Instructions for a loved one...

When I’m sad…

Don’t get angry or frustrated.

Don’t make me feel guilty for feeling sad.

Don’t meet your own desires for touch through pretending to physically comfort me.

… please comfort me.

Do let me cry if I need to.

Do whisper kind, soothing things to me.

Do offer me physical comfort – if I seem to want it - that is for me – and not for you.

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When I’m successful…

Don’t get jealous and bitter.

Don’t make me doubt the success and if I truly deserve it.

Don’t make me feel guilty for the success or for feeling proud.

… please feel proud of me.

Do listen to me.

Do smile with me.

Do tell me I’ve done a good job.

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When I’m happy…

Don’t be jealous and bitter.

Don’t cause me to question if I deserve happiness.

Don’t make me feel guilty for feeling happy if you’re not happy.

… please be happy with me.

Do smile and laugh with me.

Do feel happy that I’m happy.

Do want to hear about it and share it with me.

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When I’m scared…

Don’t make fun of my fears.

Don’t use my fears against me.

Don’t take pleasure in seeing me afraid.

… please help me feel safe.

Do tell me things will be ok.

Do tell me you’ll keep me safe and protect me.

Do let me know it’s ok and normal to feel afraid sometimes.

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When I’m anxious…

Don’t belittle me.

Don’t increase me fears.

Don’t take satisfaction in my pain.

… please ease my worry.

Do help me stay grounded.

Do let me know you’re here for me.

Do say comforting things to me that ease my mind.

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When I’m angry…

Don’t make me feel guilty and ashamed.

Don’t make me feel like a monster.

Don’t make me feel alone.

… please let me be.

Do validate my feelings.

Do support me in releasing my feelings in a healthy way.

Do help calm and soothe me when I’m ready.

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