Saw friend at work. Need help to work out what is going on here.

[Hadlee]

I couldn't avoid going to the area where my (trying to be) ex BFF works today as I needed to meet with colleagues.  She was at her desk being quiet as a mouse. Spent some time with colleagues then to keep face in front of everyone on a professional level, I went over and said hello before I left.  Before I knew it, she jumped up off her chair with a big smile on her face and hugged me tightly - squeezed my cheek against hers and wouldn't let go.  She said, "you smell so nice".  I tried to pull away a couple of times, but she wouldn't budge .  Her mood started with the pouty, poor me little victim girl then to happiness and excitement as I stood there listening to the drama going on in her life.  Yes, it was ALL ABOUT HER!

Said her ex bf of 2 months has started accusing her again of sleeping with her shiny new toys (work colleagues).  She'd gone out to a function with one of the guys recently and her ex asked her how her date went.  She said it wasn't a date, but looked mighty happy to think her ex thought it was.  She claims someone is feeding back to the ex information on her whereabouts (I suspect it's her ).    I didn't provide any opinion and kept any response to a one or two word one.  I felt drained by the whole conversation .

It was interesting that she was focused on what her ex was thinking rather than what she was doing.  :)idn't appear to me that anything is going on with one of the shiny toys (I could be wrong though).

Then... .another colleague came over.  As soon as that happened, her mood dropped.  I can only assume she didn't like the fact someone else was there taking my attention away from her.

I finally said that I had to go and started to walk away.  So she comes running up to me and hugs me from the side.  Then says, "ooh I shoved my boobs into your arm".  Hmmm thought that was it... .but no... .she comes back over and shoves her boobs into my chest!  What the heck!  As I walked off she was blowing me kisses.  Again What the heck!  She was all excited and giggling like a school girl

She appeared flirtatious with me.  Took her hair out of a bun it was in then put it back up.  Continued playing with her hair and smiling her head off.  Hahaha I know I fiddle with my hair in front of a guy I think is hot so I found that a little odd.

The 'shrine' she has on her desk of all the things I have given her is still there.

All this after I haven't had any contact from her in a week of which I did not reply to the message - hadn't spoken to her in over 2 weeks.  I really thought I had been wiped and painted black for good - thought she had attached to her shiny new toy and I was off the hook.  But no... .she appeared to be back to her 'possessive' self after a number of months being hot and cold, and not displaying her possessiveness of me in front of her staff.  Felt like things had been rewound to earlier this year when she was doing that.

This is so confusing!

Any insight as to what's going on here would be much appreciated

[OutOfEgypt]

You said "hello" to her.  To her, that probably meant, "Aww she DOES care!  YAY!"

The rest sounds like my ex.  When I am stuck in a room with her, like something to do with the kids, she will literally ramble about some kind of drama in her life.  And when that happens, I nod and glaze over, and have to go.

[downwhim]

What is going on? In my opinion, she wants to have sex with you again. Smelling you, boobs in your face, running up to you, hair playing... ect. So, what do you want? Is it worth it?

[Hadlee]

What is going on? In my opinion, she wants to have sex with you again. Smelling you, boobs in your face, running up to you, hair playing... ect. So, what do you want? Is it worth it?

What I want is to be able to have a professional relationship only with her as I need to have.  I didn't realize saying "hello" would be seen as an opening for her to behave like that. 

I'm not gay - she knows that too.  We've never been together in that way, but clearly she has other ideas.  I, on the other hand, would rather play with sharks

[Hadlee]

You said "hello" to her.  To her, that probably meant, "Aww she DOES care!  YAY!"

The rest sounds like my ex.  When I am stuck in a room with her, like something to do with the kids, she will literally ramble about some kind of drama in her life.  And when that happens, I nod and glaze over, and have to go.

It's insane to think that a simple "hello" can be viewed as something more.  I merely did that to be professional in front of her staff.  Ugh!

Haha I did the nod, glaze over and acted boring.  Didn't help me this time.

So does her behaviour indicate that she hasn't attached to her shiny new toy?  She's still attached to me?

[Mutt]

You said "hello" to her.  To her, that probably meant, "Aww she DOES care!  YAY!"

