The emotional cut off

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey guys, haven't posted in a while, my ex was the HPD type, but like Cluster Bs in general these was definitely an overlap of these traits.  My ex had an abusive childhood, abused by her alchaholic mother, her father was emotionally distant and still is towards her.  She was brought up in foster care as well.  My question is:

Why has my ex of 2 years, cut me off completely in her life? Blocked on FB, what's app and my number was also blocked.

Due to intensive research I have realised that people who suffer trauma as a child learn to suppress emotions, it's almost like a defense mechanism to protect them from intense emotional pain and high anxiety levels.  It has been described as a switch that they can turn on and off when faced with real or imagined abandonment, rejection or trauma.  I may have already answered my own question, but do these type of woman (cluster Bs) ever reach out to us again? Do they ever flick that switch, or do they feel that because we have wronged them, in order to talk to them again we must be the ones to reach out 1st?

[jammo1989]

Hey guys, haven't posted in a while, my ex was the HPD type, but like Cluster Bs in general these was definitely an overlap of these traits.  My ex had an abusive childhood, abused by her alchaholic mother, her father was emotionally distant and still is towards her.  She was brought up in foster care as well.  My question is:

Why has my ex of 2 years, cut me off completely in her life? Blocked on FB, what's app and my number was also blocked.

Due to intensive research I have realised that people who suffer trauma as a child learn to suppress emotions, it's almost like a defense mechanism to protect them from intense emotional pain and high anxiety levels.  It has been described as a switch that they can turn on and off when faced with real or imagined abandonment, rejection or trauma.  I may have already answered my own question, but do these type of woman (cluster Bs) ever reach out to us again? Do they ever flick that switch, or do they feel that because we have wronged them, in order to talk to them again we must be the ones to reach out 1st?

[lm911]

No one can tell for sure. Some may call you back in years, some never call. Their brain is not normal, so only time will show, but for sure - talking or saying something to them won't make them think otherwise. They have to initiate it.

[Infern0]

Well you have become a trigger for her.

Thing is with emotionally hypersensitive people like BPD's and hpd they don't have any emotional filter and so when you become "too much" the easiest thing to do is cut you off.

One thing,  it can be the case that they feel so much shame and guilt that they just dissociate and pretend like you don't exist and they didn't treat you bad.

With borderline moreso than histrionic they have deep self loathing and hatred,  they know they hurt people but they can't live being conciounce of that fact so hence why in many cases they cut and run.

As for will she come back, probably. It's variable on a lot of things but chances are she will contact you at some stage for whatever reason.

[BuildingFromScratch]

I can turn off my emotions during painful situations. I essentially stare blankly, as if I'm gazing into a void in my own mind. And disassociate and stuff it down. I don't know how it is for BPD's, but that's how it works for me. It comes along with higher anxiety levels and somatic symptoms like knots in stomach/throat and body tension issues though. I hate to admit it but it's how I've always coped with bullies, mistreatment by teachers/parents and even the death of family members and pets. I'm learning not to do this though, it's really bad for me. I want to open up to the world and face my pain head on from now on. Oh yeah, and I disassociated through most of the last 10 years with my ex.

[jammo1989]

Thank you so much for your responses guys, she was literally FB official with my replacement the day I said please stop playing head games with me, I know what your doing (calling her out).  The thing that freaks me out, is the fact that, we were good friends in high school, 8 years ago, and during that time I fancied her and she knew it.  Then 6 years later she randomly adds me on Facebook and starts liking all my picture comments (thinking it was fate). She has 2 young children 6 and 3, and I'm im literally petrified of her adding me back down the line, seeing how much her Children would have grown would freak me out it really would.

[jammo1989]

I can turn off my emotions during painful situations. I essentially stare blankly, as if I'm gazing into a void in my own mind. And disassociate and stuff it down. I don't know how it is for BPD's, but that's how it works for me. It comes along with higher anxiety levels and somatic symptoms like knots in stomach/throat and body tension issues though. I hate to admit it but it's how I've always coped with bullies, mistreatment by teachers/parents and even the death of family members and pets. I'm learning not to do this though, it's really bad for me. I want to open up to the world and face my pain head on from now on. Oh yeah, and I disassociated through most of the last 10 years with my ex.

During this period when you have flicked your emotional switch, do you turn it back on a will, or is this defence mechanism completly out of your control? I know my ex has a new guy now (4 months) so I'm guessing I don't exist, it's just so frustrating because I took her from being a 23 year old on benefits struggling with life, to a woman who had what she wanted, must have spent over £5000 throughout my 2 year relationship with her.  She used to say I feel like a piece of ___ next to to you, I just don't know, heads still all over the place.