happen but i still feel a lot of pain if i try to remember,since that day i moved ,i am sure i will success in my new life,i started making new friends