She's back

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been a while bpdfamily! I'm in need of some advice surrounding my ex-girlfriend who recently moved back to my area.

I doubt anybody remembers me. I would hope you'd all be long gone from this place and enjoying life again by now.

Here is my story in case anybody is interested (it's quite long, but rather amusing): https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=197383.0


So, yeah... .she's back again. After we broke up in 2012, and I went no contact, she moved to The States to be with her replacement. In fact, she was going to marry him so she could live there permanently. Well, it didn't work out (shocking). He called it off just days before the wedding. He drove her back here (where I live) and she moved back in with her dad and began abusing alcohol and chain smoking.

A week later my ex's aunt invites her to stay on the island and work as a maid. She goes but ends up coming back maybe like a month later because she felt very depressed/sick/isolated living there. It was around this time that she tried to reconnect with me via email with an apology. And while I did very much appreciate the sincerity of it, I was worried of a possible recycle so I very replied.

Shortly after that she finds a new boyfriend online (like she normally does) and moves back to the island and lives with him for like a year. I found out he raped her 4 months in somehow but she stuck with him. The relationship was apparently pretty rocky. She breaks up with him in September and lives on her own still doing the cam model job to pay rent. She, of course, is back on POF/Tinder or whatever and hooks up with some random guy one night. Her ex finds this out and abuses her both physically and verbally I guess out of jealously.

She finds another guy on Tinder and they date for all of October and he turns out to be pretty messed up himself. He abused my ex, gave her bruises, pushed her, cheated on her, ect. It was after this that she got a hold of me and we began talking. She wanted to move back here (where I live) because she was "tired of running away". I began to support her through text. She finds an old friend to help her move back and she is currently living with her dad again. She's been saying all this stuff about how she's matured a lot these past 2 years and how she's different now... .how she doesn't want to live a life of chaos anymore, ect. Like how she wants to quit being a cam girl, go back to school, find good long-term therapy. And maybe that's all true, but I have a hard time believing she's actually going to do it. I also find out that she's seeing new "guy friends" that she literally just met off POF/Tinder after moving back here a week ago. I find that a little disturbing.

She's been asking if she could see me, but I told her I'm unsure. She understands that and says I don't have to if I don't want to and she won't be upset by it. I guess I just don't see the point of seeing her. What good could come from it? We talked on the phone last night and I basically let loose on her about how poorly she treated me and that got her crying. She apologized some more. I know she hates herself for what she did to me.

Should I keep my distance? Any of you have an experience where you met up with your ex years later?

[paperlung]

It's been a while bpdfamily! I'm in need of some advice surrounding my ex-girlfriend who recently moved back to my area.

I doubt anybody remembers me. I would hope you'd all be long gone from this place and enjoying life again by now.

Here is my story in case anybody is interested (it's quite long, but rather amusing): https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=197383.0


So, yeah... .she's back again. After we broke up in 2012, and I went no contact, she moved to The States to be with her replacement. In fact, she was going to marry him so she could live there permanently. Well, it didn't work out (shocking). He called it off just days before the wedding. He drove her back here (where I live) and she moved back in with her dad and began abusing alcohol and chain smoking.

A week later my ex's aunt invites her to stay on the island and work as a maid. She goes but ends up coming back maybe like a month later because she felt very depressed/sick/isolated living there. It was around this time that she tried to reconnect with me via email with an apology. And while I did very much appreciate the sincerity of it, I was worried of a possible recycle so I very replied.

Shortly after that she finds a new boyfriend online (like she normally does) and moves back to the island and lives with him for like a year. I found out he raped her 4 months in somehow but she stuck with him. The relationship was apparently pretty rocky. She breaks up with him in September and lives on her own still doing the cam model job to pay rent. She, of course, is back on POF/Tinder or whatever and hooks up with some random guy one night. Her ex finds this out and abuses her both physically and verbally I guess out of jealously.

