New member intro

[Eggplant]

I've been in therapy for almost ten years working through childhood trauma. It has taken me a long, long time to comprehend and process the issues in my family of origin, and the work continues.

My family always revolved around my alcoholic father because his dysfunctional behaviour was much more obvious. My early years of therapy focused primarily on him. However, as I continued to work through my issues, I realized that my soft-spoken, seemingly demure mother was also playing the victim and the martyr, and I've learned (only recently) that she displays the traits of borderline personality disorder.

Being raised by severely traumatized and traumatizing narcissistic parents has impacted me my entire life. Intimate relationships have always been very difficult if not impossible (I've gone through many breakups and false starts) and I've worked hard to develop (what I thought) were good friendships and to be highly functioning in my work (which I have been).  This year in particular it's been tough; I had a significant breakthrough in therapy earlier this year (because of yet another  breakup with someone who likely suffers from BPD) and it's pushed me into yet another phase of recovery. I'm now renegotiating and confronting my reality (job, friends) once more. It feels disorienting, brutal, and essential. I know ultimately it's a good thing and that emotional growth can involve trauma repetition, but it can feel so painful and I have moments where I feel completely lost. I've joined this community to learn as much as I can about BPD and to also connect with people who are doing the work and who are committed to healing.

[clljhns]

Hi Eggplant and  ,

You are in the right place! I came here  for the same reason. Allow me to direct you to [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board. On this board you will find many resources in understanding how a family member with BPD can affect us and beginning to heal from these wounds, and many people who understand what you have gone through. It sounds like you have worked very hard to heal these wounds and I commend you on your work and your commitment!

You might also find it helpful to read the articles on the L5 board. Welcome aboard!


Wishing you much peace on your journey!

[NorthernGirl]

Hello Eggplant. I'll join clljhns in welcoming you to our site.

You have definitely come to the right place to connect with others who are doing the work and committed to healing. Good for you for doing the work you have done already and being committed to do more. 

You'll find a great Survivor's guide and many resources on the Coping board that clljhns recommended. And maybe just as important, you'll find great members who can help you as you work through the steps.

Please keep posting and reading. You're on the right path.

[Harri]

Hi Eggplant!  I was away from the boards for a bit and I am trying to catch up with everything here. 

It sounds like this year has been very challenging.  Your story is similar to mine in terms of having one parent whose behaviors are all consuming and another who is just as, if not more, dysfunctional but the behaviors were less overt and so much harder to identify and work through.  It must have been quite the shock to realize that your mom is BPD.  I can also relate to your difficulty with intimate relationship and friendships.  I too function very well in my work but I have all sorts of issues in my personal life, though i am getting better (I think).

I am glad you came here.  The acceptance and support is amazing and people can give valuable insight and advice as you work your way through things.  It can be pretty overwhelming when a new piece of the puzzle falls into place.  It sounds like you have done quite a bit of work on yourself and that is wonderful.  I have come to realize that, for me, it will be a life long process. 

Is there anything in particular you would like some help with or talk about?