i was planning on staying until what they did today

[mangopanda]

Today I checked their blog and they wrote this long list of negative things I did in our relationship, most were blatant lies or far distorted perceptions of the truth. I'm so angry and hurt by this. They haven't spoken to me in almost a month but today I think they directed this towards me because they're angry that I'm trying to move on. I know we both know he's in the wrong, but I can't do it anymore. I blocked him from ever contacting me if he ever considers it. I was completely disarmed and he still attacked. I'm heartbroken and it doesn't feel real, but I can't be an emotional cushion for him to heal or reform his behaviors. I can no longer be praised one minute, and bad mouthed the next. He's playing the victim right now when HE is the one who told me almost a month ago that "I'm no longer in love with you, I could never be in love with you, unless you were someone else, and that makes me sad." He constantly is the catalyst for why we end up on non speaking terms and I can't make excuses for him anymore.

I wish with everything that he was in therapy or intensive counseling, but sitting through the roller coaster and hurting the both of us just isn't working anymore. This was the last straw, and he completely destroyed my will to commit.

[Mutt]

It's not something nice to hear when you haven't heard from someone in a month. Look at the actions and take away the words the truth lies there. Going online and devaluating someone shows a lack of emotional immaturity 

[patientandclear]

Oh Mango.  I really get how that feels.

I've followed your story on the other board(s) and I'm so sorry this is so painful.

Like you I experimented with enduring a ton of push-pull and devaluation.  I thought I could understand it and push through it and stay true to something that was somehow more real -- a real bond that I thought we had.

But he kept not taking care of that bond, and I found it did real damage despite everything I understand about why it happens.

In the end there is no emotional safety for you when he says such things and does such things.  There are lots of other great points about this person it sounds like, as there were with my ex.  But he hurts me.  It turns out that matters a whole lot.  It sounds like it matters a whole lot to you too, and I just want to say: that makes sense.  If you contort yourself to the point where it doesn't count that he says and does such things, you could keep this going, but you might not recognize yourself or your love by the time you got to the end of that road.

[Splitblack4good]

I've posted today about a smear campaign my ex started about me luckily tho for me it backfired on her.

Like you I was told only days before how much she loved me to be devalued the next I was told exactly the same as you almost word for word .

She said to me on the phone (I do love you I always will love you for having a bond with my kids but I am not in love with you and have not been for a long time ! )

Yer that hurt loads but I have come to terms with the fact that is what the disoder is . They are just words to me now and realised she never loved me because she can't and not taken it personally . At the time you do and it's deeply hurtful and hateful but once you get a better understanding of the mental illness it gets easier to get passed ther comments like that .