Bpd ex girlfriend smear campaign BACKFIRED BIG TIME

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Since I broke up with my BPD gf nearly 5 weeks ago I hadnt really heard that she might of put a smear campaign about me anywhere . A few of her freinds that I didn't know that well were still talking to me via Facebook etc . Yesturday I got a FB message from her closest freind asking if I could go round to measure up her house for new carpets (I'm a floor layer) as my ex told her when we were together . So I went round there And ther were also 2 other of my exes freinds ther we got chatting and I was told that 2 of them had come to realise my ex is a lying s**t stiring conflict causing and using person . I could not beleive my ex was saying some of the things she did about me and lied thru her teeth saying I had abused her emotionally and physically I had broken her ribs , slapped her across the face , strangled her and punched her several times ! Then when I went round the house to pick the last of my stuff up that was arranged with my ex and had a key she told them I broke into the house stole her rings and £700 out of a Tin that was in our bedroom (no such tin exists )and trashed her bedroom !.I asked how they came to this conclusion ? All 3 said that what she came out with when we split up was so over exaggerated and over dramatised is was stupid ! And ther were was nothing to support her lies based on knowing me and her and also she had forgotten that she told them opposite facts only days or weeks before .

And also bearing in mind only 2 days before we split my ex was saying how wonderful and Carering I am and how much she loved me and has always loved me throughout our relationship .

Plus they had noticed my ex had lately changed and was causing conflict between 2 other close freinds in ther group ! I sat there for 3 hours and told them the truth and the ins and outs of everything . They were shocked to say the least .

My ex has gone from 6 close freinds to 0 in the space of a week ! The best part of this situation tho is my exes new bf (my replacement ) is very close freind of one of the girls who has realised what my ex is all about and is on the war path with her ! My replacement is abit hesitant to beleive my exes lies about me to witch I beleive he has started questioning her about .

It's incredable she went from having 5-6 close freinds that she loved being around to 0 and disliked in 24 hours ! Now my ex has gone into isolation with my replacement and keeping her distance from everyone .i could not have wished for a better outcome from a smear campaign .

[Splitblack4good]

Since I broke up with my BPD gf nearly 5 weeks ago I hadnt really heard that she might of put a smear campaign about me anywhere . A few of her freinds that I didn't know that well were still talking to me via Facebook etc . Yesturday I got a FB message from her closest freind asking if I could go round to measure up her house for new carpets (I'm a floor layer) as my ex told her when we were together . So I went round there And ther were also 2 other of my exes freinds ther we got chatting and I was told that 2 of them had come to realise my ex is a lying s**t stiring conflict causing and using person . I could not beleive my ex was saying some of the things she did about me and lied thru her teeth saying I had abused her emotionally and physically I had broken her ribs , slapped her across the face , strangled her and punched her several times ! Then when I went round the house to pick the last of my stuff up that was arranged with my ex and had a key she told them I broke into the house stole her rings and £700 out of a Tin that was in our bedroom (no such tin exists )and trashed her bedroom !.I asked how they came to this conclusion ? All 3 said that what she came out with when we split up was so over exaggerated and over dramatised is was stupid ! And ther were was nothing to support her lies based on knowing me and her and also she had forgotten that she told them opposite facts only days or weeks before .

And also bearing in mind only 2 days before we split my ex was saying how wonderful and Carering I am and how much she loved me and has always loved me throughout our relationship .

Plus they had noticed my ex had lately changed and was causing conflict between 2 other close freinds in ther group ! I sat there for 3 hours and told them the truth and the ins and outs of everything . They were shocked to say the least .

My ex has gone from 6 close freinds to 0 in the space of a week ! The best part of this situation tho is my exes new bf (my replacement ) is very close freind of one of the girls who has realised what my ex is all about and is on the war path with her ! My replacement is abit hesitant to beleive my exes lies about me to witch I beleive he has started questioning her about .

It's incredable she went from having 5-6 close freinds that she loved being around to 0 and disliked in 24 hours ! Now my ex has gone into isolation with my replacement and keeping her distance from everyone .i could not have wished for a better outcome from a smear campaign .

