Good bye, but not farewell

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

hey Guys and Girls,

This has been such a great time with all of you. The experiences we had are all so similar, that you all feel like friends. It is actually kinda scary to think that there are so many people out there, that have the same symptoms. Something like an ebola virus. What amazes me is that we all spread out over the world, but our ex's acted so similar. Had anyone told me 3 years ago what I was getting into, I would have run. I saw the red flags, yet never proceeded with care. I just gave my heart to someone who had the emotional capability of a 3 year old and a mental capability of a 16 year old. The disappointment was my own fault, and I do not blame my ex. I saw the red flags, she saw my weakness and I was a perfect victim.

I have been dating a friend for the past month. Someone more intelligent and who actually has a stable job, loving and who is interested in ME. Not only herself. She helps me in my work, she has no list of demands, and doesn't need layers of make up to look human. She doesn't need facebook to load pics of herself so all her toy boys can tell her how beautiful she is. We don't have fights in restaurants and when she is at my place over weekends she doesn't sit on facebook 24/7. She owns a house, not a rented flat and my belongings don't get thrown out the door. Best of all is, I don't need to buy her a car as she already has one.

You know what is important here. I forgot what real love is. I forgot what it is like to SHARE your life with someone, instead of always living up to demands.

Therefore I am taking a break from this family, simply because I don't want this ex   toxic relationship to be part of me anymore. I want to move on, and give this friend all my attention without going back to the past.

It is such fun to laugh again.

All your posts and chats where so great. Those of you in the breaking stages of relationships, hang in there. Be strict on yourself. If you decide to walk, NEVER look back. Always remember you where addicted, not in love. Also remember that YOU are the most important thing in life, and no matter what she says to you, or about you, it just is not true. The way she manipulates you is her way of getting you to give into her demands. Don't do it.

You where/are in a very unstable relationship with someone who is toxic. The sooner you get out, the better for you. You health is at stake.

Thank you, thank you for this wonderful website and all the people who actively post here. Everyone of you have the potential to help another. Keep it up, this is a great way of clearing your mind.

I want to wish you all the very best over the festive season, and my prayers are that you all eventually find that peace and happiness you deserve. If this festive season is lonely, puzzle out why, and make sure the next one is the best ever.

I will pop in again someday, but for now I want a clear mind to spend with a very special friend.

Good luck, God bless, Good bye

[CareTaker]

hey Guys and Girls,

This has been such a great time with all of you. The experiences we had are all so similar, that you all feel like friends. It is actually kinda scary to think that there are so many people out there, that have the same symptoms. Something like an ebola virus. What amazes me is that we all spread out over the world, but our ex's acted so similar. Had anyone told me 3 years ago what I was getting into, I would have run. I saw the red flags, yet never proceeded with care. I just gave my heart to someone who had the emotional capability of a 3 year old and a mental capability of a 16 year old. The disappointment was my own fault, and I do not blame my ex. I saw the red flags, she saw my weakness and I was a perfect victim.

I have been dating a friend for the past month. Someone more intelligent and who actually has a stable job, loving and who is interested in ME. Not only herself. She helps me in my work, she has no list of demands, and doesn't need layers of make up to look human. She doesn't need facebook to load pics of herself so all her toy boys can tell her how beautiful she is. We don't have fights in restaurants and when she is at my place over weekends she doesn't sit on facebook 24/7. She owns a house, not a rented flat and my belongings don't get thrown out the door. Best of all is, I don't need to buy her a car as she already has one.

You know what is important here. I forgot what real love is. I forgot what it is like to SHARE your life with someone, instead of always living up to demands.

Therefore I am taking a break from this family, simply because I don't want this ex   toxic relationship to be part of me anymore. I want to move on, and give this friend all my attention without going back to the past.

It is such fun to laugh again.

All your posts and chats where so great. Those of you in the breaking stages of relationships, hang in there. Be strict on yourself. If you decide to walk, NEVER look back. Always remember you where addicted, not in love. Also remember that YOU are the most important thing in life, and no matter what she says to you, or about you, it just is not true. The way she manipulates you is her way of getting you to give into her demands. Don't do it.

