The perfect replacement?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My replacement is a very shy socially awkward guy who has never has a girlfriend, lives with his mother and has no vehicle. Given my ex has traits of BPD and NPD I'm amazed she replaced me with an overweight not very attractive guy. I assumed they wouldn't ever fight because they spend time together at his mothers house and my ex is on her best behavior there but they did fight a week ago, he ended up taking all the blame and apologizing and she immediately went back to him. He's been head over heals in love with her since day one and they practically live together sleeping at each others houses all the time.

Could it be he was an easy target?

Could it end up lasting because he's a push over and has no emotional boundaries?

[BrokenFamily]

My replacement is a very shy socially awkward guy who has never has a girlfriend, lives with his mother and has no vehicle. Given my ex has traits of BPD and NPD I'm amazed she replaced me with an overweight not very attractive guy. I assumed they wouldn't ever fight because they spend time together at his mothers house and my ex is on her best behavior there but they did fight a week ago, he ended up taking all the blame and apologizing and she immediately went back to him. He's been head over heals in love with her since day one and they practically live together sleeping at each others houses all the time.

Could it be he was an easy target?

Could it end up lasting because he's a push over and has no emotional boundaries?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

It doesn't really matter.  No matter who they pair up with - eventually they will move on to the next victim.  This is why we are all here - for us too it was great and then we were replaced.  I read this is very much an attachment disorder.

[Deeno02]

Could it be that its not your problem anymore. Im sorry for your pain, but the last thing I care about is what her and my replacement are doing or not doing. Im running away from her madness and you should too.

[walksoftly]

Hi,

totally normal for you to be wondering becuase you still have some kind of emotional attachment. You want them to fail, you want validation.

Mine hooked up with a man going through his third messy divorce, overweight, not attractive and not well liked by his peers.

He was still mourning the loss of his marriage when she hooked him in.

At first it was bliss for them... now, I find out that there are trust issues, fighting(rages) the list goes on and on.

Soon you will not care, try to detach.

[BrokenFamily]

I wish I could do no contact and just block my ex out having nothing to do with her again but we have a 16 month old daughter together and need to communicate daily. To be honest 2 months later after all the pain she's caused I still wish she would fall flat on her face and come back because I do still love her and the happy family we once had.

[BrokenFamily]

Trust issues was a big part of our trouble and much of the time our life was great. I worry that because he's not attractive and girls find him awkward that they will never have trust issues.

[walksoftly]

Thats why she is with him - she downgraded to a vulnerable partner. remember, BPDs can be very predatory - they have narcissitic aspects to their personality. The honeymoon period will not last.

[BrokenFamily]

I agree it won't last and they were the exact words of her mother who arguably knows her better than anyone. Unfortunately her mother also said she wouldn't move in with him because she has it too good at home and was quite wrong about that. My ex plays the victim very well, when she left me to move in with her mother she told them I was being verbally abusive when I wasn't. Not that she's moved in with the replacement and his mother and sister it's because her family are all drunks and constantly fight with which is true to a certain extent. It just seems the replacement will agree with whatever she says or does because he's never had a girlfriend, never had a  beautiful girl this interested in him before and I'm sure the sex has him hooked. His family supports the relationship because they are happy to finally see him with a girlfriend.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

I agree it won't last and they were the exact words of her mother who arguably knows her better than anyone. Unfortunately her mother also said she wouldn't move in with him because she has it too good at home and was quite wrong about that. My ex plays the victim very well, when she left me to move in with her mother she told them I was being verbally abusive when I wasn't. Not that she's moved in with the replacement and his mother and sister it's because her family are all drunks and constantly fight with which is true to a certain extent. It just seems the replacement will agree with whatever she says or does because he's never had a girlfriend, never had a  beautiful girl this interested in him before and I'm sure the sex has him hooked. His family supports the relationship because they are happy to finally see him with a girlfriend.

That guy is about to be traumatized... .the time bomb is ticking.

[Deeno02]

I agree it won't last and they were the exact words of her mother who arguably knows her better than anyone. Unfortunately her mother also said she wouldn't move in with him because she has it too good at home and was quite wrong about that. My ex plays the victim very well, when she left me to move in with her mother she told them I was being verbally abusive when I wasn't. Not that she's moved in with the replacement and his mother and sister it's because her family are all drunks and constantly fight with which is true to a certain extent. It just seems the replacement will agree with whatever she says or does because he's never had a girlfriend, never had a  beautiful girl this interested in him before and I'm sure the sex has him hooked. His family supports the relationship because they are happy to finally see him with a girlfriend.

Well, my replacement may make more money, may have a bigger house, may have more time to spend with her, may have a bigger tool and is a sexual T-Rex, may have the patience of a saint with her 5 kids and her ___ hot chaotic schedule (none of this Im aware of personally, as I have only seen a picture of him once, the rest is subjective on my part) but I do know at least two things. 1. I have a full head of hair, and 2. Shes not my damn problem anymore. AT ALL!