She finds another guy on Tinder and they date for all of October and he turns out to be pretty messed up himself. He abused my ex, gave her bruises, pushed her, cheated on her, ect. It was after this that she got a hold of me and we began talking. She wanted to move back here (where I live) because she was "tired of running away". I began to support her through text. She finds an old friend to help her move back and she is currently living with her dad again. She's been saying all this stuff about how she's matured a lot these past 2 years and how she's different now... .how she doesn't want to live a life of chaos anymore, ect. Like how she wants to quit being a cam girl, go back to school, find good long-term therapy. And maybe that's all true, but I have a hard time believing she's actually going to do it. I also find out that she's seeing new "guy friends" that she literally just met off POF/Tinder after moving back here a week ago. I find that a little disturbing.

She's been asking if she could see me, but I told her I'm unsure. She understands that and says I don't have to if I don't want to and she won't be upset by it. I guess I just don't see the point of seeing her. What good could come from it? We talked on the phone last night and I basically let loose on her about how poorly she treated me and that got her crying. She apologized some more. I know she hates herself for what she did to me.

Should I keep my distance? Any of you have an experience where you met up with your ex years later?

[almostmarried]

"Should I keep my distance?"

If you want to go through all this (and much more) again,no.

[Flameheart]

It's been a while bpdfamily! I'm in need of some advice surrounding my ex-girlfriend who recently moved back to my area.

I doubt anybody remembers me. I would hope you'd all be long gone from this place and enjoying life again by now.

Here is my story in case anybody is interested (it's quite long, but rather amusing): https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=197383.0


So, yeah... .she's back again. After we broke up in 2012, and I went no contact, she moved to The States to be with her replacement. In fact, she was going to marry him so she could live there permanently. Well, it didn't work out (shocking). He called it off just days before the wedding. He drove her back here (where I live) and she moved back in with her dad and began abusing alcohol and chain smoking.

A week later my ex's aunt invites her to stay on the island and work as a maid. She goes but ends up coming back maybe like a month later because she felt very depressed/sick/isolated living there. It was around this time that she tried to reconnect with me via email with an apology. And while I did very much appreciate the sincerity of it, I was worried of a possible recycle so I very replied.

Shortly after that she finds a new boyfriend online (like she normally does) and moves back to the island and lives with him for like a year. I found out he raped her 4 months in somehow but she stuck with him. The relationship was apparently pretty rocky. She breaks up with him in September and lives on her own still doing the cam model job to pay rent. She, of course, is back on POF/Tinder or whatever and hooks up with some random guy one night. Her ex finds this out and abuses her both physically and verbally I guess out of jealously.

She finds another guy on Tinder and they date for all of October and he turns out to be pretty messed up himself. He abused my ex, gave her bruises, pushed her, cheated on her, ect. It was after this that she got a hold of me and we began talking. She wanted to move back here (where I live) because she was "tired of running away". I began to support her through text. She finds an old friend to help her move back and she is currently living with her dad again. She's been saying all this stuff about how she's matured a lot these past 2 years and how she's different now... .how she doesn't want to live a life of chaos anymore, ect. Like how she wants to quit being a cam girl, go back to school, find good long-term therapy. And maybe that's all true, but I have a hard time believing she's actually going to do it. I also find out that she's seeing new "guy friends" that she literally just met off POF/Tinder after moving back here a week ago. I find that a little disturbing.

She's been asking if she could see me, but I told her I'm unsure. She understands that and says I don't have to if I don't want to and she won't be upset by it. I guess I just don't see the point of seeing her. What good could come from it? We talked on the phone last night and I basically let loose on her about how poorly she treated me and that got her crying. She apologized some more. I know she hates herself for what she did to me.

Should I keep my distance? Any of you have an experience where you met up with your ex years later?

Keep your distance, since you can already see the warning signs again; she's already back on POF/Tinder and she's still emotionally all over the place.

