An intense feeling of bloodiness

[jammo1989]

Did any of your ex BPDS/HPDs ever beg you for a baby? Did they ever cry and throw temper tantrums because of this? Did they ever threaten you about keeping a baby against your will? Did they finish the relationship because you stood up to them and said no? Did they lie or fake pregnancy or abortion?

Would love to hear all of your experiences on this subject.

[Blimblam]

I never experienced anything like this with my BPD ex. I did have one ex who kept pressuring me to have a baby always talking about the baby and if she got pregnate she was going to keep it. When I didn't want to have sex with her she was so surprised. Lol. It was really a relationship killer.

[guy4caligirl]

No never

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex claimed there was big family drama about whether or not I was the father of her third kid, from the first time we were together many years prior, which was ridiculous because she was having sex with a lot of men at the time, but she was using it as an attachment tool, to increase my perceived importance in her life, and how she'd been thinking about me all those years.  And silly me, I bought into it.

Also, what a borderline wants is to be accepted as an individual on their own terms, since they are aware on some level that they do not have their own "self", and external validation to the contrary would feel good.  That's what a baby does, looking up at mom with that love in their eyes, totally dependent, although it fades as soon as the child develops a self of their own, unless of course they become the next generation of borderline.

So jammo sounds like that happened for you.  Are you able to see the motivation behind it, and use it now in your own detachment?

[workinprogress]

Did any of your ex BPDS/HPDs ever beg you for a baby? Did they ever cry and throw temper tantrums because of this? Did they ever threaten you about keeping a baby against your will? Did they finish the relationship because you stood up to them and said no? Did they lie or fake pregnancy or abortion?

Would love to hear all of your experiences on this subject.

Yes, mine became "baby crazy" right after we married.  It was endless, "let's have a baby, I want a baby."

I eventually gave in. 

The bright side is we have some great kids. 

The down side is, this marriage is killing me.

[billypilgrim]

My ex was way ready to have kids before I was.  It also caught me very much by surprise that she was already thinking that.  Up until that conversation while we were vacationing for our first wedding anniversary, we were both (or at least I thought) in agreement that maybe kids in the future, but not anytime soon.  I remember it almost ruined our first wedding anniversary when I "wasn't on the same page."  I didn't even really shoot her down, I just said I wasn't ready to start now - maybe in a couple of years (we were 25 at the time).  But that really affected her and she didn't let it go, until I did get on the same page as her the following year.  We were about to start trying just before she left.  I dodged a bullet on that one.  

Now I did have a GF in high school that faked her pregnancy each month up until we broke up.  Waiting for Aunt Flow to come to town each month was a crazy adventure.  Even when we weren't sexually active that month, it was still an adventure.  The attention had to be on her.  

I've really got to figure out why I've found myself in 2 serious relationships with essentially the same girl (behavior wise anyway).  Those two girls account for 9.5 years of my 26 on this earth.  Sprinkle in a few other boring relationships in between that I ended and that's my r/s history in a nutshell.

[bungenstein]

Yep, a baby is just another source of supply they can idealise and devalue.

I said to my ex, what are your aspirations in life, what are your passions, whats your purpose?

Answer: To have babies.

Do I want to be with someone like that?

NO!

[Mutt]

Did any of your ex BPDS/HPDs ever beg you for a baby? Did they ever cry and throw temper tantrums because of this?

Can't say begged or had tantrums. This sounds like parental entrapment. Very early on my ex said she was on the pill. The first time we had sex the following day she said "I forgot to take the pill" It's my fault as well. That said I didn't want to abandon my child as I had been abandoned being an adoptee. This was a major motivator to have a relationship as unhealthy the decision was at the time. She lived 6 hours away and I wanted the baby close. She moved in 4 months later.

It could also be triangulation. Triangulation isn't necessarily with another person. If she's not coping ( either couple really ) in the relationship having a baby takes the pressure off of the relationship temporarily as both parents are focused on the child's needs. Choosing to work long hours and overwork to keep distance from the relationship is another example of triangulation.