The rest sounds like my ex.  When I am stuck in a room with her, like something to do with the kids, she will literally ramble about some kind of drama in her life.  And when that happens, I nod and glaze over, and have to go.

It's insane to think that a simple "hello" can be viewed as something more.  I merely did that to be professional in front of her staff.  Ugh!

Haha I did the nod, glaze over and acted boring.  Didn't help me this time.

So does her behaviour indicate that she hasn't attached to her shiny new toy?  She's still attached to me?

Hadlee.

Two things. She wants rescue. She's not painting a nice picture with her ex?

Second. Is this not something that should get reported to HR? Sexual advances in the workplace. Not appropriate. You have caretaker qualities and it's important to emotionally detach. Don't think with your heart, think with your head. The GM is dysfunctional and sometimes we need a second pair of eyes.

If it were me. I would report this. A serious boundary crossed.

[Hadlee]

Hi Mutt  

To be honest, I am a little scared of the consequences should I go to HR.  She would twist everything around on me!

Her story has now changed about her ex - he didn't cheat on her (I didn't believe it anyway).  She is making out that he is trying to hack into her accounts and is keeping tabs on her whereabouts.  I don't really believe that either.   What she was saying about him didn't really make sense.  She hasn't painted him really bad, just making out that he is checking up on her and isn't happy cause there will be no reconciliation.  That contradicts what she said a few weeks ago that he agreed they are better as friends.  I've seen his Facebook page and he appears to be doing just fine

I bumped into one of her staff members yesterday.  I have been friends with him for a few years - he has only known my friend for a year since she became his manager.  He has seen the way she behaves around me - the good, the bad and the ugly.  He said it is obvious she is in love with me (that has not changed).  He knows the shiny new toy she is hanging out with now and said there is nothing in that - she isn't after him.  She is there for attention cause it no longer comes from me.  This guy used to sit near her, but has now moved to another floor!  He has no doubt whatsoever that she would be checking up on me during the times when she has withdrawn, and that she would be telling things to people I am close to in the hope it would get back to me i.e. Spending time with the shiny new toy.  Knowing her... .he said she is definitely doing things to try and make me jealous.  He knows this behaviour cause he is in love with someone he can't have as is behaving in a similar way to her

Yes I definitely do have caretaker qualities - that's what got me into this mess .

[Mutt]

To be honest, I am a little scared of the consequences should I go to HR.  She would twist everything around on me!

Hi Hadlee,

I understand. It's scary when a friend distorts and twists facts due to their emotions. Saying one thing and presenting facts is another.

What is fact from what you've described so far is that she know what to say to whom and when to the GM and to HR, the dysfunction is enabled.

Keep a logbook, write down the date and time of the incidents. Enable MOC to store conversations in OL. Keep emails as documents. Always be nice in communique's respond with BIFF. You can video record. You can buy pens with cameras that you can even use as a pen.

You can't control her actions. You can control you. Present facts.

Then... .another colleague came over.  As soon as that happened, her mood dropped.  I can only assume she didn't like the fact someone else was there taking my attention away from her.

I finally said that I had to go and started to walk away.  So she comes running up to me and hugs me from the side.  Then says, "ooh I shoved my boobs into your arm".  Hmmm thought that was it... .but no... .she comes back over and shoves her boobs into my chest!  What the heck!  As I walked off she was blowing me kisses.  Again What the heck!  She was all excited and giggling like a school girl huh

The colleague entered the area. Did the colleague vacate the area? Did the colleague witness this? Get witnesses for HR.

[Hadlee]

Yes he did witness it.  This Particular colleague though is wrapped around her little finger.  He is the one she lets get away with everything to avoid confrontation and keep the piece.  He said recently, "I don't have a manager, I have a friend". He is just as deluded as she is!

[Mutt]

Is it safe to assume there's a lot of drama in this workplace? 

That being said. Do you have supportive colleagues on your side?

[Hadlee]

Spot on Mutt.  It is very toxic and always filled with drama.  I am really lucky to have support from my team mates.  I tell them everything now.  They are doing their best to keep me sane

I know I just really need to focus on me.  You are right - I can only control myself!

It still blows my mind that she can switch back to her old possessive way like that.  As I said, it has been months since that has happened.  And the new shiny toy is currently at the top of the priority ladder.  It's crazy beyond comprehension!