Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
March 18, 2025, 12:30:09 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Slept on the couch
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Slept on the couch (Read 644 times)
maxsterling
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: living together, engaged
Posts: 2772
Slept on the couch
«
on:
November 29, 2014, 08:23:01 AM »
Thursday night after an emotional day, I needed some sleep. She decided to stay awake and try to have a conversation with me about how my mom makes her angry. Uggh. Not at all what I need at 11pm when I need to sleep! Needless to say, I did not sleep well, went to sleep upset, and took half of Friday to feel calm enough to actually work. Then last night (Friday) after I got home, she wanted to talk about my mom and my family again. I validated and then told her that my life works much better if I let yesterday be yesterday and focus on today and the immediate future. She agreed, and I thought we had moved on.
Yet, laying down to bed, she asked if I ever wanted to live in Chicago. I replied "No." She said, "why, too cold?" I said, "Yes." Then she went on about how I had agreed at one time that I would be open to moving somewhere else some day. I told her "yes, but I need to focus on more immediate tasks for now." She got angrier and kept up and pressed me where I might like to move. I said "North Carolina" (just throwing it out there because I hear it's pretty). She got angrier with my response, then started saying about how I make no strides to look for another job or earn more money... .here we go again. I told her that I was very tired and we could talk about this tomorrow. SHe continued. I told her again that I can discuss these issues with her tomorrow and that I was tired and I NEED sleep for my heath. She continued. I reminded her a THIRD time, and said if she was unwilling to talk about this tomorrow, that I would sleep on the couch. She continued.
So I slept on the couch.
Thoughts?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Cat21
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 183
Re: Slept on the couch
«
Reply #1 on:
November 29, 2014, 01:42:49 PM »
Sounds like the right move, Max. And it also sounds exhausting! I hope you were able to get some rest. She didn't follow you out to the couch (right)?, so it looks like your boundary enforcement worked.
Any response from her today?
Logged
maxsterling
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: living together, engaged
Posts: 2772
Re: Slept on the couch
«
Reply #2 on:
November 29, 2014, 03:07:25 PM »
She got up, went to an AA meeting. Didn't say anything. And I got up, and went to an alanon meeting before she came home. I sent her a text message before I left letting her know where I was going. SHe responded by saying she was going to physical therapy. No vitriol - good. I fully expected when I saw her again that she would bring all this up again and demand an apology or at least go on and on about how I hurt her by sleeping on the couch. But I got none of that. Obviously, she's in a depressed mood, but so far - no word or mention. And that's the way I want it because there is nothing to talk about (in my opinion). We even went for a walk and had a decent conversation, and last night was not brought up.
Boundaries worked? 1) I got some sleep 2) she didn't bring it up again.
Logged
Grey Kitty
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 7182
Re: Slept on the couch
«
Reply #3 on:
November 29, 2014, 09:17:19 PM »
Yes indeedy! Boundaries work!
You might try applying them earlier in the conversation. Difficult r/s issues aren't good at bedtime.
Logged
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7502
Re: Slept on the couch
«
Reply #4 on:
November 29, 2014, 10:02:19 PM »
Good for you for insisting on your right to sleep. I guard my sleep--it's very precious to me and if I don't have enough, I'm rather resourceless the following day.
My BPDh, who also has an issue with alcohol, used to wake me up in the middle of the night, of the to tell me that he "loved me" and it would infuriate me. Often it was when I had gone to bed early, alone, needing to get up early the next morning. And he would be prowling around the house, getting drunk, making a mess in the kitchen and suddenly needing to express his "love".
He really thought I was a b!tch for not appreciating his expression of love. Meanwhile, I was seething, furious at his lack of consideration for my health and well being.
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
waverider
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7407
If YOU don't change, things will stay the same
Re: Slept on the couch
«
Reply #5 on:
November 30, 2014, 07:05:25 AM »
You did fine. I would probably have hit the couch earlier, your frustration would have been less, and she knows the routine now.
Logged
Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Cat Familiar
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7502
Re: Slept on the couch
«
Reply #6 on:
December 01, 2014, 11:04:38 AM »
I'm wondering if sleep disorders are common with pwBPD. I've had to set a boundary that I go to bed at 10:30 every night and if he wants to stay up later, he sleeps in another room.
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Slept on the couch
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...