What she said.

[Deeno02]

December will be 4 months out of r/s. Doing well with the NC thing, doing well overall. Two things that still chaff my ass are the mere point of my 16 months with her, in her view and actions, were like I never existed. The second thing was her calling me emotionless, incapable of love and unlovable. It bothers me to no end that that little nugget has been placed in my head and I cant get rid of it. What a vile creature to damage ones psyche by planting that and taking off. Its there, and the pain of it kills me just as much as if she would have beat me. The emotional, mental, verbal abuse has killed what was once a caring, loving, trusting man, and in its place, left someone who is now all those things she accused me of being.

[Earthbayne]

You do know she was talking about herself, and not you, right?

[Deeno02]

You do know she was talking about herself, and not you, right?

Maybe I do... .I dont know anymore. Im doing so much better than when I got on this forum, but damn it. I dont know how she could say that to a guy who took on a lady with 5 kids. I never spoke up during the r/s out of fear of saying the wrong thing (hense the emotionless, because I didnt share how I felt other than happy stuff, but then again, she never tried to help me with my problems, aways her, so I just shut up.)so I just avoided it during emotion ladden periods. I was afraid to lose her and have no one. Now I have no one.

[Targeted]

Deeno,

I was told the exact same stuff and even worse, I know you have read some of the emails that I put up here from her and mine had four children, we have pretty much the same story so do not allow her to make you believe that you are emotionless or incapable of love. I refuse to believe it for myself because I fell in love with a woman who only knows how to destroy love and because I can love I kept trying for 2 1/2 years,   I'm sure our relationships were pretty much the same so imagine what we would have if we put our love and efforts into women Who were capable of reciprocation.  I know I will always have a place in my heart for my ex and hope she gets help someday, but I am not sticking around to endure the abuse that her problem creates.  Because she really did love me she would not treat me this way.  The money was never reciprocal, doing chores was never reciprocal, Nice gestures were never reciprocal, all these things went from me to her,  same thing with love, she could mimic it but not really reciprocate it.  We both had real love for unlovable Women, I think that is something to be proud of and speaks volumes about our capabilities in this department.

[Deeno02]

Deeno,

I was told the exact same stuff and even worse, I know you have read some of the emails that I put up here from her and mine had four children, we have pretty much the same story so do not allow her to make you believe that you are emotionless or incapable of love. I refuse to believe it for myself because I fell in love with a woman who only knows how to destroy love and because I can love I kept trying for 2 1/2 years,   I'm sure our relationships were pretty much the same so imagine what we would have if we put our love and efforts into women Who were capable of reciprocation.  I know I will always have a place in my heart for my ex and hope she gets help someday, but I am not sticking around to endure the abuse that her problem creates.  Because she really did love me she would not treat me this way.  The money was never reciprocal, doing chores was never reciprocal, Nice gestures were never reciprocal, all these things went from me to her,  same thing with love, she could mimic it but not really reciprocate it.  We both had real love for unlovable Women, I think that is something to be proud of and speaks volumes about our capabilities in this department.

I know Cares. Just that second guessing comes out of know where and hits you in the head. Couple hours later and Im back to feeling ok again, but just that every now and again it leaps out and hurts like hell. Im debating the whole special place in my heart as of right now, I dont.

[Targeted]

I know, I debate that to but her life must really be sad.  She is now trying to taunt me back into the relationship I think, she is telling me there are many men for her to choose from and she is going to push forward now, that used to make me run to save the relationship but this time I did respond to her and say in a email i'm glad you found somebody, I do not mind fighting for a woman and proving my love for but she is eventually going to have to let me get out of the ring and start giving the relationship that you fight for in the beginning, 2 1/2 years there were too many opponents and I'm not a superhero

[DangIthurts]

Same man. I don't mind it ended, I don't mind I lost a ton of money, and got my heart beat to hell... .

I do mind its all been twisted, and justified as me the bad guy completely. That I cannot shake.

[BlackandBlue]

I have been doing much better lately too, but I'm also still haunted by things my ex said. "You're  not even a real man" and "I hate you and everything you stand for" are the two that still sting. She sure knows how to do real damage with words that's for sure. I truly hope she's miserable as hell with my replacement. She will never find someone who was as good to her and tolerant of her $ than I was.

[Deeno02]

I have been doing much better lately too, but I'm also still haunted by things my ex said. "You're  not even a real man" and "I hate you and everything you stand for" are the two that still sting. She sure knows how to do real damage with words that's for sure. I truly hope she's miserable as hell with my replacement. She will never find someone who was as good to her and tolerant of her $ than I was.

I seriously dont care what becomes of her. I really dont. The damage to me has been done and I'm trying to repair it as best I can. As you said, she wont find anyone who loved and cared for her and her kids as I did. It's a blessing to not be there anymore and Im out of the chaos, but the damage inflicted on me affects me still. I cant imagine what would have happened if I hadnt been dumped. Im not so sure I would have survived.

[Visitor]

Deeno

You aren’t “broken” and nothing needs to be fixed. Think of it as more of a heavy storm that you have to ride out. Big waves are crashing on the ship and there is panic on board but time will pass, the water will calm and you’ll be sailing as normal.

Introspection is good but I see people on here go a little too deep into themselves. I even see men who are too quick to label themselves narcissists!.

Borderlines are master manipulators and its very common for them to load you with shame before they cut you out which leaves you with no closure and so much to say to them. My borderline  did the same thing but I owe her nothing but pity. You feel as though you got the short end of the stick but if she is truly a borderline then just feel sorry for her and know that she has a life ahead of her full of turmoil and emotional anguish.

We tend to forget that these individuals are mentally disturbed. We try to make sense of non-sense and get to wrapped up in the details.

I care what Winston Churchill said during the second world war, I care what Mahatma Gandhi said during the struggles for Indian independence, I care about what MArtin Luther King had to say during the "I had a dream speech", I care about what the people that love me say about me, I care about what the positive friends in my life have to say. What I DO NOT care about is what a borderline has to say!

Start letting go of the past rather than trying to change it in your favour. Learn your lessons from this life experience and take them into your new relationships to make them better. Taking lessons from experiences is what truly grows us as a person and builds our character. Dwelling on the experience and trying to change it back into your favour only keeps us in reverse gear.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking your ex was “special” there’s a very large world out there Deeno with millions of girls to meet. Make yourself a beautiful person with a rich and fulfilling life and you will start to attract the right people.