[Moselle]

Well done. I'm glad it was over the top which spared you the pain. Mine was incredibly smart with hers. Many believed it.

[Hadlee]

That is fantastic.  Talk about karma catching up with her.  Here's cheers for the good guys 

[Splitblack4good]

That is fantastic.  Talk about karma catching up with her.  Here's cheers for the good guys 

Lol exactly ! She had got away with it over the years with her other ex boyfriends playing the victim . She cried wolf to many times and it would seem her story's and lies got so far fetched every time she split from someone and got more and more unrealistic no one believes Her now . I must admit it did make me feel a lot better even more so when she found out that I'd been round ther and told them the truth ! She's now hiding with my replacement and avoiding everyone at all costs with a massive black cloud of SMAME over her head ! Priceless !

[Hadlee]

Hahaha that is totally priceless!  Oh to be a fly on the wall where she is hiding out with the replacement.  I bet he isn't enjoying the lead up to Christmas... .bah humbug  

[peiper]

That is too cool. Mine doesn't have any friends but she sure smeared me to her family. Who gobbled it up. And that hurt.

[Targeted]

I was not worried so much about smear campaign because all of our mutual friends already knew her and could tell she had issues because they had a general idea of her history, everybody was actually surprised due to the circumstances that I even gave her a chance at a relationship, so there is no way she could smear me and turn people that I know against me, on the other a.m. she absolutely can smear me to people that I do not know what the really cares about that? Chances are pretty good that they know her history too or they will figure it out in short order.  Yours on the other hand May try to recycle you very soon so prepare yourself for it, having her friends turned against her due to her own actions and not having many friends to begin with means she does not have many people to fall back on,  I think you posted somewhere that she was already having a argument with your replacement?  Then I do not think this is even going to go another 10 weeks. For her the relationship is most likely already over and she will only stay with him now for as long as it takes to find a replacement or a recycle.  Please prepare yourself for that and do not be weak.  And-- LET THE DEVALUING BEGIN !

[Splitblack4good]

Hahaha that is totally priceless!  Oh to be a fly on the wall where she is hiding out with the replacement.  I bet he isn't enjoying the lead up to Christmas... .bah humbug  

What's going to make this even harder for her is her new bf is very close to and a very trusted freind to a women that is against her now ! This is how my ex got together with my replacement .My ex promised her she would never get with freinds from that circle of freinds and is not a done thing .but of course BPD is selfish and is willing to loose these freinds to get what she wants .

My replacement will have to be on his toes so that my ex can't manipulate him or brain wash him into de-freinding her ! Knowing my ex like I do she is clever with manipulating games . I've heard my replacement is of strong mind and won't put up with it but only time will tell !

[Splitblack4good]

I was not worried so much about smear campaign because all of our mutual friends already knew her and could tell she had issues because they had a general idea of her history, everybody was actually surprised due to the circumstances that I even gave her a chance at a relationship, so there is no way she could smear me and turn people that I know against me, on the other a.m. she absolutely can smear me to people that I do not know what the really cares about that? Chances are pretty good that they know her history too or they will figure it out in short order.  Yours on the other hand May try to recycle you very soon so prepare yourself for it, having her friends turned against her due to her own actions and not having many friends to begin with means she does not have many people to fall back on,  I think you posted somewhere that she was already having a argument with your replacement?  Then I do not think this is even going to go another 10 weeks. For her the relationship is most likely already over and she will only stay with him now for as long as it takes to find a replacement or a recycle.  Please prepare yourself for that and do not be weak.  And-- LET THE DEVALUING BEGIN !

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I'm not sure targeted that my ex would even dare contact me again after what has occured in the past few days ! Surly she wouldn't be that brave and the shame would be to unbearable !

Plus my ex is fully aware ive figured her out and can see thru her like glass ! Recycle ? Hmmm not so sure ?

[Targeted]

You do not think she will try to recycle?

Seeing as how if I bet you a pint I could not possibly pay up if I lost, I will just say let's see about that, they have no self-awareness or accountability for their own actions and everything is your fault anyways remember? Please just be emotionally prepared, Best case scenario she does not try, worst case scenario you are prepared for it.

[Splitblack4good]

You do not think she will try to recycle?