[neverloveagain]

See that sea of chaos and drama following her around and what she is still doing right under your nose wow       forget it save yourself dont get back on that train. The only thing in there that might be half true is she has run out of places to hide they do. She sounds like she needs an old caretaker to look after her. Dont do it look after you.

[Recooperating]

Just remember: actions speak louder than words! She wants to change? Good! I aplaud that, let her focus on herself completely and when she has her life on track she may be able to have a healthier rs. But she's not there yet. You cant fix her, she has to do the work! Its ofcourse up to you, but I wouldnt go back down the rabbit hole, if anything let her come up to your level.

From personal experience. I met my exBPDbf 14 years ago, I was 19. We were on and off for about 6 years, didnt see him for the next 6 years. All of a sudden he reaches out 3 years ago and apologizes for being an ass and how he never got over me. I regret recycling at that point. It wasnt the same old ___, it was worse... .4 months out now and feeling better! Chaos doesnt follow them, they create it. Worst part of my life... .

Best of luck to you, please keep focussing on you and whats good for you!

[Raybo48]

Yes I'd suggest keeping your distance in miles, many many miles.    They absolutely do not change on their own without T, and from what you've explained that has not happened with her.  I'm sorry, but in the simplest terms they are users and are incredibly selfish people. 

From the sound of it right now she's on withdrawal from not enough N-supply and is finding any she can at the moment, which includes you.  My ex went on POF and when that failed to get her enough attention she went on a football discussion site and started messaging her phone number out to random guys throughout the country to garner attention.  From what I know now she's dating someone who I guarantee is oblivious to her disorder because it's just too soon in the relationship.  My ex will never change and if I run into her 10 years from now the only thing that will have changed is she will be 10 years older.

Back on point... .Stay clear, and stay very far away.   

[.cup.car]

She's been saying all this stuff about how she's matured a lot these past 2 years and how she's different now... .how she doesn't want to live a life of chaos anymore, ect. Like how she wants to quit being a cam girl, go back to school, find good long-term therapy. And maybe that's all true, but I have a hard time believing she's actually going to do it. I also find out that she's seeing new "guy friends" that she literally just met off POF/Tinder after moving back here a week ago. I find that a little disturbing.

She's been asking if she could see me, but I told her I'm unsure. She understands that and says I don't have to if I don't want to and she won't be upset by it. I guess I just don't see the point of seeing her. What good could come from it? We talked on the phone last night and I basically let loose on her about how poorly she treated me and that got her crying. She apologized some more. I know she hates herself for what she did to me.

Should I keep my distance? Any of you have an experience where you met up with your ex years later?

It's pretty scummy to have all these long meaningful talks with a guy, and then jump right to adult hookup apps.

Look bro, POF, Tinder... .You don't find soulmates on there. You find a cheap ___ with either an STD or a mental disorder. Tinder's at least socially acceptable cause it pulls your Facebook info, but stuff like PoF, Badoo, Meet.me... .etc... .that's not where you find long-lasting romantic partners.

Don't do what I did and justify a bunch of retarded behavior cause she's pretty. It's NOT a fun path.

[pallavirajsinghani]

Hello My Friend:

Please read your own post carefully:  Note that you are again painting her as a hapless victim of all the bad people.  Not once have you mentioned that whatever has happened to her, in terms of rapes and abuses can either be her perception of reality... .or consequences of her bad choices.

If you recycle, it won't be too long before she feels "raped" & "abused" by you too.

Your rescuer knight in the shining armor is coming back... .

And since you asked for our opinion:  I concur with others... .do not recycle.  Try to make the current distance between you too even larger... .respond with one word or one phrase texts/calls only.  The more involved you will get in circular conversations, the more enmeshed you will get.

Please consider counseling as you are at a very vulnerable state of mind.

[paperlung]

Oh wow, thanks for the replies everyone.

She's been sending me text messages daily since I made this thread. Telling me how she wants/plans to take this veterinary assistant program in April (we'll see  ). One night she got all nostalgic with me, sending old pictures and reminiscing. How she caught a cold/flu, how she went to the doctor, how she sent one of her ex-boyfriends a $50 e-card so he could eat something (random).