[jammo1989]

My ex claimed there was big family drama about whether or not I was the father of her third kid, from the first time we were together many years prior, which was ridiculous because she was having sex with a lot of men at the time, but she was using it as an attachment tool, to increase my perceived importance in her life, and how she'd been thinking about me all those years.  And silly me, I bought into it.

Also, what a borderline wants is to be accepted as an individual on their own terms, since they are aware on some level that they do not have their own "self", and external validation to the contrary would feel good.  That's what a baby does, looking up at mom with that love in their eyes, totally dependent, although it fades as soon as the child develops a self of their own, unless of course they become the next generation of borderline.

So jammo sounds like that happened for you.  Are you able to see the motivation behind it, and use it now in your own detachment?

Her 2 best friends were pregnant during the same period, she's only 24 and wanted her 3rd with me.  She cried and cried endlessly for weeks on end, when ever she heard the word any she broke down in this depressive state.  It got to the point where she told me everytime I hear your voice on the phone I just cry for this baby I long to have with you.  This was during the devalue process.  She then told me she thought she was  pregnant, and that I had to meet up with her to talk about it.  She then told me it's my body if I am pregnant I'm keeping it as its my body and not yours.  My reply, I'm not having a baby with you! That was finally it, she went on to guilt trip me crying telling me I killed the baby and that it was all my fault that she went through an abortion, it turned out it was ok one big lie.

I think it was to either always have a connection with me through the child using the child as a manipulation weapon.

Money, because she's on benefits anyway

To pull me back in because she felt I was pulling away

Or what you said, she wanted a baby because her 3 year old is developing a self, and she needed something to love her to ease the anxiety of her abandonment fears.

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex claimed there was big family drama about whether or not I was the father of her third kid, from the first time we were together many years prior, which was ridiculous because she was having sex with a lot of men at the time, but she was using it as an attachment tool, to increase my perceived importance in her life, and how she'd been thinking about me all those years.  And silly me, I bought into it.

Also, what a borderline wants is to be accepted as an individual on their own terms, since they are aware on some level that they do not have their own "self", and external validation to the contrary would feel good.  That's what a baby does, looking up at mom with that love in their eyes, totally dependent, although it fades as soon as the child develops a self of their own, unless of course they become the next generation of borderline.

So jammo sounds like that happened for you.  Are you able to see the motivation behind it, and use it now in your own detachment?

Her 2 best friends were pregnant during the same period, she's only 24 and wanted her 3rd with me.  She cried and cried endlessly for weeks on end, when ever she heard the word any she broke down in this depressive state.  It got to the point where she told me everytime I hear your voice on the phone I just cry for this baby I long to have with you.  This was during the devalue process.  She then told me she thought she was  pregnant, and that I had to meet up with her to talk about it.  She then told me it's my body if I am pregnant I'm keeping it as its my body and not yours.  My reply, I'm not having a baby with you! That was finally it, she went on to guilt trip me crying telling me I killed the baby and that it was all my fault that she went through an abortion, it turned out it was ok one big lie.

I think it was to either always have a connection with me through the child using the child as a manipulation weapon.

Money, because she's on benefits anyway

To pull me back in because she felt I was pulling away

Or what you said, she wanted a baby because her 3 year old is developing a self, and she needed something to love her to ease the anxiety of her abandonment fears.

Yes, good awareness jammo, those all seem like reasonable motivations for a borderline.  And how are you using this knowledge to help your own detachment?

[jammo1989]

My ex claimed there was big family drama about whether or not I was the father of her third kid, from the first time we were together many years prior, which was ridiculous because she was having sex with a lot of men at the time, but she was using it as an attachment tool, to increase my perceived importance in her life, and how she'd been thinking about me all those years.  And silly me, I bought into it.


Also, what a borderline wants is to be accepted as an individual on their own terms, since they are aware on some level that they do not have their own "self", and external validation to the contrary would feel good.  That's what a baby does, looking up at mom with that love in their eyes, totally dependent, although it fades as soon as the child develops a self of their own, unless of course they become the next generation of borderline.

