PTSD for me, mixed in with the holiday means loneliness and mixed memories

[Rifka]

   

Heart strings are tugging for many of us who have not or are not ready replace our bp and np exes. It's easy to fall back and think of all of the good and happy times and forget the abuse, cheating, lying, disrespect, and horrible rides on the roller coaster of emotions. We forget all of the confusion we felt, how hopeless we felt trying to please them and make them happy only to be shown it was never enough. It could never be enough because there is no such Enough!

We are lonely, missing feeling that love that we know existed in our hearts and for most of us still does.

N/C is something we put in place for us to be able to step back from the relationship, let the fog and smoke clear so that we can see clearly. It is impossible to see clearly while being blinded by the fog. Limited contact for those with children is the same. Just stepping back for a little while does seem to bring a reality check forward.

It's easy to feel sorry for ourselves as we see them move forward with their lives or get caught up in the why and what if questions.

Nothing will be different for the replacements, we were the replacements for their exes, it was no different for us or their exes. No their exes were not these horrible people that we would like to believe we saved them from. If you have talked to them, they are like us and went through the same thing quite likely as we did with them.  I know his exes went through what I went through and so much more because they all put many years into the R/s each. I only stayed 8 months with 2 recycles. I'm out because I ended it for good on August 3. His begging and pleading for another recycle couldn't get under my skin enough to let him back in so n/c went into place AUGUST 21. I never heard from him again thankfully!

I think of us occasionally but not like the beginning when my tears flowed until I dehydrated. I know it's the PTSD associated with this intense lesson on BPD. I think of myself more often these days, something I didn't do at all during our relationship, but had always done in the past. I feel stronger with knowing my part in all of this and my boundaries ( which seemed to disappear in our R/s) re established.

I'm not thinking of us because I would ever go back or break n/c, I think it's just the season and we all do this whether we want to or not because of the PTSD.

I'm reading a lot here about many feeling like breaking n/c.  :)o you really want to go back to the starting line again in healing? For those who broke n/c, don't feel bad, we all have recycled until we hit the wall fought back for our life or they left for something easier than us.

I'm extremely happy that I'm off of the emotional rollercoaster and crazy train. It was too stressful for my normally very peaceful life. Yes there are moments I think of the fun, passion, and every good feeling I felt in the R/s but the horrible outweighed the good by far at the end. The end was the real them not being able to hide who they were any longer. It was ugly!

The internal scars may never go away but I am so much healthier away from him. My headaches have lessened, my pinched nerve in my neck stopped bothering me. I feel so much better.

I wish you all a healthy holiday season because I know most of your ailments will lessen as time goes on.

Keep strong by BPD family. Thanks for all of your support during my horrible moments when I first arrived and continued caring during the healing process...

Love and hugs to you all.

Rifka

[guy4caligirl]

Thank you Rifka     

That really hit the spot , got tears in my eyes , I feel so longing for her today , I tried a date , in the last couple of days , it has been very hard cause that date ended up to be another huge PBD girl , it was just horrible , my ex was a saint BPD compare to that date .

I just ran as much as I can far away .

Today having a rough day missing my ex .

I need encouragement I broke NC 12 days , I texted her 2 hours ago "Hope you are well " no reply yet .

Looks like the pain came back for today , your prayers are needed .

Thanks .

[EaglesJuju]

Thank you Rifka,

This is awesome and well stated.  I think it speaks to many of us, especially around the holidays. Your journey through the healing process is inspiring and encouraging.   

[Rifka]

Thank you Rifka     

That really hit the spot , got tears in my eyes , I feel so longing for her today , I tried a date , in the last couple of days , it has been very hard cause that date ended up to be another huge PBD girl , it was just horrible , my ex was a saint BPD compare to that date .

I just ran as much as I can far away .

Today having a rough day missing my ex .

I need encouragement I broke NC 12 days , I texted her 2 hours ago "Hope you are well " no reply yet .

Looks like the pain came back for today , your prayers are needed .

Thanks .

It's a very tough road ahead, it not easy and it does have lots or bumps and holes!

The fact is that your ex is not well and she is the only person who want to learn the tools to keep her disorder a bit under control. Asking her that might actually trigger her as might your texts. Its better if you can to try and text a friend or write here to us instead of writing her.

I know it's hard to resist, but try this, the next time you feel the urge to contact, put your phone in another room and close the door for 60 seconds. The urge will most likely pass.

Or just post, post and post again here. This place is fantastic and the greatest gift that you can give yourself. The people here are in every stage of this mess and have no problems expressing, sharing and telling the truth!

Read, read and read some more. It's okay to cry because we feel heartbroken! Keeping it in is unhealthy. Talk it out here!

Hugs to you, I promise it gets easier with distance and n/c

Rifka

[Rifka]

Thank you Rifka,

This is awesome and well stated.  I think it speaks to many of us, especially around the holidays. Your journey through the healing process is inspiring and encouraging.  

   

You're welcome!