I eventually got sucked in. I saw her for the first time since, I think, March 2013 on Friday for like 30 minutes. We took my dog to this off-leash dog park we used to visit and just walked around and made small talk. I then dropped her off home at her dad's.

She was very calm/sedated the whole time; I assume because of the Clonazepam she takes. I was pretty quiet myself and a little standoffish, but afterwards she sent a text thanking me for seeing her. There were no hugs and no mention of another get together. It all felt surreal. I think she might be more focused on the new supply she found off POF/Tinder after moving back here anyways. Not that I mind.

[no_ordinary]

paperlung, regarding that one: "you were the best boyfriend"- unfortunatelly, she probably tells that to every boyfriend she wants to recycle with... .

[paperlung]

So she sends me a text 20 minutes ago telling me she how she just went on the worst "meet up" of her life. Told me the guy almost made her cry because he judged her upbringing. She told him to drive her home. Apparently she met the guy off POF earlier today and then went out with him just hours a later! Talk about moving fast. I even said that to her, and she was like, "I usually don't. Like I said I was just up for doing something since I had no plans. Not like I intended on sleeping with him or any of that." I then asked her why she felt the need to tell me all this and she said, "I think because all my interactions lately with everyone is starting to wear me down and I not only meaning guys... .Like my sister ect. Where everyone is being a dick to me and I wanted to rant I guess. I'm sorry. I know you don't care."

Ugh. I feel like I might have to cease communication with her again. I don't want to be her personal emotional outlet.

[.cup.car]

Ugh. I feel like I might have to cease communication with her again. I don't want to be her personal emotional outlet.

There you go.

[Infared]

"Should I keep my distance?"

I agree with pallavira... .please reread your overview of her crazy, drama-filled life. Look at ALL of her actions clearly. Don't listen to a word she says... .look at the facts that you know. You can engage with that hot mess again... .but I think what you have to look at is why you are even considering it? This is not healthy. Not even a little.

I had the same pull/temptation until I staRted to realize that I had a part in my crazy relationships. I was not healthy and I was repeatedly making really bad choices for mysself. I was damaged, too. That was what I needed to work on.

[pallavirajsinghani]

everyone is being a dick to me

No acceptance of responsibility... .how about her?  Is she being a dick to everyone else too?


and I wanted to rant I guess.

Why is she vomiting in  your ears?  Why is she expecting to be soothed by you? This type of stuff is reserved for counselors.  The appropriate relationship between you two can be that of friends... .if the boundaries of friendships are clearly understood by both. 

What is a healthy friendship?

A healthy friendship is one that seeks to create beautiful, stressfree memories together.  It does not mean that there is no emotional support between friends or spouses or lovers... .it means that the support is defined and limited.  Here is an example of healthy support:  :I am in emotional pain because I was raped.  My friend cannot be my counselor as he/she has no clinical skills.  Besides when I share very intimate details with him/her, he/she will definitely be sad.  So I will seek professional counseling for my trauma.  In the meantime... .I do need my friend to watch my dog while I am at the doctors, or drive me to the doctors, or water my plants when I am away for a few weeks in the hospital... ."

This is viable and justified expectation of support.  Expecting you to solve her problems, be her crutch, soothe her, give her a fairy tale life... .this is unrealistic expectation.  Her trying to manipulate you into this role of a "savior" in the name of friendship is abusive. 

You are slowly getting sucked into this seductive and unrewarding role... .you are vulnerable at this time... .


I'm sorry. I know you don't care."

There you go... .guilting you already.

The board is full of this acronym:  FOG.  You are deep into FOG and can see your way out, but just do not know how to walk the path yet.  Please continue to stay with us... .let us help you get out of this deep, spirit sucking dense FOG (Fear/Obligation/Guilt).

Do you have access to counseling?