[clydegriffith]

I wish I could do no contact and just block my ex out having nothing to do with her again but we have a 16 month old daughter together and need to communicate daily. To be honest 2 months later after all the pain she's caused I still wish she would fall flat on her face and come back because I do still love her and the happy family we once had.

You sound like i did once, my friend. After b/u i was a bit jealous and overly concerned with who she was seeing and how it would affect our daughter. Be very very careful as you will always be recycle material for the mere fact that you have a child together and thus have to maintain some sort of relationship. The BPDx would string me along during breakups, giving me the impression she wanted to get back together all the while she was screwing god knows how many people.

The best advice i can give you is to not have any personal discussions with her about your life. Keep what you tell her to a minimum and limited to your daughter. When she starts having problems with who she's with now she will seek you out and if you even entertain the possibility of reconcilling the cycle will repeat itself.

[BrokenFamily]

I agree it will be very traumatic for the poor douche but I won't feel sorry for him.

He knew she was still with me when they met, he knew the first time they hooked up it was after a little fight and she was still living with me. The day after the breakup he messaged me on FB and told me to leave us alone were happy.

I just think it could last because he will put up with anything to keep her as he's never had a girl interested in him before and she will stay because there's no way he will ever trigger her trust issues.

Despite her adding and liking random guys pics on FB; she  flipped on him a week after they met for liking a girls pic on FB and he immediately apologized and deleted his account. LOL,

[clydegriffith]

I agree it will be very traumatic for the poor douche but I won't feel sorry for him.

He knew she was still with me when they met, he knew the first time they hooked up it was after a little fight and she was still living with me. The day after the breakup he messaged me on FB and told me to leave us alone were happy.

I just think it could last because he will put up with anything to keep her as he's never had a girl interested in him before and she will stay because there's no way he will ever trigger her trust issues.

Despite her adding and liking random guys pics on FB; she  flipped on him a week after they met for liking a girls pic on FB and he immediately apologized and deleted his account. LOL,

You can't be angry at the other person because who knows what lies they're being told by the BPD. Chances are you have been demonized to a great extent to this person.

[walksoftly]

They have a personality disorder... you dont. It will take time to get over her but maybe you need to think about what your definition of love is. Love is mutual and respectful. You may have adored her and excited by her but thats not love. You will eventually realize that you deserve better. In the meantime the ruminating over what she is doing will go on in your mind for a little while. You are normal and your reaction is normal. Time will help

[Rise]

Could it end up lasting because he's a push over and has no emotional boundaries?

To be straight forward, yeah, it's possible this lasts for a while. Being in a long term relationship isn't impossible for all people with BPD. We get members that come here after 20 years of marriage. You managed to go four years with your ex, so it's clearly possible for her to be in a long term relationship. Will this one last? Nobody knows that. It's going to be completely up to your ex and her new partner, and how they both cope with her issues. What I do know is that her problems aren't just going away because she's with someone knew.

I wish I could do no contact and just block my ex out having nothing to do with her again but we have a 16 month old daughter together and need to communicate daily. To be honest 2 months later after all the pain she's caused I still wish she would fall flat on her face and come back because I do still love her and the happy family we once had.

BrokenFamily, I was in the same boat as you when I split up with my ex. Because we shared custody of our kids I felt the best option was to remain in contact with my ex. You may be in a position where having some contact is easier (because even with kids involved, if you work at it hard enough, you can make having no contact possible), but that doesn't mean you have no say in your dealings with her. If you don't want to hear about her personal life, you don't have to. Infact, there's no reason you have to talk to her about anything that doesn't directly involve your daughter. I understand that you're two months out, and you may not be ready to let go yet. But when the time come and you are ready to detach, it is possible, and it's all under your control.

[BrokenFamily]

Oh I'm sure I've been demonized, during and even weeks after the breakup we were civil despite her throwing the replacement in my face. I was still giving her rides to work buying her cigarettes helped clean her mothers house and taking her out to eat. She gave me lots of hope during this time, kissed me , hugged me and even talked about how amazing our sex was. Out of sheer frustration I texted the guy and informed him how close we still were with a picture of us together having lunch with out daughter. I didn't get a response but the following day when I offered to take her to a doctors appointment she flipped and told me she never wants anything from me again ever. I was hurt and pushing with all I had to get her back in the beginning and some tactics seemed to have worked where other seemed to drive her further away. It's pretty much been a nightmare ever since she's turned to saying our whole relationship was horrible which it wasn't and claims I was physically and emotionally abusive which I wasn't. This came out so easily that it was obvious she's said that before to people, possibly to justify her actions to friends who were shocked post breakup. I'd never intentionally be manipulative but looking back there are many things I could have done differently post breakup that would have resulted in us being back together. I was just hurting so much it was difficult to control my emotions