The Pit of never ending doom

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Do you not realize that you are only helping her feed this insecurity?  When you agree to not see your family, hunting or even talk to another woman, you are telling her in her warped mind that 'Yes, you are right and I need to be controlled'.  Insecurity leads to control which leads to abuse.  When you do the 180 and tell her 'No, I am going hunting and if you don't like it, you can leave.  I am not doing anything wrong'.  Let her know that if her mind wonders in the wrong direction that it is her issue, not yours.

Even if you are chained to a bed she will still not be happy.  She will come to a point where she would be accusing you of thinking of another woman.  The thing is, the insecure women are the ones most likely to cheat.  In her warped head she will think you are cheating and then do that herself using her warped thought process as a justification.

She needs to go to counseling and you need to start reliving your life again.

[Silveron]

Do you not realize that you are only helping her feed this insecurity?  When you agree to not see your family, hunting or even talk to another woman, you are telling her in her warped mind that 'Yes, you are right and I need to be controlled'.  Insecurity leads to control which leads to abuse.  When you do the 180 and tell her 'No, I am going hunting and if you don't like it, you can leave.  I am not doing anything wrong'.  Let her know that if her mind wonders in the wrong direction that it is her issue, not yours.

Even if you are chained to a bed she will still not be happy.  She will come to a point where she would be accusing you of thinking of another woman.  The thing is, the insecure women are the ones most likely to cheat.  In her warped head she will think you are cheating and then do that herself using her warped thought process as a justification.

She needs to go to counseling and you need to start reliving your life again.

[Kabooma]

Keeping the peace, as enlighten me notes, often comes at a high price.

You may discover, as I did, that the price is too high.

Be careful as the double-edged sword that enlighten me describes can cause deep wounds.

LuckyJim

Im reading this thread and all I can think to myself is "God... I want my life back"

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Kabooma, What is preventing you from taking your life back?  I lost myself for a while there in my marriage to a pwBPD.  Forgetting who you are is not fun, believe me.  Perhaps you have lost a part of yourself, too?  LuckyJim

[Kabooma]

Hey Kabooma, What is preventing you from taking your life back?  I lost myself for a while there in my marriage to a pwBPD.  Forgetting who you are is not fun, believe me.  Perhaps you have lost a part of yourself, too?  LuckyJim

I was speaking more on the lines of wanting 'control' of my life back.  Having to create an alternate universe for my wife and child takes a lot of effort, it drains me.  I took control of 'my' life back a few years ago.  I have my own friends, hobbies, extracurricular activities now, which she isn't a part of (and she can't be because she exploded so many of my previous friendships and activities).  I'm happy with that part of my life, but secretly wish I could just separate from her entirely and have my whole life back.  Part of that isn't just her BPD, but my disillusion of marriage in general.  I'm just not very compatible with everything in life being a negotiation.  And add a BPD to the negotiations, and it only gets worse.