[pallavirajsinghani]

I apologise:  Only her words were supposed to be bold and underlined and in italics.  My comments were supposed to be in plain script.

I am not sure how I got the entire post looking unnaturally brash and loud.

I am sorry.

[eyvindr]

Yeah... .i got that. Looked like a classic HTML-based "spilled font" issue.   You could prolly go back and sort out the coding, or an admin could help. But I didn't take it as "brash" -- clearly looked like a formatting snafu to me, and I'm sure to many others.

Agree with your comments to paperlung, btw. Sad situation. He seems to be clearly aware of the reality of the situation (flags and txt formatted below for emphasis) ... .

... .She wanted to move back here (where I live) because she was "tired of running away  ." I began to support her through text. She finds an old friend to help her move back and she is currently living with her dad again  . She's been saying all this stuff about how she's matured a lot these past 2 years and how she's different now  ... .how she doesn't want to live a life of chaos anymore, ect. Like how she wants to quit being a cam girl, go back to school, find good long-term therapy. And maybe that's all true, but I have a hard time believing she's actually going to do it. I also find out that she's seeing new "guy friends" that she literally just met off POF/Tinder   after moving back here a week ago. I find that a little disturbing.

She's been asking if she could see me, but I told her I'm unsure. She understands that and says I don't have to if I don't want to and she won't be upset by it. I guess I just don't see the point of seeing her. What good could come from it? We talked on the phone last night and I basically let loose on her about how poorly she treated me and that got her crying. She apologized some more. I know she hates herself for what she did to me.

But the FOG can be so thick... .

[jammo1989]

So she sends me a text 20 minutes ago telling me she how she just went on the worst "meet up" of her life. Told me the guy almost made her cry because he judged her upbringing. She told him to drive her home. Apparently she met the guy off POF earlier today and then went out with him just hours a later! Talk about moving fast. I even said that to her, and she was like, "I usually don't. Like I said I was just up for doing something since I had no plans. Not like I intended on sleeping with him or any of that." I then asked her why she felt the need to tell me all this and she said, "I think because all my interactions lately with everyone is starting to wear me down and I not only meaning guys... .Like my sister ect. Where everyone is being a dick to me and I wanted to rant I guess. I'm sorry. I know you don't care."

Ugh. I feel like I might have to cease communication with her again. I don't want to be her personal emotional outlet.

Don't you see the pattern here? It's all about her I did this I did that, she wants you to focus all the attention on her, she doesn't care about what your doing, how your life is going, if you have met a new lady, she's obly Interested in someone to give her that attention she craves.  I'm not trying to a be a dick here, but really think about it, she went through all that effort to go through all these different guys, before she decided to go back to you.  Please understand that, if love was actually an emotion that she was actually able to give, don't you think she would have picked the one who treated her the best (you) before she went around all these other guys.  Don't put yourself on her level because if you do it's only going to make her want to play ball with you (start the mind games again)

[jhkbuzz]

"She finds another guy on Tinder and they date for all of October and he turns out to be pretty messed up himself. He abused my ex, gave her bruises, pushed her, cheated on her, ect. It was after this that she got a hold of me and we began talking. She wanted to move back here (where I live) because she was "tired of running away". I began to support her through text."

___________________________________________________________

Although I have much sympathy for you in this situation, you very clearly made a decision to become involved - even in the face of a massive amount of chaos in her life.

There is a "hook" in here for you - and it's very important for you to identify your hook.  What were your thoughts as you began responding?  How did you rationalize (and downplay) the red flags?  

It is very clear, looking from the "outside in" that you still have more work to do on yourself, in terms of identifying what lured you in and kept you "hooked" in an unhealthy relationship.  Because you did not identify this after your relationship ended, you are very much in danger of being "hooked" again.  Beware.