So jammo sounds like that happened for you.  Are you able to see the motivation behind it, and use it now in your own detachment?

Her 2 best friends were pregnant during the same period, she's only 24 and wanted her 3rd with me.  She cried and cried endlessly for weeks on end, when ever she heard the word any she broke down in this depressive state.  It got to the point where she told me everytime I hear your voice on the phone I just cry for this baby I long to have with you.  This was during the devalue process.  She then told me she thought she was  pregnant, and that I had to meet up with her to talk about it.  She then told me it's my body if I am pregnant I'm keeping it as its my body and not yours.  My reply, I'm not having a baby with you! That was finally it, she went on to guilt trip me crying telling me I killed the baby and that it was all my fault that she went through an abortion, it turned out it was ok one big lie.

I think it was to either always have a connection with me through the child using the child as a manipulation weapon.

Money, because she's on benefits anyway

To pull me back in because she felt I was pulling away

Or what you said, she wanted a baby because her 3 year old is developing a self, and she needed something to love her to ease the anxiety of her abandonment fears.

Yes, good awareness jammo, those all seem like reasonable motivations for a borderline.  And how are you using this knowledge to help your own detachment?

Through the realisation that, I dodged a bullet and a huge one at that! I also have now understood that this baby wasn't based on love or logical thinking, it was based on her her coping mechanisms to block out the fear of her own abandonment fears.  I know this because 3 weeks after her abortion gut trip, she was,  in a relationship with my replacement.  A healthy woman mentally, could not want a baby (human being) then dissociate and block me 3 weeks later.  I personally feel as if, she sees babies as objects, and not human.  I even told her the reasons why a child isn't s good idea, and she just kept saying I don't care if we have to live on the streets, we can struggle together for our baby! There was no logical or rational thought process, it was solely on I want your baby, and she didn't give a damn about the potential risks and consequences that could later follow.

[fromheeltoheal]

Through the realisation that, I dodged a bullet and a huge one at that! I also have now understood that this baby wasn't based on love

Good for you!  Good awareness.  So how are you going to use these realizations moving forward?

[jammo1989]

Through the realisation that, I dodged a bullet and a huge one at that! I also have now understood that this baby wasn't based on love

Good for you!  Good awareness.  So how are you going to use these realizations moving forward?

I think ive become a lot more stronger emotionally, even though emotional cut off seems to be a defence mechanism for Cluster Bs, for the NON like myself, it almost feels as if your grieving the death of a loved one, because your forced to accept the fact that, this person who told you they loved you 2 days prier to this ordeal is now protecting herself from me (her being triggered).  I have never had the experience of losing a loved one, so this has almost certainly strenghened the bond with my inner self.  I would also like to say to everybody reading this.  Have, or try to find compassion for these people, they are the creations that were given the worst card in the deck in regards to their start in life.  I would also like to point out that, they rebound not because they are addicted to sex and crave sexual gratification, they literally have to do replace us.  Its like face depression or latch onto someone for attention.  They are constantly running away from the demons they try so hard to block deep within their brain.  Their lives are based around an emotional switch that they have learned since childhood to use when faced with danger, trauma and vast emotional states of fear. 

Personally, im not a phycologist by any means, but i think our exes did love us at some point, and they gave what they felt was enough to show their emotions towards us in a positive light, but the problem they face isnt us, its THEM! They know that the switch is there to use when needed.

Ive tried to get through my grieving periods, by trying to make myself shut off to what shes done and almost try to become a Narcassist towards her if she ever returned, but we as healthy indiduals are not capable and should NOT try to change the wiring of our brain chemistry to try to relate to who they are.

My conclusion to all this, is that,  we are all individuals, we should not try to understand their brain chemistry and thought processes, we must just accept the fact thst they are mentally distorted from child hood, and that, Karma has already shown and proven that as we play snakes and ladders wih them (games) they fall down the snakes as we go up the ladders, so at the end of the day, when we stop playing this game we dont bring out our co dependancy issues by trying to help them miss the snakes, but instead we treat it like a game of Jumanji, we play it once, and once we are finally out of the game anx have experienced the horrors, we NEVER dust it off in the future to play it again.   

