Saw her profile pic on FB, and she looks really good, but almost lost

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all,

I've just seen a recent pic of my ex on FB, and I have to say she is looking pretty good (as much as I don't want to say that). At first it was tough for me to look at (really tough), but then the more I looked I started to notice what a lost and hurt soul she looked like. Something about the wide open eyes (an almost forced look which makes her appear a little crazy)... I guess they do say the eyes are the window to the soul.

Recently its been tough as she has appeared incredibly happy on FB (posting comments on mutual friends posts) and even her email exchanges to me (we have had to exchange some mails)... .where she has been overly friendly as if we are friends; she claims this is how she emails everyone as she is such a "nice" and "friendly" person. It's quite sad really, because in any healthy relationship, partners after a break-up would have empathy to understand that pain may exist and to approach the situation in a sensitive manner, but not her... .its all about how happy she has to appear and what she is feeling.

Previously I was staying far away from any pictures of her... .I'd get this major sinking feeling in my stomach. But now I'm taking the stance of just hitting it head on... .I need to remove this image I have of her on a pedestal in my head. I need to be able to look at her and see her for what she really is - and that is someone really hurt and lost. I'm going to almost try look at her profile pic every day and just remind myself that this is the same person who put me through turmoil.

What are your guys experiences with this? What approach did you take?

[GoodThingsToCome]

Hi all,

I've just seen a recent pic of my ex on FB, and I have to say she is looking pretty good (as much as I don't want to say that). At first it was tough for me to look at (really tough), but then the more I looked I started to notice what a lost and hurt soul she looked like. Something about the wide open eyes (an almost forced look which makes her appear a little crazy)... I guess they do say the eyes are the window to the soul.

Recently its been tough as she has appeared incredibly happy on FB (posting comments on mutual friends posts) and even her email exchanges to me (we have had to exchange some mails)... .where she has been overly friendly as if we are friends; she claims this is how she emails everyone as she is such a "nice" and "friendly" person. It's quite sad really, because in any healthy relationship, partners after a break-up would have empathy to understand that pain may exist and to approach the situation in a sensitive manner, but not her... .its all about how happy she has to appear and what she is feeling.

Previously I was staying far away from any pictures of her... .I'd get this major sinking feeling in my stomach. But now I'm taking the stance of just hitting it head on... .I need to remove this image I have of her on a pedestal in my head. I need to be able to look at her and see her for what she really is - and that is someone really hurt and lost. I'm going to almost try look at her profile pic every day and just remind myself that this is the same person who put me through turmoil.

What are your guys experiences with this? What approach did you take?

[jhkbuzz]

Best things you can do right now is exercise and get busy - spend time with friends and family, do things you like to do - even if it feels forced.  Keep busy, keep moving.

You are going through the five stages of grief - there's no way to rush through it.  It is very, very hard when you still love someone whom you know is incapable of a healthy adult relationship. You have a whole lot of feelings that you still need to process through.

[.cup.car]

I've just seen a recent pic of my ex on FB, and I have to say she is looking pretty good. At first it was tough for me to look at, but then the more I looked I started to notice what a lost and hurt soul she looked like. Something about the wide open eyes... .I guess they do say the eyes are the window to the soul.

What are your guys experiences with this? What approach did you take?

I know these feels bro. It's a weird feeling. Somehow that girl spent X amount of time messing with you, just because she could, and most people will overlook all that just cause she's pretty.

[Mutt]

Fall 2012 my ex told me it's over. Summer 2012 she went to Ontario to visit family. A family reunion. I stayed behind. The affair was already underway. I believe Spring 2012.

I came across the pictures a few months ago. Several pictures she's with the kids at the airport etc. She was telegraphing pain, sadness in the pictures. She was talking to him having at least an emotional affair and a physical affair. She got pregnant from him in the fall when she told me she's moving on.

Shortly after the split I had rejected her in public. I could see the pain from my rejection permeate on her face. I believe it's the pain, guilt and shame that ever slightly shows itself from time to time.

I've only seen this face a half dozen times in 10 years. Most of the time she can hold it together then there's other times where she projects those feelings and dysregulates on others.

It's hard to look at pictures of her and those pictures I see the face of the disorder. I feel sadness for what she feels in her adult life.

She's not a person I want in my life, not in this condition. What I do is take care of our kids and I take care of the kids for her in a way to soften the blow from her mental illness. Sadly I believe she may never understand I'm saving the kids from herself.