[paperlung]

HUGE UPDATE

We were texting yesterday morning and later that night I found myself over at her dad's place playing some video games. That's seriously all I wanted to do, just play video games with her. Besides, I knew she was on her period. Eventually she got tired of playing and asked if I wanted to watch something on TV. Keep in mind we were on her bed the whole time laying down. And then... .she started to make the moves on me. Put her head on my chest. Felt my face, stomach, hair... .Told me she missed my smell. She was kissing my neck profusely and even reached for my genitalia. I stopped her once she started to undo my belt buckle (she asked if she could see it). I was literally just laying beside her the whole time with my arm around her while she was doing all this. It was like I was being molested. She was in a very playful, wacky, giggly mood the whole time. She even jokingly called herself a hoe. I found out last night from talking to her that she is seeing, and I assume sleeping with, three other guys. But she told me she doesn't see any of them as boyfriend-material. This is the first time in her life that she's been messing around with multiple men, usually she's always just jumped from one relationship to the next.

I left her place around midnight (I was there for about 4 hours) and as I was tying my shoes she said to me, "I would've sucked you dick you know". I tell her, "Yeah, I bet you would have."

The hook is real my friends. Very, very real.

[jammo1989]

HUGE UPDATE

We were texting yesterday morning and later that night I found myself over at her dad's place playing some video games. That's seriously all I wanted to do, just play video games with her. Besides, I knew she was on her period. Eventually she got tired of playing and asked if I wanted to watch something on TV. Keep in mind we were on her bed the whole time laying down. And then... .she started to make the moves on me. Put her head on my chest. Felt my face, stomach, hair... .Told me she missed my smell. She was kissing my neck profusely and even reached for my genitalia. I stopped her once she started to undo my belt buckle (she asked if she could see it). I was literally just laying beside her the whole time with my arm around her while she was doing all this. It was like I was being molested. She was in a very playful, wacky, giggly mood the whole time. She even jokingly called herself a hoe. I found out last night from talking to her than she is seeing, and I assume sleeping with, three other guys. But she told me she doesn't see any of them as boyfriend-material. This is the first time in her life that she's been messing around with multiple men, usually she's always just jumped from one relationship to the next.

I left her place around midnight (I was there for about 4 hours) and as I was tying my shoes she said to me, "I would've sucked you dick you know". I tell her, "Yeah, I bet you would have."

The hook is real my friends. Very, very real.

Ive been frowned upon by acting all superior and looking down on my ex, but I think this story backs up why I feel the way I do.  She can't offer you love, she can't offer you a lovely clean house to come home to after working all day, she can't offer you a child because with her lifestyle she wouldn't be capable but... .She can suck your dick these woman can only get what they want through sex because they have nothing else to offer.  She wanted to make you vulnerable by making you horny, and she knew that if she did it good enough you'd be back for more, she's started playing the game that you DONT want to be playing, she's having sex with 3 other guys, who the hell would even want to even sleep with someone like that? Personally I couldnt sleep with an ex knowing she had slept with someone else after me.

[paperlung]

HUGE UPDATE

We were texting yesterday morning and later that night I found myself over at her dad's place playing some video games. That's seriously all I wanted to do, just play video games with her. Besides, I knew she was on her period. Eventually she got tired of playing and asked if I wanted to watch something on TV. Keep in mind we were on her bed the whole time laying down. And then... .she started to make the moves on me. Put her head on my chest. Felt my face, stomach, hair... .Told me she missed my smell. She was kissing my neck profusely and even reached for my genitalia. I stopped her once she started to undo my belt buckle (she asked if she could see it). I was literally just laying beside her the whole time with my arm around her while she was doing all this. It was like I was being molested. She was in a very playful, wacky, giggly mood the whole time. She even jokingly called herself a hoe. I found out last night from talking to her than she is seeing, and I assume sleeping with, three other guys. But she told me she doesn't see any of them as boyfriend-material. This is the first time in her life that she's been messing around with multiple men, usually she's always just jumped from one relationship to the next.

I left her place around midnight (I was there for about 4 hours) and as I was tying my shoes she said to me, "I would've sucked you dick you know". I tell her, "Yeah, I bet you would have."

