It really peeves me off

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was just reading a bit on the board before i went to take a shower and for whatever reason i had this thought triggered by something i must have read in one of the posts... .I can (as im sure everyone on this board can)remember the feeling in the early stages of the relationship how i almost felt like a kid again with a massive crush who didnt know any better i remember how when i held her in my arms close and tight it felt so good like something i dont ever recall feeling witj anyone else in my life it was definetly an intoxicating feeling and as ridiculous as is it seems now back then it was soo real i have to believe for them it is a great feeling too as they are having their needs met ... .before they show thier true colors and bug out or whatever happens in their thought process so what really bothers me is that i sit here and now knowing what i know that i may never have that feeling again on that level i hope so but i dont know... .it seems unfair that they will expieriance that over and over and over as they can have it with just about anyone i cannot i had it based on feelings that were developed through acting lies and manipulation of personality(all be it at the time i didnt know) i dont even know if i articulated my thought properly to make any sense but it really pisses me off!

[SadReality]

I was just reading a bit on the board before i went to take a shower and for whatever reason i had this thought triggered by something i must have read in one of the posts... .I can (as im sure everyone on this board can)remember the feeling in the early stages of the relationship how i almost felt like a kid again with a massive crush who didnt know any better i remember how when i held her in my arms close and tight it felt so good like something i dont ever recall feeling witj anyone else in my life it was definetly an intoxicating feeling and as ridiculous as is it seems now back then it was soo real i have to believe for them it is a great feeling too as they are having their needs met ... .before they show thier true colors and bug out or whatever happens in their thought process so what really bothers me is that i sit here and now knowing what i know that i may never have that feeling again on that level i hope so but i dont know... .it seems unfair that they will expieriance that over and over and over as they can have it with just about anyone i cannot i had it based on feelings that were developed through acting lies and manipulation of personality(all be it at the time i didnt know) i dont even know if i articulated my thought properly to make any sense but it really pisses me off!

[thatwasthat]

I see what you are saying.

BUT. I think... .in the end they don't get off easy either. We heal, they keep on suffering for the rest of their life. To us it might have been an illusion, and we suffered from waking up from it. But to them... .the cycle will repeat.

You might not feel the same ever again, which is good. But there are so many things you can find in a "normal" partner that she could never provide. You only have to tune your receptors for these things.

I always compare it to getting ___faced on liquor vs drinking good wine. You might have to learn to taste the nuances and appreciate them. But you won't wake up with a nasty hangover and regrets.

[777Alex777]

I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I thought our early times were incredibly beautiful and meaningful to me, I had never felt like that.

After 9 months apart, I spent a few nights recently with a really sweet girl I have been getting to know. While there wasn't the intensity I felt with my exBPDgf there was a sense of peacefulness while I held her, and gentleness, that I had not experienced with the ex. The new girl is super sweet, confident, and not worried about me abandoning her so she is much less withdrawn.

Yeah, you won't feel the same, but You will feel different, and in my honest opinion, better.

[Mutt]

I dont ever recall feeling witj anyone else in my life it was definetly an intoxicating feeling and as ridiculous as is it seems now back then it was soo real i have to believe for them it is a great feeling too

Members can relate with honeymoon / idealization. Your description of intoxicating is an accurate description. A relationship where you're idealized isn't healthy.

At first, a Borderline female (or male) may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor. In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she portrays herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotions advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her".

It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you. Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire.

Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder.

It will all seem so real because it is real in her mind. But what is in her mind it is not what you perceive to be happening.


How a borderline relationship evolves

[Deeno02]

I dont ever recall feeling witj anyone else in my life it was definetly an intoxicating feeling and as ridiculous as is it seems now back then it was soo real i have to believe for them it is a great feeling too

Members can relate with honeymoon / idealization. Your description of intoxicating is an accurate description. A relationship where you're idealized isn't healthy.

At first, a Borderline female (or male) may appear sweet, shy, vulnerable and "ambivalently in need of being rescued"; looking for her Knight in Shining Armor. In the beginning, you will feel a rapidly accelerating sense of compassion because she portrays herself as she "victim of love" and you are saving her. But listen closely to how she sees herself as a victim. As her peculiar emotions advances upon you, you will hear how no one understands her - except you. Other people have been "insensitive." She has been betrayed, just when she starts trusting people. But there is something "special" about you, because "you really seem to know her".

It is this intense way she has of bearing down on you emotionally that can feel very seductive. You will feel elevated, adored, idealized - almost worshiped, maybe even to the level of being uncomfortable. And you will feel that way quickly. It may seem like a great deal has happened between the two of you in a short period of time, because conversation is intense, her attention, and her eyes are so deeply focused on you. Here is a woman who may look like a dream come true. She not only seems to make you the center of her attention, but she even craves listening to your opinions, thoughts and ideas. It will seem like you have really found your heart's desire.

Like many things that seems too good to be true, this is. This is borderline personality disorder.

It will all seem so real because it is real in her mind. But what is in her mind it is not what you perceive to be happening.


How a borderline relationship evolves

It was rough now that I reflect back on it. During that period, I was the man. She spun me up to her girlfriends and family, one, her toxic neighbor of 14 years, stating to her, "I want a Deeno too!" The funny thing about it was that I was my same old typical self and thats what I would say to her, "Im just me, nothing special", but boy did I feel wanted. Little did I know about BPD. Almost 3 months out and almost 60 days NC and I hope it stays that way. I am still sad, I still feel like I was demonized by her but I own what I own in this r/s and I can tell you, Im 95% not at fault. I couldnt do any better than I did, but that wasnt enough. I guess I was supposed to spend every waking minute with her, forgetting that I also had kids and a house to run, while her schedule left me most of the time hanging, waiting on her. But thats my fault for not being a mind reader. You just cant win with them. Its like that Toad the Wet Sprocket song "Somethings always wrong". And thats the way it was for me.

[SadReality]

Hey guys thanks for the responses i was feeling a little out of sorts yesterday long days at work  this week proly contributed  yeah that description is definatly a blue print of what evolved betwwen us im just mad at myself sometimes because my head new something was so off and my heart just wanted it so bad always listen to your brain and instincts not ur heart man do i know now but i certainly know that we are better off without them and i will for sure sacrifice some of that intensity for something genuine all day! Thanks again hope everyone is doing well today!

[SpringInMyStep]

Yes! SadReality - I know exactly what you mean. I had never felt that way with anyone before. It was very intense and at times it felt really really good.

I don't think I'm as sad though, because I know that on her part it wasn't the same feeling that I was having. She experiences things so differently and can switch it on and off. I look back on our first date and the way she kissed me. All this time I thought it was passion, but after finding out about the BPD and their ability to attach to just about anyone... .it cheapened the entire relationship in my mind.

I don't look back on the warm and fuzzy feelings anymore.

[SadReality]

Hey spring in my step, i agree it certainly dosent make me feel good now about those times knowing what i know now to be quite honest it turns my stomach i truely feel like the last year of my life was a complete waste of energy and emotion all lies the one thing that still gets to me about the whole relationship now is wondering about all the things she proly did and said behind my back i feel so used and betrayed and those thoughts get to me but i know that is a complete waste of my time and energy also as i will never truely know what went on behind my back i just have to get past that wondering of something i will never know or understand what a crazy mess we all have to sort out