clarifying disorders

[progress2]

Hi All,

Does a BPD always have to have the clingy needy side? fear of abandonment?

Suicide tendencies?

Do they always have to care if people like them?

If they don't have these attributes but they have tons of anger, rage, depression, lack of ability to connect over emotional issues, would you seek to understand NPD?

Thanks

Progress2

[Faith1520]

Here is a website that lists the symptoms of BPD. I think they say you have to have 5 of the 9 to be diagnosed.

www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml


And here is one that lists the symptoms of NPD. I am not sure how many someone needs to have to be diagnosed.

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000934.htm

It is not rare for these two disorders to show up in the same person. I read that about 25% of people who have BPD also have NPD. My therapist believes my ex is one of them. Also, you'll notice that some of the symptoms are similar in each.

[SlyQQ]

one theory that i dont neccasarily subscribe to is there is an effective emotional age range for BPD from about 3 to 6 years old coinciding with waif through queen types of BPD the queen type displaying the most narccistic traits

[HappyNihilist]

Does a BPD always have to have the clingy needy side? fear of abandonment?

Suicide tendencies?

Do they always have to care if people like them?

If they don't have these attributes but they have tons of anger, rage, depression, lack of ability to connect over emotional issues, would you seek to understand NPD?

Not all traits apply to all pwBPD or NPD. Just like all of us, people with personality disorders are individuals, and the disorders encompass a spectrum.

That being said, the fears of engulfment and abandonment are defining traits of BPD. These coexistent yet irreconcilable fears result in the familiar "push/pull" behavior, and drive a lot of the pain and turmoil that pwBPD feel.

Suicidal tendencies are by no means universal for pwBPD. There is usually a tendency towards self-destructive behavior in general, though -- substance abuse, self-harm, reckless driving, etc.

Anger, rage, depression, inability to experience emotional intimacy... .any or all of these can be found in pwBPD, as in pwNPD.

Along with the resources that Faith gave, I'd encourage you to check out the Questions about BPD and BPD Resources boards here. You may find these particular threads helpful:

BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

DIFFERENCES|COMORBIDITY: Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

BPD BEHAVIORS: How it feels to have BPD

[progress2]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

I read the links to comparisons... I'm getting it more and more now... ty

Do you always SEE the fear of abandonment?  :)o they always state it in some form?  Am I on the right board?

thanks

T

[EaglesJuju]

Do you always SEE the fear of abandonment?  :)o they always state it in some form?  Am I on the right board?

It is hard to say if they always see it because, BPD is a spectrum disorder.  Although, fear of abandonment is one of the core features. 

[progress2]

Do you always SEE the fear of abandonment?  :)o they always state it in some form?  Am I on the right board?

It is hard to say if they always see it because, BPD is a spectrum disorder.  Although, fear of abandonment is one of the core features. 

I guess what I mean is are there telling signs that they have that as the core?  Is it obvious? 

or is it one of the read between the lines things... as in the example below.

My h- I've been disengaging more and more... and drawing clear lines on what's happening... and he has suddenly started to be a little more pleasant a little less angry. Is that his way of trying to pull me back in?  I have never in many years been so good at holding the line... I always gave in... and now I feel far less confused since I have been reading the abusive relationship by Patricia Evans... It's pretty much exactly what I deal with so I'm trying to discern if he fits in here or if he is an BPD, NPD or ASPD...   I get that behaviors can overlap... just confused a bit here.

[EaglesJuju]

I guess what I mean is are there telling signs that they have that as the core?  Is it obvious? 

or is it one of the read between the lines things... as in the example below.

My h- I've been disengaging more and more... and drawing clear lines on what's happening... and he has suddenly started to be a little more pleasant a little less angry. Is that his way of trying to pull me back in?  I have never in many years been so good at holding the line... I always gave in... and now I feel far less confused since I have been reading the abusive relationship by Patricia Evans... It's pretty much exactly what I deal with so I'm trying to discern if he fits in here or if he is an BPD, NPD or ASPD...   I get that behaviors can overlap... just confused a bit here.

It depends on your partner's coping style.  PwBPD use different coping mechanisms for push/pull behavior, such as splitting and projection.  When pwBPD get close to someone and try to get emotional intimacy, they can feel engulfed and subsequently push the partner away.  On the other hand, when a pwBPD senses the partner distances themselves, they become dependent on the partner such as, neediness, clinginess.

In regard to personality disorders, fear of abandonment is more associated with BPD and DPD.

Besides fear of abandonment, what other behaviors are you concerned with?  I think focusing on the behaviors that you concern you the most, is a better perspective than trying to find a "diagnosis."

[HappyNihilist]

Besides fear of abandonment, what other behaviors are you concerned with?  I think focusing on the behaviors that you concern you the most, is a better perspective than trying to find a "diagnosis."

I agree with EaglesJuju. What behaviors of his concern you?

I guess what I mean is are there telling signs that they have that as the core?  Is it obvious? 

or is it one of the read between the lines things... as in the example below.

It's both, actually. Their behavior itself is the telling sign of what's at their core, but we have to be open to seeing it and understand what to look for.

The "push/pull" cycle that is a defining trait of BPD is a manifestation of their core fears of abandonment and engulfment, for instance.

None of us here can diagnose your husband, of course, but everyone will support you. Tell us more about your relationship, his behavior, and (most importantly) how it affects you and makes you feel.