The hook is real my friends. Very, very real.

Ive been frowned upon by acting all superior and looking down on my ex, but I think this story backs up why I feel the way I do.  She can't offer you love, she can't offer you a lovely clean house to come home to after working all day, she can't offer you a child because with her lifestyle she wouldn't be capable but... .She can suck your dick these woman can only get what they want through sex because they have nothing else to offer.  She wanted to make you vulnerable by making you horny, and she knew that if she did it good enough you'd be back for more, she's started playing the game that you DONT want to be playing, she's having sex with 3 other guys, who the hell would even want to even sleep with someone like that? Personally I couldnt sleep with an ex knowing she had slept with someone else after me.

As for why I let myself get involved with her again... .I guess once she moved back it was just possible to see her again. And not only that, but I'm on break right now from college so I have a lot of free time.

And I am disgusted with her promiscuous behavior.

[hurting300]

It's hard to say no when you care about someone. As much as I can't stand my ex it would be hard to say no.

[wanttoknowmore]

Paperlung... .after two years... mine came back ... last week ... I am in same predicament as you are... .she wants me to help her thru these rough times... Indeed ... it is difficult to say NO to someone who you  really care about... .Ask God to give us strength to be able to keep our own sanity. She is high functioning, intelligent woman who does not drink ,smoke or do drugs(never did)

Has millions of dollars... mostly earned by hard work and good investments. She is not vindictive but unfortunately ... .gets dysregulated sometimes. Lets deal with this crisis ... paperlung !

[hurting300]

Paperlung... .after two years... mine came back ... last week ... I am in same predicament as you are... .she wants me to help her thru these rough times... Indeed ... it is difficult to say NO to someone who really care about... .Ask God to give us strength to be able to keep our own sanity.

was you no contact?

[wanttoknowmore]

hrting... .Iw was absolutely NO CONTACT for 16 months... .after suffering for 3 months post break up   due to her  silent treatment and rages. She just appears like magic after 2 years   shocking me.

[jammo1989]

When I was 15 I had a massive crush on my ex back in high school, she knew I liked her but had a long term bf at the time he was 17 at the time, on her last day of high school she asked me to come to the Welsh block with her to say good bye to her Welsh teacher, because she was going into foster care, at that point she grabbed and held my hand, that was the 1st time I had ever had her hold my hand.  8 years later she randomly starts liking pictures on my FB page, I didn't know who it was, because after 8 years you tend to forget, then from out of no where she added me on FB saying hey it's Bonnie!

She had just come out if an 8 year relationship

4 year marriage with 2 kids

3 weeks later she texting me like 60 times a day, I honestly thought it was fate, God brought us together again, and a month into our long lost last encounter we met up had sex on the 1st night and began a 2 year relationship pretty much instantly.

So there you go, it still freaks me out to this day, 8 years and she went searching for that 15 year old boy that had a crush on her in high school.

[hurting300]

hrting... .Iw was absolutely NO CONTACT for 16 months... .after suffering for 3 months post break up   due to her  silent treatment and rages. She just appears like magic after 2 years   shocking me.

wow! Maybe mine will do that.

[Hope0807]

    Good stuff jammo1989, good stuff!

HUGE UPDATE

We were texting yesterday morning and later that night I found myself over at her dad's place playing some video games. That's seriously all I wanted to do, just play video games with her. Besides, I knew she was on her period. Eventually she got tired of playing and asked if I wanted to watch something on TV. Keep in mind we were on her bed the whole time laying down. And then... .she started to make the moves on me. Put her head on my chest. Felt my face, stomach, hair... .Told me she missed my smell. She was kissing my neck profusely and even reached for my genitalia. I stopped her once she started to undo my belt buckle (she asked if she could see it). I was literally just laying beside her the whole time with my arm around her while she was doing all this. It was like I was being molested. She was in a very playful, wacky, giggly mood the whole time. She even jokingly called herself a hoe. I found out last night from talking to her than she is seeing, and I assume sleeping with, three other guys. But she told me she doesn't see any of them as boyfriend-material. This is the first time in her life that she's been messing around with multiple men, usually she's always just jumped from one relationship to the next.

