Need some advice talking to my ex

[shellbent]

I haven't posted on here for a while now and I think this really means that I have finally given up all hope. I know I will come back here once I start a new relationship. In retrospect I can give my two cents without sounding completely confused and baffled over the past 5 months of torture.

So I want to talk to my ex though for some reason. I am finally starting to believe that I do indeed deserve someone better than her, but of course in my mind for the longest time it seemed like I let the 'golden goose' get away.

Not sure why I want to talk to her though, but it seems like I want to get a few more morsels off my mind. Not sure if I want to let her know that what I felt was unbelievable, or just that I really want to make sure that this was all in my mind.

Please don't tell me to not contact her, I have done that for just about 4 months. (exception is the times I talked to her at work)

At this point she is happy with a new guy, it could last forever, or not, what matters is figuring out what I need.

Can you tell me from experience, what I should talk to her about, what should I tell her?

I feel like there is so much that I know about our/her situation that she has no idea about.

I asked if she wanted to talk to me after work sometime, she said ok, but no definite date. Yes she still might not want to talk to me for whatever reason, but I literally cannot lose anything now. So I will try to get that 30 minute talk outside work.

The farther away she gets, the less I believe that what I felt was real or healthy.

Also I don't think I could regret telling her something about what I think.

I don't want to hurt her, but I want her to know just how this whole experience has messed with my head and my perception of reality even.

I do want to help her though, but that just seems impossible with her new bf and my old feelings.

Ok while writing I think I concluded why I still feel like talking to her. I just want to know if what I felt was real or imagined.

I must add that this whole dynamic was incredibly powerful, this is what has caused me to die a bit inside, it was most likely the seduction and waif behavior that attributed to this. Nonetheless I was able to be myself and it was so much easier talking to her and being happy for pretty much no reason, that I still crave that feeling of being understood by someone.

At the end all we seemed to do was remind each other of all the flaws in us that we were completely oblivious to, since we didn't realize just how hard it is to change what we don't like about ourselves. Like both looking in the mirror or under the mask.

I wonder if this is what I think deep down will free me. There is no telling what is going through her mind. From the way she has behaved in the past 4 months it seems that she moved on completely, but I still feel some type of anxiety or nervous behavior in her when I am around her.

Like she is trying to prove something to me.

Do I really mean nothing to her if she try to stay away from me as much as she can? She said it was hard that we have to work together.

Maybe I'm being sucked back into the madness by my own doing. I need to tell her what is on my mind. After that I know there is nothing else that should be done.

Any advice is appreciated.

[guy4caligirl]

Hi

first it's not easy to detach from them cause we are injected to a certain degree with that addictive poison or let's say nicotine , then comes the fact that you work along with her in the same company .

[WhatTheFrank]

Can you tell me from experience, what I should talk to her about, what should I tell her?

I you don't even know what you want to say, what can you possibly gain from talking to her?

I don't want to hurt her, but I want her to know just how this whole experience has messed with my head and my perception of reality even.

I do want to help her though, but that just seems impossible with her new bf and my old feelings.

Problem is, she doesn't care.  She has new supply, you are old supply.  She can give you nothing.

Ok while writing I think I concluded why I still feel like talking to her. I just want to know if what I felt was real or imagined.

I must add that this whole dynamic was incredibly powerful, this is what has caused me to die a bit inside, it was most likely the seduction and waif behavior that attributed to this. Nonetheless I was able to be myself and it was so much easier talking to her and being happy for pretty much no reason, that I still crave that feeling of being understood by someone.

It was imagined.  That feeling of being understood by someone was just her mirroring you.

I wonder if this is what I think deep down will free me. There is no telling what is going through her mind. From the way she has behaved in the past 4 months it seems that she moved on completely, but I still feel some type of anxiety or nervous behavior in her when I am around her.

Like she is trying to prove something to me.

Do I really mean nothing to her if she try to stay away from me as much as she can? She said it was hard that we have to work together.

Maybe I'm being sucked back into the madness by my own doing. I need to tell her what is on my mind. After that I know there is nothing else that should be done.

Any advice is appreciated.

She has moved on, and she will be moved on as long as she has her new supply.  Nothing she can do will free you.  Only you can free you, by accepting that she is disordered, that she has moved on, and you need to start healing and making your own way in the world without her.  It sucks she is disordered, it sucks you fell for an illusion, and it sucks you work together.  What doesn't suck is that there are a whole bunch of better women out there and time to meet them.

