BPD gf broke up with me and wants to be friends

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

She broke up with me over a stupid reason. I was drunk and did some things I wouldn't have done if I had been sober since we had gone to the club that night with her. This was my first time messing up around her while drunk and things escalated really quick when she tried to leave me and go for a ride. I kept her from going and this only made things worse. Her idiotic friend gets in the car and says to just run me over... .to think I thanked him that night for calming her down. When she had come back, she was talking on the phone at 4 am to her ex bf who lives states away. (why not her best female friend?) She tells me he has a gf but she constantly texted him in front of me throughout our entire relationship, knowing it bothered me, while I couldn't have a platonic friendship with a girl I have never met since we met on a video game and known her way longer than my ex gf. After she broke up with me I desperately tried to go nc and before I knew it she was in front of my house acting almost normal (friendly). We talked about both sides of what we remembered and I feel like she exaggerated things but I will never know since I had been drunk. We got back to my place and I wanted her to tell me she hated me so I could move on, she refused but eventually gave in but it wasn't meaningful. I text her saying I wish her the best and that this will be my last text message to her after I delete the number. She says sorry for not being good enough. She broke up with me? Therefore, I wasn't good enough. I assumed the blame like I always do b/c we all know BPD people think they are perfect and could never be wrong in any instance. A hand written poem saying sorry for the first time didn't even work... .before she had made up her mind. Her reasoning was that I didn't respect her space when she needed it and I hurt her that night by the things I said and did. This was the very first time I had done something this dumb while being drunk in front of her. I just can't understand this reaction. She asks me to be friends and I ask her what's the point if we will never have a romantic relationship again? She of course says that she doesn't know except that she wants our "friendship" to die out naturally by not talking to each other over a period of time instead of all of a sudden. I ofc disagree to this proposal and then later she texts me that if you love/care about someone then you fight for them instead of giving up on them. That was the complete opposite of her rule of never dating ex's again! I can't read minds! I'm now debating whether or not going nc until I heal and then texting her in a few months or never again. I can't stop thinking about which guy she is with and what they are doing! It drives me insane. The kicker is, she leaves the state in a few days and she couldn't wait until then to break up with me? It makes me think she just wanted to hang out with guys before she leaves. I text her a couple of times and her responses are far in between so I stopped texting her last night. I don't know what is the best response to this whole situation. I don't want to just abandon her like all her other bf's but that's probably b/c she played the same MO on me as them saying I was "special" or talking about having kids together. I want to know where she thinks this friendship would go but she won't tell the truth. She simply says I don't know and that I need to fight for her if I want to be with her again int he future. I plan to visit her 2 yrs from now since that's when I will have graduated college and ready to go places. I want to see if she followed through with her plan by moving back home, away from me. Is this wrong of me? I'm not getting into anymore relationships since this being my first real relationship, was way too much for me with school and work. If anyone has been through the same situation, pls tell me what happened to you. I still can't believe she dumped me over things that I did while drunk and for the first offense... .it wasn't like I have a habit of doing this. It wasn't like I hit her or anything. I just didn't want her to ditch me in a city away from home and she knows this.

[pur3101011]

She broke up with me over a stupid reason. I was drunk and did some things I wouldn't have done if I had been sober since we had gone to the club that night with her. This was my first time messing up around her while drunk and things escalated really quick when she tried to leave me and go for a ride. I kept her from going and this only made things worse. Her idiotic friend gets in the car and says to just run me over... .to think I thanked him that night for calming her down. When she had come back, she was talking on the phone at 4 am to her ex bf who lives states away. (why not her best female friend?) She tells me he has a gf but she constantly texted him in front of me throughout our entire relationship, knowing it bothered me, while I couldn't have a platonic friendship with a girl I have never met since we met on a video game and known her way longer than my ex gf. After she broke up with me I desperately tried to go nc and before I knew it she was in front of my house acting almost normal (friendly). We talked about both sides of what we remembered and I feel like she exaggerated things but I will never know since I had been drunk. We got back to my place and I wanted her to tell me she hated me so I could move on, she refused but eventually gave in but it wasn't meaningful. I text her saying I wish her the best and that this will be my last text message to her after I delete the number. She says sorry for not being good enough. She broke up with me? Therefore, I wasn't good enough. I assumed the blame like I always do b/c we all know BPD people think they are perfect and could never be wrong in any instance. A hand written poem saying sorry for the first time didn't even work... .before she had made up her mind. Her reasoning was that I didn't respect her space when she needed it and I hurt her that night by the things I said and did. This was the very first time I had done something this dumb while being drunk in front of her. I just can't understand this reaction. She asks me to be friends and I ask her what's the point if we will never have a romantic relationship again? She of course says that she doesn't know except that she wants our "friendship" to die out naturally by not talking to each other over a period of time instead of all of a sudden. I ofc disagree to this proposal and then later she texts me that if you love/care about someone then you fight for them instead of giving up on them. That was the complete opposite of her rule of never dating ex's again! I can't read minds! I'm now debating whether or not going nc until I heal and then texting her in a few months or never again. I can't stop thinking about which guy she is with and what they are doing! It drives me insane. The kicker is, she leaves the state in a few days and she couldn't wait until then to break up with me? It makes me think she just wanted to hang out with guys before she leaves. I text her a couple of times and her responses are far in between so I stopped texting her last night. I don't know what is the best response to this whole situation. I don't want to just abandon her like all her other bf's but that's probably b/c she played the same MO on me as them saying I was "special" or talking about having kids together. I want to know where she thinks this friendship would go but she won't tell the truth. She simply says I don't know and that I need to fight for her if I want to be with her again int he future. I plan to visit her 2 yrs from now since that's when I will have graduated college and ready to go places. I want to see if she followed through with her plan by moving back home, away from me. Is this wrong of me? I'm not getting into anymore relationships since this being my first real relationship, was way too much for me with school and work. If anyone has been through the same situation, pls tell me what happened to you. I still can't believe she dumped me over things that I did while drunk and for the first offense... .it wasn't like I have a habit of doing this. It wasn't like I hit her or anything. I just didn't want her to ditch me in a city away from home and she knows this.

[Mutt]

It's OK pur3101011,

There's a few nights over my r/s I had one too many.My ex used a Christmas Party were I got drunk. She til me 3 weeks before she was leaving and insisted we go together to this thing. It was a miserable night for me.

That said. Don't beat yourself up. A pwBPD may use a bad night and remind you of it. I heard of that night a few times from then til she left she forgot to mention about the bf for several months.

The point is. We have bad nights. Life is in the present. Let go of the past. It is what it is. You got drunk. If your worried it's too much drinkng then think about that.

She of course says that she doesn't know except that she wants our "friendship" to die out naturally by not talking to each other over a period of time instead of all of a sudden.

She sort of gave you the answer. She doesn't want you to cut her out in case she needs you.

She's saying "I need time and when I secure an attachment and I know he's not going to leave. You're split black and I'm cutting you out. I need you to fallback on"

Really think this through. Your going to college now. Detach. Go no contact. Don't wait 2 years after you graduate for a woman that keeps you on the sidelines. She's talking to an ex in text and making you feel bad - emotional blackmail.

You didn't abandon her. Look at the other guys.

Take away her words. Look at her actions.

Your in school and you may meet someone there?