I left her place around midnight (I was there for about 4 hours) and as I was tying my shoes she said to me, "I would've sucked you dick you know". I tell her, "Yeah, I bet you would have."

The hook is real my friends. Very, very real.

Ive been frowned upon by acting all superior and looking down on my ex, but I think this story backs up why I feel the way I do.  She can't offer you love, she can't offer you a lovely clean house to come home to after working all day, she can't offer you a child because with her lifestyle she wouldn't be capable but... .She can suck your dick these woman can only get what they want through sex because they have nothing else to offer.  She wanted to make you vulnerable by making you horny, and she knew that if she did it good enough you'd be back for more, she's started playing the game that you DONT want to be playing, she's having sex with 3 other guys, who the hell would even want to even sleep with someone like that? Personally I couldnt sleep with an ex knowing she had slept with someone else after me.

[paperlung]

My encounter with her last night has put my anxiety through the roof today. I can hardly eat.

It's not like she was even stressing me out last night. I mean, obviously the affection she gave made me feel a little uncomfortable, but there was no crying, sulking, or venting on her behalf. She was very friendly and upbeat.

She talked a lot about what she'd been up to since I went NC back in March 2013. She showed me pictures of the three boyfriends she had after me as well as pictures of two of the guys she's currently seeing. I didn't ask for that. Found it kind of funny though because the FIRST time I ever met her back in 2011, I went over to her place and she showed me pictures of all of her ex-boyfriends. Just really weird.

Speaking of weird, while we were playing games she even asked me out of the blue, ":)o you think I am weird?" in a really insecure tone.

I told her how I went to see a psychologist who specializes in BPD after we broke up to get a better understanding of the disorder and to just try and make sense of what she did to me.

She doesn't believe she has BPD, by the way. She says she was just under a lot of stress/depression/loneliness when she cheated on me, and that might be true, but there is much more to her than that. She is a very troubled girl, one who acted almost textbook-BPD with me. She even saw a doctor after we broke up who gave her an initial impression diagnosis of BPD, but she has since then dismissed this because apparently to her, "People with BPD live way more chaotic lives". Her's is as chaotic as can be.

I think I mentioned this earlier in this thread, but she said before she moved back here how she wanted to make a "drastic lifestyle change" soon, and seek on going mental health treatment. Well, now it appears she doesn't need it she says. So typical of her. I bet she won't even take that veterinary assistant program in April. Her anxiety is pretty bad and doing something like that would be like a whole new world for her (she dropped out of high school in Grade 8).

I'm sick and tired of worrying and thinking about her. I wish she never moved back here.

[wanttoknowmore]

The very fact that she is having so much difficulty even considering that she might have BPD... goes in favor of BPD diagnosis. Based on what you say... I think she DOES have BPD. Its very hard for them to accept it. But, accepting that something is wrong with them is a good sign in itself. Like mine said... "I don't want to go crazy... .but stress makes me go crazy"

IMO... one should not push for them to accept BPD... just validate their feelings and in very simple kind way point out difficulties about their behavior. What works better is to use generalizations such as "you know... .some people when they come too close to a loved one... start feeling very afraid and that causes problems... so its a good idea to detach from time to time for little while.

What do think about it?'  She will get the information this way without feeling attacked.

Showing pictures of Ex BFs is wicked... a form of triangulation... mine never  ever admits that she had a BF in last 2 years and says how you can even think about me like that. She never even indirectly gave any hints that she was with someone else. She is a big time people pleaser . I told her that "Pleasing people is your full time job... .you do so much for everyone and then, you get exhausted and stressed. Have you ever thought why it is so important for you to please everyone ... including your dog? She laughed and thanked me for understanding.