[AwakenedOne]

I was referred to by my uBPD wife several times as "The one who will bring her the baby". I was creeped out and offended whenever she said this to me. I questioned her about it. "Is there more to our marriage and love than just this?" I just got a gibberish answer back from her.

As our 4 yr marriage was deteriorating she demanded the baby now. She became more concerned with that than even our love or saving our marriage. I delayed the future baby/babies with legitimate excuses to give me time to think it out more clearly whether she is going to be committed to me for life and also if is she is going to stop the dangerous rages. I didn't tell her the real reasons for delay. That would of hurt her and maybe caused a deadly rage also. When she talked about babies it was really weird and creepy and I can't remember hearing my name mentioned long term or my role as the father. I am so glad that I was clear headed enough not to give in to this. Last few weeks of our relationship she said "Give me the baby and then I don't care if you go away". She dumped me in about the cruelest way imaginable a few weeks later. Sometimes I wonder why she dumped the potential "baby giver". I guess she just hated me too much in the end or something.

I feel she is going to have a baby with the first man she meets now. The baby would then be raised within her very sick and warped family. Especially her evil abuser mom and the cycle will just continue. It's out of my hands though. Just a horrible thought.

[jammo1989]

I was referred to by my uBPD wife several times as "The one who will bring her the baby". I was creeped out and offended whenever she said this to me. I questioned her about it. "Is there more to our marriage and love than just this?" I just got a gibberish answer back from her.

As our 4 yr marriage was deteriorating she demanded the baby now. She became more concerned with that than even our love or saving our marriage. I delayed the future baby/babies with legitmate excuses to give me time to think it out more clearly whether she is going to be committed to me for life and also if is she is going to stop the dangerous rages. I didn't tell her the real reasons for delay. That would of hurt her and maybe caused a deadly rage also. When she talked about babies it was really weird and creepy and I can't remember hearing my name mentioned long term or my role as the father. I am so glad that I was clear headed enough not to give in to this. Last few weeks of our relationship she said "Give me the baby and then I don't care if you go away". She dumped me in about the cruelest way imaginable a few weeks later. Sometimes I wonder why she dumped the potential "baby giver". I guess she just hated me too much in the end or something.

I feel she is going to have a baby with the first man she meets now. The baby would then be raised within her very sick and warped family. Especially her evil abuser mom and the cycle will just continue. It's out of my hands though. Just a horrible thought.

Do you know what i reckon it could have been? The fact that BPDs have an incredible low self esteem and self worth, and by you saying i dont want a baby with you (for obvious, rational reasons) she saw it as does he think im not good enough to have a baby with him? How dare he think hes better than me! It could also be what i stated in an earlier post.  Abandonment issues, she knew just like you, thst their was a chance you were going to walk away and end it first with her, which would have triggered her abandonment fears, so by demanding you give her a baby, that was her basically saying, we will soon see how likely he is to leave me.  To her wanting a baby was the ultimate test of your loyalty and devotion towards her, and it was also used to see how much control she had over you.  When you said no, she then thought, hes going to leave me, so then... .She makes up and fabricates something as her reason to dump you, because if you dumped her she would feel those abandonment fears, but by hdr leaving you 1st, she walked away from you, thus protecting her own emotions, as well as leaving without her dented ego, or lack of for that matter.  Furthermore, by raging at you or fabricating a reason to paint you black she no longer felt guilty because in her eyes she was the victim. 

And when she plays the victim it allows herto then run to the guy thats given her the most attention aT that time, and be all like i hate my ex he did or said this (all lies) she then knows that by manipulating the co dependant guy into believing he must cherr her up, he would then be like want to meet up and talk about it? Then... .Boom!  He now has the new guy under her control because us men all think sex, sex,sex, she pulls him in because he wants sex and other intimacy to boost his ego, the borderline, then feels as if hes the one that saved her, and because she the damsel in distress, she will now see him as batman the guy that rescued her from the bad guy.  She then ideolises him because she feels as if hes the reason her abandonment fears have dissapeared (depression, anxiety, suicidal tendancies) and she gives him everything she has emotionally because hes become her anti depressant, then... .Boom!