You where/are in a very unstable relationship with someone who is toxic. The sooner you get out, the better for you. You health is at stake.

Thank you, thank you for this wonderful website and all the people who actively post here. Everyone of you have the potential to help another. Keep it up, this is a great way of clearing your mind.

I want to wish you all the very best over the festive season, and my prayers are that you all eventually find that peace and happiness you deserve. If this festive season is lonely, puzzle out why, and make sure the next one is the best ever.

I will pop in again someday, but for now I want a clear mind to spend with a very special friend.

Good luck, God bless, Good bye

[michel71]

GOOD LUCK to you! I have enjoyed reading all your posts. You have given some very good advice over these months and I have taken many of them to heart. Like you, I have been in a 3 year relationship. Unlike you, we got married a year and a half ago. It has been hell. Lot's of verbal and emotional abuse, walking on egg shells, you know, the usual we all suffer under on this Board.

The financial part is the worst for me. I literally spent almost all of an inheritance on her, something she now says was all "my fault" and even though she mismanaged money that I had given her, dismissed it as my fault for giving it to her in the first place. And I guess it was my fault as I had misjudged this woman, misjudged her fiduciary capacity in the relationship. Now that I don't have as much as I used to, she calls me incapable of supporting her and why in the world did I bring her to my country if I can't support her! She is from the UK. I am American. I have a great job, am well paid, but her constant demands and never enough attitude has cost me unnecessary money. And then when I put the brakes on the spending, i.e, a budget God forbid, that equals me "not taking care of her". She hasn't worked a day since she got here. I spent a fortune over the years on immigration, supporting her while she was in the UK ( lost so much of it due to the exchange rate it would make my banker sick when I would go in to send money transfers).

NOthing is good enough. It is always my fault. I always cause her to react. She never says she is sorry and never takes responsibility. No empathy. I am sick and tired. Literally.

She is gone for a week to the UK. Of course she starts an argument before we say goodbye. Won't hug me, kiss me or tell me that she loves me. Of course I do. I am happy to be alone with my thoughts and to rest a bit. She told me that she is thinking of looking for a job in the UK and divorce is what we should do. I am beyond fighting for this relationship. I am now struggling just to survive, stay healthy and concentrate on my job.

You are so lucky you got it.

[whatathing]

   

[CareTaker]

GOOD LUCK to you! I have enjoyed reading all your posts. You have given some very good advice over these months and I have taken many of them to heart. Like you, I have been in a 3 year relationship. Unlike you, we got married a year and a half ago. It has been hell. Lot's of verbal and emotional abuse, walking on egg shells, you know, the usual we all suffer under on this Board.

The financial part is the worst for me. I literally spent almost all of an inheritance on her, something she now says was all "my fault" and even though she mismanaged money that I had given her, dismissed it as my fault for giving it to her in the first place

Good luck mate. Our situations where very similar, except I realized you cannot have a normal relationship with a dysfunctional person. Therefore I started cutting off my financial support and realized having a baby with this toxic woman would be the biggest mistake of my life. From other posts that I read I realize that they not capable of bringing a child up in a healthy environment.

Please take care of YOU, that is the most important.

Good luck.

[Craydar]

Good luck Caretaker! I also feel sometimes as if being part of this family keeps my uxBPDgf top of mind. Make no mistake, it remains the single most important part of my understanding and recovery. I just think it's healthy at some point to move on and stop the constant reminders of a failed relationship. Those who remain in a r/s with a pwBPD obviously stand to always and forever benefit greatly from this forum.

[enlighten me]

Good luck caretaker

There comes a time in the healing process where this site is more of a reminder of our exs than a help. Letting go of this great place is the final step in recovery. It means you are truly ready tomove on...

It always makes me happy to hear of success like yours. I wish you luck and hope you never have to return here.