Unexpected Contact

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex and I had planned to go to an event today that was very important to me. I didn't think she really had an interest in it so after we parted ways I planned to go by myself and I wasn't really too worried about her showing up there. Well, she did show up which made me angry because it made me anxious and clouded something I had been looking forward to for a long time. I imagine probably just to try to force contact with me. We had a long conversation which ended in my just walking away from her while reiterating my no contact boundary. The conversation was like many others we'd had... .I reiterated how I feel about her verbal/emotional abuse and her pursuit of other guys and then she tells me all the things I've done wrong so she can deny any responsibility of her behavior. She also told me that she never really cheated on me because she didn't actually have sex with the guy until I had broken up with her. She's quick to remind me that I broke up with her and that she didn't break up with me, but neglects to recall that the reason I broke up with her was finding out that she had an active profile on a dating site and that she had been talking to her exbf (the one she eventually had sex with again) behind my back for some time. I'm proud of myself because I cut it off early this time rather than actually trying to reason with her find my way through her minefield of delusions. I still feel like my brain is melted and this last week of no contact has been undone but I'll keep plugging along.

[boatman]

My ex and I had planned to go to an event today that was very important to me. I didn't think she really had an interest in it so after we parted ways I planned to go by myself and I wasn't really too worried about her showing up there. Well, she did show up which made me angry because it made me anxious and clouded something I had been looking forward to for a long time. I imagine probably just to try to force contact with me. We had a long conversation which ended in my just walking away from her while reiterating my no contact boundary. The conversation was like many others we'd had... .I reiterated how I feel about her verbal/emotional abuse and her pursuit of other guys and then she tells me all the things I've done wrong so she can deny any responsibility of her behavior. She also told me that she never really cheated on me because she didn't actually have sex with the guy until I had broken up with her. She's quick to remind me that I broke up with her and that she didn't break up with me, but neglects to recall that the reason I broke up with her was finding out that she had an active profile on a dating site and that she had been talking to her exbf (the one she eventually had sex with again) behind my back for some time. I'm proud of myself because I cut it off early this time rather than actually trying to reason with her find my way through her minefield of delusions. I still feel like my brain is melted and this last week of no contact has been undone but I'll keep plugging along.

[peiper]

These people are amazing at the mind games they play, the damage they leave. Its never their fault. They cheated because of something we did. Mine was cheating five weeks after we were married in Hawaii and I'm sure she rationalized it was my fault, hell everything else was. I refuse to have anymore contact with her ever again.

[boatman]

These people are amazing at the mind games they play, the damage they leave. Its never their fault. They cheated because of something we did.

You said it right peiper, mind games. One of the things that was reinforced for me yesterday was the amount of energy I have to expend to fight through her mind games. She's so good that I could and actually have taken responsibility for things that I shouldn't or worse feel guilty for being upset about something she did. For example, she told me that she has no interest in these other guys and that she contacted them sheerly out of boredom.  I'm ashamed to say that for a few seconds I was ready to believe and forgive her. Luckily I came to my senses quite quickly.