Months later the cycle then repeats itself over and over again, and after each time the BPD/HPD has to embed even more negative emotions from the last break up, and the more these emotions are blanked out through the use of their switch the more trouble they will have with controlling the disorder.

Hope that helps you

[fromheeltoheal]

I think ive become a lot more stronger emotionally, even though emotional cut off seems to be a defence mechanism for Cluster Bs, for the NON like myself, it almost feels as if your grieving the death of a loved one, because your forced to accept the fact that, this person who told you they loved you 2 days prier to this ordeal is now protecting herself from me (her being triggered).  I have never had the experience of losing a loved one, so this has almost certainly strenghened the bond with my inner self.  I would also like to say to everybody reading this.  Have, or try to find compassion for these people, they are the creations that were given the worst card in the deck in regards to their start in life.  I would also like to point out that, they rebound not because they are addicted to sex and crave sexual gratification, they literally have to do replace us.  Its like face depression or latch onto someone for attention.  They are constantly running away from the demons they try so hard to block deep within their brain.  Their lives are based around an emotional switch that they have learned since childhood to use when faced with danger, trauma and vast emotional states of fear.  

Personally, im not a phycologist by any means, but i think our exes did love us at some point, and they gave what they felt was enough to show their emotions towards us in a positive light, but the problem they face isnt us, its THEM! They know that the switch is there to use when needed.

Ive tried to get through my grieving periods, by trying to make myself shut off to what shes done and almost try to become a Narcassist towards her if she ever returned, but we as healthy indiduals are not capable and should NOT try to change the wiring of our brain chemistry to try to relate to who they are.

My conclusion to all this, is that,  we are all individuals, we should not try to understand their brain chemistry and thought processes, we must just accept the fact thst they are mentally distorted from child hood, and that, Karma has already shown and proven that as we play snakes and ladders wih them (games) they fall down the snakes as we go up the ladders, so at the end of the day, when we stop playing this game we dont bring out our co dependancy issues by trying to help them miss the snakes, but instead we treat it like a game of Jumanji, we play it once, and once we are finally out of the game anx have experienced the horrors, we NEVER dust it off in the future to play it again.  

Nice jammo, good understanding of what's going on, and you're shifting the focus from her to you as you grieve, having had the experience and gotten the lessons, and also starting to have some compassion for your ex.  That's detaching.

when we stop playing this game we dont bring out our co dependancy issues

I like that.  The ability to catch ourselves and have the awareness to stop it when we're in it shows a certain amount of mental health.  I fled the relationship because I thought I was literally going insane and my gut feel was screaming at me, and I now see that as my own ability to know what is right and what is healthy prevailed and saved me.  We need to acknowledge ourselves for these things.  Take care of you!

[workinprogress]

Jammo, that was an interesting point about her two friends being pregnant at the time.  Looking back, my wife wanted to get pregnant shortly after her sister got pregnant.  She was even angry about her getting pregnant because she would get more "attention."

Interestingly enough, my gut was screaming at me at the time.  ":)on't do it."

Also, she seemed to want to get pregnant immediately after her friends did. 

Whenever I decided I wanted another kid, she absolutely refused to even consider it.  That was a turning point for me.  I was stunned that she wouldn't even think about it, after all I had done and sacrificed in our marriage, she wouldn't do this one thing for me.

[BuildingFromScratch]

Mine hated babies, which is really messed up. I don't mean annoyed, she hated them because they were little human scum. Anyways, I heard she is pregnant from her new husband. We always had unprotected sex, because she said she was barren. I've never been so happy about shooting blanks in my life, . I think the stress really affected my hormones, I prefer to blame that! :P I feel really sorry for that kid. I hope she gets help and does right for him/her.

