Devastated at break up from BPD partner of four years

[Lillylia]

Hi everyone this a long story, basically I was with my now ex partner for over four years. Dealt with suicide attempts, running off, extreme emotions, fighting for care, love me and hated me, drugs, drink, cheating, literally everything! Loved him through all of it! I also have a child with him who is three. I've dealt with him telling me he loves me more than anything to then having never loved me and doesn't want to know me, this time has hit me very hard. Two weeks before him telling me he doesn't love me, We have been fighting to get him into a therapeutic community. He was telling me how in love he was with me and how much he never wanted be without me and our daughter. Then he started talking to this lady online with schizoaffective disorder and he wanted to meet up with her to speak about a group they were setting up for better mental health care. I was worried and insecure about it, as this has happened many times before and never ended well for me. He looked me in the eyes and professed his love to me, said that he didn't want anyone else and loved our little family of three. So he went to see this lady and came back giving me and our daughter a huge cuddle saying he loved us and had been waiting for cuddles with us all day. Everything was amazing! This lady even told me that he spoke about how much he loved me 80% of the day. The next day he was odd, my alarms had been set off! He was really talking about this lady and I asked do you fancy her or something. He said I don't know I'm confused, then got even stranger. To later saying actually I don't want to be with you and I've lied to you for four years I don't love you! As you can imagine a trap door had opened under Neath me and I fell down into a deep dark hole. He also said he wasn't breaking up with me for anyone else and didn't want to play daddy to this women's three kids. So since then he has moved in with this women within two weeks of telling me he didn't love me after four years together and a child together! And is now playing daddy to her kids and kicked her husband out of the home! Outrageous right? He wanted to see his daughter but because of the social services and the fact that he only took an over dose a month ago he's has to be supervised, but he's not happy. So has rejected his daughter too! I'm left completely smashed to pieces in a dark black hole! My daughter is confused and I don't know what to say to her? I want to tell her the truth that he's left us again and replaced us! This time is worse because he has started a relationship with this women (who is not very remorseful for her actions) I feel like they have stabbed me and my daughter in the heart. Nobody can talk to him because he just shouts at us and doesn't want to hear anyone's else's pain! I'm in a big dark whole feel totally heart broken! He loved me four weeks ago to death and made me and our daughter lots of promises but now he has shattered everything! Because i can't talk to

Him I feel no closure and just immense pain! I can't stop crying or seeing them together as a happy family! The even more frustrating thing Is he could never be bothered to get up on time to help me with his daughter or help me or take me out , but is doing all this with this other women. And after all of mine and his mums fighting he has got funding to go to the therapeutic community and we are terrified he won't go now! Not to mention this women with schizoaffective disorder and him with BPD are looking after her three children two with autism which I feel is outrageous! Her husband is as devastated as me. I don't know what to do and feel so broken? Sorry for long essay! But funnily this is a month in his/our life!

Thanks x   

[itgirl]

We hear a lot of things on these boards but this is truly sad.  I too struggle with my partner and her inconsistency.  One day she loves me and the next day she doesn't greet me after being apart for two nights.

Your ex seems to have gone into a very loaded environment.  I wonder how he is going to deal with all of that.  What is different this time that you think you will not recycle? 

[Lillylia]

At the moment he is seeming to deal with it all quit well, but then I don't know whether it is pride or showing us his actions arnt wrong. He is not wanting to speak to me or his daughter. The fact that he has moved in with this women and her kids and saying he loves her is what is so painful! Especially a month ago we had been together over four years and he told me that he didn't just love me but adored me and wanted to marry me and be a family with out daughter. It's very much the term splitting he is putting this new women on a pedestal and all the people that have saved his life and loved regardless he's told to go away and he hates us! What's hurts the most is this women has taken away my daughters dad and her best friend her dog ( i know it prob sounds stupid) but my daughter got her dog as a puppy when she was small so that have been growing up together. I'm terrified because my daughter has become clingy and not wanting me out of her side, which is not like her at all! I'm sad that she feels abandoned and her life has been thrown into chaos! While he is saying he is happy and well! People do keep saying to me it won't last because it's a impulsive intense relationship but the damaged has been done. How can i forgive and forget this? This is the worse one yet but not the only thing he has done.

[Caredverymuch]

At the moment he is seeming to deal with it all quit well, but then I don't know whether it is pride or showing us his actions arnt wrong. He is not wanting to speak to me or his daughter. The fact that he has moved in with this women and her kids and saying he loves her is what is so painful! Especially a month ago we had been together over four years and he told me that he didn't just love me but adored me and wanted to marry me and be a family with out daughter. It's very much the term splitting he is putting this new women on a pedestal and all the people that have saved his life and loved regardless he's told to go away and he hates us! What's hurts the most is this women has taken away my daughters dad and her best friend her dog ( i know it prob sounds stupid) but my daughter got her dog as a puppy when she was small so that have been growing up together. I'm terrified because my daughter has become clingy and not wanting me out of her side, which is not like her at all! I'm sad that she feels abandoned and her life has been thrown into chaos! While he is saying he is happy and well! People do keep saying to me it won't last because it's a impulsive intense relationship but the damaged has been done. How can i forgive and forget this? This is the worse one yet but not the only thing he has done.

Im so sorry for your situation and I realize this is of little consolation but unfortunately this is common on many pBPD. They can " fall in love" seemingly overnight as well as " falling out of love." 

You mention this is not the only thing he has done.  What else have you endured?

Many members here have been in similar situations and depending on what you are able to accept you can find support in those decisions here.   

[Lillylia]

Well he has chosen allot of new friendships over me & done this love me then hate me but had always only lasted two weeks at max then things would be back to normal! I've saved his life a number of times, in the four years I was with him he tried to commit suicide around 8 times. He nearly died a few times, stayed by his side in so many hospitals! Held him crying, cuddled him to sleep when he was having psychotic episodes. Stuck by him through all the times he chose drink and drugs. Held his hand to help when he was to scared to go out. He's called me so many abusive things. Caused arguments so he could go out and do what he wanted. Gambled our money away. Kicked me out of our flat pregnant. Having to find him in the middle of the night passed out drunk in the middle of a road. He's told me it's all my fault a hell of a lot. Always ruined any special occasions! But I loved him through everything and never judged him for his mental health. So you can imagine why I feel so broken up by his actions.