Seeing as how if I bet you a pint I could not possibly pay up if I lost, I will just say let's see about that, they have no self-awareness or accountability for their own actions and everything is your fault anyways remember? Please just be emotionally prepared, Best case scenario she does not try, worst case scenario you are prepared for it.

This is why I like you targeted such a good way of explaining things . Tbh this may explain why I have not heard from her in 5 days if that makes any sense ? She may be plotting or really trying to make sense of it all ? Who knows what's goin on in Ther heads ? All I know is my phone has been silent

[Targeted]

It's not normal for us but once you learn enough about the disorder and can start to think like it  instead of how you would expect somebody to think you can start to see the unreal reality, I do not know if you recycled with her yet but A recycle means getting back together and her abandonment fear is already in place because of the break up and Will immediately be looking for a replacement after your first night back together,  the relationship has more added stress and is shorter lived with a even more vile ending, I have been through this more than once, I wish I knew about all of this the first time, maybe things would be different maybe not. It all would've depended on her and her only, she would have to accept that she has a problem and commit to therapy for anything good to happen or at least improve!  Without that in place You are only going to be a temporary need while she looks for what she wants, and she does not even know what that really is. And that is going to hurt you even more.

[misty_red]

When my exBPDgf was smearing me it backfired as well. Karma hit her also. Even though I never felt the need to get revenge I would've gotten it without doing a single thing. They always ___ theirselves up in the end.

My exBPDgf used to play in my sport's team, when I got discarded she started a smearing campaign. She refused to do some tasks in practice but only with me - she ignored me completely, pretended I didn't exist/was air. The others noticed her odd behaviour but they already knew that she was weird. They'd known her for four years and there were always odd things happening. At some point nobody even cared about her behaviour, I guess that was the time when she felt they didn't involve her anymore. So in September she discarded the whole team, left it and told them she'd be gone by December anyway because of a job transfer to another city (she was really looking forward to it, even told me about applying for the job in May when we were still together). In October she showed up at a match to watch it and told some team mate that the transfer won't be working out quite right or not at all and in December she showed up again. The transfer didn't work out and that's the only reason she's back now. She thought she'd be gone by December, didn't need any friends anymore and discarded all of her friends. Now she's still here and has no single friend left. Poor girl. I guess she's hoping for some team mates asking her to join the team again. I can't see any other reason why she still visits the matches. She always hated the team, so yeah, I don't know.

[Splitblack4good]

It's not normal for us but once you learn enough about the disorder and can start to think like it  instead of how you would expect somebody to think you can start to see the unreal reality, I do not know if you recycled with her yet but A recycle means getting back together and her abandonment fear is already in place because of the break up and Will immediately be looking for a replacement after your first night back together,  the relationship has more added stress and is shorter lived with a even more vile ending, I have been through this more than once, I wish I knew about all of this the first time, maybe things would be different maybe not. It all would've depended on her and her only, she would have to accept that she has a problem and commit to therapy for anything good to happen or at least improve!  Without that in place You are only going to be a temporary need while she looks for what she wants, and she does not even know what that really is. And that is going to hurt you even more.

Targeted here's the story Id like to hear your opinion once you have read this.Yes she has reycled me twice and both times as you say it got worse hence that's why we decided on a break then she rang me two days after and started raging on the phone out of no were then that's when I ended it ! I have it on very trusted knowledge that she was not with nor was she cheating on me with my replacement when we decided to have a break . Tbh Im sure it happened like this

When we decided to have a break (due to a massive argument 2 days before ) we mutually decided to have some time apart but still see each other as freinds and do I could still go see her kids as they love me to bits . The next day I think reality kicked in and biggest fear ! Abandonment ! She was triggered she even said she wasn't coping well only 24 hours after we agreed the break it was then the next day she rang me on my way to work and out of no were she started making false accusations and name calling and got paranoid and accused me off planing to split up with her on purpose due to Xmas coming up and also her car needed fixing and she was financially in trouble ! (We planned buying Xmas prezies etc together) she thought I'd done a runner on purpose and felt Id abandoned her and the kids on purpose . 2 weeks prior however I felt astho she was devaluing me more and more she would go out all night with freinds was ignoring my calls and just went cold on me .