[AwakenedOne]

I was referred to by my uBPD wife several times as "The one who will bring her the baby". I was creeped out and offended whenever she said this to me. I questioned her about it. "Is there more to our marriage and love than just this?" I just got a gibberish answer back from her.

As our 4 yr marriage was deteriorating she demanded the baby now. She became more concerned with that than even our love or saving our marriage. I delayed the future baby/babies with legitmate excuses to give me time to think it out more clearly whether she is going to be committed to me for life and also if is she is going to stop the dangerous rages. I didn't tell her the real reasons for delay. That would of hurt her and maybe caused a deadly rage also. When she talked about babies it was really weird and creepy and I can't remember hearing my name mentioned long term or my role as the father. I am so glad that I was clear headed enough not to give in to this. Last few weeks of our relationship she said "Give me the baby and then I don't care if you go away". She dumped me in about the cruelest way imaginable a few weeks later. Sometimes I wonder why she dumped the potential "baby giver". I guess she just hated me too much in the end or something.

I feel she is going to have a baby with the first man she meets now. The baby would then be raised within her very sick and warped family. Especially her evil abuser mom and the cycle will just continue. It's out of my hands though. Just a horrible thought.

Do you know what i reckon it could have been? The fact that BPDs have an incredible low self esteem and self worth, and by you saying i dont want a baby with you (for obvious, rational reasons) she saw it as does he think im not good enough to have a baby with him? How dare he think hes better than me! It could also be what i stated in an earlier post.  Abandonment issues, she knew just like you, thst their was a chance you were going to walk away and end it first with her, which would have triggered her abandonment fears, so by demanding you give her a baby, that was her basically saying, we will soon see how likely he is to leave me.  To her wanting a baby was the ultimate test of your loyalty and devotion towards her, and it was also used to see how much control she had over you.  When you said no, she then thought, hes going to leave me, so then... .She makes up and fabricates something as her reason to dump you, because if you dumped her she would feel those abandonment fears, but by hdr leaving you 1st, she walked away from you, thus protecting her own emotions, as well as leaving without her dented ego, or lack of for that matter.  Furthermore, by raging at you or fabricating a reason to paint you black she no longer felt guilty because in her eyes she was the victim.  

And when she plays the victim it allows herto then run to the guy thats given her the most attention aT that time, and be all like i hate my ex he did or said this (all lies) she then knows that by manipulating the co dependant guy into believing he must cherr her up, he would then be like want to meet up and talk about it? Then... .Boom!  He now has the new guy under her control because us men all think sex, sex,sex, she pulls him in because he wants sex and other intimacy to boost his ego, the borderline, then feels as if hes the one that saved her, and because she the damsel in distress, she will now see him as batman the guy that rescued her from the bad guy.  She then ideolises him because she feels as if hes the reason her abandonment fears have dissapeared (depression, anxiety, suicidal tendancies) and she gives him everything she has emotionally because hes become her anti depressant, then... .Boom!

Months later the cycle then repeats itself over and over again, and after each time the BPD/HPD has to embed even more negative emotions from the last break up, and the more these emotions are blanked out through the use of their switch the more trouble they will have with controlling the disorder.

Hope that helps you

Jammo, what you wrote is really interesting. Reading this made me remember some other things she said and her actions at the time that seemed to back up that this was the ultimate test to her. I think that once she saw that she couldn't control me I became disposable. Thanks, this is really helpful to me.

[jammo1989]

Jammo, that was an interesting point about her two friends being pregnant at the time.  Looking back, my wife wanted to get pregnant shortly after her sister got pregnant.  She was even angry about her getting pregnant because she would get more "attention."

Interestingly enough, my gut was screaming at me at the time.  ":)on't do it."

Also, she seemed to want to get pregnant immediately after her friends did. 

Whenever I decided I wanted another kid, she absolutely refused to even consider it.  That was a turning point for me.  I was stunned that she wouldn't even think about it, after all I had done and sacrificed in our marriage, she wouldn't do this one thing for me.

