Hey Leaving Board!
My first set of holidays were tough and over the years I have watched a lot of people struggle during this time.
What helped me, what I can encourage you all to do is this:
- be ok with being sad/depressed (this is what a healthy person would feel in your shoes)
- make plans... .get yourself out there even if you don't "feel" like it. By out there, I don't mean dating, I mean hang out with friends and family that love you. Let them love you, it is ok.
- figure out which of the false beliefs gets you stuck when you start ruminating (it is always one of these things):
1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness
2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel
3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by some circumstance or by you
4) Belief that love can prevail
5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"
6) Clinging to the words that were said
7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard
8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder
9) Belief that you need to stay to help them.
10) Belief that they have seen the light
- do the workshop that has you stuck - it will help.
- let yourself cry... .it won't look like this next year, everything changes even if it feels horrible right now.
Feel free to use this thread to post your "coping strategy" - put it in writing - it helps.
Peace,
SB
Holidays are hard. Even for members like me farther along and already through one year of them. I've noticed the sadness returning and just today I saw my ex car and it drew tears.
I adhere to the truths in the false beliefs and I remember distinctly how difficult the holidays were when I was WITH my expBPD. How far removed I was emotionally from so much joy as such.
Whats hard is that holidays remind us of tradition. Of gathering with those you love. And this is a joyful season in which someone I cared a great deal for is far gone.
I think what helps me the most is knowing my heart is no match for this disorder and although some days can still bring sadness, I am calm. I am less depleted. I am wiser in many important ways. I can be sad but very happy now too.
Im also quite thankful to be alive. And still able to see so much good in life.