So by the Friday night (finished with her for good on the Thursday ) she started seducing the guy she is with now . He stayed over that night and pretty much never left and now they are together witch brings us up to date . Tbh I think she panicked lacking impulse control based on fear and got with the guy then regretted it ! Thats when I said I was hoping that we were never gona split up and Id put savings away etc .

Now as we are talking sane person and BPD person it all got out of hand by this point and my ex had already done to much to get out of it ! Explains why she was raging and blaming me for all of this happening ! As they do I can only think she is hurt and shamed and guilty of doing this and regretting it ?

[Splitblack4good]

Targeted I also failed to mention that in her head at the time she got with this guy it was perfect due to the fact at the time she was still very good freinds with everyone that she has now fallen out with ! And this guy as mentioned is freinds with the rest of them .

Makes it a great thing for her as a social thing and also a good freind circle .

And hence that's why I was so devalued and discarded she had the upper hand at that point like a smug cat that had got the cream and everything was perfect .

Then the smear campaign backfired plus they saw her for what she is now she is left with conflict and my replacement .

So what will happen next ? I don't know ? All o do know is she is really into this guy big style she has idolised him and mirrored him more than anyone she has in the past ! I'm blacker than black at the moment and all she has done is told me she's happy with him and how great he is etc before I went NC and as you know she sent the text saying sorry if seen them together .

Facts are - they have been arguing

He pretty much lives ther now

She has no freinds left from that group other than pos 1 but is indifferent now after hearing the truth from me

She is causing conflict between her new bf and bf closet freind who hates my ex

What's your option targeted ?

[Targeted]

Well I am not a therapist, just somebody who has been through this, all of the reasons as to why she is doing what she is doing are right here in the literature on this site about the disorder, my guess is that towards the tail end before you broke up she already had this guy secured because she felt like she was going to be abandoned by you,  One thing My father taught me about figuring things out whether it be fixing a car or doing a math problem or anything is to give it a K.I.S.S.   Keep It Simple Stupid.  It's kind of funny but true.  We can vent on these boards about their actions because it helps us, we can get validation here that what we are experiencing is real, we get validation that the disorder is real and we are not alone in being a non in this type of relationship, we are on the leaving board, we are on the leaving board because only One person in this relationship recognises a problem and wants to do something about it and the one with the problem does not.  IM guilty of venting about actions as well so I do not put anybody down for Venting their frustration either because it is normal, I believe it is part of a process that helps us figure things out and either fix things or just heal.  I know that's what it is doing for me. So keep venting but take your whole situation when you really think about it and give it a K.I.S.S. 

What do you come up with?  Your situation may be a little different than others but what I come up with on my end is that I love a woman with a disorder that prevents her from sustaining a normal loving relationship and the more i show her I love her it makes her scared and run, the more space I give her-- same effect.  That tells me that without her wanting to correct this issue I cannot do anything to keep her.  That's what I get when I KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.   Not being derogatory with that, I just find it a funny thing my father taught me to remember to simplify problems in order to fix them.

Woman+Man=Relationship! -- Woman+Man >PD =0.  Solution-- can she subtract enough of the third party " PD " from the equation so you no longer have to devide it?   That's only my thoughts though!   Do your math and give it a KISS.

[Splitblack4good]

Looking back targeted not seen at the time tho due to all the confusion ! But yes I can see that she would think and trigger abandonment from the last biggest argument we had and maybe as I walked away the day we were having a break . So what about current situation ? All I can do is carry on healing and move forward I might hear from her again I might not ? Who knows .

[hope2727]

Your situation may be a little different than others but what I come up with on my end is that I love a woman with a disorder that prevents her from sustaining a normal loving relationship and the more i show her I love her it makes her scared and run, the more space I give her-- same effect.  That tells me that without her wanting to correct this issue I cannot do anything to keep her. 

This is so well put. Thank you.

[WhyMe?]

That is too cool. Mine doesn't have any friends but she sure smeared me to her family. Who gobbled it up. And that hurt.

Ditto. They believed it so much they were setting him up with people before he even stopped talking to me