I hate you you Don't Leave Me Moments

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I recall many, many times that the BPDx would go into one of her violent BPD rages and demand i leave the apartment only to chase me down and try to prevent me from doing so when i did just that. She would kick, punch and claw at me as i was trying to leave. I had to call the police one time which ended up being a mistake because she lied about what happened and they ended up arresting both of us. Anyone else have any of these I hate you don't leave me moments.

[clydegriffith]

I recall many, many times that the BPDx would go into one of her violent BPD rages and demand i leave the apartment only to chase me down and try to prevent me from doing so when i did just that. She would kick, punch and claw at me as i was trying to leave. I had to call the police one time which ended up being a mistake because she lied about what happened and they ended up arresting both of us. Anyone else have any of these I hate you don't leave me moments.

[hope2727]

Yup. Mine would tell me he didn't love me and wanted me to never contact him again then he would call crying and ask why I wasn't standing by him through the greatest heartbreak of his life. More recently it was "F you, I never want to hear from you again" Then it was "why didn't you reach out to me?"

Super contradictory and super confusing. It leaves us in a state of emotional chaos. I just have to learn to do what I need to for myself and not have anymore to do with him for my own sanity. Sad. Very sad. But none the less true.

[terranova79]

Oh my... .The "I hate you don't leave me" moments are the worst, and I've had plenty of them.  Here are a couple of examples.

We've been having a really rough year, with my uBPDw treating me like garbage.  Over this past labor day, I was going to take our son to visit my parents in another state for three days.  My uBPDw did not want to go and was furious for me wanting to take our son (who hadn't been there in over a year).  So before my son and I left, she told me, "I don't want you to come back.  Send our son back, but I don't want you to come back.  And if you do come back, you're sleeping on the couch because I don't want you around."  When I was gone, my uBPDw MASSIVELY dysregulated when a Facetime session with our son wouldn't work due to poor internet connectivity.  After screaming at me in numerous phone calls, she tells me she is going to file for separation and deprive me of access to the kids.  Well, after that I decided to see a lawyer myself to protect my rights.  When she finds out about this she is devastated and can't believe I would do such a thing.  She literally had no ability to understand how her actions led to me seeing a lawyer.

Fast forward a couple of months to the present day.  She's been telling me for the last two months how I've ruined her life by, among other things, seeing that lawyer, and that I'm an awful person and she never should have married me.  I'm going to visit my parents again this weekend and she is furious and scared.  The reason why?  She is afraid I'll come back and want to file for separation!

Does the "I hate you / don't leave me" stuff make sense?  Not to a logical person.  That's why it's the hallmark of a personality disorder.  That is the ONLY way to understand it.

[billypilgrim]

Mine didn't do the I hate you's so much as she did the don't leave me's/I'm lonely.  But she did do the "I'm not in love with you anymore" then magically after I tried to get her back (I always took those comments as though I wasn't pulling my weight), she was back deeply in love with me again.  .  Maybe that was her version of "I hate you."  Hearing "I'm not in love with you" from your wife every few months really takes it's toll.  I think I started to get used to it somewhere along the way, which probably explains my weird sense of relief after she left.     

[Targeted]

One I hate you don't leave me moment but I remember the most was the one when I left,

I found her on a dating site again which I have done too many times and I was infuriated, I was at her house at the time and it was late at night, I reminded her that I have forgiven her for this too many times already and asked her why she is doing it again, she told me because she knew that I was doing it and I was cheating and she hates cheaters and she hates me for making her look for somebody else.  because I was not cheating or on a dating site I just had enough of her dating sites and constantly having to defend myself for something I do not do and said to her I hope you find somebody better on there and I am leaving, she was already on a dating site for the hundredth time so I thought I was giving her what she wanted, when I told I was leaving she stood between me and the door and screamed at me do not leave me!  I said there is no need for us to talk I just want to go,  this is the first time I saw this crazed look in her eyes when she repeatedly started screaming at me-- talk to me.   I felt any movement in any direction at this point To leave would make matters worse because of how emotional she was so I just said lets laydown and go to bed and we will talk in the morning,  I left for work in the morning and have not seen her since.