[guy4caligirl]

My ex left 3 months ago we were together 5 years .

I know how you feel I tried  everything in the book to and else where , talked texted ,emails bombardment , she even said to me while she is completely broke few days ago and wanted my help and said no money in the world will bring me back as I am happy here in another state .

I can tell you one thing I am sure about go ahead speak to her but prepare yourself to be ready for what she has to say , you are going to heart more . But it's a process you have to go through I still till today longing to know if she is ok and I still care very much about her but she does not care any longer she is like other BPD with someone else and feels good about it maybe wanting to marry the guy crazy I know . but I have no choice what so ever in this matter .

it's done you will get there but always remember to ask what you want to ask and she will get angry at you because she doesn't have her mask on with you only with the new guy .

I am positive that you will upset her big time so what your hurting upset vs hurt is so much different .

I hope that help keep posting everyone on here will help you cope good luck and be easy on yourself it is NOT your fault she is the problem not you .

[guy4caligirl]

Can you tell me from experience, what I should talk to her about, what should I tell her?

I you don't even know what you want to say, what can you possibly gain from talking to her?

I don't want to hurt her, but I want her to know just how this whole experience has messed with my head and my perception of reality even.

I do want to help her though, but that just seems impossible with her new bf and my old feelings.

Problem is, she doesn't care.  She has new supply, you are old supply.  She can give you nothing.

Ok while writing I think I concluded why I still feel like talking to her. I just want to know if what I felt was real or imagined.

I must add that this whole dynamic was incredibly powerful, this is what has caused me to die a bit inside, it was most likely the seduction and waif behavior that attributed to this. Nonetheless I was able to be myself and it was so much easier talking to her and being happy for pretty much no reason, that I still crave that feeling of being understood by someone.

It was imagined.  That feeling of being understood by someone was just her mirroring you.

I wonder if this is what I think deep down will free me. There is no telling what is going through her mind. From the way she has behaved in the past 4 months it seems that she moved on completely, but I still feel some type of anxiety or nervous behavior in her when I am around her.

Like she is trying to prove something to me.

Do I really mean nothing to her if she try to stay away from me as much as she can? She said it was hard that we have to work together.

Maybe I'm being sucked back into the madness by my own doing. I need to tell her what is on my mind. After that I know there is nothing else that should be done.

Any advice is appreciated.

She has moved on, and she will be moved on as long as she has her new supply.  Nothing she can do will free you.  Only you can free you, by accepting that she is disordered, that she has moved on, and you need to start healing and making your own way in the world without her.  It sucks she is disordered, it sucks you fell for an illusion, and it sucks you work together.  What doesn't suck is that there are a whole bunch of better women out there and time to meet them.

I am afraid but yes she does not care of what you have to say I agree with these guys !

[Skip]

Assuming no one had any issues for a minute... .

There's always one to turn and walk away

And one who just wants to stay

And the road they travel from that point forward is very very different. The one who walked away generally has put it behind them and is going forward. For the one who wanted to stay, they're holding a broken heart and promise often still hangs in the air.

She is not going to want to go back and relive the failing of the relationship and the breakup.  It was a sad time, many questions are awkward and can't easily be answered, and her life is in a new place.  Even the healthiest of women don't want to reach back and help us mend a broken heart.

So I guess this is a long way of saying that she might enjoy seeing you and chatting about old times if it was light and airy and fun.  She likely wants to hear that the drama and hard feelings are resolved, she can speak freely without triggering you, that you won't hit on her "FOG" her, and you can be a graceful/funny ex.

Can you rise to this now?  :)o you want to?

So many time, members go back with a van load of baggage for the ex to sort out.  :)on't travel this path - it never goes down well.  BPD or not.

Light and airy... .or wait a bit.

Skip


This is such a classic song of post breakup emptiness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOAkbVDCC2g

Was there something more I could have done?

Or was I not meant to be the one?

Where's the life I thought we would share?

And should I care?

And will someone else get more of you?

Will she go to sleep more sure of you?

Will she wake up knowing you're still there?

And why should I care?

There's always one to turn and walk away

And one who just wants to stay

But who said that love is always fair?

And why should I care?

Should I leave you alone here in the dark?

Holding my broken heart

While a promise still hangs in the air

Why should I care?

[guy4caligirl]

... .Very sad but it's very true it's hard when reality fogs the thoughts .