Personally i think this was down to 2 factors, jealousy and envy towards her mates being pregnant (your men gave you a baby so why wont mine?) and that frustration of wanting something so bad that she cant have pushed her away. 

Or, she got triggered by her mates interaction while pregnant, for example, seeing her mates new born baby clothes or by seeing all the facebook posts, which, if shes more HPD will go crazy about because they want the attention of people saying congraduulations. Furthermore, when her mates child is born and your now ex holds it, shes going to be envious of the fact that, she cant love that baby or that baby cant love her in the same way its her own. 

Remember Cluster Bs are infants due to emotional undeveloped created through childhood trauma, and they view people as objects, because they themselves lack an inner self due to unstable brain chemistry and bioligical wiring, so think of your ex like this... .

Its xmas time and your ex is your 10 year old child, shes always wanted an ipad (a baby) but you dont have enough money this year (you saying no wanting the baby) her 2 best mates both get ipads for xmas (get pregnant) through the spoilt little child (your ex) doesnt understand that you cant afford it, and how guilty you feel because you cant afford it.  She lacks reasoning and rational behaviour, so instead of saying its ok, maybe next year.  She throws herself into a defensive stance crossing her arms and demanding what SHE wants.

The point im trying to make here, is that, just like the ipads, your ex wants to fit into the crowd, she wants to talk about and relate to her mates pregnancy, and because she cant do that she feels intense anger and resentment towards you because you wont give her that opportuinity to do so.

[HappyNihilist]

My exbf wanted to have a child with me, and talked about it a lot. In his case, I think it was a mix of having unconditional love from someone, and a desire to "correct" wrongs from his past. He was abused badly, and he always talked about how protective he would be of a child.

My conclusion to all this, is that,  we are all individuals, we should not try to understand their brain chemistry and thought processes, we must just accept the fact thst they are mentally distorted from child hood, and that, Karma has already shown and proven that as we play snakes and ladders wih them (games) they fall down the snakes as we go up the ladders, so at the end of the day, when we stop playing this game we dont bring out our co dependancy issues by trying to help them miss the snakes, but instead we treat it like a game of Jumanji, we play it once, and once we are finally out of the game anx have experienced the horrors, we NEVER dust it off in the future to play it again.   

I like your game analogy. You're absolutely right: we're all individuals, and we have to accept people as they are, just as we expect others to accept us as we are. When we realize that relationships with certain people bring out unhealthy habits/thoughts in ourselves, we have to step back and reevaluate. It's not a healthy place for us or for the other person involved.

[RisingSun]

Oh, the dreaded BPD baby craving. My xw was all about having a baby. Babies eventually became similar to black cats. Whenever one crossed our path, I knew that there would be an outburst from xw in the near future. I got to a point were I dreaded seeing friends having babies or hearing that they got pregnant. The hugest rages from my xw were caused by her need to have a child.

As time went on xw realized she was having issues getting pregnant. That's when the real trouble started for me. I was blamed for this right up until the end of our marriage. I'm probably still being blamed for her infertility right now. Even though my semen check out perfect, xw still found a way to blame it on me.


When xw divorced me she said, "why would I want to be married to you if we're not going to have children?". Still can't wrap my head around that one.

[jammo1989]

Oh, the dreaded BPD baby craving. My xw was all about having a baby. Babies eventually became similar to black cats. Whenever one crossed our path, I knew that there would be an outburst from xw in the near future. I got to a point were I dreaded seeing friends having babies or hearing that they got pregnant. The hugest rages from my xw were caused by her need to have a child.

As time went on xw realized she was having issues getting pregnant. That's when the real trouble started for me. I was blamed for this right up until the end of our marriage. I'm probably still being blamed for her infertility right now. Even though my semen check out perfect, xw still found a way to blame it on me.


When xw divorced me she said, "why would I want to be married to you if we're not going to have children?". Still can't wrap my head around that one.

She wants the added security from you, it wasn't wanted through her love for you, it was done in the hope that after the marriage broke off, she would be able to take everything from you.  Think about it, if you divorced while she was pregnant with your child, she could strip you of everything financially.